I Would Like to Return...

LUCY BURDETTE: This pandemic and isolation has brought us so many gifts. (Can you hear hysterical laughter?) So I thought today rather than focus on counting our blessings in the mess, we could line up at the customer service counter and return something that is not working out. I’ll start. Mine is called “texting thumb.“ Yes, this is more commonly found in teenage gamers who can’t get off their phones. But what about middle aged doom scrollers? Yes this has happened to me, and it hurts and cramps my style—a person needs her thumb for so many things. It’s impossible to open a jar without a thumb for example. I place the blame squarely on the pandemic. And I haven’t been able to work on getting it fixed, because it’s a pandemic and you’re not supposed to be visiting physical therapists on a daily basis. And besides, with the new virus variants, I am still madly scrolling. How about you reds? Anything you would like to return?

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Return? The fear. I have to return the fear. Soon, if all goes as planned, I will have two vaccinations. Jonathan, too. And yet I thinking--I am not going anywhere. Jonathan mentioned that he will go back to his law office. I said--no! Not unless I go with you. I seriously have a kind of PTSD about re-entry. That is--awful. When will we feel safe? We have been terrified for a year. If it takes 30 days to make a habit, how long does it take to un-do?

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Can I return the -mumblemumble- pounds I’ve put on during the past year? I put on close to twenty pounds after Ross died; not surprising, as I am a stress-eater. (Why couldn’t I take after my mother, who couldn’t consume a thing when she was troubled? At least when she had grief/stress/problems her clothes fit her better.) 

The second year after I became a widow, I managed to lose the weight PLUS take more off. I was swimming at the Y regularly, walking with friends, skipping dinner for salad in a bag since I wasn’t cooking for a family and, after Youngest went off to uni, I stopped buying ANY of the sweets and desserts my family loves (sugar is like a combination of kryptonite and heroin for me.)

Then… the Maine Millennial moved back in. And the shut-down started. And Youngest came home with Guest Son and suddenly I was cooking for four hearty appetites and stocking the pantry with cookies and candy and ice cream. And now my super loose, must-wear-a-belt jeans… aren’t. Please direct me to the counter where I can return these extra inches.

Tell me a Yarn by Bernard Spragg 

JENN McKINLAY: I would like to return the mountain of yarn I bought online with some grandiose vision of all the knitting I would do during the pandemic. I enjoyed shopping for the yarn and unboxing it, but after admiring the pretty colors and textures for a few minutes, I had less than no interest in knitting. I did not knit one thing. Not one. I just picked up my needles the other day and while I am enjoying it, I look at the mountain of yarn and realize it will be years before I use it all. What was I thinking?

HALLIE EPHRON: I would like to return the yeast. Early on I thought now would be the perfect time to learn to bake bread. Then I couldn’t find yeast at the market - like the owl and pussycat, it and the toilet paper had fled. So I posted on Facebook. 

Soon after that, one friend dropped off a plastic container of yeast. Another dropped of a 1-lb package. And… so now I am awash in yeast and bread baking no longer sings its siren song. 

DEBORAH CROMBIE: I would like to return mopping, thank you very much. I feel terribly spoiled to complain about doing without our housekeepers for a year, but oh how do I miss them. It's a big house and it takes me days (time that would be much better spent writing) to do what they do in a couple of hours. And mopping is the worst! I don't mind vacuuming--I do at least the downstairs most days (otherwise we would live in a sea of German shepherd hair) with our battery-powered Dyson, but mopping I will put off until my feet literally stick to the floor. Ugh.

RHYS BOWEN: No housekeeper here either, Debs. I have had enough of vacuuming the stairs. However, I would like to return my acid reflux that became really bad with all the stress of pandemic plus the uproar over the election, plus the storming of the Capitol. Now I’m on an extremely cautious diet that means no coffee, chocolate, alcohol, citrus fruit, spices… in short everything I love. If it’s not bad enough waking with burning pain in my stomach, I’m supposed to eat kale to cure it!

I wonder how many people would like to return the toilet paper they stocked up?

LUCY: Reds, anything you'd like for us to return for you when we're at the customer service counter?

The Safest Way to Travel During a Global Pandemic by VM Burns

Jenn McKinlay: I am desperate to travel! Like seriously so tired of my zip code - I'm cuckoo banana balls desperate. Luckily, today we have VM Burns in the house to help all of us who suffer the travel itch we can not scratch. Take it away, Valerie.

VM Burns: Publishing is slow…very slow. Books that are destined for bookstore and library shelves have to be submitted to the publisher months, sometimes over a year in advance. Little did I know when I first sat down to write, A Tourist’s Guide to Murder, the 6^th book in my Mystery Bookshop mystery series, that the world would be in the middle of a global pandemic when the book released. Who could have foreseen that? Nevertheless, I’m going to call it fate, that thing that led me to write about traveling to England. During a time when travel is halted and most people are sheltering in place, many of us need a vacation, an escape.

