Holiday De-Traditions

A LOT has changed since this was taken

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: There’s much talk, this time of year, about traditions. And why not? The traditions we hold to year after year are a vital part of making the holidays what they are. Unlike other events, we don’t crave novelty or uniqueness; we want the same decorations, the same songs, the same people. Even if you don’t particularly like Aunt Millie’s green bean casserole, you still make it. Even though your mother-in-law drives you bonkers, you still drive two hours to spend the day at her house. 

 

But, as author coach Becca Syme likes to say, what if you… didn’t?

As timeless as they seem, our holiday observances have to change over the years. We get married and have to accommodate our spouse’s dumb traditions along with our own beautiful and meaningful ones. We move out of state, and for some reason, Mom isn’t as interested in cleaning and cooking for us and our sisters and our cousins and our aunts (our sisters and our cousins, who number in the dozens!) The ice dancing show we always took the kids to now costs - are you kidding me? A hundred bucks per ticket?

Then there are the traditions you kick to the curb because you realize the work isn’t worth the payoff. I stopped making Christmas cookies the year I found myself sobbing in the kitchen at 2am, taking batch after batch of confections out of the oven. My kids and my husband would much rather have those white-chocolate-covered Oreos they put out this time of year; why was I killing myself over pfeffernusse? 

 

 

 

Or wrapping presents with fancy paper and bows and ribbons. Yes, it looks pretty, but you know who doesn’t care? Everyone else in the house except you. That paper is like Gypsy Rose Lee’s costumes: it’s just an impediment to the good stuff underneath. I, myself, switched to bags and tissue paper; now not only super easy - pop the present in, cover it with tissue, tie the handles with a bit of ribbon if you don’t trust the recipient  not to peek - but I also get to bask in the glow of righteous eco-saving, since they get reused over and over and over again.

The latest tradition that I suspect is about to disappear? Our Christmas Day dinners for twenty to forty. Obviously, we put this on hold during the pandemic, but in the years since 2020, there have been changes besides masking and hand sanitizer. Many of the now-adult kids of the families who would come have moved out of state, and our former guests are making their own decisions on where to spend the holidays. Some friends are less than enthused about being indoors in winter crowded together with people who, lets face it, could be carrying God-knows what kinds of germs. 

One of THREE tables for the big parties!

Most importantly, I've realized the sheer amount of work I need to do when I don’t have a husband and willing teens/college kids to pitch in. Thanksgiving dinner for seven felt like a LOT. It took me two days to clean up, and we didn’t even have any wine glasses to wash. (Sober celebration for the win!) Youngest really wants to resume the huge get-togethers, but I couldn’t help but notice that as I carried in plates and platters from the dining room and sorted napkins to be laundered, she sat in front of the fire and scrolled on her phone. 

This year, we’re only doing six for Christmas, and I feel fine with that. I’m thinking I can wait until Youngest has her own large house with lots of space, and let her resume the enormous dinner party tradition. I’ll be happy to show up with a dish and a smile, and leave all the rest of the toil and trouble to her. I might even bring Aunt Millie’s green bean casserole.

How about you, dear readers?

Reds Holiday Shopping Ideas for Book Lovers!

SUSAN ELIA MACNEAL: Since we've now left Thanksgiving in the dust, it's time to start thinking about holiday gifts. And if you're bookish the way the Reds are (and I'm assuming so, if you're reading this blog!), we have some ideas for you bibliophiles out there!

First off, something free!

Penguin Random House is having a contest for copies their beautiful classics, with new covers illustrated by Anna Bond of Rifle Paper Co. Aren't they gorgeous? Today's the last day you can enter, so don't dawdle!



And three runners-up will receive ALICE IN WONDERLAND, celebrating its 150th anniversary!




For the writer in your life, I found these fab pencils.... (Ordered for the Kiddo's stocking...)





If you'd like something festively bookish to carry your new pencils (or, you know your regular stuff), this book-illustrated pouch is gorgeous (and keeps lead and ink and whatnot from getting on things in your bag).



And for the mystery fan who has everything, I recommend the new ANNOTATED SHERLOCK HOLMES — a boxed three-volume set with gorgeous illustrations of all of Doyle's stories, as well as annotated goodies to enjoy.





Reds, what books and bookish gifts are you giving (or do you want) for the holidays?





RHYS BOWEN: I know one bookish gift I've already put on my own wish list. I'm a big fan of Kate Morton and she's just come out with a new book called The Lake House. And I already have a signed copy of another book for one of my daughters, but I can't tell you what it is because she reads this page sometimes. I've just realized my whole family reads this page so I can't tell you any other brilliant suggestions. For my birthday my brother gave me a beautiful fountain pen in natural Tasmanian wood. My kind of gift!



