Thoughts on Halloween.

RHYS BOWEN:

So we all survived Halloween, did we? We actually had no trick or treaters and are left with several bags of candy. Oh dear. Someone will just have to finish all those Kit Kats and Snickers, I suppose!

I'm always surprised by the number of kids who tell me that Halloween is their favorite holiday--over Christmas with all the presents and the tree, over 4th of July with the parades and fireworks, or Easter with the chocolate eggs.

I'm also surprised at the costumes they choose. I think my girls were always something sweet and adorable--princesses and fairies and maybe a good witch or two. But my little granddaughter Mary was a vampire, two years in a row. What's more, she was so convincing about it that her teacher had to ask her mother to speak to her about scaring the other children.

"They think she's a real vampire," the teacher said.
So Clare spoke to her and she agreed she wouldn't try to tell them she was a real vampire any more.
So guess what she told them?
She told them she was really a werewolf instead!

So is this the main reason that kids like Halloween? Not the candy? They love the power of being able to scare people, and feeling just a little scared themselves. Mary for the rest of the year is a sweet, well-behaved little girl (if a rather good actress).

But I'm also surprised at the number of adults who say they love Halloween. I suppose again it's the costumes, the taking on a character so different from our own--pretending to be evil, or sexy, or both. It's the one day nobody stops us if we act strangely or look even stranger.
But it's not for everyone. Especially not my husband John. The last time we went to a Halloween party he came up with the costume of an Englishman from the 1930s, wearing blazer, bow tie, yachting cap, white flannel trousers.  And what does he normally wear--blazer, sometimes bow tie, sometimes light trousers, sometimes even a yachting cap. And he thinks this is a costume???

You know how Halloween started, don't you? It's a Celtic festival that was adopted into the Christian calendar. It is the one night of the year when the door between the two worlds opened and the dead came among us. And people put on scary costumes--skeletons and ghosts--so that the dead would think they were one of their own and wouldn't take them to the otherworld with them.

Do you think they'd be convinced by a man in a bow tie and yachting cap? Probably not.

So do you still wear costumes at Halloween? If so, are you scary or sweet?

Color Me Happy

RHYS BOWEN: Rhys: For my birthday last month my daughter Clare sent me three coloring books. Adult coloring books (no, there were no racy pictures to color, although that may be the next step) but complicated designs that require lots of concentration.

I’ve been trying them when I sit up in bed at night, trying to wind down and fall asleep and you know, they are addicting. So far I’ve tried marker pens (didn’t like so much. Too harsh and hard to work with), colored pencils and watercolor pencils. I haven’t tried crayons because they are probably too fat for the intricate details. I'm not sure how relaxing they are, because there is a lot of concentration involved in staying within the lines, but they stop worrying thoughts from flying around my head!

I gather coloring has become a BIG THING. There are coloring clubs in the same way that there are book clubs and quilting circles. I can see it would work well as an activity that one could do mindlessly while chatting with friends. As long as a little wine and nibbles are involved, I’m all for it.

Given all the craft-centered cozy mysteries there are, I just wish I had a little time to write "Color Me Dead."  I'm sure somebody will soon!

So I’m dying to know who else has taken up coloring as an activity and whether you find it works to relieve tension. And if not coloring, what? I know some people quilt, some knit, embroider.  Do tell all, dear Reds and Readers: what do you do to wind down, relieve tension and indulge in playfulness?

HALLIE EPHRON: Coloring would give me an anxiety attack. I'm no better at staying within the lines than I was when I was 8. I like to play bridge -- does that count? And read the bridge column. And the comics in the newspaper. If it weren't for the bridge column and the comics, I could easy go with e-only news.

LUCY BURDETTE: Oh my coloring, how did this become a thing again? Who thinks up these new trends? Right now my mother-in-law is very sick and several people are coloring in her room--and finding it very stress-reducing. I would rather read, if I can concentrate or have something gripping. But I love COLOR ME DEAD--Maybe it's already in production Rhys?

SUSAN ELIA MACNEAL: Kaye had a great post on the coloring craze recently! I must confess I'm curious. I picture adult coloring like monks making mandalas — very Zen. I guess I should try it! But Lucy, I'm with you — I think I'd rather read or take a walk.... Lately to reduce tension I've been taking a lot of walks. That's not exactly playful, though, is it... Hmmm.... Maybe coloring is worth a try. I think we have some glitter pens somewhere.....

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN:  I'm afraid..I cannot even face this . It makes me anxious, and I have to say I have no desire to color at all. All those little blank spaces? Not at all. It's anxiety-INDUCING to me . Is there a right way to do it? What do I get when I'm finished? A pretty picture that I did not design? Then what DO I do with it?  ::Shaking head::  I agree about talking walks, that's one of my favorite things. But coloring?   What do I do to relive stress? I will let you know when I come up with something.

