RHYS BOWEN: Are you all in the holiday spirit? I would be if I could get the bleeping lights on the Christmas tree to work. I've ordered most of my gifts online which avoids going out in the rain. And if you're anything like me, you've received several gazillion catalogs. Some of them are fun and useful but this year I got one of those MOST OUTRAGEOUS AND USELESS GIFTS EVER type of catalog.
So here is my top ten list, starting with the most harmless.
1.The spinning spaghetti fork. It has a thumb-activated button that sets the fork rotating to wind up your spaghetti. At only $20. A bargain if you can't twist a fork by yourself.
2. The Darth Vader Toaster: toast your bread in this likeness of the iconic villain. Would you want Darth Vader staring at you, early in the morning, on your kitchen counter? Who could possibly want Darth Vader on their kitchen counter, unless you are George Lucas or have a Star Wars themed house?
3.The bearded beanie: A special knitted hat with a beard covering in contrasting color for those whose beards get cold (bearing in mind that hair has no sensitivity)
4.And if gets even colder: The Subzero Warm Breath Mask. Preferred by high altitude mountaineers (in case you have any of those on your gift list). It humidifies and warms winter air for more comfortable breathing. Maybe our Red who lives in Maine might think it's wonderful.
5. Light-casting gloves. An LED light in your gloves can shine on the front door as you try to insert your key without taking your gloves off. And the fingers are tipped with a material that mimics human skin so that you can use touch screens without taking gloves off. May be useful to see what you are eating if you go through the drive-through in your car.
6.Now we move to the more exotic. This one fascinates me: THE WORLD'S FIRST 3D PRINTING PEN. It sends out a thin stream of plastic to create 3D drawings. I still don't understand how it works but it's a steal at $99.99
7. Here is my favorite (NOT) a realistic remote controlled tarantula! Anyone who bought one of those for me for Christmas would definitely be on the "naughty" list forever.
8.And for those who like to go big: a 15 foot inflatable Rudolph. In the picture it looks like the reindeer could squash the house if it sat on it. And it's only four hundred dollars. I must get two.
9.And speaking of big things: A LIFE-SIZE TYRANNOSAURUS SKELETON. And I mean life-size. I don't know about you but a forty foot long and fifteen foot high Rex would not fit in my house. (Maybe it could go on the lawn and devour Rudolph). And it's a mere HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS!
10: And last but not least: The Celebrity Robotic Avatar. This robot is adult-sized, has appeared in movies, and is controlled by a wireless remote, small enough to escape detection so that it looks as if the robot is reacting by itself. It can engage in impromptu banter with guests. It's LED mouth lights up when it talks. Shipping weight is 500 pounds and it costs a mere $345,000.
For that amount I could hire a first-class butler whose mouth didn't light up when he talked but could move without a remote!
So Reds:Would you want to put any of these on your Christmas list? Have you found anything more outlandish than these? Do share.