Monday, December 19, 2022

Know All Ye By These Presents



HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: What is the most life-changing holiday gift you’ve ever gotten?

First, let’s go back. Have you watched Magpie Murders on PBS?

It is one of the best things I have ever seen on television, ever ever ever. Everything about it is spectacular: the writing, the production, the direction, the set design, everything everything .

(And I know Hallie agrees, she and I had lunch the other day! In a restaurant! Together! In real life! And it was marvelous and wonderful and lovely, and we talked about so many things, but one was Magpie Murders, which we both adore.) 

Not to mention the author of the novel, and the script writer of the TV show, Anthony Horowitz, who is a total and complete genius in every way.

Anyway, I interviewed him this week for A Mighty Blaze, and he was of course, a total and complete genius. And utterly charming.

Anyway. What happened was that in the green room before the interview we were talking about the holidays, and holiday gifts, and he said that one of his most life-changing gifts came when he was about nine.



He came downstairs, he said, on Christmas morning to find that he had been given a bicycle bell. You know, a little “ching-ching ching-ching” bell that is supposed to go on the handlebars of a bicycIe.

Well, he confessed, he completely freaked out. He went crazy. He was so unhappy, and just lost it. Wailing. That’s all he got? ? After his parents comforted him, they took him outside to see the… Well, of course, you guessed it.

Bicycle.

Which really is so touching, isn’t it? Poor adorable little nine-year-old Anthony Horowitz, who did not understand that it was a teaser.

It was so sweet, and I said to him, “Plot twist! Your first plot twist !”

And he actually laughed. Which was very gratifying.

My life-changing gift was from my stepfather, who didn’t quite know how to handle preteen me, but who, one Christmas, apparently utterly baffled about why I would have cut my hair in a Sassoon (I did it myself in the bathroom), gave me a legal looking document, from Santa Clause – – this was maybe in 1964, seriously.

It said “Know all ye by these presents” – – get it, presents? And it went on and on with whereas, and in so far as and in as much as which , and ended up being a certificate for three professional haircuts.

There is a lot to unpack there, about criticism and control. but we just won’t do that. And it was the sweetest thing for someone who was so – – had so much trouble with emotion. Adorable.

What about you Reds and Readers , what present did you ever get that was memorable?

RHYS BOWEN: I had the same sort of experience, Hank. I was eighteen, in my first year of college. My dear friend was getting married in Germany at Christmas time and instead of presents I asked the family all to chip in to pay for my ticket to attend her wedding. So I wasn’t expecting any big presents. However… transistor radios had just come on the market (yes, I’m that old) and other girls at college had them. I had told my parents about these wonders and how I’d try to save up for one when I could work during the next vacation.

At Christmas Santa left our gifts in a pillow case at the bottom of our beds. I got up at first light and went through mine, finding the usual sort of things–chocolates, a book I’d wanted, warm socks…and then I came upon a battery. What on earth would I need a battery for? I had nothing that worked with a nine volt…. And then I thought “No, it couldn’t be. Not possible. “ I searched and there, at the very bottom of the pillow case, was my transistor radio. 

This was all the more special because my parents were not rich. My brother was at a private school. They were paying for my college. Money was tight. And yet my soft-hearted father had gone out and bought my transistor radio. I still get that glow when I think of it.

And I’ve tried to replicate with my own children. The Christmas when Phantom of the Opera came to town I managed to get seats for them and sent each of them a fancy invitation saying “You are invited to an evening of music and mayhem. It was signed “The Phantom.”

Watching their faces as they read and understood was priceless.!

JENN McKINLAY: I was fourteen and my Aunt Nancy gave me a navy blue leather journal with silver embellishments and a fancy pen to go with it. I didn’t even know I wanted to be a writer yet, but I was always a storyteller (much like her) and I think she knew it was what I was destined to be. She passed away last week and it’s been a blow to the family to lose our 91-year-old matriarch but I still have that journal and all the goopy stuff I wrote in it. And I became a writer in large part to her, I think.

LUCY BURDETTE: Rhys, I can remember getting a transistor radio as well, to share with my sister. We hunkered down in our basement bedroom for hours, listening to that radio. It was the era of Red Rubber Ball. Remember that song? It’s an earworm for sure! The first Christmas I was going out with John, I told him that my family was big on Christmas. So he came through in a big way with stuffed animals and Lord knows what else. I knew he was a keeper.