Genre fiction (eg. mystery, romance, science fiction and fantasy), was long ago labeled “escapist fiction.” That label wasn’t intended as a compliment. In fact, on the fiction hierarchy, literary fiction is at the top of the scale. Whereas genre fiction (sometimes referred to as commercial or popular fiction), falls slightly above bathroom graffiti. Apparently, escaping from reality isn’t considered a good thing in the circles of fiction’s upper echelon. Yet, after all that’s happened in the past year, I can’t think of anything I’d like to do more than escape.

I’ve been fortunate enough to have made a couple of trips to England in the past, but there’s never enough time to see everything. I’ve been talking about making a return trip for at least six years. However, I’ve yet to make it past the shores of the United States. My dreams of visiting the birthplace of Agatha Christie and the home where she escaped for a well-deserved rest after finishing a book started long before international borders were closed and traveling became a life-or-death gamble due to COVID-19. After a decade of working from home and sheltering in place (okay, eleven months but it feels longer), I’m ready for an excursion. Traveling abroad and escaping on a tour is all I can think about. There’s something about being told that you can’t do something that makes you really want to do it. But, alas traveling isn’t safe at the moment. However, thanks to the Internet (and a pressing book deadline), I managed to travel across the British countryside all from the safety of home and you can too.

Readers familiar with the Mystery Bookshop Mystery Series know that Samantha Washington and her late husband, Leon, dreamed of one day quitting their jobs to pursue their shared dream of owning a bookshop that specialized in mysteries. After Leon’s death, Sam did it. She quit her job and bought the building they’d fantasized about owning, and opened Market Street Mysteries. However, owning a mystery bookshop was only one of Sam’s dreams. She also dreamed of writing British historic cozy mysteries. With a lot of help from her family and friends, Sam managed to fulfill both of those dreams. And, in A Tourist’s Guide to Murder, she’s heading to England to research her next mystery.

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In researching this book, I followed a real mystery lover’s tour with only minor deviations. I traveled to London and then across Devon and Dartmoor, through the Cotswolds and Oxford, and all the way to Agatha Christie’s home in Torquay. I followed locations where the women murdered by London’s infamous serial killer, Jack the Ripper, were found. as well as locations that inspired fictional tales from mystery writers like Dick Francis, Dorothy Sayers, P.D. James, and of course, the Queen of Crime, Agatha Christie. Thanks to the Internet, pictures, video tours, rereading my favorite Agatha Christie novels and intensive television reconnaissance (that’s what I’m calling it, don’t judge) by watching Miss Marple, Midsomer Murders, and Lord Peter Wimsey, I was able to immerse myself into the mystery lovers’ tour nearly as much as Sam, Nana Jo, and ‘the girls’ (Dorothy, Ruby Mae, and Irma) from the retirement village.

If you’re as tired of sheltering in place as I am, then pick up a book and make your escape. If you’re up for a puzzle, consider a mystery. Follow the clues, sift through the red herrings and make your escape. With luck, you’ll be able to explore the world and figure out whodunit without leaving the comfort of home.

Reds and Readers, what mysteries in other locations are you reading to escape? 

Also, if you could pick one place to research mysteries in Great Britain, where would it be? 

More about VM Burns: 

A Tourist’s Guide to Murder releases on January 26, 2021.

V.M. Burns was born and raise in the Midwestern United States. In addition to the Mystery Bookshop Mystery Series, she is the author of the RJ Franklin Mystery Series, and the Dog Club Mystery Series. She is a member of Mystery Writers of America, Dog Writers Association of America, Thriller Writers International, Crime Writers of Color, and Sisters in Crime. She currently resides in East Tennessee with her two poodles. Readers can visit her website at http://www.vmburns.com

Agatha nominated author of THE MYSTERY BOOKSHOP MYSTERY SERIES,The RJ  FRANKLIN MYSTERY SERIES, and The DOG CLUB MYSTERY SERIES

FOLLOW HER:

Bookbub: https://www.bookbub.com/authors/v-m-burns

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RESOLUTIONS

 RHYS BOWEN: Tis the time for new beginnings, New Year resolutions. Who actually makes them?  I'll join a gym. Lose weight. Read a book a week. Do good deeds. Save the planet...

I have a little notebook in which I write my intention for the year. Recently it's been things like "Learn to slow down. Not get so stressed. Enjoy the success I have. Appreciate friends and family."  One intention I have had in the past is to keep a journal. I've tried this on many occasions. It starts well enough:

"New Year's Day. Chance of rain. Dreary. Don't think we'll walk today. I should purge my clothes closet."

January 2:

January 3: I forgot to write this yesterday. It's raining. Can't go out. Wish we could go back to Arizona sunshine.

January 29: Not much has happened in January....

So you can tell that I'm not really a journal-writing sort of person. I wouldn't haver made a good living as Samuel Pepys. The truth is I've always felt awkward about putting my feelings down on paper. I keep great diaries when we travel, noting and observing costumes and customs, great food, fantastic scenery. But when I get home... nothing again. So I'm not even going to try this year.

I read the other day that fellow writer Laura Lippman comes up with a one word resolution for each year.

