Overload Management by Jenn McKinlay

JENN McKINLAY: If you follow me on the socials, you know I just got back from two weeks at the family cottage in Nova Scotia. This was a remarkable trip for many reasons, but the biggest was that it was the first vacation I’ve been on in YEARS where I wasn’t working while vacationing. Not gonna lie. It was glorious! 

I ate ice cream, walked the beach, chatted with our resident seals, visited the neighboring baby goats, sheep, and cows, went thrifting, attended art shows, ate out, did crafts, read books, watched the Olympics “Go, Canada!”. Now that I’m back, of course it’s “Go, USA!” And spent time with the Hooligans and my mom, all of whom can turn Yahtzee into a blood sport, but I digress. 

Naturally, to maintain balance, life has a way of making you land with a thump upon returning from time away. I received news while on vacation that I can’t share yet but is pretty frigging great so we’ll put a pin in that. And I came home to all of those pesky life details. The battery in my truck was dead, one of my outlets wasn’t working (it’s the one for the coffee pot so CRITICAL!), also there were tuition bills to pay, and a massive decluttering project to finish and I realized in my post vacation haze that I didn’t want to do any of it because my to do list felt too long and I was on overload. 

This happens to me every now and then. I get lost in the ever growing to do list, causing an inability to get certain things done. Why?! Then when I finally do the thing I’ve been putting off for WEEKS, it takes ten minutes. Again, why do I do that?

In the case of my return home, AAA came out with a hilarious driver/mechanic named Jeremy (think of a character from an Evanovich novel) and the battery was replaced in minutes while I took notes for a future character because Jeremy was...OMG, too perfect!

How about you, Reds, do you have certain things that you put off and then they’re no big deal? How do you motivate yourself to get the minutia done?

HALLIE EPHRON: Wait a minute… you have a TRUCK???

Jenn, you are a constant source of amazement.

I write lists. And keep my list on the kitchen counter and write tasks into my (paper) datebook. And then sometimes I get confused and think because I wrote it down, I did it. 

JENN: Yes, I do drive a truck. LOL. A 2007 Chevy Silverado.

I bought it in 2017 in anticipation of the Hooligans moving and it has come in quite handy over the constant residential shifts of the past five years. Oy.

LUCY BURDETTE: The vacation sounds perfect. Then life has a way of paying you back for being away, right? I’m totally overloaded right now. A thousand blogs to write to launch A POISONOUS PALATE, book 15 to finish, a big triple birthday party to host next weekend with various family staying for a long weekend–it’s all good but can feel like way too much. I have a paper list with empty squares next to each item. When I finish something, I can check it off. If I fall behind, it gets a star (oops, lots of stars right now!) I also put things in my e-calendar so I can pay attention day by day. Most important, try to enjoy moments right in front of me. The other stuff will get done, or it won’t. But I won’t get these precious days back.

DEBORAH CROMBIE: I am so overloaded that I missed a whole week of keeping track of anything in my planner, and that makes me crazy! I have to list the things I have to do and prioritize them for every day, then either move them to the next day or check them off. Watching the Olympics after dinner this week has been a great way to just shut all the pressures out. And we discovered we love Speed Climbing. We didn’t even know there was such a thing!

Speed Climbing! How did I miss this? This would definitely make the to do list seem less daunting. LOL. 

RHYS BOWEN;  overloaded is a good word to describe my life at the moment. I was on the faculty at Book Passage mystery conference and the moment that ended I swung into high gear for my book launch next week.  By Thursday morning I had done five hours of Zooming with groups this week . My cheeks hurt from smiling too much. I also had paperwork from my retirement accounts to fill out and express back. Trains and planes to book for the Europe trip,  and did I mention that my knee that was operated on suddenly started a burning pain necessitating a visit to ortho and a cortisone shot . 

My son came home from a trip to the San Juan islands showing me photos of tranquil bays, plates of oysters and canoeing. Grrrr. Why am I not doing that?  And I put off entering expenses in my spreadsheet until the last minute!

Kayaking! YES!!! A much better way to ease overload!

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: For a while I juggle, checking things off my careful daily lists and dated lists and deadline lists and checking three calendars and doing events almost every day and editing book 15 and (trying to think of 16, yikes, I got nothin’) being so proud of myself being able to do it ALL, and  and then there comes a day when I say, out loud, THIS IS NOT SUSTAINABLE!

(Oh, and Rhys, I sent in my February booktour expenses. LAST WEEK.  And I was still proud of myself.) 

But….I just tell myself–the only thing worse than an impossibly overfilled schedule is an empty one. And then I’m fine, I just do the next thing and the next thing and the next thing.

Although the funniest moment was the day a few months ago when I thought–hey!  Wait! I did it! Everything on my list is done! 

And then I realized I had not written one word of my book. Oh. That. Never mind.