HALLIE EPHRON: I hope this isn’t a personality test, because although I got a ton of presents every Christmas, the ones I remember best were the clunkers.

There was a tan suede carcoat
(remember those?) with dark stitching around the pockets and leather buttons. It was so stiff that it could stand up on its own. I’m sure I’d asked for a leather coat, meaning a bomber jacket.

And there was a copy of Virginia Woolf’s A ROOM OF ONE’S OWN that my mother, always hopeful that I’d become a writer like she was (instead of the teacher I yearned to be), gave me when I was about 15. I tried to read it. Really I did. But it was not until decades later when I listened to it as an audio book that I got some idea of what VW was going on about. In the same vein, she gave me diary notebooks. Invariably I’d write a page or two and lose the key.

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: When I was thirteen, I got the most memorable Christmas gift ever, and I’m still not sure why it sticks in my mind so. It was a large plastic bottle of some intensely lemony cologne, with enough alcohol to feel cool and tingly when I put it on. Maybe it was the acknowledgement I was growing up? My mother always wore perfume - Joy - so I associated wearing scent with womanhood. I can vividly bring back sitting in the boucle green chair in the living room - the chair that now lives in my office! - sniffing the heady lemon scent and reading from my other, annual favorite gift: a grocery sack full of used books. Heaven!

DEBORAH CROMBIE: So funny the things that stick in your memory! A set of pop beads when I was about five–I was so thrilled. The giant box of crayons. (The train set that Santa never brought…) 


But one gift that might have been life changing, or at least contributing, was the hardcover boxed set of J.R.R. Tolkien's LORD OF THE RINGS my parents gave me the Christmas I was fourteen. I still have them, and they are still the most gorgeous books. I have the dust jackets, too, but they need to be put in mylar and somehow I never manage to get around to it. I think that set really cemented my love affair with books. And it certainly started my love of maps in books!

HANK: These stories are great! Julia–was it Jean Naté? And yes, Lucy, Red Rubber Ball by The Cyrkle! (and now I am singing...)

How about you, readers? Tell us about a memorable gift!

74 comments:

  1. Memorable Christmas gifts? When I was growing up, there wasn’t much money, but somehow my mom always made sure that the thing I wanted most was under the tree. A charm bracelet [which I still have], my very own copy of a book I’d read and loved . . . but the best gift of all was the love that put those things under the tree for me . . . .

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    1. Awww.... you are always so inspirational, Joan. And charm bracelets--what a treasure. SO wonderful that you still have it!

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  2. Wow, it's eight hours earlier here and Joan still posted before I did. Impressive, Joan!

    Hank, love the haircut gift. What a sweet way to discourage more self
    hairdos.

    My Aunt Jean, who was sophisticated and cool to my ten-year old eyes, gave me a nesting set of leather pouches, something probably meant for travel organization. They were beautiful colors, red, turquoise and purple, and so grown-up.

    But as for a life-changing gift, that describes the year my first husband showed me, without speaking, that we were not a match. At the time I was uninterested in sports, and of course I've always been a brunette until my recent silvering. He gave me my first bicycle, a bowling ball, bag and shoes, and a blonde wig.

    Loud and clear. His next wife was a blonde. Good riddance.

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    1. A...blond wig? Yikes! Yes, you are well shut of him. Have a lovely Kenyan Christmas!

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  3. Whoa. I’m so sorry—but that is world class awful. But look at you now! Hope you are having an amazing time! Xxxx

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    1. Actually, I'd been in denial until then, and those gifts opened my eyes to a reality I'd been ignoring. So it was truly life-changing, in a good way.

      Thank you, dear friend. XOXO

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  4. One present that stands out are the ornaments my brother and sister-in-law gave us one year. Mine said "My favorite uncle." Yep, that's how they told us that my niece was on the way.

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  5. For me it would have to be when my family bought me a Kitchenaid mixer. That allowed me to get serious about baking.

    I keep wanting to watch Magpie Murders but I do not control the TV in this house.

    Jenn, I am so very sorry to hear about your Aunt Nancy. My heartfelt condolences to you and your family.

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    1. So thoughtful of them! But hmmmm... Maybe you can bake something, and distract them from the remote control, and then....

