Educational Journeys

JENN McKINLAY: Hooligan 1 graduated from Arizona State University yesterday and the Hub and I could not be prouder, obviously. It's a particularly poignant achievement because H1 was not a natural born academic. 

Proof? In fifth grade I was called to a parent-teacher conference because my darling boy would frequently just get up and leave the classroom when he was bored. To say that I did not see him graduating Magna Cum Laude twelve years later is a vast understatement (not bragging, I swear, we were so surprised)!

This got me to thinking about how we all change (or not) during our academic years. In elementary school, I was one of the top students and had an absolute fit when I got a B-. 

By middle school, I had become a social butterfly and school was just a means to see my friends.

High school? Maintained the grades just enough to not get in called out. B's get degrees! 

College? The first two years were spent on alcohol fueled shenanigans (endless shenanigans--some of which required community service in the dorm). The final two years, I found my major, locked in, and graduated on time by the skin of my teeth (and a lot of summer school).

So, how about you, Reds and Readers? What was your academic journey like? Stellar student? Hated school? A little bit of both? 

Final note: I was unfamiliar with the ritual of the Stole of Gratitude (we didn't have that in 1989), so when H1 presented me with his Stole of Gratitude as the person who has supported him the most during his academic journey, well, my heart was full, y'all, and, yeah, I cried but just a little. 

Let's Talk Spredges!

Jenn McKinlay: What is a spredge, you ask? I’ll tell you! It’s a mashup of sprayed and edges — spredges — and it’s all the rage in publishing right now.

I did some spredge recon so you could see what’s out there — you’re welcome!

Aren’t these gorgeous??? Here’s some more. Yes, I might be obsessed as the influencers say.

And here are three books that I bought for myself for the spredges! Aren’t they pretty?

I tried to convince my publisher that Witches of Dubious Origin required spredges but they said no. 🥺

Can’t you picture spredges on this one? *sigh*

What about you, Reds and Readers, are you a fan of spredges or no? Would you buy a book just for the pretty edges? 

How does your garden grow?

Jenn McKinlay: When the Hooligans were little, we always had a garden patch. It wasn’t very big but I felt it was important for them to grow things like watermelon or tomatoes. When they hit the teen years there was no time and less interest (on their part), but now that I’m a free bird I’m back to the garden!

Life has been stressful in 2025 (understatement), so I thought adding the life and death drama of raising veggies would be an awesome idea—just kidding, mostly. But seriously, instead drowning in anxiety, I am outside I do think Martha (see below) is onto something.

It all started with one raised bed last fall and now we’re onto two raised beds and several wooden barrels that I can move out of the sun as needed.

What am I growing? So glad you asked!

Cherry tomatoes (this crazy plant survived the entirety of last summer and has produced hundreds of cherry tomatoes this year).

Grapes! Really didn’t think this guy would take off but he’s thriving! And I have loads of baby grapes!

Potatoes: My Thanksgiving taters sprouted eyes, so I chopped them up and stuck them in the ground! Very exciting!

Zucchini: A bit of a pervy looking plant but I try not to judge.

I also have shishito peppers, cucumbers, cantaloupe, pole beans, and eggplant. For herbs, surviving from last year (I planted the seeds), we have parsley, oregano, thyme, basil, rosemary, mint, and lavender.

So, where are my gardeners? What are you planting? Any tips and advice welcome!

When I'm Wrong I Say I'm Wrong

JENN McKINLAY: After reading Saturday’s Mother’s Day post, I was struck by how “right” most of our mothers always thought they were. They didn’t hem or haw or question it. They were the authority and that was that. Y’all, that is so not me. 

The Hooligans at peak teen would get into trouble–as teens do–and, of course, Hub and I would discipline them with loss of privileges or groundings–as parents do–but I am so terrible at conflict that when voices got raised or doors were slammed, I was beside myself. I could never sustain the feeling of being at odds.

The Hooligans used to set a timer on their phone for twenty minutes and every single time, I’d crack like a walnut and pop up at their door, asking, “Are you okay? Are we okay? Should we talk about this? Want to hug it out?” One of the last times this happened, Hooligan 1 in complete exasperation, said, “Mom, stop! I was wrong. It’s okay that you yelled at me. I deserved it.” Then he hugged me because I still felt bad. 

Now, lest you think I couldn’t discipline them when they needed it, I am the mom who had them hold a bar of soap in their mouth for thirty seconds when they screamed, “I hate you!” Because, no, we are not having that. But the one thing I never assumed was that I was always right and I feel like that is the major difference between me and the generation who parented me because Hub and I have talked and neither of us can ever remember our moms (or dads) apologizing for anything ever.