How do I unwind? Huh. I am not good at that. (And I have news, too, more to come on that. No, it’s not as big as whatever you're thinking, but it’s very nice.)

JENN: Looking forward to hearing all about it, Hank!

Okay, Readers, what do you do when you are on overload? And how do you convince yourself to just GET IT DONE?

Silly Little Motivators

DEBORAH CROMBIE: While only some of us have deadlines, all of us sometimes need a bit of help getting through our daily to-do lists, and we all have little tricks to encourage ourselves. When I'm trying to meet my writing goals, for instance, I give myself the grown-up equivalent of  gold stars. For every productive writing sprint during the day, I get to add a snippet of book-spined washi tape for that period in my weekly planner. (Washi tape is decorative masking tape, used for journaling and crafts.) The more words I've written, the bigger the piece of tape. I know this sounds really silly, but nothing makes me happier than looking back at my week and seeing two or three big sections of book tape in every day's column. I give myself a big pat on the back.

 

Here's a dummy page with a perfect writing day! (I'm not showing anyone a real page, as I use the weekly planner to write down EVERYTHING, from the weather to what we had for dinner, and they are VERY messy.)

 

 

I also write easy things on my to-do list just so I can cross them off. (I'll bet I'm not the only one.) This works on the theory that if I feel like I'm productive, I am more productive. Makes sense, right?

And there are the little daily rituals. If I write until five o'clock, I can have a cup of tea and half a piece of shortbread to keep me at the computer until dinner. Hey, it works, and that's usually my best writing sprint of the day. (It's probably the caffeine and the smidgen of sugar kicking my brain into gear…)

Of course, food rewards can be tricky, as I"m sure we all know. Just don't anybody mention cupcakes, or I might be in big trouble. 

 

Reds, what are your secret little motivators for getting things done?

RHYS BOWEN:  Debs, I would find that tape stressful, I know. It would stick to the wrong things, get tangled up. I’m hopeless with sticky tape

I got Rocket book for Christmas. It is a notebook you can erase when you are done. Also you take a shot with the smart phone app and a note is transferred to Evernote or what you use. I find it satisfying to erase those notes

I’m a morning person I like to get writing after breakfast and finish by lunchtime. Afternoon is for more secretarial stuff. I have to do five pages a day. I write the page numbers ahead in my agenda and I’m thrilled when I get ahead 

Having said that I’ve been so stressed at living with constant worry that I’m not working at my usual speed. Do you find it’s hard to find energy?

HALLIE EPHRON: Lists do it for me. So satisfying, I agree, to tick the boxes. But my lists (I confess) or more so I won’t forget rather than as motivation. My brain is a complete sieve when it comes to remembering to do stuff… and then there are the times when I do it AGAIN because I’ve forgotten that I did it. 

 

 

LUCY BURDETTE: Yes lists are good, if I can find them. Right now with puppy chaos in our house, nothing paper can be left within reach. And we’re all out on the porch until it gets too cold, so my stuff is very disorganized. If I have a deadline (right now I don’t other than what I suggest to myself), I try for 1000 words a day. I can’t quite picture the sticky tape or an erasable journal, but hey--whatever works is good! And Rhys yes, life is far from normal right now so it makes sense that we don’t feel normal.

JENN McKINLAY: It used to be coconut M&Ms. I could have one M&M for every paragraph completed. Alas, they stopped making those. Now, I reward myself with a swim in the pool at mid-afternoon, followed by a cup of Yukon Gold tea, if I get my pages done. If not, I have to keep working. The hardest bit for me is getting started and I wish I could come up with a reward system that would kickstart that. It’s amazing how I will fritter time away until two in the afternoon and then have a blind panic of writing just so I can go swimming. Argh.

DEBS: Jenn, that's either very long paragraphs or a lot of M&Ms! And I've never heard of coconut M&Ms. 

Jenn, if you figure out the reward system to get the writing going earlier, let me know. I do exactly the same thing, but I don't have a pool as a carrot.

 

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: My organizing stuff is definitely a work in progress: I've been trying to improve and come up with ways to keep track of my to-dos for some time now. It's very much not something that comes naturally for me.

 

As for motivation, I like to treat myself with entertainment/news. If I get my word count done, I can watch a movie tonight. If I answer all my emails, I can hop on Twitter for a half hour. For some tasks, I motivate myself by doing something at the same time. For instance, while

walking the dog, I'll listen to a podcast with headphones, or make dinner while tuning the radio to All Things Considered. If I've knocked off everything I had to do today, I kick back and read in the evening.

 

Okay, I also read if I haven't gotten everything done.

 

And I agree with Jenn, getting started writing is the worst, because you can't stop and reward yourself - that negates the whole idea of starting! Maybe a chair that gives you a backrub if you start typing?