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  6. We grew up low on funds, so one year I told my mom not to buy me anything, buy for my three younger sisters. When Christmas came, I was not expecting any presents under the tree for me. All the younger ones had 2-3 gifts on their list. So I never looked under the tree. So my sister dragged out this box and said it is for me. Unexpected because inside was the doll house I so wanted.

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    1. What a beautiful thing you did, Dru - and you were rewarded!

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    2. Aww...I can completely imagine little Dru being happy! ANd you are still THAT generous, every day! xx

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  7. What great stories. Also, YES to Magpie Murders, and to an in-person lunch, Hank and Hallie. What a delight.

    I remember a shiny new bike, and always books.

    One memorable year: we were a family of six, Daddy a high school teacher, our mom home with us, so not a lot of extra cash lying around, but Mommy was creative and artistic. One year she made a puppet theater out of a refrigerator box. It was painted, had a curtain inside the window, and came with a box of hand-sewn puppets. Oh, the shows we put on!

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  8. I don't remember a specific gift, but I do have great memories of VERY early-morning stocking openings. Such fun for us kids; less fun for the sleep-deprived parents!

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    1. Oh, loved the stockings. We always got Drostes chocolate apples. What was your favorite thing?

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    2. I don't know what it says about me, but I don't recall any specific important things that we always found in our stockings. What I do recall is the lying in bed and stretching out my legs towards the foot to feel the weight of the stocking laid across the bottom. THAT was so exciting!

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    3. That is the cutest thing I have ever heard! Aww...

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  9. What great stories! From my childhood, one Christmas was especially memorable--there were five kids at the time. I can't remember if there were any wrapped gifts under the tree, just being young enough that Christmas was all about Santa and anticipation of Christmas morning. The house was filled with wonderful smells and goodies that Dad brought in--apples and oranges, fancy nuts and tins of colorful candies and cookies. Mom would have been baking for days. And then, Christmas morning, there in front of the tree--a red bicycle for my oldest brother with streamers on the handlebars, a smaller blue bike for my older sister, and in descending order of size, three red tricycles! It was magical, spectacular! Those bikes were greatly loved, handed down, passed around.

    And even more special to realize as an adult--how my dad, who worked nights, must have come home on Christmas eve and stayed up all night putting those bikes together.

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    1. The image of those bikes! Perfect. And I bet your dad had a wonderful time doing it--maybe he was envisioning how happy he was about to make you all!

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  10. I don't think it was life changing in any way but the gift I most wanted, when I was in fifth grade was ice skates. Never mind that I would have no place to skate, I still wanted them desperately. We had gone to a family Christmas party the night before and everyone was so keyed up, it must have been around 2 in the morning that we kids were awake and could see that Santa had come. And even better, there was a squarish box under the tree; it was the exact size box I was hoping for. My mother insisted it was too early to get up and that we must go back to bed. Somehow we talked her into letting us open one present each. You know I zeroed in on that box! I was so excited. And less than a minute later, so let down. The box that was a perfect size for ice skates turned out to also be the perfect size for a pair of red rubber boots!

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    1. YOu are such a cutie. DId you skate in your socks, then?

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  11. So many special Christmas gifts, a British Raleigh bike when I was 6, a transistor radio when I was 9 (which I still have), and wonderful outfits my mother designed & made which were fabulous (she had worked for a French designer when she was younger) when I was a teen.

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  12. Debs, I can't remember if it was a birthday or Christmas, but I also have a boxed set of Lord of the Rings. Got it when I was 12. The dust covers are unfortunately history, but the books are in pretty good shape.

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    1. That's so cool! Is it the same set, with the maps?

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    2. Hank, I used to read them every year.

      Debs, I don't know if it's the exact same set, but they do have maps. :)

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  13. I don't remember a special gift--I do remember the smaller gifts that consistently appeared on Christmas mornings: small Whitman's samplers in our stockings, along with chocolate oranges and every year books from mom (the children's librarian). In our younger years, they were Marguerite Henry horse books and then she moved on to historical fiction and other books she thought we would like. She would always write the year and "love, mom" in the books. I may still have a few.

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    1. OH, the Marguerite Henry books! Classics. And those inscriptions are classic. xooxoo

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    2. I got those Henry books for Christmases, too. I still have a couple of them. And I'm thinking now about the fact that my parents had to drive into the city to an actual bookstore to buy them for me. I still have a couple of them.

