Tuesday, March 26, 2019

What The Heck? I Don't Understand This.

 Hi, everyone, and welcome to another edition of What the heck?I don't understand this! I'm your host, Julia Spencer-Fleming, a middle-aged woman wandering through an ever-changing world with a confused expression on her face. If you're like me - and why wouldn't you be? - you also have a few things that pop up on your radar that make you tilt your head sideways and say, Really? Really??

1. Contour make-up in real life. Yes, I know Kim Kardashian does it. But have you ever seen Kim Kardashian at the Stop & Shop? No, you only see her on Instagram, where, with the help of professional lighting and filters, the bronze streaks along her nose and under her cheekbones are transformed into glistening shadows. You, lady who is selling me lip tint at Sephora, are not in a picture. There are no filters hovering between your face and the rest of the world, which is why you look like someone doing a bad and maybe a little racist American Indian "face paint" cosplay. Repeat after me: makeup is meant to enhance your features, not carve out hollows that don't actually exist. If that's what you're going for, hit it hard and just write "Narrow Angular Nose" above your nostrils.

2. Jukebox musicals. Youngest and I argued over this. She thinks taking the Carole King oevre, slapping it around a bit with some plot and then releasing it to the public with the startling original title of Beautiful: The Carole King Musical is a great idea. Maybe it is if you've never heard Tapestry? The "writers" of jukebox musicals have already run through most of the big acts of the 50s -80s; if they're not stopped soon, we'll all be buying tickets to When I'm Gone: The Three Doors Down Musical. Caveat: if they make a musical about the Dixie Chicks I am first in line, baby.

3. CBS All Access. Between me and my daughters, we subscribe to Netflix, Amazon, Hulu (and I think the Very Tall Boyfriend gets HBO Go?) Why should I pay yet more to see Star Trek and The Twilight Zone?  I'm pretty sure I can see William Shatner tearing up the scenery in both shows on basic and You Tube. 

4. Shallow. Shall-lal-lal-lal-lal-low. Yes, Lady Gaga does an awesome jump up to the top of her register a la Whitney Houston in the bridge of this song. But am I the only one to think it's a little...short... for a pop song? You know, he's asking "Girl", she's asking "Boy" there are some la-la-las and then boom, it's over. You don't notice this when you watch Gaga and Bradley Cooper perform, because you're sitting on the edge of you seat mentally screaming, "Kiss already!!!" But on the car radio? You barely have time to register it before they break for an insurance commercial.

5. Huge pimped-out, jacked-up pickups that are polished to a high sheen. Dude, a truck is a working vehicle. Something that's going to flip over if you have to drive it around the back of the barn doesn't cut it. The cut-outs of rams you've installed over your rear lights send a message, but I don't think it's the one you intend.

6. The College Bribery Scandal. Actually, having been driven nearly insane by my own kids' college searches, I can totally understand the parents who found themselves paying $250K while telling young Matilda or Wyatt that it's perfectly normal to take the SAT at home, why, have you heard differently, sweetheart? What I can't understand is why it's legal to pay $2.5 million for a building to get your kid in. If that's how universities are going to play it, we should all be able to get in on the action. I'll donate a giant box of toilet paper and a stack of spiral notebooks - students need those as much as they need a new swimming pool.

7. Athleisure. We tried this in the 80s, folks. The fact it's spandex and microfiber instead of Velour doesn't make it any better.

8. The Delaware tolls between New Jersey and Maryland. Having recently taken a trip to DC, Norfolk and back, I was once again struck by the fact it costs something like $80 to cross the Delaware Bridge and continue on I-95. You're in the state for 15 miles. The only thing more expensive per square foot is Manhattan real estate. I'm convinced 100% of the Delaware state budget is comprised of corporate filings and tolls.

9. The ever-increasing length of superhero movies. The upcoming Avengers: Endgame is allegedly hitting the theaters at a touch over three hours.  Its predecessor, Avengers Infinity War was two hours and forty minutes long.  My bladder isn't superpowered, folks. If this continues, we'll need to bring back intermissions, like they used for The Ten Commandments (3 hours 40 minutes) and Gone with the Wind (3 hours 58 minutes). Maybe we can combine an interval with usherettes bringing around candy and popcorn on trays. If theaters can increase their concession profits, maybe they'll keep ticket prices down for a bit. It's not bad in Maine  around $11 where I live. But holy cow, they're up to $16+ in California and NY.

