Technology, Meet Relationships—and Criminals

LUCY BURDETTE: The other day I was having a conversation with a few of my friends,  chatting about how things have changed in relationships with the advent of Alexa and Ring, and other technological “advances.” (I remembered a moment a couple of years ago when we were visiting our daughter and she said something to her daughter like “daddy is a dumdum.” Alexa piped right up without being asked to weigh in and said, “that's not very nice!”)

 

One of my friends described how he watches comings and goings at his home on his smart doorbell and noticed his wife carrying something to her car and driving away. She had not mentioned this trip to him, so he asked her about it. Turns out she was ferrying some of his “junk'' to the dump.

 

Another friend mentioned that it is very hard to throw anything out in her household. If she or other family members want to dispose of something they consider junk, they go out the back door and around the house to the outside trash. Otherwise, her husband will notice this on their camera and retrieve the questionable item from the garbage.

 

In my house, for some reason I’ve started getting email alerts when John charges something. (I’m glad it’s not the other way around!) I didn’t ask for these, but I get a chuckle out of mentioning to the hub that I noticed he’d had roast beef for lunch.

 

Really though, it’s not that funny. Where has our privacy gone? And how are our bad guys supposed to operate without immediately getting cornered?

 

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Don’t worry about that last, Roberta - remember when everyone got cell phones, and we all worried about how any character was going to be caught alone or threatened because they could call for help at any moment? Somehow, crime fiction managed to incorporate that technology.

 

There is nothing smart about my house - no Ring camera, no talking refrigerator, and I’m happy with that. I do have Alexa (I love you, Alexa!) but despite her regular offers, I don’t let her order things for me, keep my shopping list, or make any calls. She tells me what the weather is and plays classical music and podcasts.

 

There are a LOT of husbands out there who like to hold on to stuff, and if a critical mass of them are receiving notices from their cameras when their exasperated wives try to sneak junk out of the house, I expect a big boom in A) storage lockers and B) marital counseling.

RHYS BOWEN:  I’ve unplugged Alexa. I’m tired of having a chat about something and then next morning seeing my in-box crammed with ads for that particular object, proving Alexa was listening in! Added to which John could never get the hang of her. He’d say, “Alexandra or whatever your name is. Could you possibly play something by Glen Miller?” And then get annoyed when she didn’t quite understand him!

 

No Ring at our house. I’d never be able to sneak anything out to the garbage if we had one. Husband tries to save old jam jars etc! 

 

But one of the reasons I enjoy writing historical novels is that I don’t have to deal with all the technology!

 

HALLIE EPHRON: This is making me think that there’s got to be a place for EVIL ALEXA. Though I’m sure Stephen King has already exploited it. She sees you when you’re sleeping, she knows when you’re awake… Can you say: CREEPY! This is why I’ve never let Alexa out of the box. 

 

And can I just say that if I’d snuck any of my husband’s stuff out of the house, my marriage would have been very short lived. Fortunately he had the sense to know what I’d classify as “junk” and keep it more or less out of my path.

 

JENN McKINLAY: No Alexa or Ring here either. I have Siri on my phone if I need to ask a random question and don’t feel like typing it into a search engine. And I have dogs - no one is breaking into this house. Hub is a reformed hoarder. He’s started decluttering his things (books and guitars) without a nudge from me for which I am grateful. 

 

For me, my two most valuable commodities are my time and my privacy, which I guard fiercely, and while some technology helps (Freedom App to keep your time on social media limited) most do the opposite so nope, nope, nope. 

 

DEBORAH CROMBIE: We have three cameras on the front of our house, but they are only connected to our home network, NOT to the internet. Ditto our home automation. Rick loves this stuff and I think only someone very computer savvy could build this kind of privacy, hack-proof set up

 

I am, however, very fond of Alexa and love having my audio books and music available all over the house.

 

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: OH, yes, I love Alexa, too. I always ask her valuable important stuff (What year was Grace Kelly born?), and she usually knows. Especially good for math and book research. (What is 23 times $17.95? How many miles is it from Boston to Cleveland?)

I LOVE that you can SAY to the TV: “The Lincoln Lawyer” and up it pops.

Ooh, I always ask Alexa the weather,and sometimes I get it for West Newton, Pennsylvania instead of Massachusetts, and that’s interesting too. 

SOMETIMES, though, she pushes it. “Want me to tell you the humidity?” NO! I cry. 

But I love to set the timer with her for writing.

She also has good recipes, I’m not kidding. “Alexa, how do you make chicken cacciatore?” It works!

We have a security video thing, but it only records when the alarm goes off or something. But I love to be able to see our house on the phone when we are away. Even though we are NEVER away now.

The one interesting thing about Siri. I always said “HEY. SIRI.” in a demanding tone. But I once overheard a cool guy say “Hey Siri,” in a kind of Barry White cajoling way, and it was so nice. So I do that now, too.

Yes, I know they are all listening, but we are boring, so whatever.

How about you, Reds?

But I love Him Anyway!