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  14. Ooh, the Magpie Murders! So well done. As for gifts, does a postcard count? It's the first thing that came to mind when I read your question, Hank. My high school English teacher, vacationing in Venice one summer, wrote that she chose the card to send to me because the "elegance" of the Venetian Doge whose portrait graced one side reminded her of me. I was seventeen at the time, honored that she would think of me, yet puzzled by her analogy. I still have the card, and still wondering what she saw in the teenaged me.

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    1. Well, you have to believe it was a major compliment, right? And Magpie Murders, amazing. Cannot believe how CLEVER it is!

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    2. He says they're working on Moonflower Murders right now, and are trying to figure that out, since they don't want to use the same technique. SO fascinating!

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  15. My mother was a single parent raising two kids, so to say we didn't have a lot of money is an understatement, but she always managed to make Xmas a big deal. One year, when I was 14, she got me an album of Eartha Kitt. I admired Eartha Kitt because she could speak and sing in five languages (awesome to me still) and had so much glamor. My mother got my brother a Hank Williams album, and we three played those albums over and over and over. Eventually they were lost in a move, but they certainly gave a lot of pleasure.

    On another note, my husband and I both read the book, Magpie Murders, and at lunch today we were discussing how brilliant the plot was. I want to go back and reread it. Ii don't know if we can get PBS here in Portugal, but if there is a DVD out, I certainly want to get it! I want to read the sequel to the book as well.

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    1. Well, that's the amazing part of the tv show. Because remember, Susan Ryeland isn't in the book fun til halfway through, right? And, another thing he told me--one big company turned the movie down because they said the book was impossible to make into a screenplay. And then, Horowitz's wife figured it out!

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  16. As I ponder Christmases Past, I remember many great gifts, the excitement (and later annoyance) of my brother always waking everyone up in the wee hours of the morning, and the love my parents put in to having lots of packages under the tree even if they contained socks and underwear.
    When I was a young teen, my sister and I both received mood rings. Remember those? Well, while eating Christmas dinner at the kids’ table at Grandma’s house, I somehow managed to dunk my mood ring in my mashed potatoes and gravy. It turned black and stayed that way. Mood altering? Yes, but not life changing.

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  17. One year I was absolutely shocked and thrilled when I received a box from my son and daughter-in-law (pre-grandkids) with Alfonso Ribeiro's picture in it and two tickets to the Dancing with the Stars tour that year! They were VIP tickets which entitled us to meet all of the professional dancers and have our pictures taken with them and included a couple of gift bags with DWTS merch. All of the tickets had been sold out for the event near us, so we got to take a short plane trip to LA for the very last stop in the tour (Alfonso Ribeiro was the host that year). Our seats were in the front of the orchestra, which was amazing. Truly memorable, and I'll never forget it. An added bonus was that it was on Valentine's Day, and we had a very nice dinner at a favorite restaurant.

    Oh, and Lucy, I got to see The Cyrkle sing "Red Rubber Ball" and more when they did a concert at Dickinson College when I was a student. A gift of another kind!

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  18. Hank, it wasn't Jean Nate - I've looked online for pictures of "lemon cologne from the 1970s" and haven't seen anything like the bottle, which was a column of thick opaque plastic with a lemon-colored top that continued the column form. If anyone has a clue, please tell me!

    Of course, my rock star mom was raising three kids on her own on a substitute teacher's salary while attending night school for her Masters in Education, and she had NO money to spare. It might have been the K-Mart brand knock-off of Love's Lemon Soft, for all I know. If so, she bought a lot of pleasure for very little. :-)

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    1. Ohhh, a mystery! Someone must know....

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    2. Look up "Love's Fresh Lemon Cologne." xx

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    3. https://www.ebay.com/itm/174830239798?chn=ps&_trkparms=ispr%3D1&amdata=enc%3A1BArmYeAISI6Q1z0YUhSe_w78&norover=1&mkevt=1&mkrid=711-117182-37290-0&mkcid=2&mkscid=101&itemid=174830239798&targetid=1585159291131&device=c&mktype=&googleloc=9002070&poi=&campaignid=15275224983&mkgroupid=131097072938&rlsatarget=pla-1585159291131&abcId=9300697&merchantid=114153310&gclid=Cj0KCQiAtICdBhCLARIsALUBFcF2YuyVeqSrImXtj7RKRueYOJgWSlBjQc20ohXsnh5DGUgVnjlqDOEaAoB4EALw_wcB

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    4. Julia, check out Lemon Up at the online Vermont Country store. The bottle looks like what you described.