How about you, Reds? Are you always right? 

LUCY BURDETTE: Just ask John–I’m very definite! Maybe it’s because of my personality, or maybe I’m just enough older than you Jenn, or maybe because my kids were my stepkids–switching between households makes everything a bit more complicated and fraught. Anyway, I still think kids do better with clear boundaries and expectations, and the current popularity of “gentle parenting” makes me crazy.:) See, I told you I was definite!

RHYS BOWEN: I think I’ve become better at apologizing when I’m wrong as I’ve gotten older. When I was young I found it hard to admit it. With four children I ran a tight ship. We were the parents. There were rules. We went through all the usual teenage dramas with three girls. “I can’t believe you’ve ruined my life!” etc when I wouldn’t let them go to a party.

Interestingly enough my third daughter, Jane, was very young for her grade at school (she’d been promoted up a grade). So there were things she didn’t feel comfortable with. She’d be on the phone with a friend and I’d hear her say “A party at Jake’s house? Oh, I bet my mom won’t let me go.”  She’d look over at me and make a face, indicating she didn’t want to go. I’d say. “You’re right. You’re not going.” And she’d say into the phone. “See. I knew she wouldn’t let me.”  We were a good team.

After three girls Dominic was so easy as a teenager. He came home late once. We said, “You were supposed to be in by ten on a week night. You’re grounded for a week.”  He said, “That seems fair enough” and went to his room.  He’s still really easy going!

DEBORAH CROMBIE: Such an interesting thing to think about, Jenn. I don’t remember my parents ever admitting they were wrong about anything, or apologizing. Looking back, they probably weren’t wrong about much, except their politics, which I absolutely was not allowed to argue about. But still, what a generational shift.

As a divorced mom of a pre-teen then teenager, I think I tried extra hard to set rules. Unlike in your daughter Jane’s case, Rhys, they were not appreciated! And like Jenn, I’m super non-confrontational and hated for us to be mad at each other. Somehow we got through it, but I think boys might be easier.

HALLIE EPHRON: Wrong? Who me??? Absolutely. I remember when one of my daughters enraged me so much (why? I have no idea… and I must have been exhausted, or maybe that’s just my guilty conscience trying to come up with a reasonable explanation) that I hauled off and slapped her on the bottom. 

Stunned silence followed, and then she ran crying up to her bedroom. 

I NEVER hit my kids. And yet I had done just that. I snuck up to her room soon after, knocked sheepishly at the door, crept inside and apologized. 

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: This is a great question. One of the great joys of my life was realizing that I’m not always right. That someone else might have a good idea. It’s really quite freeing, and has changed my life.

One of the things about being a reporter is that you have to have a careful balance of what you believe is right with what you might not know. Again, being open minded about the truth whatever that is is important to me in every way. And when it comes to writing my novels, I know an editor might have a terrific idea, and I might not be right about what I wrote.

My problem is I am often very convinced that I am right. And I can be very persuasive, I will admit to you. And I can get quite carried away with my persuasion.   Sometimes, when I’m trying to convince Jonathan of something, I will stop and say – – you know, I’m actually not quite sure about this, and I know I am winning you over here, but fair warning , I could be wrong.

All I know about raising kids is how I see my stepson and his wife bringing up our adorable grandsons. I would not have made some of the parental decisions they did, and I would have been much tougher. (As on the day one of them was whining, maybe 10 years ago, about how everybody had eaten all the cereal that he was hoping to have. 

His mother suggested that she would go to the grocery and get more. And I said “Not a chance. Life is tough,  buddy, eat the cereal that’s left.” 

And he happily did. 

And I have to say, even though I would have made different decisions for them along the way, the kids turned out to be spectacular. 

So, I was wrong. (Maybe.)

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Oh, I'm an apologizer. SUCH an apologizer. As a mother, I think it's so important to let kids know 1) we don't always get it right and 2) when that happens, we can acknowledge it. Model how you want them to be, right?

I'm also a promoter of - don't take this the wrong way - weaponized apologizing. Yes! Have you screwed up at work? Forgot to order the baby shower decorations? Spilled wine on someone as you walked to your table in a restaurant. Apologize! Apologize lavishly, abjectly and continuously until people forgive you just to get you to stop. It's impossible to remain mad at someone who will. Not. Stop. Accepting the blame. Try is sometime! 

How about you, Readers? Are you an "always right" sort of person or is admitting a mistake easy for you?

