Thursday, June 18, 2009

A Most Distinguished Guest

Rhys: Today I'm honored to be in the presence of royalty as I interview Lady Victoria Georgiana Charlotte Eugenie. Welcome your ladyship, it's so good of you to take time off from your busy schedule to talk with me.

Lady Georgie: Actually, Rhys, I'm not royalty. I'm only second cousin to King George V and only thirty fourth in line to the throne which makes me a royal also-ran.

Rhys: But you must live a fascinating life among the glitter of palaces and balls and royal tours.

Lady Georgie: LOL. You see I have picked up some of your current speech. The fact is that my branch of the family has no money at all. We are flat broke. It's alright for my brother because he has all that land in Scotland to grow things, but I'm alone in London and I'm not doing too well.

Rhys: Surely someone young and attractive and well educated like you can find a job.

Lady Georgie: In case you haven't noticed there is a Great Depression crippling world economy. Every street corner has poor men standing on it, begging for work. But don't think I haven't tried to find a job. I did work in Harrods once for all of four hours before my mother got me sacked. I even tried cleaning houses. And I recently came up with a spiffing idea for making money that turned out to be horribly embarrassing. How was I to know that the words Escort Service and High Class Girls had a different connotation?

Rhys: (trying not to laugh) Oh dear. So what happened?

Lady Georgie: I got whisked home to Scotland before the press could learn of my little gaffe. And I was given a job of a kind, I suppose, although nobody has offered to pay me for it. You see it was suspected that someone was trying to kill off the heirs to the throne and a certain branch of the government wanted me, as an insider, to find out who was doing this.

Rhys: And did you manage to succeed?

Lady Georgie: Yes, but only just. I was lucky to come away with my life. I owe a lot to someone called Darcy O'Mara. Essentially he saved me.

Rhys: I've heard that name before, mentioned in the same breath as yours, I believe.

Lady Georgie (blushes) Oh golly. Well yes, we are ,I mean I am rather keen on him, and I think he's keen on me too. Could we change the subject please. I'm finding it rather hot in here.

Rhys: I heard that a certain American woman called Mrs. Simpson was staying at your Scottish castle to be near the Prince of Wales at Balmoral.

Lady Georgie: She brought a whole houseparty of Americans with her too. My sister-in-law the current duchess was livid. They wanted baths and showers all the time and were eating us out of house and home.

Rhys: How long did they stay

Lady Georgie: Not as long as they planned. We did sort of exaggerate the hardships of living in a centuries old castle--the howling gales, the ghosts, the bagpipes at dawn, and haggis for dinner.

Rhys: Did that drive them away..

Lady Georgie: No, it was actually the flying lavatory that did it.
Rhys: Do we understand that this story is about to be told in a new book?

Lady Georgie: Quite right. It's called Royal Flush and it comes out on July 7th

Rhys: Thank you, Lady Georgie. We look forward to reading about your latest exploits. Can you give us a hint of what you'll be doing next?

Lady Georgie: Well, actually I've been asked to represent the royal family at a royal wedding in Transylvania at a castle on the Borgo Pass. I don't think any of those silly rumors about vampires are true, do you?