SUSAN ELIA MACNEAL: Rhys is being quite modest, as her Christmas book, AWAY IN A MANGER, just came out — but more on that on Saturday!


HALLIE EPHRON: I lust after lovely pens and pencils, but I know better -- I lose them too fast. One of my favorite gifts for readers and writers is personalized stationery. I know, from another era. But because use email and messaging so much, an actual handwritten letter has more meaning. Love the designs on tinyprints.com. And is there the equivalent of Netflix for audio books?


HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Oh, gosh, thank you. You remind me I have to think about this. Yes, I love pens and pencils, too, and paper. And notebooks! I found some wonderful notebooks. They're made by a non-profit called More Than Words, from the covers of old video boxes. You know? The covers are the fronts of the cardboard boxes that held video rentals, and they've been made into spiral bound notebooks. So brilliant. I love them! I have Sabrina, For Your Eyes Only, and Only The Valiant. And Spiderman. And the good part--they are so inexpensive, I'll actually use them. I have a whole stash of gorgeous notebooks that I don't use because (so silly) I think oh, what I'm writing is not important enough. So the secret--use cool but inexpensive notebooks--I'm not afraid to write in them!

DEBORAH CROMBIE: My daughter and I made a stop at Barnes & Noble last week. Coloring books galore! I have asked for one called Hidden Paris--so fun. AND I saw the Robert Galbraith book and the new Jim Butcher (beginning of a new series.) Both big doorstoppers of books, the kind I love to get for Christmas. Oh, those are all for me, aren't they? Well, there are lots of books by fellow REDS to give to other people...

LUCY BURDETTE: Oh grand ideas, which sent me on an ordering spree...no pens or pencils for us, though, we lose them like Hallie! I love the idea of the notebooks, Hank, but I couldn't find them online. And Debs, you reminded me that my daughter was itching for coloring books--found them very soothing when in the hospital by my mother-in-law's bedside. For John, David Lebovitz's THE PERFECT SCOOP and the Ben and Jerry ice cream book. (You can guess what else Debs talked me in to!) I'm also giving signed copies of Kristan Higgan's IF YOU ONLY KNEW (for lovers of women's fiction), Isabel Allende's THE JAPANESE LOVER, and 100 YEARS OF BEST SHORT STORIES, edited by Lorrie Moore. I'm going to have to put the Kate Morton on my list!

Some other ideas: for short story crime fiction lovers, RED DAWN, for mystery and foodie people, THE MWA COOKBOOK, and for Florida and nature lovers, my own sister Susan Cerulean's gorgeous book, COMING TO PASS.




Julia Spencer-Fleming: The top item on my Christmas list is definitely book-related: the DVD of the first season of POLDARK. I forswore watching it so I could get more work done on my own book, (so that didn't work out quite as planned...) in exchange for the promise that someone in the family would get me the televised version of Winston Graham's beloved saga. My interest is strictly literary, and has nothing to do with hot Aidan Turner.



A book-lover's present I may be giving this year: one of Storiarts' book scarves. They're beautiful cotton knit infinity scarves silkscreened with excerpts from Sherlock Holmes, Jane Austin, Edgar Allen Poe and Charles Dickens, among other classics. A new twist (no pun intended): this year, Storiarts is offering custom-order scarves with the text of your choice. So you can give your favorite author a wearable form of her own book!


SUSAN ELIA MACNEAL: For more ideas, check out Lucy Burdette's Pinterest board, called Mystery Books as Stocking Stuffers.

Lovely Reds, what books or writing things are you planning on giving (or would like to receive) this year? Tell us in the comments!

Countdown

Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall.

*** Dave Barry

HANK: On the spectrum of organization, with ten being obsessive and zero being chaos, I'm confessin' to being a nine or so. I have lists, lists of lists, I know how many words I'm supposed to write every day, I know (pretty much) what we're having for dinner a week at a time ("Going out" is included.)I have memos I'm supposed to write about news story ideas, and I do that just fine, I make my news deadlines and my writing deadlines and I have three calendars and my dinner party dishes are all done at the same time.

So. Why is it, then, that holiday shopping is just impossible for me? I start thinking about it in, March or so. I'll think, oh, plenty of time, I know exactly who needs presents, this year, I'm going to get AHEAD. Summer comes, summer goes. I have purchased holiday gifts during that time, however I have no idea where they are by the time fall comes around.

So now that Thanksgiving is over, everyone is out there, buying stuff. And I think, plenty of time really, why did I worry. Four whole weeks. But know what's going to happen. It's what happens every year. I wait, I'll procrastinate, I'll have terrific ideas that never pan out, I'll send my holiday cards as New Years cards, and some people won't get presents at all til later. I'm just warning you.