I tried to think what mine would be. There was one of those word boards on Facebook and the first three things you see dictate what sort of year you'll have: Mine were gratitude. Create. Love. Sounds good to me.  But if I am to be honest, in the midst of a growing pandemic and craziness in DC, my one word resolution at this very moment is SURVIVE. 

We have put so much energy into just staying alive for the past year. I don't want to let my guard down when the end is in sight. So that still means chatting with my family members across a back garden, all wearing masks. No shopping except senior hour once a week. And daily walks during which we steer a wide berth around other walkers even if they are wearing masks (which 99 percent do in Marin).

Someone posted this adorable picture on Facebook and it just about sums it up, doesn't it?

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Survive is good. REMEMBER? PERSEVERE? OPTIMISM? WINE?

 I think we should remember this topic, and six months from now, see what we’re saying. Now that’ll be interesting. 

JENN McKINLAY: I’ve done the one word resolution for years as a writer friend of mine, Holly Jacobs, mentioned that she’d been doing it for years. I’ve always picked words like gratitude, focus, or dream, and then last year I picked abundance. Hub looked at me on New Year’s Day and said, “Don’t pick “abundance” again but if you must, please be more specific that it should be good things.”

HANK: Okay, true, good thought.  Jenn! Let’s ALL pick SPECIFICITY.

HALLIE EPHRON: For years my resolution was PUBLISH A BOOK. I kept it written on a piece of paper in a drawer and then I’d just change the year. This year has been tough and I haven’t written a new book. So I think I’ll retire that scrap of paper. I’ll pick up on Rhys  and Hank’s suggestion: Survive. 

DEBORAH CROMBIE: I've never been much for big resolutions on the new year. My resolutions are always the same--write in my journal, walk more, write more, write faster… But if I had to pick one word this year, I think it would be PERSEVERE. We've made it through almost ten months of this pandemic. Let's all just hang in there a little bit longer.

LUCY:  I think I'm going with Hank's optimism. Otherwise how to survive in these troubled times.

 JULIA: Two years ago, my word (okay, phrase) was "The One Thing." I was working on figuring out what one thng I needed to get done that day and stick to it. My word at the beginning of 2020 was "Organize" but as soon as I got sick at the end of January it became "Self Care" and I've pretty much stuck with that. Chocolates? Self care. Spend the afternoon reading? Self care. 

 

The beginning of this year has been SO harried, both personally (lots of family-related stuff) and psychologically (uh, everything happening outside my doors) that I haven't sat down to plan my year and try to come up with a theme or word for it. Maybe "Agoraphobia?"

RHYS: Okay, dear readers, do you have a one word resolution for this crazy year ahead?

And after what we've been through this week, I think this is good advice....

I Feel Grumpy, oh so Grumpy

 LUCY BURDETTE:  Mulling over what we should chat about last Thursday, I found myself stumped. Rhys touched on what we’d miss over the holidays last week, did we want to do that again? I wondered whether anyone would want to discuss the pandemic and the possible vaccine coming? What about the election? Gah, no way I want to spend anymore bandwidth on that sh**t show. So I thought maybe we’d make it reader’s choice, how are each of you doing? I’ll start…

We made it to Key West last week, just in time for the hurricane. We were very lucky that it passed by north of us so we didn’t lose power or phone or internet. We were sort of prepared: We’d filled the bathtub with water, and made a pot of coffee because caffeine is mandatory no matter the temperature, and borrowed a flashlight (I know, we need to work on that.) We were spared having to use any of it. However, both phone and internet went out simultaneously Thursday morning. Imagine the panic! I had two online meetings scheduled and a ton of work to do, and no way to do any of it. We learned later that a garbage truck had crashed into a pole at Mile Marker 83, taking everyone’s service out from Islamorada to Key West. And such is the risk of living on this fragile string of islands.

And one more thing—I do have a gigantic turkey in the freezer. And there will be three of us at the table. I’m trying to generate ideas and enthusiasm for a lot of turkey leftover recipes. We are going to miss our friends and family terribly. 

So short answer, yes I’m grumpy. But I keep reminding myself—this too will pass. We just have to hang in there and be smart and wait for the scientists to finish their work. I ran across this quote from Walt Whitman in Specimen Days, which he wrote after suffering a devastating stroke: The trick is, I find, to tone your wants and tastes low down enough, and make much of negatives, and of mere daylight and the skies.

How are you doing Reds?

HALLIE EPHRON: We all need Hank’s turkey tetrazzini recipe and a roomy freezer! What I want is a half turkey, sliced the long way so we have a leg and a wing AND half of the breast. I may have to recruit a neighbor to share a bird with us. I’m not going to the market these days so I can’t ask the butcher to halve one for us, and though I can splay a chicken, I think a turkey would be a bridge too far for my knife skills. A hatchet I cannot wield. 

My wondrous news is that both of my daughters are quarantining and then coming here to spend some days just before Thanksgiving. We’ll be having our turkey a few days early, and we will be truly truly thankful. 