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Oh, getting started! SO hard. Ridiculously, I make an appointment with myself. I say, okay, you can do anything you want, guilt free, until ______. Then I pick a time that’s on the hour or half hour, because you can only start at those times.

Sometimes that works.

 

Oh, Rhys, I would NOT want to erase. I love looking at all the things I‘ve done. It’s my gold star. And I used to keep a running list, but that got too difficult during the pandemic. Now I have a notebook that I mark as one day per page, so I can use it as a planner, too.

 

Why didn’t I just get a calendar/planner with the dates already on it? Too logical.  I had a perfect notebook, and it works just fine. 

 

Totally put things in that I did that weren’t on to-do the list so I can cross them off. Well, of COURSE. It’s not even strange.

 

And you know I have a timer. I set the Alexa for 34 minutes when I start writing, and when I say: Alexa, set the timer for 34 minutes, I cannot do anything but write. That absolutely works.

DEBS: Why 34 minutes, Hank? Not 30, or 45? Is it the magic number? But I'm with you on the not wanting to erase the things I've done. The checking off is so satisfying. And besides, if I erased things, I might not remember that I've done them...

 

READERS, how about you? What helps you get things done?

Shoulds

INGRID THOFT

Last Monday on JRW we tackled the topic of resolutions.  Some people are fans of setting ambitious goals on January 1st, while others think it’s a set up for failure.  As I contemplated Jenn’s post, I kept coming back to “The Shoulds. What are they exactly, other than sounding like something from “The Phantom Tollbooth?”

“The Shoulds” are all those things I think I’m supposed to do:  the things I should be doing.  I should be eating more protein.  I should be writing X number of words a day.  I should be emailing that friend with whom I haven’t had much contact recently.  I should, I should, I should.  Make no mistake, I do want to do these things, but somehow, the motivation gets quashed by the feeling that I have no choice.  

I decided to pay greater attention to my shoulds for a couple of days.  It was an interesting exercise during which I realized that I should on myself a lot!  Given that I’m a basically productive and healthy human being, it seemed extreme how often I was scolding myself about a potential course of action.  So I decided to start questioning my shoulds.  There are some shoulds that are a given and can be backed up with solid evidence:  You should brush your teeth if you want to hold on to your pearly whites for years to come.  However, should I eat fish when the burger is more appealing?  Should I volunteer for another project when I feel overbooked as it is?  Maybe.  Sometimes, a should is really a building block to a greater desire: I should eat the fish because I want to keep my cholesterol in check.  But sometimes?  A should is just full of should.

Tell me Reds, do you battle “The Shoulds” on a regular basis?  Do you have some you’ve banished from your life?

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: That is such a fascinating way of looking at the world. One thing I noticed: I often say to myself--"Oh, Hank, that is SO dumb." And I realize that might be a bit unnecessary.  Why am I criticizing myself? When I should be my biggest fan? 

I guess my to-do list is my shoulds. I SHOULD write the article. I SHOULD plan the class. I should do my words for the day, answer emails. I should call my family more.  That's a very important should which I too often put off.  I should read more broadly, but why, when the next Shari Lapena  or Clare Macintosh is coming out? 

As for the food things, they always change those anyway. So I just say, well, I think they're wrong about bacon, I think it's fine. I should have more.

HALLIE EPHRON: Ah, bacon. And eggs. And steak. And crispy pan-roasted potatoes… and really good heirloom tomatoes.

Yes, I often get a case of the shoulds. Should walk not drive. Should write more words. Should volunteer for X. Should not take credit for getting husband to volunteer for X. Should buy the bargain brand.

I think overall it's a good thing, that inner taskmaster. Until it keeps you up at night. Because really, you should get a good night's rest.

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Do you think this is something that mostly afflicts women? I mean, we're all kind of socialized to take care of things - spouse, kids, house, community - and there is a relentless drumbeat of articles and images in media telling us we're not good enough as we are: lose weight, eat better, entertain more, Martha Stewart your house, etc. 

I really noticed this several years ago, when our church needed another adult to serve with the youth group. NO ONE had stepped up. I didn't want to, because I had just ended a ten-year stint teaching 3 and 4 year olds in Sunday School. I talked to Ross about it: "You should do this. You're a teacher, and you love this age group."

Ross: "No, I don't want to make the time commitment. I want to read the paper at Coffee By Design after church, not sit in the undercroft with thirteen-year-olds."

Me: "But NOBODY is coming forward! And I'd really rather not."

Ross: "Then don't!"

Of course, I did. It turned out to be a wonderful experience - although it did take a LOT of time - but I was struck by how easy it was for Ross, a good and caring guy, to prioritize what he wanted over what he "should" have done. I'm not saying men don't feel it - if you should take out the garbage, you should take out the garbage - but I don't think it drives them the way it does most women.