RHYS BOWEN: 

I know we’ve just celebrated Father’s Day and that has made me think fondly, but with some amusement about my husband John, to whom I’ve been married for over 50 years now.

His good points: he brings me a cup of tea in bed in the mornings. Much appreciated.

He does all the grocery shopping.

He makes sure the household bills are paid.

He is good with money.

He is generous, if a little lacking in imagination. He has bought me some lovely pieces of jewelry, when he sees something he thinks I’ll like. On the other hand, when I told him to surprise me one Christmas I got a biography of Winston Churchill! No, he would never think of buying clothing or bath products.

And he is first reader and editor of all my books. He is ruthless in his criticism resulting in many fights but I do take many of his suggestions.

But he does have his quirks:

He is fanatical about the dishwasher. No matter how I stack things, he goes in and rearranges everything. Oh, and he washes everything before he puts it into the dishwasher. 

He is always losing things and blaming me. “Where’s my pen? Did you use it?” And I say, “It’s right there, on the table, in front of you.” And he’s says, “Oh.”

This is not new. The kids once wrote a skit in which he comes into the room at Christmas time and asks, “Where did you put the Christmas tree?”

He is going deaf and will not admit it. I was telling him that he needed an online vault for his passwords. What sort of fault? He asked. Sigh.  Apparently I whisper, look away when I speak, drop my voice at the end of sentences and mumble. Does this sound familiar to other wives?  I keep trying to convince him that hearing aids these days do not just magnify all sounds but can be tuned to the frequencies he has lost.

And lastly it is my belief that old men should never be allowed anywhere near technology. You should see him with Alexa.

“Alexa, do you think you could find that Benny Goodman number that goes like this…”

When she says “I’m sorry, did you mean…”

He goes on, “So there is some woman singing and…”

Eventually Alexa goes silent in despair.

John: That darned thing just doesn’t work properly.

The same with Siri. We had to come off the freeway so he could find a bathroom. Yes, old men need to do that too. We could not find out how to get back onto the freeway. I was driving. I told him to ask Siri.

John: Siri, we came off the freeway to take a pee and now we can’t…

When we used to use a GPS we were driving in Phoenix (which is a no-brainer. All streets either go North south or east west. GPS, whom we had called Mildred, said Take Bell Road exit. John always liked to take Greenway. Mildred didn’t like this.

Recalculating: Turn right at 39^thStreet.

He kept going.

Recalculating, Turn right at 38^thStreet.

He kept going

Recalculating: Turn right at 37^thStreet.

Me: for God’s sake turn it off.

John: She has to learn!

Me: LOUDLY. She’s a computer. She can’t learn!

But I love him anyway.

Rhys anticipates Valentine's Day

RHYS BOWEN:

Since Valentine’s Day is approaching I thought I’d write a piece about my adorable husband, who is definitely from another planet. You’ve heard about men are from Mars, right? Mine is from a galaxy far far away…

I love him, but …..

I know what I am getting for Valentine's Day. Ten years ago when we moved into this condo he went to the dollar store and bought a heart shaped balloon and plastic roses. He gave them to me that year and every year since. Unfortunately the balloon still has not gone down. So I know he'll dust it off again.

For Christmas three of our four children gave us Alexa. Have you seen that video of the old man and Alexa?  Just like John.  He addresses her like this, “Alexa, would you please see if you can find Benny Goodman and play him for us?”

The sentence is too long and confused and she shuts off.

We say “John, you don’t need to say please. She’s a machine. You say Alexa, play Benny Goodman!”

But he doesn’t get machines.  We were driving with the GPS in the car when we first came to Phoenix. It said “Take a left on Bell.”  He wanted Greenway so he turned left on Greenway. GPS doesn’t like this.

“Make a right on 40^th Street.”

He keeps on driving.

Recalculating. Turn right on 39^th Street.

Recalculating. Turn right on 38^th Street.   And so on. When we got to Twentieth Street I said, “For God’s sake turn it off.”

And he said, “SHE’S GOT TO LEARN.”

ME. SCREAMING “SHE’S A MACHINE. SHE WON’T LEARN.”

You can see what I put up with!  But there is more that makes me think he’s from a different planet.

 He always is the first reader of my new books. He read the upcoming Georgie book and I’ve written, “To quote Jane Bennett ‘how shall I bear such happiness?’  and he said WHO IS JANE BENNETT?

I’m sorry but that should be grounds for divorce. Right above mental cruelty. It’s not as if he’s not been exposed to Jane Bennett. The Colin Firth edition of Pride and Prejudice has played in our house with monotonous regularity. Our granddaughters, when asked what movie I should put on for them, always answered “Pride and Prejudice, please.” They grew up quoting “Other way, Mr. Collins.”

But my husband, alas, has been oblivious to this. And the other day I was watching the Princess Bride and he told me he had never seen it and thought it silly.

Inconceivable. Again grounds for divorce.

He does have other quirks that make me think he has not actually joined the twenty-first century. I needed cellophane to gift wrap a basket for an auction. “You don’t need to go out,” he said. “We have some.”  And he produced… drop roll please…. Glad wrap.