JENN McKINLAY: I have no idea what we’re doing for Thanksgiving. This is what happens when you toss the reins of domesticity to your spouse after twenty one years of keeping them firmly in your grasp. Hub will probably deep fry a turkey, maybe some Cornish game hens, I have no idea nor do I care. I am just happy to make the salad and definitely the apple pie. The rest is on him and he’s happy to do it. 

The hooligans will both be here with us, which is nice. One is already out the door while the other has one foot out the door, so we are definitely in a period of big change of the empty nest kind. I am being very mindful to savor the days we’re together and while I miss the extended family we usually spend the holidays with, I won’t complain this year, knowing that there are better days ahead. 

RHYS BOWEN: Not so much grumpy as stressed here. I was elated last Saturday when Joe Biden was declared the winner. But then all these ridiculous accusations of fraud which we know are false but could stir up the most rabid Trump supporters to take to the streets with violence have really upset me. I haven’t been able to sleep well. I just WANT IT TO BE OVER.

Why don’t they just take away his Twitter account?

I’m trying to stay positive about Thanksgiving. Daughter Jane has offered to rig up a shelter in their backyard to have Thanksgiving outside. This will be fine unless it’s pouring with rain and a howling gale. My son suggested we all get tested a couple of days before, which would be great except the girls come back from college and will undoubtedly visit local friends.

DEBORAH CROMBIE: I have to admit I am pretty grumpy, too, Roberta, and very stressed. Our Covid numbers are going up like crazy here in Texas, so in our house we are back to the very strict protocols of the spring. I thought we might at least do outside wine and cheese with the kids on Thanksgiving, but even that is out now.  I have no idea what I'm going to cook for the two of us. The upside, I suppose, is lots of quiet time for writing…

Jenn, we deep fried a turkey one year. Your Hubs is a brave dude! I was terrified by hot splashing peanut oil--and then you have to have some way to dispose of it afterwards!

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Grumpy, hmm, more like incensed. What are those maskless people THINKING? Honestly, I want to know. And Debs, you know we rely on you and Rick for guidance. And now I forgot what the question was. Oh, Thanksgiving. Our kids are in Brooklyn and Marina Del Rey, and if they said--we’re coming! I’d say: see you next year. kiddos. You know, Thanksgiving is whenever we say it is. We can have it any time. It’s just so dangerous now, and I’m wondering why we can’t be more brave, and proud of ourselves that we can sacrifice ONE DAY and some turkey for the greater good. End of rant. But happy to send the turkey tetrazzini recipe to anyone who wants it. It is INCREDIBLE, and I cannot wait to make it. Sadly, the first ingredient is leftover turkey, which is...a situation. Hey. It works just fine with chicken, or turkey breast that you can buy separately. It’s really all about the bechamel and cheese and the mushrooms and wine and ziti. And the extra cheese, bubbly and crispy on top. SO yum!

JULIA SPENCER FLEMING: I'm definitely trending toward grumpy, mostly because I have spent the better part of the past week in upstate New York clearing out my dad's house to make way for the new owner. My sister, her husband, and our brother have all been champions, but any time you are moving everything out of a house that has been lived in for a quarter century...

It has not been helped by the fact my dad, who is a bit of a control freak, is stuck inside his senior living apartment, unable to leave the grounds due to a Covid quarantine. As a result, he calls one or the other of us approximately every hour beginning at 7:30 a.m. we've also had the experience of carefully FaceTiming clothing, tools, art, etc., having him declare he doesn't want it, only to receive a call 12 to 18 hours later, letting us know he's changed his mind.

Fortunately, after the first couple of times we had already given something away to goodwill, we got more of a sixth sense about this, and has been careful to hold back certain items until the last minute. But when someone else is buying the house, at the last minute, everything has to go!

As you're all reading this, I am finishing the last cleaning and driving back to Maine in a box truck stuffed with furniture destined for Youngest's first apartment. I probably won't be on the back blog, but keep me all in your thoughts and prayers!

Red readers, how are you holding up?

Staying Calm

RHYS BOWEN: Has anybody managed to stay calm during the past couple of weeks? I know I haven’t. My nerves have been ready to snap at any point. I’ve tried to stay away from news and social media but then I am sucked in again and the anxiety rises. Usually I write this Monday post a week ahead, giving my fellow Reds time to chime in. But how could I say anything when we were holding our breath? 

Now I'm breathing again but it was touch and go, wasn't it? We walk every morning at the ponds by the San Francisco Bay--lovely and calm start to the day! I looked at my phone on the way back from my walk yesterday morning and had to double check before I believed what I was seeing.  "He's won," I yelled.

 So during the last six months and especially during the past few weeks, I’ve been thinking of ways to stay calm. My son, the life coach and healer, advises me to try journaling. I’m supposed to write down three things I am worrying about and three things that I can do about them. Then let them go. Doesn’t work for me. I come up with a list longer than three and worry about them even more. 

 Years ago John bought me a fish tank and tropical fish—supposed to be so relaxing. They were beautiful. But then he bought me a book on fish diseases and parasites. Oh no—does that fish have Ick? Does it have fin rot? Why is it swimming in circles? Is that one resting or dead? Heart rate rising…

 Recently I’ve been doing two things that have worked. I escape to a small beachfront area on the San Francisco Bay called China Camp (it’s where Chinese fishermen settled when they were driven out of the city). I sit on the sand, listen to the lap of waves, watch distant boats and sea birds. I’ve only just been able to return there as it became horribly popular all summer. Now the kids are back in school and I can reclaim my own territory! 