Olivia's Fancy, a Flourless Chocolate Cake Recipe

 JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Ladies and gentlemen, our own Celia Wakefield, with an absolutely irresistible spring dessert.

 

 

 

Wishing everyone a very happy May, filled with growing things and the expectation of summer ahead. Of course many thanks to Julia and everyone who continues to make me so welcome on JRW. I do appreciate you all.

 

What has been happening in my world and in Maine? Right now, I am in Sudbury staying with my daughter and son-in-law and ‘helping’ as they combine their full time work responsibilities with selling their house and moving to a new build. This is fascinating to watch and these are the differences I see between selling our New York home in 1999, yes that is a long time ago, and house sales today. 

 

I have just watched through the window… a young man spend an hour putting up the realtor front yard sign. There was hole digging, centering the post, steadying the post, that took quite a time, painting the post, attaching hangers to the post and finally - the sign was hung. Now we await the photographer. (Oh dear the photographer just touched the post and he is not pleased to have wet white paint on his hands). If the photos are uploaded before today I will add them with the link.

 

 

Yesterday the Stager arrived, let’s call her Nicole. She was a real whirlwind, dragging in bags and bags of soft furnishings including more pillows than I could count and fake greenery in pottery bowls. What is it with pillows? I spoke with her while she “Martha’d” my bedroom.

 

I may have coined “Martha’d” back in 1999 as I tried to create the look of spaciousness, cleanliness and warmth in our tiny Cape. There were no stagers in Chappaqua NY in the summer of 1999, but with famous folk moving in later that year perhaps that’s how stagers got into our little town. A friend told me she had stagers set up her house about six years after we left, and she sold within the month. Oh dear, what does that say about my staging skills? Well I still have my old copy of Martha Stewart Entertaining, so I’m sure that helped.

 

To return to Nicole, I watched her work over my room leaving it bare boned down to a bed, two side tables with lamps and one corner table also with lamp. Are you wondering where were my clothes? In a baseboard cupboard together with everything else being hidden from view. Don’t we all have those spaces? Or rather, they become the spaces like Harry Potter’s Room of Requirement. The space that’s filled with all the stuff we can’t wait to throw away but might need some day. 

 

She added six pillows on the bed and a white comforter with lots of wrinkles couldn’t stop myself from trying to smooth out. This is all about controlled living. Nicole told me that the colour palette felt ‘coastal’ and the realtor told me that the new color for house staging is ‘gravage’ = gray / beige.

 

By now you’re asking where’s the food? Where’s the recipe? After Nicole had completed her makeover it was unanimously agreed that cooking would mess up the kitchen, so we went out to eat at a local place which focuses on Italian food and desserts in particular. My daughter was in the mood for dessert after the day and she was focused on the BIG gluten free chocolate brownie served with ice cream, fresh cream and chocolate syrup. It was large enough to serve three and Olivia remarked it was better than a margarita at a busy days end - but she still shared with us.

 

My recipe is not this identical brownie but is a flourless chocolate cake which is quite delicious as tasted and tested by Olivia, Ken and Julia. I think I will rename the recipe -

 

Olivia’s Fancy chocolate cake

• ¾cup/168 grams unsalted butter, cut up, plus more for greasing the pan
• 1cup/173 grams bittersweet or semisweet chocolate chips
• ½cup/50 grams unsweetened natural cocoa powder
• ¾cup/150 grams granulated sugar
• 4large eggs
• 1teaspoon pure vanilla extract
• Whipped cream or ice cream, for serving

 

 

Prep:

This cake can be made in one bowl with a little planning. I make it using the microwave method of melting the chocolate in a glass bowl that is large enough to incorporate all the ingredients in the recipe as they are added.

 

Take butter and eggs from the fridge to bring them up to room temperature. This helps the baking ’magic’ work best.

 

Generously butter an 8 inch springform pan all over the bottom and sides. You may line the pan with foil if preferred but don’t forget to butter it. I found just buttering my pan worked well.

 

Measure out the ingredients and heat your oven to 350 degrees.

 

Melt the chocolate chips either by putting them in a glass container and melting in 30 second bursts in the microwave until the chips look soft or melt in a double boiler over hot water.

 

Add the butter to the melting chocolate and stir gently to mix well together.

 

Add the cocoa powder and stir till smooth.

 

Add the granulated sugar and mix till incorporated.

 

Add the eggs one at a time and beat well into the mix.

 

Stir in the vanilla and scrape the batter into the pan.

