Thursday, November 12, 2020

In My Pockets.

RHYS BOWEN: Living in California and Arizona I don’t often wear coats. Maybe to a theater or dinner at a restaurant, an early morning hike. So I don’t often clean out coat pockets. They have become, for me, a treasure trove of memories. A couple of weeks ago I put on my puffy jacket for our morning walk. I put my hand into the pocket and it closed around a round, smooth, cool object. I brought it out and it was a perfect white pebble. And I knew instantly where it had come from. I had picked it up on a beach in Cornwall, England. A beach opposite St. Michael’s Mount on a day when we had the best pasties ever and we sat and ate them, still hot, looking at the island and the stream of people walking across to it as the tide came in, knowing soon they would be wading. 

 A whole scene in my mind recreated from one pebble. I suppose that’s what writers try to do—use just the right amount of words to take the reader to Venice or Tuscany or Cornwall and make them feel they are there. 

 This made me go through the rest of my coat pockets to find: a Paris metro ticket, a vaporetto pass from Venice,some shells, and last year’s Nutcracker tickets at the San Francisco Opera house. This evokes a great wave of sadness. I have taken my granddaughters every year since Lizzie was three. I remember that first time so clearly. The other grandma and I had splurged on front row stalls ( now over $1000—mercy me!) Lizzie watched, entranced as the orchestra warmed up. The musicians looked up at her and waved. When the ballet started she sat, transfixed—until the music moved into a minor key. Then she hid under the seat. Especially when the mouse king came. At the end she stood on the steps of the opera house and danced the whole ballet for us. It was enchanting. Everyone passing her was enchanted. 

 A couple of years later her sister Meghan joined us and we have gone every year since. Each year I ask the now college-students “Do you want me to order Nutcracker tickets?” and they look horrified that I should even be saying this and reply “Yes!!!” 

 So this year will be the year of no-Nutcracker. A tradition broken. A holiday with no celebration, which has me wondering what will happen for Christmas. If they have just come home from college will we even be allowed to see them. And it is likely to be too cold and wet to sit outside at distance. I’m trying not to think about Christmas with no family around the table, no laughter at silly games, no Christmas Eve mass with all my favorite carols, no Christmas tea party for my friends. 

I suppose this is how people felt in WWII with their loved ones away overseas—telling themselves that one day it would all be right again. That’s what I’m telling myself now. What did the Jews used to say “Next year in Jerusalem.” I’m saying “Next year at the Nutcracker.” 

What are you going to miss most about this year's holiday season?











60 comments:

  1. At least your pockets have interesting things to discover, Rhys . . . .
    As for what I’m going to miss the most about the holidays this year, it’s the one thing we treasure most about the holiday season . . . being together with family. I don’t even have words for how sad that makes me . . . .

    ReplyDelete
  2. Family dropping by at odd moments--dropping off a plate of goodies, a gift--staying for a cuppa, admiring the tree, laughing. But it will be okay--we'll make it a happy day for the little one.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Flora, your post gave me am idea of how to beat the holiday blues. Makes goodies for my friends and drop them off at their houses. I won't get to see them in person, but I can do something that makes me think of them,

      Delete
  3. Jude Barber Thank you for your thoughts Rhys. I too shall miss my family. The hugs, the smiles, the companionship.

    ReplyDelete
  4. This made me cry all over again. I love cooking with my sons, who are both quite accomplished in the kitchen. One will put on a play list, we might crack beers or pour wine, and cook and laugh and tell stories. Or we sit around the table and play cutthroat Scrabble or Farkle. Weather permitting, we're going to try to meet up for a Thanksgiving walk in the woods with my son and his wife who now live only two hours away, but it won't be the same.

    I love your Nutcracker tradition, Rhys, and that the girls still want to go. We all have to hold on to the thought of next year.

    ReplyDelete
  5. My most treasured Christmas memories are of the quiet ones, without confusion and lots of parties and things to be at away from home, no nosy and noisy relatives. So, no, this Christmas of enforced quiet is fine with me, if not for the sickness and the suffering that making it quiet. Christmas will be in a new place for me this year and that will be my comfort and joy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That sounds beautiful, Elisabeth. I hope you love your new place of comfort and joy!

