Back to the Gym by Jenn McKinlay

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Jenn McKinlay: Anyone who knows me well knows that I do not like structured exercise. In fact, I hate it. Running on a treadmill, lifting weights, using the sweaty machines...bleck!  I'd rather stand in line at the DMV. In fact, I wrote about my first attempts at more traditional exercise five years ago on Jungle Reds: Fit Happens!

Not much has changed...or has it? I remember when my sister-in-law asked me many years ago if I wanted to go run on the beach during our family vacation in California. I said, "Only if a scary clown is chasing me with a very big knife." 

Now, if she'd asked if I wanted to go boogie boarding, I'd have knocked her down to get out the door to the beach. Same if someone suggested a bike ride or a pickup game of basketball. I love to PLAY. I do not love to workout. Notice "work" in that word. It's off putting, no?

In a karmic twist of you get what you deserve, I apparently birthed a health nut (Hooligan 2) who has been on my butt about working out in a more structured way (the gym) because of what he perceives as my health issues (also known as middle-age). My sciatica!

And so, we enter 2023, with me back at the gym. (H2 had me going fairly regularly before Covid shut it all down). And now here's the plot twist: I freaking love it! Crazy, right? There isn't even a demented clown chasing me! 

I'm not sure what changed but I think it had to do with having a trainer, Tina, who is a little older than me and who actually asked me, "Why are you here?" I had thought my answer would be "Because other than walking my dogs, I literally sit all day every day and need to move" but instead what came out of my mouth was "I'm angry all the time." This was, of course, after I'd been joking around with her so she looked confused. Yeah, you're not alone, Tina. 

We talked a little bit more and discovered we'd both suffered the loss of our brothers recently. It was an immediate bond. She took me over to a sand filled medicine ball and said, "Lift that over your head and throw it into the mat as hard as you can." M'kay, I thought, not really certain how this was going to be helpful. 

Well, let me just say the simmering fury that I'd been feeling for the past two plus years, which I hadn't been able to exorcise with work, denial, jokes, distractions, or any other slap on bandage I could think of, bubbled up out of my core, shot up my arms, poured from my hands into the eight pounds of rubber ball and then blasted down into the mat. It felt glorious. I did it twelve times and at the end of it I felt...lighter. 

Tina put me through my paces for another hour. I've been going to see her three times a week for a while and will continue to do so. When I called H2 and told him about it. He was quiet for a minute and then said, "I'm proud of you." And I have to say that felt really good - like icing on the cake good. 

Hey, did someone say cake...I'm working out now, does that mean I get extra slices? LOL.

So, how about it, Reds and Readers, how have the past few years impacted your exercise regimen? What are your favorite ways to get fit or at least get moving? 

 

How to Enjoy the Back-to-School Season (No Kids Required)

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: September. For those of us in the North, the leaves begin to change, the days shorten, and it's time to begin scheduling all the work we need to do to get ready for winter. In the South, people finally emerge from their air-conditioning and harvest their late season garden. Everywhere, theater groups and symphonies begin their seasons and 15-pound editions of fashion magazines are stuffed with cool weather looks

September is the month of beginnings, of new starts, of changes. (Really, it, not January, ought to be the the New Year.) While a bit of that is due to the shifting weather, that's not really the root - October is far more of a dramatic change from summer throughout the US. No, September has that edge of excitement because for over a century, it has been the beginning of the school year. 

For almost every adult raised in America, September meant a new lunch box, a stack of school supplies, and meeting new kids while you played kickball during recess. It meant new clothes for school, (which might have been bought at Neiman-Marcus or hand-me-downs from your cousin.) It meant that first field trip of the year. Even today, you feel it - that lift you get when you see the first bright yellow schoolbus coming down the street. (You have a different feeling when you're stuck behind the bus.)

So how do we grown-ups, many of whom are not only past our own school days, but past our kid's school days, recapture that delicious sense of novelty and starting again? I'm glad you asked that, Julia, because I have a few suggestions. 

1. Get a lunch box. Really. You know you ought to be taking your lunch to work anyway. It's healthier than take-out and will save you a bundle of money. Go for one of the modern kind, with the flaps and zippers and special compartments for ice packs and resealable boxes. Or, hop on eBay and finally snag the Dating Game lunch box you always wanted but your mother wouldn't buy for you. I guarantee, if you show up with a Six Million Dollar Man or a Monkees lunchbox, you'll hear from coworkers you've never spoken to before.