 The other thing I do is listen to sleep stories on the Calm App. Brilliant. I like the ones about train journeys best. The reader has a deep, soothing voice and he starts in the station, describing the interior of the sleeping car and then off we go into the night… and I’ve never yet managed to stay awake to the destination, be it the Orient Express, The Blue Train or the Trans Australia. 

OH, and looking at my photos of past trips, reliving in my mind. I absolutely love the LIVE photos. Really feel that I am there again. Hooray for iPhone.

 So what are your suggestions for staying calm? 

JENN McKINLAY: I clean, obsessively. Oven, toilets, patio furniture, nothing is safe from me and my bucket and sponge! This doesn’t seem anywhere near as fun as your strolls on the beach or train stories on the Calm app, Rhys, but you could eat off my floors. Wait, I have three cats and two dogs. No, you can’t!

(Rhys: Jenn I'd have to be extremely stressed before I cleaned obsessively!)

 HALLIE EPHRON: Jigsaw puzzles! Occupies the mind completely. Jerry and I are on #20. We just finished three vintage World War II puzzles--fighter pilots and blazing guns and handsome muscular soldiers. The pieces don’t lock together so very challenging--bump into the table and you might have to start over. Next we’ll start on a Paris street scene puzzle that anonymous friends left on our front steps. THANK YOU! I’m thinking of sponsoring a puzzle sharing derby on my front lawn. Leave one, take one… Up to three missing pieces are acceptable but it’s got to have its box. Doing a puzzle without a picture of the end game is above my pay grade. 

 LUCY BURDETTE: The puzzle sharing derby is a great idea Hallie! The pets are calming of course, unless puking in their travel carriers LOL. And I find reading about recipes very calming, particularly scrolling through the NY Times cooking app. And then baking works too--we’ve decided not to fret about a few pandemic pounds. Will wait on that until things get back to normal. And one more, dropping into the Danish world of the TV show BORGEN. I absolutely love this show, especially the main character, a woman who’s the Prime Minister of Denmark. 

 JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Rhys, I had to laugh at your description of your stress journaling: “I come up with a list longer than three and worry about them even more.” This sounds like me. I’ve been listening to a great podcast by Brooke Castillo (hat tip to Jessica Ellicott, who got me started.) She runs the Life Coach School, and the podcast is all about managing your mind to create feelings that support the life you want to live, and about channeling your actions to get the results you want. Which I am all good with, until she talks about worry. “Worry is never a necessity. It can’t change anything.” Unfortunately, every time I try to “manage my thoughts” about worry, I just have MORE thoughts of things to worry about! My one sure-fire escape is reading. I’ve been digging into some extremely absorbing creepy/horror novels that for some reason are hitting me just right at this point in time. Maybe it’s the comfort that, sure, things are bad in the world right now, but at least malevolent spirits from beyond the grave aren’t trying to kill me? 

Rhys: I have found it very hard to read. I've resorted to re-reading old favorites or books that I know will be comforting and end well. How about you?)

 DEBORAH CROMBIE: For me, just trying to stick to the normal daily routine helps. Walking the dogs is a big one. It helps so much to get outside, to get exercise, and there's no space for worry when you are trying to keep two big dogs in line! I have been reading, too, but very distractedly. What has absolutely been my saving grace the last few months is my nightly bath just before bed. I listen to my audio book in the tub, and lately I've been setting the sleep timer and continuing the book once I get into bed. This is a big departure from lifelong bedtime reading for me, but I find I can't worry when I'm listening! 

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Yes, Lucy, Borgen. Yay! We have to stop ourselves from watching it so it doesn’t run out. Relaxation, though. Ah. Not managing that at all. AT ALL. (I am on word 104, 312. YAY! Now I just have to figure out how it ends. La dee dah.) I have never been this busy, and my only relaxation is reading before I go to sleep, and the spelling bee puzzle in the Sunday NY Times. Well, sometimes I just walk up and down our driveway, and look at the flowers (now faded) and oh! Picking our tomatoes. SO great. We picked hundreds, and I am not exaggerating, before the snow . Now we have BOXES of green cherry tomatoes. We love them,

Rhys: Hank, I've found the views from our balcony very comforting. We have sat out there on warm evenings and listened to the sounds of the valley below us--laughter and music and the eight o'clock howl, honoring the doctors and nurses. 

So, dear friends, what have you found comforting during these tough months?

 

Sunday Dinner: Hub Style

Jenn McKinlay: Not to be all braggy but I haven't cooked a meal in 161 days. Cooking in our house has long been divided into me cooking Mon-Thurs, takeout on Friday, and Hub cooking Sat and Sun as his musician schedule would allow. 

Hub (aka Chris Hansen Orf - the long haired guitarist on left) playing with Honeygirl & the Boys in Mexico 2/20.