      Delete
  6. Usually we drive to Brooklyn and celebrate Thanksgiving at my daughter's home in the midst of wonderful chaos that only two rambunctious children can wreak. This year will be... different. Quieter, for sure. We'll Facetime, of course. But how do you cook a turkey for two?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If you find out, Hallie, let me know...

      Delete
    2. Yes, me, too, Hallie. I'm thinking turkey breast?

      Delete
    3. Go for pot roast and Yorkshire pudding. Turkey's kind of bland anyway. Roast a chicken instead, but make the stuffing and the cranberries as usual. Cornish game hens? Pick an alternative that makes you laugh. It's the laughter, not the turkey, that makes the holiday bright.

      Delete
    4. You are so right, Gigi. My son prefers chicken and the last time we spent T-day together, we roasted chickens.

      Delete
    5. I've never stuffed a bird for Thanksgiving, or and holiday, so dressing as a casserole is absolutely normal.

      Delete
    6. I think we'll be getting plenty of "T'giving for 2" articles this month. SeriousEats article came up in my news feed this morning, and WaPo's Voraciously section has several sheetpan dinners including one with a stuffed turkey breast. I am seriously considering their orange glazed duck with roasted fruit though.

      Delete
    7. Mother and I were dark meat turkey fans. So when our Thanksgiving feasts came to be just the two of us: we ate all those legs and thighs that the breasts abandoned! ;)

      Delete
  7. What I will miss most this holiday season is being with my family.

    ReplyDelete
  8. For Thanksgiving, I'm going to miss going to the neighbor's house. They have invited me over for dinner the last 3 years after my mom died (the first year I was at my sister's). Because Massachusetts has put the indoor gathering limits back down to 10 people, I won't be able to attend.

    I messaged one of the daughters and said that I knew I wouldn't be able to attend this year, but then joked "Do you do takeout?" She responded laughingly, saying that they been talking about that very thing.

    For Christmas, I won't miss much of anything because the last few years, I really haven't taken part in celebrating. The last couple of years I've gone to a movie with a friend of mine and then the same family that invites me for Thanksgiving has me over for dessert. Neither will be happening this year but I'm not as committed to those things at the same level as Turkey Day.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Ohio is a mess of COVID, so Thanksgiving is cancelled. Hallie, I'm considering a turkey breast and freezing some of it. Christmas is a big question mark. Maybe our daughters will be able to drive to Cincinnati. I will send Christmas cards to let people know we're well and hope they are the same.

    We don't have food rationing and our war is against an invasion we can't see, but yes, many similarities to the uncertainty of the WW2 home front.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thanksgiving will be small - my son is not coming home until the semester is officially over, so it's just The Hubby, The Girl, my brother-in-law, and I. I didn't even buy a whole turkey. Christmas will be equally small, just the addition of The Boy. Not usual at all.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Rhys, your memories of going to The Nutcracker are very much like my memories of attending the Portland Symphony Orchestra's Magic of Christmas concert every year. We've managed to keep our long tradition going despite Spencer being stationed far away and deployed over the past few years.

    Everyone dresses up in their holiday finery, we enjoy a beautiful spectacle of music and Christmas decorations, and frequently wind up going out for hot cocoa and treats at a local restaurant afterwards.

    I suppose this year will have to imitate the Whos in Whoville, who knew Christmas came, just the same.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hooray for Who’s and Whoville warming our hearts. Lovely image, Julia.

      Delete
  12. Wonderful post, Rhys. I'm so sorry for your lost Nutcracker outing!

    I have already resigned myself to a non-traditional Thanksgiving. Our son is currently living here, and I am going to make the smallest turkey I can find for the three of us. (I plan several meals with leftovers and then freezing the rest of the meat.)

    But I am still wrestling with Christmas. The highlight of my holiday is usually the gathering of my husband's large family. He was one of eight children so even though they rarely all make it to Christmas, with grandkids and great grandkids we exceed 30 even on a light year. Obviously, we won't be doing all that. But Bob's mother is 92, and it is not much of an exaggeration to say she now lives for these family gatherings. One sibling has just floated the idea of what he called a "drive thru Christmas." Each family picks a different day to come to the home town and spend a few hours in a socially distanced visit with Mom. I realize that still puts her at some risk, but I honestly think the risk to her mental health if she didn't get to see the family is as big a threat. While none of us are promised a "next year," at age 92 that concept becomes much more tangible. It's all so difficult and I am not yet at peace about it at all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We’re planning an outdoor Thanksgiving unless the weather is truly awful! Seeing loved ones is so important!

      Delete
  13. What a beautiful essay, Rhys. I love the memories inspired by finding things in my coat and pants pockets. Living in a cold climate, there are so many possibilities for discoveries.

    Your holiday tradition of going to the ballet with your granddaughters is heartwarming and lovely. It brought tears to my eyes. My NYC grandmother always took me to see the Rockettes Christmas Show. Among the best memories of childhood.

    We were going to go see Rachel and family in Delaware for Thanksgiving but it doesn't look like it will happen now. Besides there raging numbers here in Connecticut, I broke my foot last night.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh no, Judy. I’m so sorry! At least you don’t have to go to so many places this year

      Delete
    2. Right. But you should see me on my stairs. LOL

      Delete
    3. Oh, Judy, I'm so sorry to hear this! Can you at least make your walking book look festive?

      Delete
    4. Let me preface it wit : stupid, stupid, stupid.

      We live in a split level with short stairways. Reading something on my phone, and wearing glasses that I shouldn't do the stairs in anyway, I stepped off into space on the second step. My ankle turned under, I sprawled and knew I hurt it. ER last night, splint now and orthopedic doctor later. Hoping for a walking boot. Arrrg!

      Delete
  14. Bless you, Rhys, for instilling a love of live performances in your granddaughters. They're likely to pass the tradition along, when they have children, and keep those musicians in the pit on the payroll. A friend and former colleague of mine is the music director for the New York City Ballet. They, like the Broadway theaters, have cancelled the 2020-21 season, including the Nutcracker.

    The Dallas Winds is currently trying to put together a Christmas concert with either a small, socially distanced audience, or a no-audience livestream with socially distanced musicians. Dallas is currently experiencing a big spike in coronavirus cases, so if the county cuts us back to gatherings of no more than 10 people, we won't be able to put the band on stage either. That December concert, with all my musical friends playing all those lovely carols, is the highlight of my holiday season.

    As for the rest of it, Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner with friends are probably out this year. I don't have family in the area, but I'm a past master of having a fun Christmas morning at home alone. I get (myself) such wonderful presents! I'll cook a nice dinner, drink a cheerful toast, and take at least one of the dogs for a walk around the neighborhood to enjoy all the lights and decorations. On one street, not far from me, the neighbors have apparently conspired to display at least 15 identical inflatable turkeys for Thanksgiving! Now that's the holiday spirit!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. For some reason I never thought of getting myself presents. Need to seriously think about that since I only go my sister's every other year.

      Delete
    2. I always get myself presents and I don't live alone, lol!

      Delete
    3. Gigi, I too get myself the most wonderful presents! Everything is wrapped beautifully and Christmas morning is such a surprise! Do try it, Deana!

      Delete
    4. I highly recommend it, Deana. The clothing always fits, and the toys are just what you wanted! Wrap them if you like wrapping, or leave them in the boxes. It makes Christmas morning so much more fun!

      Delete
  15. So many losses this year, big and small, and so many subtle ones, as well.

    My youngest and her husband are here now, the last time we will see him for the foreseeable future. We're still hoping to get together at my oldest daughter's in Michigan, but it is looking less and less likely that will happen. Youngest was planning to see my mother tomorrow, but she lives with my brother, who is under quarantine and awaiting a test result. Everything is completely up in the air.

    We have a wild turkey in the freezer, if push comes to shove. We were planning to take it smoked to Michigan, but it would also keep. Or it could be smoked and refrozen. At least we have options.

    Poor Judy! SO sorry about your foot. That is no fun at all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Karen. It is even less fun knowing that the person who is bossing me around right now, and being a tyrant about what I can and cannot do, hardly knows where the silverware drawer is in the kitchen. Oy. LOL. He's a dear but not used to being the wife.

      Delete
    2. Judy, my hubby's helpfulness when I had knee surgery last winter nearly drove me to murder! My sympathies!