2. Organize your school supplies. Collect the pencils you have stashed in half a dozen drawers, sharpen them and put them in a can or jar. As my 6th grade teacher said, "A sharp pencil means a sharp mind." You'll feel smarter just looking at all those points. Unearth the crayons and markers you have hiding hither and yon. Smell that marker smell! (But not too much - in school the rumor was it caused brain damage.) If you're feeling ambitious, a school-year planner is just the thing - it begins in August and runs through 18 months, so you can really plan ahead.

3. Go to gym class. Let's face it, if you want to join a gym/fitness center/YMCA, this month is a lot better than January. Do you actually want to slog through some of the worst weather of the year to see yourself, pale as a fish belly, in fluorescent lights? No. No, you don't. Go now, when you drive there with the car window rolled down and you still have a bit of that summer glow.

Health club membership not in the budget? September and October are the best months for walking, hiking, and running outdoors, according to US News and World Report. (Unless you're experiencing a hurricane. Do not hike in a hurricane.) If you're not a fan of nature, there are dozens and dozens of free exercise videos on YouTube, teaching you everything from dance cardio and  martial arts to Yoga and Tai Chi.

4. Get a new school outfit. I don't know about the rest of you, but in my family, unless you outgrew or destroyed something, September was when we kids got all our clothing for the year. My mother was the Queen of bargain-shopping, and I can still remember the thrill of the hunt - finding the perfect pair of jeans or top or sweater marked down by 70 percent!! You don't need to break the bank to get the feeling again - Youngest and I went back-to-school shopping for her and I bought a new pair of sneakers for myself. Now, that doesn't sound like much, but as many of us of a (ahem) certain age find, I simply don't get myself new clothing or shoes very often. (In fact, most of my friends my age are focused on getting rid of excess items in the closet.) So picking up some fun new footwear, for no other reason than I liked it, was a blast.

I have a friend who grew up in very straitened circumstances who never, ever had new clothing for the new school year. Now she's all grown up and makes a comfortable living, she buys herself a complete, head-to-toe new outfit every fall. It's never too late to strut your stuff in front of the other kids.

5. Take a field trip. The Lonely Planet Guide says September is the best month for travel, and it's easy to see why. Everyone who still has kids is staying close to home for school, leaving tourist areas that were jammed in August delightfully free. In many places, September is part of the "rump season," with reduced, off-peak prices. And of course, the weather is pretty wonderful (again, excepting hurricanes.)

Of course, field trips were supposed to be educational. Consider going to one of the local museums or historic houses you never  get to (why leave the best experiences for the tourists?) Get a couple friends together and spend Saturday walking thorough art galleries. (I've done this before, and we all found it incredibly creatively stimulating.) City dwellers can hit up the zoo, take a walking tour, visit the theater or symphony hall (In Portland, several organizations have reduced price tickets for pre-opening night dress rehearsals, which might be more educational than seeing the finished performance.) As an adult, you'll probably get more out of it than you did as a school child - in my case, the gift shop and lunch were always the highlights of any place we visited.

Okay, dear readers, now it's your turn. What are your suggestions for recapturing the excitement of September? And do you have fond memories and good stories to share about your own start-of-school experiences?

Fit Happens!

Jenn McKinlay: It’s been four years since I gave up my day job, which involved playing Dance Dance Revolution and Guitar Hero with the teens and parachute jump and bubble time with the toddlers. Yes, I was a part-time children’s librarian and, boy howdy, did those kids keep me fit.

Now that I’m a full time writer, I have what is essentially a desk job. I am like the “time to make the donuts” guy, but it’s more like “time to make the pages” gal, but I don’t have a mustache or access to copious amounts of pastry. Darn it – on the pastry not the mustache.

I try to write ten pages a day, which is a lot of butt in chair time, especially when I spend seventy-five percent of that time with my fingers perched over the keyboard staring out the window waiting for the words to come. Some days it’s quite a long wait not unlike the back of the line at the DMV but without all the entertaining people watching.

So here I am, getting all the things my friends, who’ve been cubicle moles and desk jockeys for years, warned me about. There is some posterior spread happening, as well as a pooch over the waistband that is actually in the shape of a donut. Why can’t these things be considered attractive? 

My muscle mass since the early years of wrangling hooligans into baths, beds, cars, shopping carriages, swings, and my lap, has diminished considerably into a more spongy substance, which is sad because at my best, when they were both under three, I think I could have bench pressed a car.

A few months ago, I decided that I had to make more of a structured effort to work out. I’ve never belonged to a gym, and that staring out the window thing takes a lot of time, so I didn’t want to give up anymore by having to drive to a place to sweat in public. Why humiliate yourself in front of others, when you can do it at home in front of your pets?

