Technology, Meet Relationships—and Criminals

LUCY BURDETTE: The other day I was having a conversation with a few of my friends,  chatting about how things have changed in relationships with the advent of Alexa and Ring, and other technological “advances.” (I remembered a moment a couple of years ago when we were visiting our daughter and she said something to her daughter like “daddy is a dumdum.” Alexa piped right up without being asked to weigh in and said, “that's not very nice!”)

 

One of my friends described how he watches comings and goings at his home on his smart doorbell and noticed his wife carrying something to her car and driving away. She had not mentioned this trip to him, so he asked her about it. Turns out she was ferrying some of his “junk'' to the dump.

 

Another friend mentioned that it is very hard to throw anything out in her household. If she or other family members want to dispose of something they consider junk, they go out the back door and around the house to the outside trash. Otherwise, her husband will notice this on their camera and retrieve the questionable item from the garbage.

 

In my house, for some reason I’ve started getting email alerts when John charges something. (I’m glad it’s not the other way around!) I didn’t ask for these, but I get a chuckle out of mentioning to the hub that I noticed he’d had roast beef for lunch.

 

Really though, it’s not that funny. Where has our privacy gone? And how are our bad guys supposed to operate without immediately getting cornered?

 

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Don’t worry about that last, Roberta - remember when everyone got cell phones, and we all worried about how any character was going to be caught alone or threatened because they could call for help at any moment? Somehow, crime fiction managed to incorporate that technology.

 

There is nothing smart about my house - no Ring camera, no talking refrigerator, and I’m happy with that. I do have Alexa (I love you, Alexa!) but despite her regular offers, I don’t let her order things for me, keep my shopping list, or make any calls. She tells me what the weather is and plays classical music and podcasts.

 

There are a LOT of husbands out there who like to hold on to stuff, and if a critical mass of them are receiving notices from their cameras when their exasperated wives try to sneak junk out of the house, I expect a big boom in A) storage lockers and B) marital counseling.

RHYS BOWEN:  I’ve unplugged Alexa. I’m tired of having a chat about something and then next morning seeing my in-box crammed with ads for that particular object, proving Alexa was listening in! Added to which John could never get the hang of her. He’d say, “Alexandra or whatever your name is. Could you possibly play something by Glen Miller?” And then get annoyed when she didn’t quite understand him!

 

No Ring at our house. I’d never be able to sneak anything out to the garbage if we had one. Husband tries to save old jam jars etc! 

 

But one of the reasons I enjoy writing historical novels is that I don’t have to deal with all the technology!

 

HALLIE EPHRON: This is making me think that there’s got to be a place for EVIL ALEXA. Though I’m sure Stephen King has already exploited it. She sees you when you’re sleeping, she knows when you’re awake… Can you say: CREEPY! This is why I’ve never let Alexa out of the box. 

 

And can I just say that if I’d snuck any of my husband’s stuff out of the house, my marriage would have been very short lived. Fortunately he had the sense to know what I’d classify as “junk” and keep it more or less out of my path.

 

JENN McKINLAY: No Alexa or Ring here either. I have Siri on my phone if I need to ask a random question and don’t feel like typing it into a search engine. And I have dogs - no one is breaking into this house. Hub is a reformed hoarder. He’s started decluttering his things (books and guitars) without a nudge from me for which I am grateful. 

 

For me, my two most valuable commodities are my time and my privacy, which I guard fiercely, and while some technology helps (Freedom App to keep your time on social media limited) most do the opposite so nope, nope, nope. 

 

DEBORAH CROMBIE: We have three cameras on the front of our house, but they are only connected to our home network, NOT to the internet. Ditto our home automation. Rick loves this stuff and I think only someone very computer savvy could build this kind of privacy, hack-proof set up

 

I am, however, very fond of Alexa and love having my audio books and music available all over the house.

 

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: OH, yes, I love Alexa, too. I always ask her valuable important stuff (What year was Grace Kelly born?), and she usually knows. Especially good for math and book research. (What is 23 times $17.95? How many miles is it from Boston to Cleveland?)

I LOVE that you can SAY to the TV: “The Lincoln Lawyer” and up it pops.

Ooh, I always ask Alexa the weather,and sometimes I get it for West Newton, Pennsylvania instead of Massachusetts, and that’s interesting too. 

SOMETIMES, though, she pushes it. “Want me to tell you the humidity?” NO! I cry. 

But I love to set the timer with her for writing.

She also has good recipes, I’m not kidding. “Alexa, how do you make chicken cacciatore?” It works!

We have a security video thing, but it only records when the alarm goes off or something. But I love to be able to see our house on the phone when we are away. Even though we are NEVER away now.

The one interesting thing about Siri. I always said “HEY. SIRI.” in a demanding tone. But I once overheard a cool guy say “Hey Siri,” in a kind of Barry White cajoling way, and it was so nice. So I do that now, too.

Yes, I know they are all listening, but we are boring, so whatever.

How about you, Reds?

But I love Him Anyway!

RHYS BOWEN: 

I know we’ve just celebrated Father’s Day and that has made me think fondly, but with some amusement about my husband John, to whom I’ve been married for over 50 years now.

His good points: he brings me a cup of tea in bed in the mornings. Much appreciated.

He does all the grocery shopping.

He makes sure the household bills are paid.

He is good with money.

He is generous, if a little lacking in imagination. He has bought me some lovely pieces of jewelry, when he sees something he thinks I’ll like. On the other hand, when I told him to surprise me one Christmas I got a biography of Winston Churchill! No, he would never think of buying clothing or bath products.

And he is first reader and editor of all my books. He is ruthless in his criticism resulting in many fights but I do take many of his suggestions.

But he does have his quirks:

He is fanatical about the dishwasher. No matter how I stack things, he goes in and rearranges everything. Oh, and he washes everything before he puts it into the dishwasher. 

He is always losing things and blaming me. “Where’s my pen? Did you use it?” And I say, “It’s right there, on the table, in front of you.” And he’s says, “Oh.”

This is not new. The kids once wrote a skit in which he comes into the room at Christmas time and asks, “Where did you put the Christmas tree?”

He is going deaf and will not admit it. I was telling him that he needed an online vault for his passwords. What sort of fault? He asked. Sigh.  Apparently I whisper, look away when I speak, drop my voice at the end of sentences and mumble. Does this sound familiar to other wives?  I keep trying to convince him that hearing aids these days do not just magnify all sounds but can be tuned to the frequencies he has lost.

And lastly it is my belief that old men should never be allowed anywhere near technology. You should see him with Alexa.

“Alexa, do you think you could find that Benny Goodman number that goes like this…”

When she says “I’m sorry, did you mean…”

He goes on, “So there is some woman singing and…”

Eventually Alexa goes silent in despair.

John: That darned thing just doesn’t work properly.

The same with Siri. We had to come off the freeway so he could find a bathroom. Yes, old men need to do that too. We could not find out how to get back onto the freeway. I was driving. I told him to ask Siri.

John: Siri, we came off the freeway to take a pee and now we can’t…

When we used to use a GPS we were driving in Phoenix (which is a no-brainer. All streets either go North south or east west. GPS, whom we had called Mildred, said Take Bell Road exit. John always liked to take Greenway. Mildred didn’t like this.

Recalculating: Turn right at 39^thStreet.

He kept going.

Recalculating, Turn right at 38^thStreet.

He kept going

Recalculating: Turn right at 37^thStreet.

Me: for God’s sake turn it off.

John: She has to learn!

Me: LOUDLY. She’s a computer. She can’t learn!

But I love him anyway.