10. Since I wrote this blog while listening to I Heart 90s radio (I just discovered this interesting resource on Alexa) I have to conclude that I really don't understand why 50% of 90s pop consists of lovely, stripped-down music, interesting lyrics and heart-touching emotions - and the other 50% is absolute dreck. I mean, there are acts I'm not wild about from other decades, but I don't want to jam a spoon in my ear like I do when hearing "MMM-Bop" or "Every Morning." Oh, 90s pop. What are you doing to my achey, breaky heart?

How about you, dear readers? What makes you say, What the heck? I don't understand this!

114 comments:

  1. I’m chuckling and nodding my head in agreement over these . . . I don’t get the whole CBS All Access deal, nor do I understand why, out of some eight hundred parents, we only hear about the two actress-moms caught up in the college admission mess. And didn’t we all already know about buying buildings to get your kids into the school????

    And I don’t get why some people think they must post every instant of their lives on Facebook: I’m stopping to get coffee at Starbucks . . . I’m at the gym . . . Look, here’s the sandwich I’m having for lunch . . . Really?

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    1. Well, stopping at the gym gives you an excuse to take a selfie in your "active wear." You don't actually have to go into the gym. You can sip that Starbucks in the parking lot and look just as active. (For a while. Until it all goes to your hips.)

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    2. Where my sister lives, a HUGE percentage of moms live in athleisure - the expensive, LuluRoe stuff, of course. The whole point is to justify getting a caramel whip maccioto (sp?) because you've just come from spin class.

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  2. As I write this, there are no comments. Surely that doesn't mean we Red Readers understand everything? What the heck? I don't understand that.

    Also, what's with cats on cosy covers? Miss Marple didn't need cats on her covers. I'm currently reading a charming book that has a cat artificially grafted into the plot simply for the sake of the cover.

    And superhero movies. If superheroes have super powers, why does the plot always come down to two guys slugging it out with their (super-powered) fists? When Doctor Strange out-thought his opponent, it was such a relief! Although, at around three hours of running time, I guess the epic battle set pieces are a good ten-minute window to run to the bathroom . . .

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    1. And there she is! Joan beat me in as the first commenter by a keystroke or two! Which, now that I think about it, I don't understand. Maybe Joan has super powers, too?

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    2. Joan has mystic powers no mortal may understand.

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  3. Julia,

    Regarding the length of superhero movies...I don't have a problem with them being longer if the story is worth it. If it is just an excuse to vomit more special effects on the screen then they definitely need to shorten the movies. As for the bladder issue, I just avoid drinking much while at the theater. I bring a bottle of water and take a small sip when I need it.

    As for Shallow, yes it is short. But even my metal loving self manages to like the song.

    CBS All-Access - You might want to add in ALL the various streaming services that are both available and coming soon. I don't get any of the services. Put the show out on DVD and I'll buy it if I like it, but I'm not adding yet another bill to pay to the monthly list.

    As for me, I'm sure there's a long list of things that I don't get. But I've come to the realization that if I don't get whatever it is, then I'm likely not going to care enough to bother trying to understand it either. I've got a limited amount of time available in the course of a given day and I'd much rather focus on stuff I get/like than waste time trying to figure out dreck.

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    1. Another fan of the word 'dreck'! Thank you, Jay. And yes, I should have included all the various streams. I cut cable years ago as it got more and more expensive - I'm not going to recreate the bill by spreading it over umpteen services.

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    2. I also like bombastic and pomposity for words too. :D

      I keep cable, though I do agree that it needs to stop being so expensive.

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  4. There are so many things these days that I don't get. Don't even know where to begin. But I totally agree with Jay's last paragragh and couldn't have said it better!

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    1. Jay has a very zen approach to life, which I admire.

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    2. I don't know if it is a zen approach to life really. I just find it hard to care about things that I don't actually care about.

      Trust me, when something I do care about gets my dander up, I'm a firebrand of rage and foul language.

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    3. wishing we had a LIKE button here. It would come in so handily!

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  5. I am laughing so hard! Julia, you’re hilarious! There is so much I don’t understand that bafflement is part of my daily being… More to come !

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  6. First I have to say how much I love this entry. Julia, you have done my heart good! Not everything on your list bugs me the way it bugs you, but I still love knowing someone else out there shares this overall feeling.

    Here is one of mine: Why is "matchy-matchy" a negative statement about an outfit? I long for the days when a well-turned out woman had on a whole bunch of pieces that matched. I am hard-pressed to name any current celebrity who makes the impact of any of the 1940's stars in their matching outfits and shoes, with necklace and matching earrings.

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    1. Yes!!! I can't help myself when getting dressed. Things have to be in the same color/tonal range, my earring have to compliment the "look" and my shoes have to carry out the color theme. I am the poster child for "matchy-matchy." I had a co-worker tell me she was late that morning and so she just grabbed whatever was on the bed and whatever she could lay her hands on from the clothing piled chair. I'm sorry to say that to me, her outfit didn't look any different from her usual attire. Color wheels exist for a reason, people!

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    2. I suspect "matchy-matchy" became a dismissive term as soon as the fashion industry realized it could make a lot more money if women bought several cheaper purses and shoes a year rather than paying out once for good quality. My mother's mother had black shoes + matching bag, blue shoes + matching bag, brown shoes + matching bag, and bone (a color description we don't see much any more) shoes, which went with a woven summer purse. They were all really good leather, and they lased her decades.

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  7. Julia, big*** trucks own the road. Terrible turning radius and gas mileage, but for the driver, it's a Monster Truck Rally when you're behind the wheel.

    I ignore spandex and wear my kids' hand-me-up soccer shorts to the gym.

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    1. It's particularly amusing here in rural Maine, Margaret, where there are a lot of trucks actually used for working, hauling, etc. They tend to be dirty and banged up. They certainly show the Monster Truck cosplayers for what they are.

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  8. Assuming we're beyond guys who wear their pants below their butt cheeks and have to walk around as if they have a load of doo-doo in their shorts just like a toddler so their pants don't fall down? I'm with you, Julia, on all those (except I don't listen to pop music, but I believe you).

    I also don't get how my neighbors (three adults) have two FULL trash cans on trash day every week when Hugh and I have one paper grocery bag and a bag of cat litter in ours. Sigh. Or owners of those big ass trucks leave them running when they go into any store except big ones. Haven't they heard? No, I guess not. Sigh.

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    1. OMG, Edith, there is a family that moved in at the end of our street last year and for some unfathomable reason they leave three overflowing trash cans plus random junk out every week! Even when we were five living here, I prided myself on having one large bag of trash per week. And it's not just being self-righteous - our town has low trash costs and we don't have to pay for special bags BECAUSE we have high overall recycling rates.

      Now it's just me? One medium sized bag every other week.

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  9. Confession: I've never heard SHALLOW. Not a big Gaga fan. The Dixie Chicks is another story entirely!! And I confess I am tempted (JUST tempted, mind you) by CBS ALL ACCESS because I'm dying to watch THE GOOD FIGHT. Love Christine Baranski and Cush Jumbo. But seriously, subscribe for ONE show? Nuh uh.

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    1. Patience Grasshopper- The Good Fight will come to Amazon Prime or Netflix. When CBS is airing season 3, season 1 will show up on the streaming channels. All things come to those who wait.

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    2. First two Good Fight seasons available on DVD, for you old-timers like me...

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    3. Lyda, do you KNOW this for sure? Because I would be so happy to find it on either of those which I do pay for.

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    4. I suspect Lyda and Wendall are right, Hallie. I see "exclusive" Starz and SyFy content pop up on either Amazon or Hulu all the time, a few years into the show's run. I think it's part of the whole "diversified revenue stream" planning the entertainment industry is doing. I wouldn't be at all surprised if CBS itself started showing the first season of its access shows say, four years in.

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    5. Hallie, sadly I don't know for SURE. I'm basing my assumption on previous experience.

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  10. Gigi, I'm with you on the blasted cats. It's turned me off of some cozy series--what do cats have to do with mystery? Maybe it's fallout from the successful Cat Who series written by Lillian Jackson Braun? If so, the trend may have jumped the shark. Or not. What do I know?

    I don't get how young women can get all dolled up and then go out with a dude wearing ridiculous long shorts, baggy t-shirt, clunky athletic shoes, and either a bald head or a ball cap. They don't look as though they're going to the same event at all.

    I have not noticed that about Shallow, Julia. Hunh.

    Yes, ma'am, to the Dixie Chicks flick. Those gals are strong, been through the fire, and they set up a cozy and feminine home wherever they go on the road. Plus, Martie Maguire is one helluva fiddle player. And Natalie Maines and her dad both won a Grammy award in the same year: she for performing on her album "Home", and him for producing it. Not many fathers and daughters have ever done that.

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    1. Karen, the thing that makes me go Hmmmm about covers with cats on them - and I've told Lucy this, but it's not her fault, authors don;t get to pick their covers - is when the cat is on a table. Standing next to a cake or whatever food item fits the plot. I've been a cat owner for 32 years, and I've never allowed a cat on the kitchen table or counters. It's just plain nasty, and I say that as someone who loves kitties. In my lap, not on the buffet.

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  11. Why can't I talk to a person when I call the IT department at work? I recently tried to contact our information technology department, I was in a line phone line waiting to talk to someone for over 15 minutes. I'm used to waiting on hold but I finally gave up. So I put in a help desk ticket. I finally got a response stating that I had to go through the new and improved way of asking for help and if I follow the steps I can make my request. Well first you have to find the icon buried in your computer so you can follow the steps that make no sense because they want my password and the password that I use to get into the system doesn't work as the password to get into the new improved technology to ask for help (anyone need to take a breath yet?) All these steps when all I wanted to tell them was I may have inadvertently opened an email sent to me about my taxes and it might really have been one of those weird plishing things that may cause a problem with the network. I actually don't think I ever told them I that I may have accidentally opened something. Actually I didn't open the whole thing I started and realized that I wasn't going to touch the link and I closed it back down. Why can't I just talk to a person?I know this is the technology world but sometimes you need a person not a machine to tell you how to use the machine. And if you understood my rant, congratulations.

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    1. Been there, done that. Then they measure success by the downturn in the number of help calls.

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    2. Ouch! Maybe a "strategic reduction in personnel" as well? Why keep three techs on when they can be replaced by an automated system that's just as good (but isn't.)

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  12. I have to say that I used to be bothered by things like this but having my toes on the threshold of age 70, now I just laugh. And thanks to you Julia, I got to start my day laughing. I adore the Dixie Chicks! Not too many biga** trucks in my area. This is So Cal, home of the low-rider. skinny, skinny jeans and leggings as office attire, and pink or purple hair in a bun regardless of your gender.
    I just take it all in and marvel at humanity. We are all such odd ducks in our own way.

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  13. This is hilarious! There is so much more I don't understand than I do these days that we would be here all day and my fingertips would be bloody. Let's just say back to the 70s all y'all.

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    1. Kait, before you go back to the 70s, I want you to think about two things: Elephant bell bottoms and Lawn Darts. No generation is without sin, no, not one. :-}

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    2. Other sins of the 1970s: AMC vehicles (remember the Pacer? The Gremlin? The Hornet? They had good names but were ugly and weird-looking). Singularly bad pop songs (you can't have erased from your memory Billy, Don't Be A Hero and Have You Never Been Mellow.) And let us not forget leisure suits for men and midi skirts (shudder) for women.

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  14. This is too funny!

    Julia, I agree about the Jukebox Musicals. Especially the ones - ROCK OF AGES - that struggled to make the plot fit the songs. Those songs were never intended to advance a plotline, please stop trying. I also add in the tread of turning things into musicals that were never supposed to be musicals - BETTLEJUICE, MEAN GIRLS, etc.

    As for CBS All Access, as much as I hate having to pay for it, I wouldn't let it go. Worth it for the STAR TREK alone, but TELL ME A STORY is a brilliant show that deserves a wider audience. Can't wait to see the new Twilight Zone and then the STAR TREK with Picard in retirement (coming later this year).

    Gigi - those cats on cozy covers drive me crazy as well. Esp because they are often not even in the book, don't need to be in the book, or look nothing like the cat in book. Those images and the punny titles are a large part of the reason that sub-genres doesn't get the respect it deserves.

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    1. Oh no, Kristopher - CBS All Access has the new Picard show? Shoot. Now I AM going to have to subscribe.

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    2. Oh Kristopher, thank you so much for that piece of information. I had not heard that such a show was coming and I am now breathless with anticipation! I actually think you made my day!!!

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  15. The jeans that are nothing more than occasional threads from the upper thighs to the ankles. Why?? And even in winter? And what about the people who wear actual shorts throughout the winter? Even when I was getting hot flashes, I was never tempted to go outside in shorts during the winter.

    Someone who recently returned from a trip overseas told me that the young women were all wearing clothing that was about three sizes too big, and nothing matched, as though they’d reached into a box and worn whatever they pulled out. The department stores all featured the same sort of thing. Will that be the next fad here, too?

    (Is my age showing?)

    DebRo

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    1. What? The Next Big Thing is clothes 3 sizes too big and don't match? At last my fashion style has become legit.

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    2. Susan, I genuinely laughed out loud at this. What we're all thinking, no doubt.

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    3. A couple weeks ago I donated a bunch of clothing that was too big. I should have waited!

      DebRo

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  16. Here's what I don't get: students who use their cell phones for everything. I recently had a student hand me his phone and say "I don't understand this comment you wrote on my paper." I said, "I'd be glad to talk to you about it, but I can't even SEE that comment! Let's look at it on an actual computer." Seriously, my middle-aged eyes do NOT use my cell phone for any kind of reading, let alone accessing the software interface for university classes. How the heck can they see that tiny stuff?! And what's wrong with using a laptop or at least a tablet with a decent-sized screen?

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    1. I was amazed when I had several students come up and snap a picture of an exercise in the textbook I was assigning as homework. I don't look into whether they have the text or not, considering it's ridiculously expensive, but I thought that was ingenious.

      The whole generation is going to have a meltdown when they hit fifty and presbyopia strikes, though.

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    2. RTFL! They will! My students take pics of notes on the board instead of writing them down.

      Textbooks are so expensive that students are resorting to taking photos of someone else's book, finding pirated pdf copies of the previous edition online, or simply not buying the book at all. Seriously! Sadly, as much as they love technology they seldom choose to rent the Kindle version of the book for less than $50.

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  17. 1. I don't get the grocery name "Stop & Shop". What am I supposed to do? Cruise by and they throw food in my trunk? 2. I don't get why William Macy was not indited along with his wife. 3. Why or why did Robert Kraft have a senior moment and think with "Mr. Johnson" in Jupiter FL.? 4. What happened to Liberal Republicans, or for that matter Conservative Democrats? 5. When did Creationism become scientific enough to be taught in public schools. puff puff puff.. enough. I will go listen to the Dixie Chicks. Again I can relate to their name.

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    1. Coralee, someone in my family - I can't recall who - used to call the store "Stop & Shop & Spend & Split." I always think of it by that name, now!

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    2. Coralee,

      If it helps, my UPS driver that picks up the shipping at my job each day says he's a Conservative Democrat.

      And creationism is NOT science.

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    3. There is a little store in town, it's closed. Has had many incarnations - always some kind of market or liquor store. Per Mom, before she started forgetting, at one time it was called Toot and Tote. It seems you could just drive up, park out front, toot your little horn and someone would come out and take your order and bring it back out again. Makes no sense.

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  18. The Girl can do contour makeup that looks natural, but I'd never try it. I suspect Ms. Sephora is overdoing it.

    I do not understand jeans that are so ripped the only thing holding them together is the side seam - yet cost three times as much as a regular pair of jeans. Shouldn't less fabric be less money?

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    1. Back in my day, when we were thrashing to the Ramones, we made our OWN punk jeans by slashing the knees with a razor and pulling out threads!

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    2. Yep. I thought about setting up a service to do this. Kids save money by buying regular jeans and I'd make a little cash on the side.

      I was gratified yesterday when The Girl said she didn't understand it either. She thinks shredding to that extent looks trashy.

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  19. This made me laugh out loud! I don't understand any of these, either. And proving I'm super old, I'll add that I don't understand: Snapchat (although my youngest daughter assures me it's passe, which is just encouraging me to believe that if I ignore trends long enough, they'll go away), rips in jeans (I actually haven't understood this--EVER), botoxing or puffing or whatever-ing one's lips (I do get lip balm and lipstick, though), or Spanx.

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    1. When Youngest explained Snapchat to me, I thought it was ingenious in one respect - her generation won't have any embarrassing Facebook posts or questionable emails to be found when they start running for office. Any youthful indiscretions disappeared after thirty seconds!

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  20. It's tax time. I just tried to get an answer by phone. I don't get why , in tax time, after doing the 2, the 4, the 1 , the 7 and the three, an electronic voice tells me that it is a busy period and the waiting expected time is 50 minutes . Can't they hire additional staff at this time of the year ?

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    1. If you're in the US or the UK, the answer is no, Danielle. The goal in both countries seems to be to tell citizens government is no good for them - and then cut funding and personnel until its true!