Okay, first up, I got the thingy-- yes, technical name-- that was all the rage developed by some lady on Shark Tank. Seriously, this thing was next to every checkout counter from Walgreens to Ace Hardware, you couldn’t avoid it if you tried. I didn’t try. You’re supposed to stand on it and swivel back and forth like doing the twist only on the plastic thingy-- I know, enough with the technical terms already. Hub watched me tackle this beast and his observation was, as he yelled after me, “I don’t think you’re supposed to be able to leave the room on it.” It now lives under the TV console for future use at a yard sale.

I HATE YOU.

Next, I decided I needed arms like Michelle Obama, because that would totally distract from the flab that was my doopah. Push-ups were the way to go. But I wasn’t going to settle for regular pushups. Heck no! I bought these two swivelly handle dealies – yes, more jargon – to maximize my efforts. Uh huh. The hooligans came home and found me lying face down on the floor between the dealies. I didn’t have enough arm strength left to pick myself up. After they hefted me to my feet, I think they threw them out or hid them. I have not seen the dealies since, but in all honesty I haven’t looked that hard.

I HATE YOU MORE.

Finally, my latest purchase was the ginormous rubber band thing-a-ma-jig. I have since come to the conclusion that whoever invented this thing, hates their fellow man. Not just hates them, but wants to torture them, too. I watched a YouTube tutorial, convinced that this was the item for me. I studied the routine and then put on "Happy" by Pharrell Williams and busted out my moves. Halfway through the song, I felt like I was made of Jell-O. I lost my grip on my rubber band and it thwacked me upside the head. In short, it was not a "happy" workout.

I HATE YOU MOST OF ALL.

So, now I have a treadmill and am attempting the dreaded 4X4 intensity workout (four minutes of hardcore running four times with brisk walking wedged in between intervals). If you don't hear from me...assume it did me in!

How about you, Reds? Do you exercise? And if so, what are your preferred torture devices…er…accoutrements?

HALLIE EPHRON: I used to go to a fitness center and take a class twice a week. Loved it. But the my hip went wonky and I ended up in PT... so now I exercise alone. At home. In front of the TV. Exercise bike. Floor pad. It's all very sad.

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Oh, I have to say I have aerobic danced until I got shin splints, and I ran until I blew out my knees. I loved stationary bike, but got over it.  I really tried Nordic track, but I am not coordinated enough. And then---I discovered walking. I am in love with walking. I have a wonderful treadmill, and I walk. I get to watch movies, and news, and episodes of Chopped. I walk outside, when the weather is even marginally bearable.  It's fabulous. And with my beloved FitBit, neurotic me gets constant approval.  I get ideas walking, and get to be off my phone, all good.  Who could ask for anything more? 
Well, I guess I could, I have zero upper body strength. It is embarrassing to try to put my suitcase up in the overhead. Any ideas?

LUCY BURDETTE: I consider it a necessary evil--do not want my bones to disintegrate as I get older. When in Key West, I go to a small local gym where my trainer, Leigh, cracks the whip twice a week--mostly weight training and balance. Unlike my hub, I would not do these things without an appointment! In CT, it's a pilates class. And I also choose walking, Hank. Tonka is a good motivater there, and I get a lot of good ideas while putting one paw in front of the other. 

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Hank, you need to get some weight resistance training going - slender white women are far more prone to osteoporosis and other bone problems than anyone else. My mother, who's been a size six her entire life, has excellent cardiovascular health but has been struggling with finding a bone density medication that doesn't have nasty side effects. 

As for me, I've NEVER been a fan of exercise-qua-exercise. From my teens to my early thirties, I skied as much as I could every winter, and in my thirties I picked up running (usually while pushing a jogging stroller.) At the gym, I loved lifting weights, and I also enjoyed hiking and cross-country skiing. Unfortunately, my genetic heritage of arthritis caught up to me. By the time I was  fifty, my knees were in bad enough shape that all those sports were closed to me, and now I can't even walk for more than a mile without pain. (My doctor has recommended knee replacement surgery, which I will get just as soon as I'm in a position where I don't have to drive anywhere or do anything for three months.)

So I've switched to swimming at the Y, which I really like, despite the fact that I am a terrible swimmer. I'm like the little old lady driving 35 in a 50mph speed zone. It's embarrassing when I have to share a lane. I've been interested to hear about Lucy's experience with a trainer - there are trainers available at the Y, and I've been considering hiring one for a few sessions to get me back into weight work. I'd like to know how to strengthen the muscles around my bum knees while not, you know, injuring myself.