On another occasion (and I think I’ve shared this one) I told him I would be going to some cold places on my book tour and needed to buy some tights. “You can borrow mine,” he said.

“You wear tights?” I asked, slightly surprised because I hadn’t noticed any signs of cross-dressing.

“Of course.”  He went to his closet and appeared with… another drum roll…a pair of men’s long johns. The fleecy kind.

I think actually that his brain was frozen right after World War II, either that or he really is from another planet. Or do all men think differently? Other examples please!

INNOVATION: Just how much assisted living do we need?

HALLIE EPHRON: I recently visited a friend who had Amazon Echo, a black cylinder that lives in her living room. It’s about 10 inches high, perforated, basically a wireless speaker with a name, Alexa, and it’s always listening (like Siri).

If my friend says “Alexa, where is Dave’s pizza in Boston” Alexa will look it up and announce the answer. “Alexa, what are the film times at the Dedham cinema?” Or “Alexa, what’s the weather?” Oh yeah, it also streams music though the speakers are not the world’s best.

It got me wondering whether this is something I need? As a late adopter (I got a microwave YEARS after the rest of the world, ditto a cell phone; finally THIS Christmas I got a Kindle) I’m sure I don’t. And I shudder at the notion of driverless car and drones delivering packages to in my neighborhood. But maybe, in time... who knows.

So, are you eager to get yourself an Echo so you don’t have to get up off the couch to find your smartphone? Do you say driverless cars and drones, bring’em on? Or feh, who needs 'em. Or NO NO NO!

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Oh, gosh, I am in love with Siri. I keep "her" by my desk when I write, and I'll say: "Hey, Siri, what's the temperature in Dayton in October?" And while she looks it up, I keep writing. Seriously, it's like having a research assistant.  The other day at the bank machine, my phone was in my purse, and as I was doing  a deposit, I remembered something I had to do later that I would surely forget.

Hey Siri! I called out. (Luckily no one else was around, since I was talking to my purse, after all.)
Yes? she said.  I answered: "Remind me to (do whatever it was.)"
"Okay, I'll remind you," she said.
And she did!
Love love love.

I use Siri ALL the time.  If I have to cook a 4.6 pound roast:  Hey Siri! How much is 4 point 6 times 18 (minutes?)

Hey Siri! What time does the Patriots game start?

Don't even get me started.
Driverless car, no. Drivers are bad enough.
But an Echo or a Dot? Yes, indeedy.  I would get one this instant, but I think they are sold out.

DEBORAH CROMBIE: We were early adopters of Echo, on the waiting list for the very first release, what, a couple of years ago now. Alexa lives in our kitchen, and I have a Dot (the little satellite) on my desk in the sunporch and one upstairs in our bedroom.

What did we do before Alexa??? She runs our sprinkler system and our thermostats, plays a huge selection of music, gives us news and weather and all sorts of information, and, for me, the very best thing is that she plays Audible books. I'd never listened much to audio books--because I'm deaf in one ear, earbuds are never comfortable.  But now I am hooked!! And Alexa lets me switch between books! (Alexa also reads Kindle books, by the way. It's a little weird, but you get used to it.)

My daughter has Alexa too, and Alexa plays nature sleep sounds for Wren at bedtime. It occurred to us on Christmas that Wren is going to wonder how Alexa lives in both houses...  And of course we talk to Alexa as if she were a real person.

LUCY BURDETTE: Oh you scared me with that title Hallie! Siri and I don't get along, I'm sorry to say. And she criticizes me if I say so! Although Debs makes the Echo sound very very good, I'm not sure we have the technical expertise to set it up. We can barely manage our TV remote. What do you think Debs, if we don't have an in-home computer expert, could we do this?

DEBS: Roberta, you can do it. The Echo is not hard to set up, and if you have any problems we can walk you through it. I just got my first Whispersync book--you can switch back and forth between reading on Kindle and listening on Audible (on my Echo and Dots)-- and it is SO cool!!!!

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: We kids got the Echo for our parents two Christmases ago, and they seem to love Alexa. My mom primarily uses it to play Pandora, and my dad has found apps that make fart noises and sounds that freak the cat out. I'm not sure that's what the engineers intended for their miracle device, but whatever makes them happy.

My sister and brother-in-law had one first; in our family, Barb and Dan are the early adapters. They were the first to have wifi, first to use GPS, first to wear Fitbits, etc. It doesn't hurt that Dan is a website guy.

Up here in Maine we are LATE adapters: I just got my first smartphone this August. I am bemuse by ads for smart lights and thermostats and refrigerators: besides the complexity of setting up space-age tech in a 200 year old house, why can't you just walk over to the thermostat and turn it up yourself?

One aspect of assisted living I could use, however, is the ability to remember things. I may have to get an Echo just so I can say, "Alexa, I'm putting my glasses on the counter." If she can tell me where they are when I wander into the kitchen again, I'm sold!


HALLIE: What about the rest of you... Digital lackey? Driverless cars?? Drones??? are you reveling in wondrous wireless assistants or would you rather just do it yourself?