DEBORAH CROMBIE: Julia, I think you are so right on the gender thing. It's not the first time I've realized that my hubby does not suffer in the least from the SHOULDS. If he wants to do something, he does it. If he doesn't, he doesn't. I, however, live in a universe of shoulds. A lot of them are just practical (should plan meals, should shop for groceries, should pay bills, should WORK) but too many are obligations that I don't have to do. I am getting a little better at saying "NO." 

And reminding myself not to beat myself up, like Hank. Too often I catch myself saying, "That is so stupid. I am such a dummy." Would I say that to my granddaughter? NO. Then I shouldn't be saying it to myself, either. Wait, is that a should?

JENN McKINLAY: Shoulda Coulda Woulda - I find I say that more than I should. Ha! I have really let go of "shoulds" over the past few years. Frankly, I just don't have the time or the stamina. Julia, I think you are 100% correct that it is different for women. I live with three men. I am woefully outnumbered, and it is even worse because all three of them are musicians. If there is an available hour in their day, it doesn't occur to them to give away time they can be playing guitar/drums to volunteer or, say, scrub a toilet, pick up after someone else, etc. and so forth.

And here's the biggest difference, if something isn't done, they don't consider it a reflection upon their character like I do (used to do). I think they are wearing me down (which is a good thing), because I no longer get in a tizzy if the house is a mess (it pretty much always is) and I don't feel like a failure if my world doesn't look like it popped up out of Pinterest. Woulda coulda shoulda  - Meh. Life is too short to spend it beating myself up (that's what book reviewers are for - LOL), but I'm with Hank. Bacon is always a good idea.

LUCY BURDETTE: It's not so much that shoulds feel like a reflection on my character, as I prefer things to be neat and tied up. John is a sweetheart and truly a team player, but he can step right over a mess--he literally doesn't see it. If you don't see it, you don't feel you should do something about it, right? I think that's part of the male/female difference, and it may very well be socialized.

RHYS BOWEN: I think I've spent a lifetime of shoulds. The good child who always got As and turned in homework on time. Vice president and editor of the college newspaper. And after that met every deadline, volunteered at schools and church and community.... I don't think I've ever goofed off! How boring is that?

So I've been overwhelmed with shoulds. Like Julia I tell myself that somebody has to do it and nobody else has stepped up so it has to be me. But now I'm asking why I have to be the only good child. And I'm only now just learning to say NO. It's very kind of you to invite me to speak at your fundraiser, but sorry, I don't really want to.

Rhys' inspiration by poet Jenny Joseph

So from now on I'm going to be the poster child for "when I get old I'm going to wear purple."   And as I'm writing this I'm thinking I have ten minutes before I have to go to church for choir practice and get the breakfast started before John gets back from his church. And I need to write five pages today. So I guess I'm not exactly going to wear purple yet! 

Readers?  What do you think about "The Shoulds?"

To Do Lists

Jenn McKinlay

I'm a list-maker. To do lists, grocery lists, idea lists, lists of books I've read, you name it, if it needs to happen in my world it ends up on a list. Conversely, if it's not on a list, it doesn't happen. The Hub and Hooligans have learned this truth the hard way.

I am such a list maker that on our first anniversary while enjoying dinner at Monti's Steakhouse, I looked at the Hub, giddy that we had clocked in our first year, and said, "Let's make a five year plan." Yes, of course it would have been in the form of a list. He looked at me in horror, raised his hands with fingers pointed like they were six-shooters and said, "Uh, I'm more a seat of the pants kind of guy." Equally horrified, we spent the rest of the meal in awkward silence. Now we laugh about it, but at the time we were both thinking, How did I not know this about this person? We are doomed! 
Needless to say, I made a list about this situation, how we could manage this compulsive divide, and Hub did not. Somehow, despite his lack of lists, we have survived.

While struggling with a scene the other day, I came to that fictional crossroads, you know the one, where the story can go this way or that way and still allow the plot to follow the loosely penned outline in the proper direction. I couldn't decide which way to go. It was maddening. I closed my laptop and found a piece of paper and started making two lists, each one spelling out the ramifications of each direction. The answer became clear and my faith in list-making was confirmed.

Curious to see if I was the only compulsive list-maker out there, I did some research and found a fabulous article about Ray Bradbury and the value of lists: Ray Bradbury on How List-Making Can Boost Your Creativity. 

You can click on the title above to read the whole article on brainpickings.org, but the line that got me was: "These lists were the provocations, finally, that caused my better stuff to surface. I was feeling my way toward something honest, hidden under the trapdoor on the top of my skull." 
YES! You really can't argue with Ray Bradbury, now can you?

Now I have to ask you, Reds, are you list-makers or do you just fly by the seat of your pants? (Oh, horror!)