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    5. I think they carry the Yardley Lavender that I loved as a teenager, too, but it doesn't smell nearly as good as I remember!

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  19. Life Changing Christmas gift? Not sure. Memorable Christmas gift? I was trying to think of which gift amongst many gifts I have received over the years for Christmas. Loved the MAISIE DOBBS novel and the MAGGIE HOPE novels that I received one year for Christmas. I became a fan of Jacqueline Winspear and Susan Elia MacNeal since then.

    Hank, your stepfather definitely has a sense of humor.

    When my Mom was about three years old during the Second World War, she was sick during Christmas. Her Uncle gave her a beautiful gift. He gave her a miniature Christmas tree (artifical -spelling??) with a Christmas village for her room so she would not miss out on Christmas. To me, that would be a memorable Christmas gift.

    Love all of the JRW stories in the post and the comments above.

    Diana

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  20. I loved the Broadcast Magpie Murders even better than the book (also wonderful) because it made "Susan" more prominent. As for presents, there was that time my husband gave me a shoulder bag and I gave him a trip to Paris. (I admit, the Paris trip was for me too.)

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    1. Yes, exactly! Wasn't she wonderful? That's a GREAT exchange, too...a gift for both of you..and you could take the shoulder bag with you!

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  21. I was ecstatic one Christmas in high school when Santa brought me a complete Villager/Ladybug outfit: jumper, blouse, knee socks. All coordinated! That was a big deal. These days my favorite gift is two paperback mysteries from my buddy in Arizona. We met when we shared an office at an accounting firm in Lubbock, Texas. We became fast friends. We both moved away at the same time for our husbands' careers, her to Arizona, me to Ohio. We exchanged gifts every Christmas and after two or three years she remarked she had really liked the books I sent her that year and wanted to continue that. So, a tradition was born! It's been going on since the mid 80s and because of it I've been introduced to a number of must-read authors. I hope she has too.

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    1. Aw, waht a cute tradition! And oh, VILLAGER. Swooning. xoxoo

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  22. Last year, we gave my son my old Toshiba laptop from 1997, complete with external drives and floppy disks. The look on his face was priceless, and he was struggling to keep the disappointment off his face as he choked out "Thank you." The relief when we gave him the real present, a current model MacBook, was hilarious. This year, there is a very large plain box under the tree with a gorgeous electric guitar. They couldn't find the regular box for it at the store. He walked past it yesterday, and then said, "I'm scared. Really scared. What is in that box?" Ha ha ha ha ha!!!

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  23. I remember receiving a transistor radio for Christmas. It was a Panasonic. My parents tried to control my listening time, so I would tuck it under my pillow and listen all night - until the case melted. Oops! Not life-changing but epic teen age fail.

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  24. Thank you for all these heartwarming stories.
    Most memorable was the year Irwin came home, the kids were young and we were just about to light the Chanukah candles. He worked very long days and shopping was something he despised. He looked at me sadly and said, "I am so sorry but I haven't had a chance to get you a present."
    "Of course you have, " I said. "And it's just what I wanted!"
    XXOO
    We just arrived home an hour ago and I must get crackin'!! What a great topic.

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  25. I LOVED Magpie Murders! It really took me back to all the great shows on OPB. Brilliant acting, story, and cinematography.
    I love that there are so many of us who received gifts that recognized our creative side. My first exciting gift when I was very young was the Crayola 64 with built-in sharpener! I was a visual artist at a young age, drawing and painting, giving my pieces as presents, later showing them when I was in high school. Mom always filled my stocking with art supplies, yet when I wanted to go to the Boston School of Fine Arts, my parents saw no future for an artist.
    Then, like Kait, I was given a transistor radio--absolutely over the moon about that one! I would listen to it late at night while reading a book. My parents couldn't figure out why I was so difficult to wake up in the morning. I too remember "Red Rubber Ball," so uplifting and fun. But I was a huge Beatles fan, then turned to the French yeh-yeh singers, my fave being Francoise Hardy.
    So fun to read about everyone's memories and what stuck with them.

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    1. Yes, so agree. And wow, remember the fragrance of those crayons? And the SHARPENER. