Us versus the Grizzly Bears - Who Wins?

 JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: A couple days ago I saw a tweet about a survey done by YouGov.com asking the all-important question of today: Which wild or domesticated animals would take you to the cleaners in a fight, and which ones can you, an average American adult in the year 2021, totally beat?

My first thought at seeing this list is most Americans have NO idea the chimpanzees they see in movies and TV are babies. Adult chimps stand up to 5 ½ feet tall, weight up to 130 pounds, and the males have a set of long, scary canine teeth (in fact, humans are the only primates who don’t have these, a fact which I, as a parent who had to pay for braces, am grateful.) My second thought is - geese? Buddy , have you ever SEEN an angry goose? Note the survey people didn’t even put swans on the list. Swans will Mess You Up. If Swan Lake had been accurate, Prince Seigfried would have gotten his arm broken in the second act.

Then the pollsters separated the respondents by gender. And, unsurprisingly, that’s when things got even more interesting.

This one chart explains every single news story about a guy jumping into some zoo enclosure, most “Hey, y’all, look at this,” items, and the Darwin Awards. Almost one out of four American men think they can beat a King Cobra. Like… how? Are you going to whistle a snake charming tune like Hadji in Johnny Quest? 

Or how about the 38% of American men who believe they can beat an eagle? First off, punching an eagle in the face in unAmerican. Would Captain America punch a bald eagle? No. Captain America punches Nazis. Be like Captain America. 

Secondly, this is a bald eagle’s talons:

They’ve got a pair; one is called Freedom and the other is called Justice. Hell Yeah! And you’re going to go up against that, Kyle? I thought not. 

There’s a delightful near-equality of delusion in the percentage of men and women who think they can come out on top in an unarmed fight with a grizzly bear, lion or elephant. The Latin name for the North American brown bear is Ursus arctos horribilis. What do you think your chances are against a creature scientifically designated as horrible? I have a two part plan for if I’m ever in a position to be charged by a grizzly: 1) Don’t ever be anywhere near a grizzly bear 2) If you are near a grizzly, die. 

Reds, what do you think? Could you beat one of these critters in a fight? Do American men maybe have a “too much self confidence” problem? (Spoiler: yes.) (Although there was that guy who tossed a rabid bobcat to save his wife, so…) And why do 64% of women think they can beat a housecat without oven mitts and/or a towel? Have you never tried to pill a cat?

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: This is me, running. That’s my ONE-part plan. Run. Nobody could fight  off any of those big ones, that’s ridiculous.  I loved the bobcat tossing guy, though.

LUCY BURDETTE: I’m not taking any of those on either! Maybe I could charm a housecat or a medium sized dog, but that’s as far as I would take it…

 RHYS BOWEN:  it’s the small dogs that are more aggressive  than big dogs.  Personally I wouldn’t take on a spider of more than half inch diameter.I have killed snakes when we lived in Texas, but only when I needed to protect my children. Likewise cockroaches but that’s about my limit. Geese scare me. Swans are vicious.

 

DEBORAH CROMBIE: Have any of these people ever looked at a rat’s teeth? Now look at the soft skin on your hands. Go from there. As for cats, maybe the calculus should include “beat with what degree of damage?” Or maybe they’ve never had cats. As for the gender difference, this makes me despair that humans will ever become any more evolved…

HALLIE EPHRON: I’m not taking any of them on. Because why would I, and besides I’d lose, and probably some bystander with a cell phone would memorialize it for posterity. You’ve got to wonder what genius dreamed up that survey in the first place. 

 

JENN McKINLAY: I'm tapping out at medium sized dog. Wildlife has the word "wild" in it for a reason. They can't be shamed like your dog or huff out of the room like your cat. They will carve out your heart with a talon or a claw and make lunchmeat out of you with no regrets. As they should if ever you tried to take them on.

JULIA: What do you think, dear readers? Could you take on a lion in a fight? How about a kangaroo? Or a wolf? Maybe we can start with Youngest's 14 year old blind and hard-of-hearing Shih Tzu and work our way up from there?

Will E-Books take over the World?

RHYS BOWEN:

When my new book, Heirs and Graces, came out two weeks ago I was surprised to find that it topped the historical mystery bestseller list in its Audible audio format. More people were listening to it than reading it. This also coincided with my reading an article that claimed e-books were not growing nearly as rapidly as predicted. It seemed that the techies of the world had bought their Kindles, Nooks and Kobos when the devices first came out, but the general reading public was not following suit. What's more those original buyers had loaded their devices with lots of cheap and appealing books that were still waiting to be read, thus not encouraging their owners to buy more.

 Real books were not about to lie down and play dead.

So I decided to run a poll on my Facebook page. What surprised me was that 20,000 people came to visit. I have never seen numbers like that before, especially in the space of two days. And as I read the comments one thing became clear  People are passionate about their reading habits. Many people finished their post with one or more exclamation points. "Only real books!!!!"

So having read and digested 1000 comments I can tell you, with scientific accuracy :) , that real books beat out electronic versions by more than two to one. And something interesting emerged from this study: reading from a real book was a sensory experience, involving all five senses.
There was the tactile stimulation of turning pages, feeling a book in one's hand. As one commenter put it, "If it's a mystery I can prolong the suspense by holding the tip of the page between my fingers and waiting in delicious anticipation before I turn it."

Another commenter said that seeing her books on a shelf evoked feelings of pride of ownership and pleasurable memories of past reading.Then there is smell of books, particularly old ones. The book was perceived as part of a  pleasurable experience. As one commenter said, "Nothing like a hard cover on an afternoon with a nice breeze."
Someone else said, "How would you press flowers in an e-book?"

Those who chose e-books liked the convenience, especially for travel, plus the fact that downloads were cheaper. Some commented they had run out of shelf space. Others that they could download out of print books. One commenter admitted she was naturally lazy and it was so easy to have a book delivered to her Kindle with one click.

In the case of audio it also seemed to be convenience and the only way to fit books into a busy lifestyle. One commenter said "If it weren't for audio I wouldn't have a chance to experience books." Audio has the added advantage that one can do something else at the same time. Audiophiles listened during long commutes, during workouts, housework or dog walking.  One of my fans told me last week that her dog walks have stretched to three hours while she listened to my new book.

Two surprising comments came out of my survey. A teacher mentioned that children tired of looking at screens all day and liked real books in their free time, (who knew?) and someone who worked in a college bookstore stated that most college students preferred real books, but that downloads of textbooks were so much cheaper and easier to carry around.

About ten percent of the respondents said that they loved all forms of reading. "E-books, audio, cornflake packets" one woman said. But it is reassuringly clear that real paper books are not going away any time soon! Bookstores--you may breathe a sigh of relief.

So what about you, Reds and Readers, do you still read predominantly electronic books, listen to them or insist on the good old paper versions where you get the added bonus of a workout by turning the pages?