Saturday, July 16, 2022

Rhys's Relaxing Spa Day

RHYS BOWEN:




My family will tell you there is nothing I like better than a long soak in the tub. It relaxes me after a stressful day. It soothes my muscles after a hike. So for my birthday or Christmas I always get a lot of bath products. Last Christmas my daughter Clare gave me a tall wicker basket stocked with soft towels, bath bombs, face masks, scrubs etc. What a perfect present.


This week I decided I would treat myself to a spa day. The last week had been tiring, with the family in residence and the rest of the family coming to see them–meals for 10 or 12. I loved it, but now I needed to recharge. So I ran a tub bath for myself. Then I took one of the many bath salts packets that lurk in my bathroom cabinet and poured a generous amount into the hot water. 


I saw, too late, that this was a mistake. Petals and seeds came pouring out until the surface of the bath was covered in what looked like the forest floor. This will be hard to clean up later, my brain said, not slipping into total relax mode.  I climbed into the bath and found that the bath salts had not dissolved. When I salts I mean great chunks of rock salt, which lay there, transparent, invisible and deadly, on the bottom of the bath. Stepping on one was bad. Kneeling on one was worse and sitting on one?  Well, let’s just say there was a loud scream and I levitated about four inches.  As they dissolved they became sharper. Trying to lie back was like lying on glass.


I waited. Ten minutes later the water was cooking down but the salt crystals were still there–smaller but lethal.  I drove them out of the way and lay back, cautiously. There was jojoba oil in the mix and my skin felt silky smooth. I started to relax, a little. I plotted the next scenes in the book I’m working out. I gave myself a mental list of things I had to do–newsletter, article, Facebook page, haircut, things to pack for San Diego, things to buy at Costco for San Diego….

Yes. This is my form of relaxation. My mind will not switch off. Ever.


Now the water is getting cold. Time to get out. This is when I find that the charming jojoba oil has made the bottom of the bath slippery as ice.. I slip and slide as I turn over and try to stand up without breaking a limb. Extra cautiously I ease myself out of the bath. Success. Now all I have to do is to remove the floating botany before it goes down the drain, clogs it up and results in a plumber’s visit ($120 for the call out fee, then $600 to unclog the drain in two seconds with their snake). So I creep upstairs, wrapped in my towel and bring down a sieve. Twenty minutes spent sieving out small bits of vegetation means that my back now hurts.


I start to run the bath away, trying to catch each errant bit of petal or seed as it races towards the drain. Finally the water is gone. The sides of the bath now look as if they have been invaded by some nasty insects as lavender seeds cling everywhere, while the bottom is still covered in a good portion of the forest floor. I get a cloth and mop as much up as possible. However…..that jojoba oil has now left a sticky ring around the sides.


I go to get the Softscrub, down on hands and knees again and work to remove the ring. Not easy. I am now sweaty and exhausted, and certainly not relaxed. Next time I want a spa day I’ll do something more relaxing, like a visit to the dentist.


46 comments:

  1. Oh, my . . . this sounds like a bit of a disaster, not at all what you’d hoped for when you decided to enjoy soaking in the tub. [And this is why my soothing bath is limited to bubbles for a spa experience. Between the hot water, the bubbles, and the bath jets, I’m reasonably satisfied with my spa days] . . . .

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  2. This is one of the reasons I stick to showers.

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  3. Oh, dear, Rhys. That sounds awful. When you said you were treating yourself to a spa day, I pictured you getting massages and facials, a mani-pedi, an hour in the sauna, maybe a chilled glass of Prosecco. Don't go to the dentist next time, go to the real spa!

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  4. Poor you, Rhys. I am allergic to many fragrances so I don't use any bath salts. So like Ellen, I stick to showers!

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  5. Oh dear, so well intended, so much extra work. I started out envying you with a lovely fragrant bath planned as I had to swop our huge most unAmerican bathtub last year for a shower installation. The original shower was in the bath but anno domini had removed Victors climbing abilities re scaling the tub to get to the shower. I do love the still new shower but shower bombs really don’t work and leave a mess too. For years the gift which always pleased me was a container of Badebas. That smell of pine, forest bathing every time.

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    1. I forgot, the forest bath is Celia. I hate Blogger

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    2. We swapped out our old bathtub for a big step-in shower last year, too, Celia. Neither of us had taken a bath in the nine years we'd lived in this house, and we plan to age out here. I asked Hugh to do it while he was still able to do the work (which he still is, but one never knows...).

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    3. Celia, it's been years since I used Badedas. I used to love that scent. I'll look for it again!

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  6. This is hysterical Rhys, though I'm sure it wasn't at the time. It's a perfect scene for Georgie, and I suspect you've already written it:)

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    1. Not yet. I don't think they had such a selection of bath salts in those days!

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    2. Georgie also came to my imagination….only the tub was her sister-in-law’s not her own. Elisabeth

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  7. I have a stash of Badedas I brought home from London--the original, magical gel infused with horse chestnut extract. I rarely take a bath, but when I do it will be a badedas bath.

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    1. I'm going to seek it out in London later this year!

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    2. I found it at Boots adjacent to the Kensington High Street station

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    3. Unbelievably, I've been in that Boots...next time, I'll get the Badedas...

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    4. And I just googled it..you can buy it on Amazon!

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  8. Sorry that your relaxing bath turned out as a nightmare, Rhys.
    Like Ellen and Grace, I stick to showers
    Danielle

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  9. I am very sorry for your pain, Rhys, but that is a very funny tale of woe.

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  10. Oh, Rhys, I feel your pain, along with the pain in my side from laughing! If it's not the broken glass, it's the vegetation left behind.