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  21. Everything about this post made me laugh. The cafe where I work in the mornings used to play jazz, now it seems to be the A Star is Born soundtrack channel. If I hear Shallow one more time there will be violence. I counter-program with noise cancelling headphones and very loud Aretha. And Athleisure is just Athsad. Thanks for a great start to my LA day, Julia!

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    1. Athsad is Athperfect, Wendall! Say, have you thought about going into this "writing" business? :-)

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    2. Aretha should always be played at full volume!

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  22. I don't get .....

    I have HUNDREDS of books on my Kindle alone and I don't know what I'm in the mood for to read next. And then I start to read something and I'm thinking "Of course! Why didn't I read this one sooner?"

    I work for my husband in a 2nd gen family business. Why is it so freaking hard to get employees and then have them stay more than six months, to not quit without two weeks' notice, to not demand $20/hr on their first job out of high school?

    I don't understand why it's hard to find something to watch even though I have Netflix, Amazon Prime, and the biggest cable package with On Demand?

    I don't understand why I have so much so many options in leisure time and I wind up napping? :)

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    1. PK, you need to read THE PARADOX OF CHOICE: Why More is Less by Barry Schwartz. It explains why you can't find anything despite having 500 channels, and gives some great tips on how to deal with too many options (which, it turns out, humans aren't wired for!)

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  23. LOL, Julia. I woke cranky and you made me laugh - thank you! Here’s my I Don’t Get It: Unboxing videos. I can’t say enough how much I don’t care about what’s in your Kinder egg, what flavor biscuit your dog got in their bark box, or what the beard oil of the month is - seriously, do not care. How is this a thing? How is this entertainment? I am boggled and mildly disgusted that these videos pass as entertainment when it’s really just a push for more conspicuous consumption in a society that really needs to shut off YouTube and walk away.

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    1. I should have mentioned those! Or their awful cousins, the Gender Reveal videos.

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    2. Jenn, those unboxing videos for CD releases/reissues are annoying to me. I don't even bother watching them.

      Julia, all gender reveal stuff is just pathetic outside of the doctor's office or the delivery room.

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    3. But, party supplies!! Craft stores!! Photographers!! That's why gender reveal and other such nonsense, IMHO.

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  24. I don't understand beards on baseball players. I don't mean trimmed little goatees, but the huge man-of-the-mountain bushes that look like they have something living in them. Why? And I don't understand why baseball players got so, um, chunky. They do have to run occasionally.

    As for the monster pickups, I live in monster pickup land. Have you ever tried to back out when one of them parks next to you? Of course, we say 'the bigger your truck, the smaller your--' And I don't mean hands.

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    1. "All hat, no cattle." The beards are the result of the Red Sox World series win in 2004. All the players grew beards that season for luck, and they wound up breaking the infamous "Curse of the Bambino," and giving the Sox their first World Series title in 86 years. Now all the ballplayers think bushy facial hair is lucky.

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    2. Thanks for 'splaining that, Julia. Somebody needs to break the trend!

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    3. Don't forget that the hockey players end up with beards because none of them shave during the playoffs and I think that has been going on longer than the Sox win in 2004.

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    4. Thanks to my assorted rental vehicles, I have come to realize that even "mom cars" are monster trucks these days. My Mustang had to stay at the spa, so I got a loaner, which turns out to be a 4-wheel drive Ford Explorer with third-row seating. I need a ground crew to park it.

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  25. I agree with Deborah about the mountain man beards -- I guess man-buns are next.

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    1. Now I'm picturing man buns sticking out of the back of their ball caps... not a great look.

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    2. I saw a few man buns last season among young players. Can’t imagine how they are comfortable under helmets.

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  26. Thank you, Julia, for my morning smile! I love everything about this post. Many thanks as well to Wendall for giving me a new adjective "athsad". I actually feel like that is my state almost every time I try to enter a gym. My current "I don't get it" is language based. What happened to the tense of certain words? Strove? Wove? Shone? "The sun shined on the water" was in a book this morning. When did stroking an animal become "pet" as in "my cat loves to be pet"? I know I'm out of step with current language trends but UGH. I'm tempted to print up a shirt that says "Curmudgeon" on the front and "Look it up" on the back.

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    1. Lysa, if you have the shirts printed, we'll buy them.

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    2. I suspect they would be a HUGE hit her on JRW. Jay would buy two. ;->

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    3. I would definitely be in for one!