INGRID THOFT: I love exercise.  I do!  I love working up a good sweat in the weight room or on the stair climber (the thing that looks like a giant rolling staircase.)  I used to spin a lot and do Zumba, but my back issues put the brakes on those activities.  Now I lift and do the stair climber, elliptical, and hills on the treadmill.  I also love to walk outside when possible and hike when the weather improves.  Swimming is great, too, but preferably in the ocean.  Swimming laps bores me to tears.

I work out with a trainer, and I highly recommend it.  Even if you only have a few sessions, a good trainer will design a program so that you get the most out of your time at the gym.  Even though I love to exercise, I don't want to do it all day, and I love having a plan and getting it done.  I second Julia's suggestion about weight bearing exercise for slim, white ladies, and really, all ladies.  There are plenty of exercises that can be done using your own body weight (that's the sort of info a trainer can provide) that contribute to better bone density, which is a huge issue as we age.  Plus, then you can get your suitcase in the overhead yourself!

A friend of mine says that when he exercises it "feels like a sunny day in my head," even if it's pouring rain in Seattle.  I couldn't agree more!

DEBORAH CROMBIE: I'm a walker, too. I've never been good at any sort of program, or exercise equipment. And I've had dogs for most of my adult life so walking is both a pleasure and a necessity. It's also great for generating chunks of scenes and dialogue and working out plot issues! My new insurance includes a free membership to LA Fitness but I really really doubt I will darken their doors. 

Although I have to say I've fallen off the wagon a bit this winter. There's just been one thing or another, and it's been unusually cold here (I know those of you from the Great North are laughing at me, but I'm a weather wimp.) So I really need to start getting out there every day!

(Does the constant lifting of two-year-old count as weight training?)

RHYS BOWEN: Absolutely, Debs. I developed huge muscles lifting grandkids in and out of the back seat of cars in their car seats! I have always been a hiker. I still love to hike with friends--it's therapy as well as exercise. John and I walk every day. I swim most days. I used to be a passionate tennis player, then a disk between my shoulder blades was damaged so no more tennis for me. Sob. My favorite form of exercise involves the ocean--which is hard in Phoenix, and in California where it's too cold. I love snorkeling and boogie boarding.

For the past two months I've been going to physical therapy twice a week for a problem knee/ankle. PT stands for physical torture. It's like a personal trainer, only worse. Three sets of twenty. Now with a band around your ankles. But I have to say it is working brilliantly and my knee is back to normal. My ankle still suffering from the torn ligament between the two. So standing on one foot and raising and lowering myself is still not fun.


I really believe that physical exercise clears the brain and lets me work better. 

JENN: I agree, Rhys, it does clear the head. I am very active. I'm just not very structured about it. I think you and Ingrid are onto something with the trainer!

What about you, Readers? What's your exercise jam?

Shoulds

INGRID THOFT

Last Monday on JRW we tackled the topic of resolutions.  Some people are fans of setting ambitious goals on January 1st, while others think it’s a set up for failure.  As I contemplated Jenn’s post, I kept coming back to “The Shoulds. What are they exactly, other than sounding like something from “The Phantom Tollbooth?”

“The Shoulds” are all those things I think I’m supposed to do:  the things I should be doing.  I should be eating more protein.  I should be writing X number of words a day.  I should be emailing that friend with whom I haven’t had much contact recently.  I should, I should, I should.  Make no mistake, I do want to do these things, but somehow, the motivation gets quashed by the feeling that I have no choice.  

I decided to pay greater attention to my shoulds for a couple of days.  It was an interesting exercise during which I realized that I should on myself a lot!  Given that I’m a basically productive and healthy human being, it seemed extreme how often I was scolding myself about a potential course of action.  So I decided to start questioning my shoulds.  There are some shoulds that are a given and can be backed up with solid evidence:  You should brush your teeth if you want to hold on to your pearly whites for years to come.  However, should I eat fish when the burger is more appealing?  Should I volunteer for another project when I feel overbooked as it is?  Maybe.  Sometimes, a should is really a building block to a greater desire: I should eat the fish because I want to keep my cholesterol in check.  But sometimes?  A should is just full of should.

Tell me Reds, do you battle “The Shoulds” on a regular basis?  Do you have some you’ve banished from your life?

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: That is such a fascinating way of looking at the world. One thing I noticed: I often say to myself--"Oh, Hank, that is SO dumb." And I realize that might be a bit unnecessary.  Why am I criticizing myself? When I should be my biggest fan? 

I guess my to-do list is my shoulds. I SHOULD write the article. I SHOULD plan the class. I should do my words for the day, answer emails. I should call my family more.  That's a very important should which I too often put off.  I should read more broadly, but why, when the next Shari Lapena  or Clare Macintosh is coming out? 

As for the food things, they always change those anyway. So I just say, well, I think they're wrong about bacon, I think it's fine. I should have more.

HALLIE EPHRON: Ah, bacon. And eggs. And steak. And crispy pan-roasted potatoes… and really good heirloom tomatoes.

Yes, I often get a case of the shoulds. Should walk not drive. Should write more words. Should volunteer for X. Should not take credit for getting husband to volunteer for X. Should buy the bargain brand.

I think overall it's a good thing, that inner taskmaster. Until it keeps you up at night. Because really, you should get a good night's rest.

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Do you think this is something that mostly afflicts women? I mean, we're all kind of socialized to take care of things - spouse, kids, house, community - and there is a relentless drumbeat of articles and images in media telling us we're not good enough as we are: lose weight, eat better, entertain more, Martha Stewart your house, etc. 

I really noticed this several years ago, when our church needed another adult to serve with the youth group. NO ONE had stepped up. I didn't want to, because I had just ended a ten-year stint teaching 3 and 4 year olds in Sunday School. I talked to Ross about it: "You should do this. You're a teacher, and you love this age group."

Ross: "No, I don't want to make the time commitment. I want to read the paper at Coffee By Design after church, not sit in the undercroft with thirteen-year-olds."

Me: "But NOBODY is coming forward! And I'd really rather not."

Ross: "Then don't!"

Of course, I did. It turned out to be a wonderful experience - although it did take a LOT of time - but I was struck by how easy it was for Ross, a good and caring guy, to prioritize what he wanted over what he "should" have done. I'm not saying men don't feel it - if you should take out the garbage, you should take out the garbage - but I don't think it drives them the way it does most women.

DEBORAH CROMBIE: Julia, I think you are so right on the gender thing. It's not the first time I've realized that my hubby does not suffer in the least from the SHOULDS. If he wants to do something, he does it. If he doesn't, he doesn't. I, however, live in a universe of shoulds. A lot of them are just practical (should plan meals, should shop for groceries, should pay bills, should WORK) but too many are obligations that I don't have to do. I am getting a little better at saying "NO." 

And reminding myself not to beat myself up, like Hank. Too often I catch myself saying, "That is so stupid. I am such a dummy." Would I say that to my granddaughter? NO. Then I shouldn't be saying it to myself, either. Wait, is that a should?

JENN McKINLAY: Shoulda Coulda Woulda - I find I say that more than I should. Ha! I have really let go of "shoulds" over the past few years. Frankly, I just don't have the time or the stamina. Julia, I think you are 100% correct that it is different for women. I live with three men. I am woefully outnumbered, and it is even worse because all three of them are musicians. If there is an available hour in their day, it doesn't occur to them to give away time they can be playing guitar/drums to volunteer or, say, scrub a toilet, pick up after someone else, etc. and so forth.

And here's the biggest difference, if something isn't done, they don't consider it a reflection upon their character like I do (used to do). I think they are wearing me down (which is a good thing), because I no longer get in a tizzy if the house is a mess (it pretty much always is) and I don't feel like a failure if my world doesn't look like it popped up out of Pinterest. Woulda coulda shoulda  - Meh. Life is too short to spend it beating myself up (that's what book reviewers are for - LOL), but I'm with Hank. Bacon is always a good idea.

LUCY BURDETTE: It's not so much that shoulds feel like a reflection on my character, as I prefer things to be neat and tied up. John is a sweetheart and truly a team player, but he can step right over a mess--he literally doesn't see it. If you don't see it, you don't feel you should do something about it, right? I think that's part of the male/female difference, and it may very well be socialized.

RHYS BOWEN: I think I've spent a lifetime of shoulds. The good child who always got As and turned in homework on time. Vice president and editor of the college newspaper. And after that met every deadline, volunteered at schools and church and community.... I don't think I've ever goofed off! How boring is that?

So I've been overwhelmed with shoulds. Like Julia I tell myself that somebody has to do it and nobody else has stepped up so it has to be me. But now I'm asking why I have to be the only good child. And I'm only now just learning to say NO. It's very kind of you to invite me to speak at your fundraiser, but sorry, I don't really want to.

Rhys' inspiration by poet Jenny Joseph

So from now on I'm going to be the poster child for "when I get old I'm going to wear purple."   And as I'm writing this I'm thinking I have ten minutes before I have to go to church for choir practice and get the breakfast started before John gets back from his church. And I need to write five pages today. So I guess I'm not exactly going to wear purple yet! 

Readers?  What do you think about "The Shoulds?"