    So, mixed reviews on the bath salts? LOL

    Next time, use Dr. Teal's Epsom Salts with Lavender, from their Sooth 'n Sleep line. It's lovely, it really and truly does soothe tired muscles, and it conks you right out afterwards. And a quick rinse of the tub is all you need later. Stealing a line from Ann Mason, trust me, I'm a gardener.

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    1. I have the Dr. Teal's, Karen. It's just that people give me other brands and I feel I should try them.

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    2. Yes, of course, you want to be able to thank the giver for a relaxing experience!

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  11. Oh man! Such a funny and painful story. I'm so glad you weren't injured by the painful crystals or the slippery oil. I basically don't do fancy baths because I don't like having to clean, clean, clean afterwards.

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  12. Oh Rhys, I feel your pain! One of the reasons I rarely have a bath nowadays--cleaning the tub after. The other reason is that this tub is shorter than the one in my previous home--I can only soak parts of me at a time--not relaxing!

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  13. You are hilarious! And yes Lucy, perfect Georgie scene, and--here it is, almost ready to pop into the book. Even your frustrations are valuable, Rhys!

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  14. Rhys, I was so worried you were going to tell us that you ended up in the ER after your “relaxing” bath!

    I stick to soothing, relaxing showers!

    DebRo

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  15. Rhys, this is proof of the same that the worst disasters make the best stories! I have to admit I was both feeling sorry for you and laughing all the way through. I think some of those fancy bath products have been made (and purchased) by people who stopped taking baths after age three.

    It reminds me a bit of the time someone gave my oldest a glitter picture kit for Christmas. Hours of fun for her, and days of cleaning up for me...

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  16. Rhys, that sounds like a scene from Royal Spyness book. Hilarious!

    I am sorry that your much anticipated spa day turned into a cleaning day. Still, sometimes our disasters provide excellent fodder for funny stories!

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  17. A great Georgie scene, Rhys! I am a dedicated bath taker and there is nothing worse than sharp bath crystals in your backside!

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    1. Try dissolving the salts in boiling water on the stove and then adding that liquid to the bath instead. Rhys's mess is nothing compared to Dead Sea Mud. Do Not put that into a bathtub!

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  18. Oh, NO! Definitely a Georgie moment, but so awful for you.

    I side with the Badedas crowd (you can/could get it from Vermont Country Store). There is something relaxing about the scent and the soak and it always brings to mind those absurd print ads from the 60s and 70s!

    Plain Epson salt and a dribble of essential oils do wonders, too, and the clean-up is relatively easy.

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    1. I usually do the Epsom salts, Kait. But I have all these exotic packets waiting to be tried.

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  19. This cracked me up! How relaxing... NOT! I do love baths. The other day I decided to add (trigger warning) a fragrant bath oil to the water. I rummaged around under the sink until I found a very ancient bottle, SO ancient that when I was in the tub and went to open it and squirt out a squeeze of bath oil, the plastic bottle shattered in my hands. And ALL the bath oil poured into the tub. Creating... an oil slick. And I realized there was no way I could stand up without slipping. Finally I snagged a towel and submerged it in the tub and standing on it was able to stand and get out of the tub. Then to de-oiling my body. Some things are best left un-said.

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    1. Hallie, I've done that wet towel rescue when a child grabbed the wrong bottle for his bubble bath. Trying to get him out of the tub when he was 'greased' from end to end was tricky.

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    2. I have slithered out of the too slippery tub like giant reptile when standing would have been hazardous. Unobserved, of course. But, picture that for a mishap in a story!

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    3. Yikes, Hallie! A nightmare scenario, especially since you live alone.

      I'm SO grateful that both you and Rhys survived these mishaps without incident.

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    4. Yikes, is right! Glad your smarts gave you a solution, Hallie.

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  20. It has been had been years since I've tried sitting in a tub. Just cleaning the tub/shower set ups in my previous homes would kill my knees. I love showers that gently pound on my the base of head, at the top of my neck. My current house has a separate shower and what must be a soaking tub that I still haven't used yet. A little, light-weight platfor that I put in the middle of the tub is perfect for the orchids. Filtered eastern morning sun and warm, moist air from the shower, they are happy. But I do thank you the laughs this morning, Rhys. Followed by Hallie's misadventures have made a lovely way to start my day.

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  21. Annoying at the time, but funny in the retelling, and I’ve had the same experience. What do the makers of these clever packages think will happen when a thousand tiny lavender seeds get washed down the drain? (Susan Shea)

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  22. I use Lush bubble bars. All natural, no packaging, and the scent of anything from Lush still takes me straight back to discovering the first Lush shop in the King's Road in Chelsea. For quite a few years afterwards, I brought Lush back in my suitcase on every trip to the UK. Now, of course, I can buy in Dallas. But, WARNING, you only need a pinch of the bubble bar!! (Which makes them super economical.) Otherwise you'll be smothered in bubbles!

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  23. I laughed out loud at this one! Hope you have recovered!

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  24. LOL - oh, Rhys - I am sorry but I am HOWLING. That is sooooo something that would happen to me. Maybe next time just a nice cup of tea and a foot soak in Epsom salts.

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  25. Oh no, Rhys! I can picture this happening in my parents’ big jetted tub ( which no one ever uses). I have a tub/shower combo but the tub seems to be extra small and the overflow is too low to soak any body parts. Someday I hope to remodel and put in a more usable tub.

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  26. You've convinced me I never want to try that myself. My new old home has a claw foot tub that, to be honest, has not been beckoning. I much prefer the lovely updated shower!

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