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    4. Hey now! I'm a crank, not a cur...aww screw it, Julia has me totally figured out! And yes, I'd buy at least two shirts. It would go along with my "I Speak Fluent Sarcasm" and "I'm Multi-talented...I can talk and piss people off at the same time" shirts.

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    5. Ditto your confusion on "pet" Lysa. I've asked around, and it seems to be a regional dialect thing. I never heard it before I moved to a more southern state.

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    6. Yes to the shirt! To the past tense problem, too--so irritating. AND, furthermore, it's about the current usage of "laying" instead of "lying," "laid" instead of "lay" and so on. My schoolteacher daughter-in-law gently assures me that that's acceptable now. Really? Who by? I mean, by whom?

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    7. I'm in California and have always said pet or petted..... Must have learned it from my Oklahoma grandma. :)

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  27. I wore out my first vinyl album of Tapestry and had to buy another copy. I also have had it in cassette and now CD versions for my car rides, and have it in MP3 on my computer for streaming. So, yeah, I totally get what you mean when you talk about jukebox musicals :) Hang in there!

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    1. Obviously, I need to get it for my daughter!

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  29. I like Jukebox Musicals. Come on, who didn't LOVE Mama Mia (the stage version)?

    As for the rest, well, I've given up expecting rational thinking and reasonable actions out of 90% of the western world (first world? whatever it's called now). Let's face it, if even something as obviously earth-destroying and obviously pointless and obviously expensive as buying drinking water in single-use plastic bottles is so mindlessly rampant, then there is no hope.

    There Is No Hope.

    Sigh. Okay, I've got that off my chest. Now I can go put Tapestry on my turntable.

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    1. "It's Too Late," Susan, but don't worry, "You've Got a Friend."

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  30. Amen! I love to visit my sister out in the country. I hate to see her cats on the kitchen counters. Hate.

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    1. Right? "Can I get you something to eat?" "NO, thank you!"

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  31. Okay, I am over 70 and live on the West Coast (Gasp! There's land beyond Chicago, St. Louis, New Orleans???). For whatever reasons, I don't understand most of what has been mentioned in the post or comments. Sigh.

    Who or what are the Dixie Chicks? What is that make-up stuff? Those big trucks are a macho thing, and who cares as long as it doesn't park next to me (but they do, inches from my driver door). Never heard of that all-access station.
    I don't understand why we have to pay over $160 a month for cable and don't get any of those stations, or streaming, or anything. Comcast sucks.
    I don't understand: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat or any of the rest of the "social media" applications. Not do I want to.
    I don't understand why I have to have so many passwords I have to have a list of them.
    The cats on covers are signals that say "this is a cozy". Why else would they be there?
    I don't understand jukebox musicals either. But then someone must or they wouldn't still be making them.
    I don't understand Daylight Savings Time. Go back to regular time and leave it that way!
    I don't understand clothes, I guess, but it must all just be fads. I've always been convinced that women dress for women and kids dress for kids, or it's at least peer style. Phooey.
    I don't understand why my eight cup coffee maker makes only three and a half cups. What size "cup" are they using for a measure?
    I've got more, but you don't need to hear them.

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    1. Rick, I love your list! And I suspect your 8 cup coffee maker falls into the same uncanny place where a "serving" of bread is one slice and a "portion" of pasta is 1/3 cup.

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    2. Passwords. I have a notebook full.

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    3. I have a notebook full of passwords, too.

      And, Rick, I don’t understand Daylight Savings Time, either. Here on Jungle Reds, Daylight Savings Time means that, although the site says Julia posted this column at 3:30 AM, it actually posted at 4:30 AM . . . and, although I wrote my comment at 4:52 AM, it says it posted at 3:52 AM. This inconsistency only occurs during Daylight Savings Time and it completely confounds me . . . .

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  32. I don’t have any pay tv service. I have enough trouble keeping up with cable, which I pay way too much for. Maybe I need to cut that and get some of those other services. It will just make it hard to keep up with the current tv shows.

    Here’s what I don’t understand. Yesterday, I couldn’t log into my Google account on my phone’s browser to save my life. Today, I was logged in without trying. What makes the difference? And how can I always stay logged in? If anyone can help me with that I’d be grateful.

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    1. Mark, after "Turn it off and turn it on," "wait a day" is my go-to fix for technological ills. Why does it work? I dunno. Let's say cosmic rays and leave it at that.