For many years (20+), that schedule worked. Then came the pandemic and Hub no longer had to jet out the door to gigs and rehearsals four-five times per week. His days were long, he was bored bored bored, and suddenly he needed something to do. Enter Chef Dad.

(Yes, in a fit of pandemic boredom, he cut off all his hair. Ah!).

Without any prodding from me, Hub volunteered to take over the cooking. As I am still working ridiculously long days to meet deadlines, craft new plots, promote, etc., I said, "Yes, please!" (I might have wept a little with joy, too) and never looked back.

Here's the interesting thing. I spent my cooking years, catering to the overall family's likes and dislikes. Hooligan 1 loves shepherd's pie, Hooligan 2 is more a roast chicken and quinoa guy, and Hub is meat - all meat - all the time. I crafted the family menu around the communal likes and dislikes, often sacrificing my own desire for the random cauliflower side dish in favor of the universally acceptable corn. 

Hub did not approach the family menu like this at all. He simply decided what he was going to cook and we could eat it or go hungry. Y'all I was so over cooking that he could have served up deep fried rattlesnake and I'd say "Thank you." Amazingly, the Hooligans reacted the same way (Were they bored with my cooking??? LOL!) so we have been eating all kinds of crazy dishes. From shakshuka to shrimp scampi to mediterranean chicken and so on.

So, since it's Sunday dinner time, I'm sharing one of my absolute favorite meals that he's made: Greek Spaghetti (the recipe given to  him by another band wife, Chris Speros)!

Ingredients: 1 lb. Spagetti 1 & 1/4 sticks of butter 1 lb. of ground beef 1 onion, diced Parmesan cheese (I generally use about 1-2 cups of freshly grated but this could be done to taste or omitted) 2 tsp. ground cinnamon (use 1 tsp in meat and other in burnt butter) 2 tbsp sugar 1 Can tomato sauce (about 15 oz) Salt and pepper to taste Garlic powder or salt to taste (optional)

tsp Greek Oregano (optional)

Cavender’s All Purpose Greek Seasoning (optional) -This is one of the best all purpose seasonings, I use it almost in everything I cook. It can be found at Safeway and most grocery chains. Sauce Prep: Lightly sauté diced onion in 2 Tbs. of butter then add the ground beef. Season meat with salt and pepper.

When meat is browned, add tomato sauce, 1 tsp cinnamon, 2 tsp sugar and any other optional spices chosen from above (I use all) Let this simmer until meat is completely cooked. Taste, then add more seasonings or spices if wanted (remember you will be adding additional cinnamon to butter) Pasta Prep: Boil Spaghetti in water - You want the pasta slightly overcooked (not al dente) While pasta is cooking, melt the butter (butter needs to be burnt so cook until it's turning light brown) When butter is burnt add tsp cinnamon and set aside When Pasta is fully cooked, drain water and put pasta back in the pot Toss the pasta with the burnt butter and cinnamon mixture until pasta is evenly coated Grease baking pan (butter or PAM) and preheat oven to 350 You will then layer the pan - Put half of the pasta/butter mixture, top pasta with half of the meat sauce and sprinkle parmesan cheese on top. Repeat the layering using the remainder of pasta, sauce and cheese Bake for about 30 minutes

So, how about you, Reds and Readers, how have you managed your boredom during the pandemic?

What I did during the pandemic--Jigsaws by Rhys

RHYS BOWEN: Like all of you I have to invent ways to keep myself busy at the moment. I have a house that is extremely easy to clean with distressed laminate floors, quartz counters and really no dust here in Arizona. We have a pretty little patio area, surrounded by bougainvillea and oleander so no gardening to do. It’s even too hot for weeds to grow. And too hot to be outside during the day.

So I thought a jigsaw puzzle would be a good idea.  I’m sure I have a whole closet full of old puzzles at home in California but this is my winter retreat with no leftover children’s toys. So I found a puzzle I’d once bought at the dollar store. The pieces were tiny. I mean TINY! But I was doing quite well with it until either there was a strange gust of wind or… a nameless person brushed against it and I found half of it lying on the floor—in pieces. (I have not accused the nameless person. We have to live together).

Around that time I mentioned to Barbara Peters that I wanted to try a jigsaw. So she sent me this one. Until then I had thought her one of my close friends. Not any more. It is the most fiendish puzzle ever created. One thousand pieces of identical sea and identical land. But I refuse to give up. Little by little, maybe ten pieces a day, I am adding to it. Rhys of a hundred days. I am determined to finish.

So I’m interested to know how you have been challenging yourselves. I have seen some of Hallie’s puzzles. I’m dying to see the picture of the last one but it might be censored! Who else does jigsaws? Who is good at them? What other challenges have you given yourselves?



JENN MCKINLAY : I pulled out our 1,000 piece Globe Trotter puzzle. Dumped the pieces on the table and King George, or the Notorious KG as we’re now calling him, did a flying leap from his cat tree onto the table, hooked his claws into the tablecloth and suddenly it was raining puzzle pieces. The Hooligans and I picked up the bits, put them back in the box and called it done. LOL! I think I need a “George Free Zone” if I’m going to attempt it again. Thankfully, I have a book due, galleys to proof, two proposals to write, and a book to promote so my calendar is quite full! Plus, we’ve hit optimum pool time, so there’s that!