 

Bake for 40 to 50 minutes until the cake shows some cracks and looks dry on top.Then test doneness when a toothpick inserted into the center comes out with some crumbs attached.

 

Allow the cake to cool in the pan on a rack, then remove the pan carefully. 

I haven’t tried to freeze the cake before cutting but it is mentioned as a way of getting clean slices which can then be warmed in the microwave before serving with ice cream and cream to make up Olivia’s Fancy.

Mother Was Right

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Tomorrow is, of course, Mother’s Day, when we celebrate moms - our own, or those who took us under their wing, or those who have stood in place of a mother.

 

My relationship with my mother was as complicated as most of ours are; I loved her very much and she could drive me crazy like no one else. She was caring, energetic, had a razor-sharp wit and would have been a CEO if she’d been born in a different time. She lived through a lot, and she wanted to share the wisdom she’d gained, thus, the driving-me-crazy part.

 

The older I’ve gotten, though, the more I realize, well, how right my mother was about many things. Being firm but very polite does make people want to help solve your problem. People will treat you differently depending on how you’re dressed. One glass of wine while cooking dinner and one while eating it should  be enough for anyone sensible. Investing regularly in a no-load index fund is the surest way to build wealth.

 

The most right thing she ever said to me? “You should be a writer.” Yep, it was my mom who first told me that was where my talents lie - and this was after I’d gotten a masters and a JD.

 

How about you, Reds? What was your mother right about?

 

RHYS BOWEN: I’m trying to think. My mother was not an easy person when I was growing up. School principal. Hyper critical  later we had a great relationship but I see now that she was overworked, over stressed and had awful migraines. I wish she had given me more advice but frankly I can’t remember much. When I wanted to apply to RADA she did say to get my degree first then I’d have something to fall back on if acting didn’t work. I got my degree and went into the production side instead. Was that good advice? I sold my first play to the BBC so maybe it was.

 

HALLIE EPHRON: My mother was a Hollywood screenwriter. WAY ahead of her time. For each of the four of us she picked first names that would still define us if/when we got married and acquired a new last name. And she wanted us to have real jobs, WORK and creative lives in a man’s world.  She was aghast that I wanted to be a teacher. Too traditionally female. It took 20 years for my expectations to catch up with hers.

 

DEBORAH CROMBIE: Most of the things my mom passed on to me were by example, love of travel, love of learning, an expectation that I could accomplish things. She worked from the time she left school and became an equal partner in my parents’ business. She NEVER encouraged or expected me to just get married and have kids. With only a highschool education, she fully supported my various forays in higher education, but when I wanted to transfer into a respected four-year liberal arts college, she insisted that I first take a secretarial course, so that I “could always make a living.” That turned out to be great advice, even if not quite in the way she expected!

 

 

 

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Oh, my mom was always right. Just ask her.

Sometimes, now, when something happens that I know she’d love–or more likely, criticize–I wish she were here to give her pronouncements. And I wish she were here so I could tell her how often she was right. I remember asking her why she was always so critical of me–and she’d say: “I’m not criticizing, I’m just observing.”

If I got an A, she’d be annoyed that it wasn’t an A-plus.  Nothing was ever ever enough.  I’m not sure I’ve ever stopped trying to please her. And you know, that might not actually be a bad thing. 

Her advice: Never have your photo taken holding a glass of wine. Never wear a color not found in nature. And, a word for word maxim, “thoughtful consideration of others is the sign of a true lady.”

 

 

LUCY BURDETTE: Like Debs, I think I learned more from my mother by watching than her pronouncements. She loved animals, her family, food, reading. I did not learn about her desserts from her as she didn’t have a sweet tooth and wasn’t a baker except for Christmas cookies and birthday cakes (I think the latter were from mixes.) John and I always laugh about her sex education talk: “One day you will love a man the way you do your cat.” He says he’s still waiting:). 

 

Happy mother’s day to all mothers, grandmothers, aunts, sisters, teachers, therapists–so many should get credit and thanks for taking care of the world!

 

JENN McKINLAY: My mom is one of my besties. She has the unique ability to love her people unconditionally, so even when her people do something thoughtless or make a bad choice, she is very clear that she’s in your corner and will help you even while calling you a dumbass. I think the best advice she ever gave me was when I was pregnant. She said, “As you start, so shall you go.” It made me aware that how I chose to parent the Hooligans would set the foundation for our relationship for the rest of their lives. Happy to say the Hooligans are now two of my besties, so Mom was right per usual.

JULIA: Dear readers, what was your mother (or mother-like-person) right about?