DEBORAH CROMBIE: I was intrigued by Kaye's coloring book post, too, and bought one, and some markers. Have I colored a single picture? No. When exactly did I think I would do this? Sigh. It's a lovely idea, though, and I loved to color when I was a kid, so the concept is soothing in a nostalgic way.  But if I was sitting somewhere with time to kill, I would be reading, something, anything, always. And if I could manage to do something fairly mindless with my hands, I'd work on my completely neglected quilting project... Too many things, not enough time.

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: If I were going to reduce stress via making "artwork," I think I'd do paint-by-numbers. At least then you get a kitschy picture to frame and hang. As a matter of fact, you could do an entire wall of ironic retro "art" projects - those colored-string-around-nails pictures of owls, the crushed-crystal-inside -the-outlines poodle dogs, macrame hangings... if I had a midcentury aesthetic going on in my house, I would definitely do it. But coloring books? I'm afraid they seem pointless, which is probably a sad comment on the adult mind.  Just picturing myself sitting at the table and coloring, I can feel my anxiety level rising - I'm wasting time! I could be doing something I need to do.

Knitting and needlepoint at least lets you pretend you'll have something useful at the end. And I enjoy board games and card games, but the fun part is socializing (and trash talking) with the other players. Maybe that's what would make coloring fun for me - do it with a group of people. With cocktails. Drunk competitive coloring sounds like a lot of fun.

RHYS: Anyone up for drunk-competitive coloring? So who has tried coloring as a relaxing occupation? I am still not sure whether I will ever take to it. They now make small books and I can see doing it on a long plane flight (but would I look stupid sitting on a plane coloring?) I still think that kitting or crochet will be my choice of mindless activity when I want busy-work to do with my hands on long evenings or plane flights. Any other suggestions, Reds?

Oh, Kaye! talks about "firsts"

Firsts.


They can be pretty special.


That first kiss with someone you'd been dying to kiss - remember that?

Your first trip to a vacation spot you'd been dying to visit?

If you're a writer - seeing your first piece published?  Your first book on a shelf in a bookstore?

If you're an artist - seeing your first piece hanging, seeing your first piece of pottery in a gallery?


Remember?  Of course you do.


Moments that cannot be explained in words that could ever match what you feel inside.


But you remember.



There are others.



There are the firsts that will tear a person's heart out.



The first holiday without that person you loved.


First birthday.



I've gone through some firsts recently.

Good ones.

Bad ones.



Now I'm trying to learn how to balance them.


Learn to live with loss, but at the same time not let it cast too long a shadow over the things that can bring joy.


It's hard.


I've suffered losses recently.

The toughest of them on July 28th.

Several of my friends have also suffered losses in the recent past.  It seems like an awfully high number, honestly.  Is it the fact of growing older that increases the losses?  I suppose.  


But knowledge, in this case, does not make it easier.  Does not ease the pain.



What does?


What can help ease the pain of loss?



Opening yourself, I guess, to the joy of the firsts that can, if allowed, bring you a bit of happiness.


Because.


Those are things that your missing loved ones would share with you, and embrace.  And want you to embrace.



I recently opened a box of my mom's things that has been sitting in our sunroom since July.  I thought it was a box of old photos and I just wasn't ready.  



Finally thinking I was as ready as I'd ever be, I fixed a cup of coffee, invited Harley up on the sofa with me and opened the box.



There were, indeed, photos.  Photo albums.  Envelopes full of photos.  



But.



There were also stacks of magazines.


Stacks of three separate magazines.



A regional magazine that included an interview with me done by my friend Marlisa Mills.  A local magazine with an interview of me along with a review of  "Whimsey."  A regional magazine which included an essay I had written.



Why so many copies?

And how did she even come to have so many?



Questions, I can't ask her.  Will never know the answer to.



and hitting me like a slap in the head was the knowledge that I had made my mom proud.




I was lucky.


I had a mom and a dad who could easily tell me, and show me, that I made them proud.


I know there are many not so lucky.



But.

wow.

Finding those magazines . . .



So while I'm dealing with the fact that my mom won't be here to help me fix this year's Thanksgiving dinner - a first.  I'm going to temper it and try to find some kind of balance in remembering how proud she was of me.  And place next to her spot at our Thanksgiving table another first - a copy of a magazine that named me one of their winners in a short story contest, Southern Writers Magazine.   The joy in this is mine.  It would be a much larger joy if I could share it with my mother.  


Firsts.  Balance.  




So.  Reds.  Let me tell you - this was not the piece I started out to write.  
Anyone want to share anything here?  
Anything concerning losses, firsts - balancing?

sending out hugs to all of you.