HALLIE EPHRON: We are on our sixth 500-piece puzzle, a two-sided Springbok with Bryce Canyon on one side and Zion Canyon on the other. We’ve done Porto Fino. Seashells. Flowers. Tropical Fish. And a Monet that was brutal. In the basement is a 2-sided naked Ursula Andress puzzle and a puzzle that’s a bit of an antique with very weirdly shaped pieces and no picture to go by. Bryce is going slowly. I wish we had grandchildren to go whizzing by and knock all the pieces off the table.
HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Completely zero interest. Zero.  We have a couple, both given to us as gifts by well-meaning pals who thought we were normal. Truly, I do not see the lure. Crossword puzzles? Yay. Jigsaw puzzle? Baffled. Hard pass. Chacun a son gout. Other challenges? Oh, the VERY first thing I do on Sunday morning is grab the spelling bee in the NYT Sunday Magazine. They are DIABOLICAL! Some days I get them instantly. Other times, seriously, it takes the whole week.  The one where the answer was  tequila, I never got. I love them, and truly look forward to them. Any of you do those?


LUCY BURDETTE: I’m with Hank, not interested. The New York Times has a wonderful new weekend section with puzzles and recipes and suggestions for keeping kids of all ages busy. We loved the double crossword last week with two sets of clues and giant boxes for not-so-sharp eyes. We did finish though I won’t tell you how long it took! Hank, John is addicted to the Spelling Bee. And the answers sometimes come instantly and sometimes so hard that he gives up. Otherwise, I am not bored! Working, exercising, staying in touch…


DEBORAH CROMBIE: Cringing in shame here. The 500 piece puzzle I started in January is still...on my dining room table, maybe 1/10th done.. And I actually LIKE doing jigsaws! I just never seem to find the time to sit down and work on it. Actually, that is one of the issues--not sitting. Short person that I am, the dining chair puts me a little low to work comfortably on the table top. So I end up standing, bending over the puzzle, and after about ten minutes my back is killing me. Maybe I’ll try bringing in a barstool…. At any rate, the puzzle is not going anywhere, as I am not going anywhere, and maybe when it gets too hot to garden I’ll make some progress on it. I have a wonderful 1000 piece illustrated London puzzle that I ordered from Murder by the Book waiting next.

RHYS:I have to update that I did this chat a couple of weeks ago when we were stuck in Arizona. When the heat reached 110 degrees we finally took the plunge and drove back to California where the temperature means I can be outside, and I have edits on my next stand-alone and more writing to do. So no more jigsaws required, thank God.
 So what about you, friends? Who has started a jigsaw for the first time since the lockdown was imposed? Who has finished one? Who actually likes them?

Same Tattered Dress--a lament by Rhys Bowen

RHYS BOWEN: Like my Jungle Red sister Jenn I am known as a hummer, or singer. I am not aware of it, but I sing while doing mundane tasks around the house. Years ago a dear friend Meg Chittenden, now sadly no longer with us, pointed out that the tune I am humming or singing is linked to what I am thinking or worrying about. Since she pointed that out I have checked and she is absolutely right. Is that the same for you, Jenn? Or do you just choose random songs to hum?

So this week I was surprised to identify that I was singing Try a Little Tenderness. No, this was not an invitation to my husband! He is being remarkably good at isolation. No complaints there. So why did I start singing it?

Then I came to the line, “She may be weary. Women do get weary, wearing the same tattered dress.”

AHA! Eureka!

I am stuck at our winter home in Arizona. We are never here in the summer, therefore I HAVE NO SUMMER CLOTHES HERE! The only really cool outfits I have are one pair of shorts, a cover-up to wear to the pool and one sundress. I have plenty of sweaters, jackets, heavy slacks even long sleeved T shirts and jeans. But the temperature last week was 104 degrees. I even find that any T shirt with a blend of cotton and polyester makes me feel horrible—sort of clammy.

We are now in our twelfth week of isolation and let me tell you that that pair of shorts and sundress are really losing their appeal! I’ve tried shopping online for more clothes. Confession, I did snag one extra pair of shorts online but they don’t fit me as well as my first pair. I ordered a good-looking culotte sort of thing and when it came it was backless! Since I am not about to go around braless it had to go back.

I’ve seen attractive linen dresses online but when I ordered a couple the delivery date was late June. I sincerely hope to be home in California by then. And frankly I usually avoid ordering clothes online. Even from brands I usually wear, like Chico’s, I find it impossible to know what might fit and what would look good without trying on. So I’ve pretty much given up ordering online. And right now I don’t want the added worry of having to brave the post office to send things back.

I know I shouldn’t care. It’s not as if anybody sees me apart from the three people we pass on our morning walk. I’m certainly not going shopping and I’m not allowed to try on clothes in stores anyway so I guess I’ll have to grin and bear it … and walk around humming “she may be weary…”

So what about you, my dear ones? Do you shop online? Are you tired of your clothes? Have you dared to brave a store yet? What will be the first things you dare to buy when we can shop freely again?

