I just don’t like stuff and I don’t keep things…unless they have sentimental value and then I slam into the brick wall of nostalgia and I just can’t. Photographs of old boyfriends? Still have them (in an album in a closet somewhere but I still have them). A granny square sweater my grandmother made for me in 1972 when I was a wee tot? Yup, I still have it on a shelf in the top of my closet. Why? It doesn’t even fit anymore! Obviously. Why can’t I unravel it and repurpose the yarn? I just can’t.
I thought I was a stoic/sentimental sort. I keep some things but not all. So imagine my surprise when I observed a recent breakup between a Hooligan and his Plus One and he deleted everything that was digital – texts, pictures, videos, and any connections through social media gone. Physical gifts, tchotchkes, cards, and print photos in an album were all tossed in the dumpster.
He had me stand witness to the purge and I’m not exaggerating when I say I started to sweat and felt a little queasy. I asked “Don’t you want to keep anything to remember the good times?” His answer: “No.” I thought it was because he was a dude so I asked the other Hooligan’s Plus One (who was also an observer of the purge) if she’d tossed everything from former relationships and she said, “Yes, absolutely. That stuff just makes you sad.”
Y’all, I was so surprised I’m still processing.
So, tell me, do you purge everything from relationships - romantic or otherwise - when they end badly? Or do you hang onto the mug you bought on the road trip, the baseball cap at the ballgame, and such to remember the moment shared with a little nostalgia? Like, seriously, do I really have to throw out the skull earring that belonged to my punk rock boyfriend in 1989? Because, yes, I still have it.
RHYS BOWEN: My romances were back in the days when we wrote letters to each other so I had kept all the letters my boyfriend had written to me. When I had finally moved on I ceremonially burned them. Now I wished I’d kept them as it wasn’t an acrimonious break up and I would have enjoyed remembering good times together. I don’t think I’ve kept anything sentimental from any former romances, but remember I moved to Australia and only took the minimum with me!
LUCY BURDETTE: Not so much on the old romances, but I do have boxes of letters I can’t throw out. Lots of them were sent to my grandparents from my dad when he was in the army. I have tons of old photos too that I keep meaning to organize when I have the time. HA! And letters and cards from many people over the years. It’s sad to me that people send greetings and notes by email or text–they’re too easy to lose or delete. What about our future memoirists? Where will they find their material?
HALLIE EPHRON: No old letters from ex-Xes here, either. I have a wonderful book of photographs of me and my high school, sweetheart. He was the nicest guy, a lot older than me, but not “the one.” My high school home life was a disaster and he kept me sane.
The bad exes weren’t writers, and maybe that should’ve been the tip-off that they weren’t for me. Jerry, of course, wooed me with cartoons and I saved all of them.
DEBORAH CROMBIE: I’ve never been particularly sentimental about saving mementos from relationships, but I’ve never done a slash-and-burn, either. I think, maybe, somewhere, I still have the airmail letters my ex wrote me when he was in Scotland and I was still in Texas. If I ever turn them up, I will definitely save them. (I don’t even want to contemplate the boxes of photos in my office closet…”)
HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Such a great question. I have too many mugs and t-shirts, those are the irresistible things for me at conventional and bookstores. (Mugs can be difficult, because they are impossible to pack.) For the past 20 years, I have kept my name badge from every event I’ve attended, and it’s kinda wonderful to see the descriptions under my name go from “debut author” and “first time” to “Keynote speaker” and “Guest of honor.” (The backs of TWO office chairs are filled with them–I cannot even imagine counting them.) And I have a bottle of wine that Sue Grafton gave me. Keeping forever.
Love letters, no, I have maybe…two. And some various other pivotal paperwork. And photos, sure. But I rarely look at any of it. And as for digital, my computer is full of stuff I have no idea is there.
JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: You know, this makes me realize I’m not one to collect or keep mementos in the first place (unlike Ross, who saved every piece of paper from every Bouchercon we ever attended…) I do have love letters, somewhere, from both Ross and prior beaus. I figured I’d add a codicil to my will stating they can be only be read by my grandchildren after they’ve turned twenty-five. They’ll think my flaming youth is interesting and historical, not horrifying.
Otherwise, the only sentimental items I can’t get rid of are some personal things Ross cherished and a few - few! - pieces related to my children. I grew up in the military, and of necessity my mother purged whenever we moved, and I suspect I got her practicality.
How about you, Readers? Are you a sentimental sort or not so much?
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