Why do my organizational abilities collapse when it comes to holiday presents? Who of you has a closet full of already wrapped gifts? (Say it ain't so.) Any great ideas for this year?

JAN: One year I actually did start early and I wound up spending almost twice as much. Now, I deliberately leave it for the last two weeks. I start getting a few ideas and jot them down, but don't go to the stores until the bitter end. If I'm really being good -- I leave it all to a couple of days before Christmas.

ROSEMARY: This is going to sound really pathetic but I have almost no one left to buy presents for. I used to love making the lists and tracking down the perfect gifts but the relatives are all but gone, the friends have scattered or changed (no disrespect, but, has anyone else noticed that since getting published they spend much more time with mystery pals than "friends.") And buying presents for "new" friends can be awkward - will they be embarassed if they didn't buy anything for you?, or "OMG, did she think we were really FRIENDS?"

In Nepal, I bought dozens of smallish gifts for people I'd be seeing over the holidays. That's my current strategy. I shop when I'm away. For Bruce - I could get him a boat or a sweater from Barney's and he'd smile and hug me. I've never met another person so disinterested in possessions. For eleventh hour presents, I go to Sephora. There's something there for every woman I know.

HALLIE: I really detest shopping for Christmas presents, but I love HAVING SHOPPED (just like writing, in fact!) And it's a great feeling to ace it and give just the right gift to someone you love. For my husband, though, that usually involves making up a batch of dark-chocolate covered orange rind or a duck pate. And opening gifts is so much fun.

RHYS: Shopping early doesn't work for me. I hide the presents then forget where I put them and what I actually bought. Actually I'm now smart. I check online, order the gifts shipped to my kids' houses for the grandchildren and everyone is happy. Adults usually want money/gift cards which makes it easy too. But I do like to find small stocking stuffers as well. And sometimes get creative. Meghan, aged 8 wants to make clothes for her American Girl doll so I've bought patterns and fabric and am going to buy her a little sewing machine and we'll make them together. I love stuff like that.

My husband is impossible. If he needs something he goes out and buys it--even three days before Christmas. I can never surprise him/delight him and there is no point in adorable little stocking stuffers.They sit IN the stocking until next year. He doesn't want clothes, has all the electronics ever invented.
So... and I hope he's not reading this... I plan to give him coupons for one theatrical performance of some kind once a month. That way we'll both get to see things (that I'd like to see!!!)

HANK: Brilliant, Rhys! Last year, I gave my grandson Eli the Elijah-T-Shapiro book of the month club--every month, I sent him a list of categories, (he was six years old) and each month he'd choose a category, send it to me by mail, and I'd send him a book from that category. It was terrific...and like your coupons, had a lot of togetherness-benefits.

ROBERTA: Chiming in a little late because I was out shopping (no kidding!)

(HANK et al: Oh, sure. :-) )

ROBERTA: I start early--last year I went to some sales the day after Christmas. If I had to wait until the last 2 weeks like Jan, I'd have a heart attack. We have trimmed our list down quite a bit as various relatives agreed it was silly to keep buying and spending. But it still ends up being a big job so if I collect ideas and gifts over the year, it works for me! Love the idea of theatre tickets and the book of the month club and the homemade goodies. I'm thinking jars of granola this year. It's really yummy!

HANK: Someone's always the over-acheiver...Roberta, we salute you. Hallie! May we have the orange rind recipe? I hope you're planning to share..it sounds fantastic. And maybe it would be better if there were some kind of "give a pal or relative a present whenever you want" kind of deal. But hey, don't we have that?

How about you all? Organized? Or not so much? What's your holiday gift hint? We need 'em!

ON HOLIDAY MEMORIES

Someday soon, we all will be together,

If the fates allow

Hang your brightest star above the highest bough..

HANK: I'm a sap. And I embrace it. That song always make me teary, and it's not only because I'm often wrapping presents on Christmas Eve. My pals know to expect New Years cards. It's not because I'm Jewish, it's more because I'm behind.

At the urging of my siblings and me, my family actually celebrated every holiday you could get presents for. My mom drew the line at live Easter chicks, as any wise mom would do. But otherwise, we attempted to cash in at every opportunity.

One year, though, when I had just turned 16, my mom drew the line. We're Jewish, she said. No more Christmas trees. Which seems logical now, but didn't, then. My sibs were 14, 10, 9 and 8. And I knew they wanted a tree.

I had just gotten my driver's license, so The Night Before Not-Christmas, my sister Nina and I said we were going to the movies. We took the car, and we did go to the movies. But just to the concession stand. We got popcorn. Then we went to the grocery, the A and P, and got cranberries. And we also purchased the last of the scrawny old Christmas trees, not even good enough to be a Charlie Brown tree.

We hid the tree behind our barn, then scurried upstairs with our popcorn and cranberries, and stayed up for hours stringing them. (Is there a trick to this, by the way? The cranberries got very mushy.)

Then late late late, we sneaked outside and brought in the tree. Everyone else was, um, snug in their beds. We set it up, and decorated it, and put the presents underneath it. (Oh yeah, we still had presents. It was just the tree that was prohibited. Go figure.) Anyway, all finished, we scampered back upstairs.

The next morning--we got up early early as usual, and hid in the living room. It worked perfectly. We got to see the shocked and surprised looks on our parents faces. "Santa came!" Mom said. (And I guess that's how they felt when they saw our faces as little kids.) And to this day we still remember "the year without the tree."

Memories, anyone?

RO: My gosh, that sounds wonderful. Christmas Eve was always the big celebration in my family - the day itself was anti-climactic. On Christmas Eve we'd all gather at Grandma's house - my mother was one of eight, so I have a zillion cousins, and yes, being Italian, most of the males are named Anthony, or some version.

(It's even more complicated now that one cousin Pam, whose father was Anthony, and who has a sister named Toni, has married a Tony, and they have a son named Anthony. Another cousin Anthony had a son named Anthony and he married a Pam.)
Anyway my grandmother would make an antipasto that was a work of art, and god help you if you picked at anything before everyone saw it. She also prepared seven different types of fish, it's a Neapolitan thing, including bacala, which we kids never touched.

My mother would make zeppole and struffoli, two of the most fattening things on the planet. It was an orgy of eating.

There was always one aunt who gave great presents, and another who gave us all the same thing - usually a boring, practical gift like an umbrella, which is the last thing you want when you're seven - so after the first cousin opened his gift, we all knew what we got, and had to fake being excited. Other than that, it was big fun...and I still make struffoli.

So did you have an official tree the next year?

HANK: You know, I think we didn't. I was a senior in high school, then, way too cool for such things. Nina was probably on a date. The other kinds were older. And way too knowledgeable for such things. As will happen. Which makes it all the sweeter. I'm off to look up struffoli.

ROBERTA: Oh my gosh, I wish I'd been at Ro's house for Christmas Eve! Especially that antipasto! I can't even remember what we ate CE, because my mother was busy shopping for stocking stuffers. We were all crazy for stockings. She'd go out the day before Christmas to Two Guys, a discount store that must have been insanely busy, just to be sure each stocking was crammed to the top. My aunt had knitted all of us a two-footer with our names on it, plus Santa's head with an actual fuzzy white beard, leaping reindeer, and so on. It's hanging up by the chimney with care right now!

JAN: Once I heard about the seven fish dinner, I wanted to be Italian. The half-Polish, half-Irish thing didn't many Christmas rituals, except that we always had to have Kielbasa and horse radish on little rye breads for every holiday. (Luckily, the horrible Irish food was reserved for St. Patrick's Day.) Probably my best Christmas memory is just after college. My room-mate Beth was Jewish, with limited Christmas experience, so I got this inspiration to fill a stocking full of little presents for her. She was so tickled by this that the next year, she handknitted me a stocking with my name on it.I still hang that stocking by the chimney and for years, Beth and I exchanged stocking stuffers for Christmas. Once we had kids, we made Christmas ornaments together. We still have them and put them up on the tree.

HALLIE: The thing I remember most fondly about Christmas, growing up in Los Angeles, was the night BEFORE the night before Christmas, going out to bag a tree. Every year, my mother would beg my father to bring home a small tree, just about this tall (her size). We'd pile into the family wagon and cruise through Westwood and Santa Monica where, on vacant street corner lots (there were such things back in the olden days), the tree vendors would be set up for the season. We'd hold our noses at the pink Christmas trees, the silver ones, and the ones laden with fake snow (did the rest of the world have those back then?). Invariably we'd be drawn to the monster trees (what was usually left by that late date) and my father would haggle and we'd all have to squeeze in the front seat for the drive home because the tree would take up the whole back of the wagon, filling the car with that lovely pine smell. And when we got home my mother got her person-sized tree, because that was about the size of the top my father had to cut off to get the thing into the house.

HANK: Yes, decorating the tree is another whole blog. There was the year Mom wanted all red bows. Then we'd all sneak on our favorite ornaments, just one, and eventually the red bows were overtaken by the family treasures.

So--how about you? Traditions and memories? Did you put out milk and cookies? Read The Night Before Christmas? Hang stockings? Make struffoli?