      Delete
  16. We will not be seeing any family or friends except virtually. I'm okay with that. Even here, in the county that had the lowest positivity rate in the country a month ago, we are seeing a surge, have been identified as a cluster by the governor. We are close to another shutdown even. So, since Julie and I really like each other's company, we don't mind being alone. The turkey is in the freezer, and all the go withs are bought. Two on a turkey has been described as forever, but I will package many meals for said freezer, and boil up the carcass for soup, also to be frozen. One day of cooking will take care of meals all winter.

    I remember my mother and me taking my small children to the Nutcracker, all those years ago, in Dallas. We too sprung for front row seats, and Bill and Melinda, 5 and 3, were entranced. My mother was appalled at the men in revealing tights. So funny! Thanks, Rhys, for the memories.

    Last year Julie and I looked at each other and decided we didn't need nor want one thing for Christmas. So we bought coats for kids, a yearly drive here in Rochester. This year it was a no brainer. I ordered the coats, four warm parkas, one in each size and color from small to extra large. Julie took them to the drop off yesterday, and they were thrilled to get new ones as opposed to gently used. So Christmas shopping is done for me, except for the cards and money for the kids and grandkids.

    I am getting a special present this year. My first great grandson, Griffin Alexander Allaun, is expected to make an appearance on or about December 17. Finn is the son of my first grandson, Zachary, and Alexandra, aka Ally. I look forward to the day I can hold him in my arms.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Ann, what a great tradition of buying new coats. It's an inspiration.

    Congratulations on the new baby in the family. That is perfect for Christmas.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Now that I know they will take gently used coats, I need to go through the closet. I know there is stuff in there we aren't wearing. The drop off places are all local dry cleaners, and they clean and sanitize the used stuff.

      It gets so cold here, and it warms my heart to think for four children having new warm coats.

      Delete
  18. Still trying to wrap my head around the possible of no Silent Night light dimming at church. My family has been doing it since forever. I took over the job more than 30 years ago. Since I've been splitting my holidays after my mom died between here and my sister's place, this years plans were the solo Thanksgiving and Christmas day flight to Oregon. Will need to see what's what after Thanksgiving. I do have my cranberries in the freezer so at least that much is ready for grinding into relish.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Rhys, what a lovely post this morning. The other day I went through my little handbag that I've been carrying since well before I went to England last November. I found my Scotch Malt Whisky Society Membership card, which reminded me so forcibly of my last day of that trip, spent tucked up in society bar all afternoon visiting with a dear friend.

    I am determined to start the tradition next year of taking my granddaughter to the Nutcracker every year. This year would have been perfect, but, alas...

    ReplyDelete
  20. What a marvelous post! The former member of Miami City Ballet in me wants to ask which Nutcracker. My favorite was always the Balanchine. Of course, that was also the most familiar.

    What a treasure trove you found in your pockets. Fabulous.

    This is our first year back in Maine and we are determined to begin new traditions even though holiday dinners will be just the two of us.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. San Francisco ballet. Really high standard of dance

      Delete
    2. Indeed, it is, and it is most likely the Balanchine version. Elyse Borne was our ballet mistress when I was with MCB (I was not a dancer, I was in administration). Bonnie, her sister, was ballet mistress of SFB at that time. I think Elyse also was with SFB for a while. She was a fabulous person and dancer, and a very dear friend.

      Delete
    3. I believe Helgi Yomlinson choreographed this one. Clara is a child until she goes into a magic cabinet and appears as the grown up for the pas de deux which I think is standard for all versions

      Delete
  21. Rhys,

    You may want to check out Virtual Nutcracker?

    https://diabloballet.org/nutcracker-suite/

    Diana

    ReplyDelete
  22. Rhys,

    There are many things that I will miss this holiday season. We always get together with family for Christmas. Probably not this year. I was thinking of doing FaceTime? I am going to miss seeing Nutcracker this year. I am looking into watching Nutcracker online. Still not quite the same thing as seeing Nutcracker in person. I am going to miss the annual Christmas walk through the shopping districts with the aroma or Christmas and looking at the beautiful decorations. They probably have Christmas decorations though the shoppers may not have a chance to see them.

    Diana

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I’m going to miss taking the ferry to walk around San Francisco’s Christmas decorations, Diana

      Delete
    2. Rhys, I'm going to muss that too.

      Delete
  23. Family. This is going to be a very hard year in so many ways for my family but i will just "Keep Calm and Carry On" as they say and believe that there are better days ahead for us all.

    ReplyDelete