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    2. Mine didn’t work properly for about five weeks, and I had done nothing different. Last week it started working properly again. Someone/something out there is playing with our minds :-)

      DebRo

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  33. Well, that didn't go where it was supposed to. There are a lot of things I don't get. I don't get how a child can go through 12 years of school and not be able to read and write. I don't get why anyone would care where you are, what you're eating, who else is with you; unless you're a burglar. I don't get sending kids on expensive spring break trips to islands because "everyone else is going." I don't get parents letting their kids run wild in stores and restaurants. I don't get putting more and more electronics in cars, making them more expensive and more prone to go haywire. I don't get college textbooks being so freakin' expensive. Well, maybe I do, but make your money some other way. Beards on athletes? It's a phase. If the player is a nice guy let him enjoy it. That goes for everyone. If they have nice manners and treat you well, who cares if their clothes are a little weird, they have tatoos out the wazoo, or are pierced where the sun doesn't shine?
    I also don't get CBS Access. Why can't they put their shows on regular CBS? I don't get shows like House Hunters where the lookers are so obviously coached on words to use? Price point. Sure, I use that term all the time. Oh honey. The fresh shrimp are beyond my price point this week.

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    1. LOL! I'm going to start using "price point" whenever I'm too cheap to buy something now, Pat.

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    2. Ooh! Ooh! I so agree on House Hunters, where all the couples want the same thing. You're not living right if you don't want hardwood floors and crown moulding, a gas range in a white kitchen, and, most important: an open concept!

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  34. I don't have time to make my own list right now, so I'll just comment on a few of your great items, Julia. I will never understand those jacked-up trucks, and they irritate me mightily. When I finally heard the song "Shallow," I loved it, but I was also wondering why it was so short. I want to watch the new Twilight Zone on CBS Access, but I already have Netflix, Britbox, Acorn, and Amazon Prime. I hate to have to pay for yet another service. Nickel and diming me all over the place.

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  35. Tolls, corporations, no sales tax, and beaches. That’s all we got in Delaware, it’s true.

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  36. So funny, Julia, and so true.
    I don't understand why people have to be on their cell phones every ten minutes. Are they expecting to hear that the deal to buy Trump Tower has gone through?
    I don't understand why screeching at the top of the voice now counts as singing.

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    1. I agree one hundred percent!!! I thought it was just me!!

      DebRo

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    2. Absolutely, Rhys! I remember when music was actually musical and soothing, and it still can be. Did anyone see "Mary Poppins Returns"? The entire score was gorgeous, and the Oscar-nominated song, "Where the Lost Things Go" was absolutely lovely. If you haven't heard it, Rhys and Deborah, give it a try. Never mind "Sha-aaa-low."

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    3. I saw the movie twice and I still hum the music on and off!

      DebRo

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  37. I agree with it all,though I never made the Maryland trip, We have no satellite or cable & subscribe to the same alt TV services as you.But I want my Madam Secretary! CBS all access is a pain. I I really do miss Jeopardy...

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  38. Although I get on my computer and Facebook every day and use my cell phone, I am annoyed that everyone wants you to do everything on the Internet. I hate making up passwords, and I have to write them down so there are pieces of paper by my computer. And they say "paperless" bills. Yea, for them but I would have to print them on my printer and use my paper!

    I do like cats and other animals on book covers but not on the table or near food, and the animal needs to be in the book.

    I got a deal on Netflix and it has been great in the summer and December when regular TV is sparse but I'm not paying for all the streaming services that they have. Often I only want to watch one show on each one. Just wait, and if they don't come on regular TV, get them on DVD from the library.

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  39. I'm 86, and I don't understand ANYTHING. Just death and taxes, which are interchangeable these days.

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  40. Julia, your #5, the tricked out pickup truck, relates to one of my pet peeves: luxury SUVs. It’s an oxymoron- luxury sport “utility“ vehicle. I can’t imagine that big BMW or Mercedes hauling mulch from the garden center!

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  41. I just had to chime in with a cellphone related comment. Here in my small CT city there is an Ivy League school. At intersections downtown, we now have stencils on the sidewalk reminding America's best and brightest (or at least those whose parents have large wallets and small moral compasses) to glance up from their phones and look around before crossing the busy city streets. There are also stencils on the sidewalk outside one of the train stations warning those people who cannot look up from their phones not to just walk out into the street from between two parked cars because there is oncoming traffic. And "oncoming traffic can hurt!" Put down the phone!

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