And now for a small commercial. Next Tuesday, June 2, Hank will be reading the first chapter of my book ABOVE THE BAY OF ANGELS for her First Chapter Fun series. I'm excited.

What is it about toilet paper?

HALLIE EPHRON: Can we talk about toilet paper? Before all this happened, if I’d asked you, “What’s the first thing people will binge-buy and hoard during the pandemic?” would you even think toilet paper? I mean, seriously, why? And 14 weeks in, the stuff is still usually out of stock.


According to a news article [https://www.good.is/Health/coronavirus-toilet-paper] the average person in the US goes through 100 rolls of toilet paper a year. How is that even possible? A roll every 3.65 days for each person? Am I nuts or does that sound ridiculously high, unless they’re using them for art projects as well as, ahem, necessities?

So I thought this week we could talk about life’s important questions when it comes to toilet paper:

• 1- or 2-ply?
• Scented or Un?
• Hang it over or under?
• How many rolls do you have on hand at this very moment?
• Have you EVER run out of the stuff?
• Are you having trouble replenishing your supply?

(And... congratulations Grace Koshida - the winner of a copy of Esme Addison's A SPELL FOR TROUBLE. Esme will be in touch.)
LUCY BURDETTE: I refuse to report my usage to anyone--that is no one’s affair except mine:). We are headed north soon and I know up there I have a big stash waiting for me (bamboo, good for the environment!), because I was on the waiting list forever at Who Gives a Crap! Here’s the link in case you want to check it out. https://us.whogivesacrap.org/

JENN McKINLAY: Over never under. At present we have about 24 rolls. We dipped to a low of 2 rolls at one point but I sent the Hooligans out on TP recon and they came back with a twelve pack.

I can honestly say this was not what I expected from the panickers. Usually, it’s milk, eggs, and bread, or is that just my New England hurricane upbringing coming through?

Honestly, this is the first time ever in Arizona that we’ve had an event that required us to stock up on anything. We only have two types of weather here - summer and hotter summer so sometimes ice is in low supply but otherwise ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

HANK PHILIPPI RYAN: Ah, well, used to be over, because back in the day when it had patterns on it, that made the pattern visible.. But now, with white, I do under, because of gravity. It makes the flap available without rolling it. Right? Do they even make scented? I think that’s bad for the environment or something.

On hand supply--maybe--2 twelve packs? Have we ever run out? Recently? No. “Before”? Huh. No. And crossing fingers and touching wood, but no problems. And I agree, it’s SO WEIRD!

But someone said it’s because everyone is at home, and all those people who had previously used the supply at their places of work are no longer using that. (Bizarrely, when this first happened, I bought...light bulbs. Because..sigh. It just seemed like they might vanish.)

DEBORAH CROMBIE: Over, absolutely! Under drives me crazy. You’re always fumbling for it. Plain white, unscented. And NO CHARMIN. Our sewer line is old clay pipe (cost for replacing is astronomical!) which tends to get root-clogged. We used to spend a fortune on plumbers until one really nice guy told us not to ever use Charmin because it doesn’t dissolve. No clogs since!

Our TP of choice is Kirkland brand from Costco, which is now (Yay!!) back in stock, so I got a 24 roll pack last week on a delivery. No toilet paper panic here anytime soon. We didn’t run out, have never run out that I can remember, but I admit I do feel relieved to have a stash now.

RHYS BOWEN: What do people DO with toilet paper. I make a roll last a couple of weeks. We have a 12-pack from before the outbreak. John always stocks up when he goes to Costco.

OUT! Always out!

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Like Debs, I have an old house with old plumbing, so, sadly, it’s almost always unscented one-ply paper for us. I’ve been bending the rule during the quarantine, because you buy what you can find, but I’m sternly lecturing everyone to use as little as possible - not because I fear running out, but because I fear clogs.

Hank, I also read about the increase in TP usage at home being due to a lack of using the lav at work, at restaurants, while out shopping, etc. The article I read said 40% of our, um, flushing is normally done away from home - so no wonder we’re tearing through the TP. As a sidebar, I just got my electric bill for April-May and shrieked because it was five times larger than the same time last year. Then I realized, duh, there are four people living here instead of one, and we’re here all the time, instead of everyone but me leaving for eight hours a day to school and work.

Roll OUT - Hank, I’m sorry, but you’re very wrong here - and I am RICH in TP, thanks to our young friend who works for Whole Foods. In fact, I’m looking for suitors for my daughter, the Maine Millennial, and if you have an eligible son or grandson, she comes with a dowry of three twelve packs.

No flowers. No scents. No crocheted dogs to hide extra rolls!

HALLIE: Now I'm dying to know, what's Lucy hiding??

And what about the rest of you? Are you all stocked up or still stalking the elusive 12-pack? 

And congratulations-- the winner of a copy of Esme Addison's A SPELL FOR TROUBLE is Grace Koshida. Esme will be in touch.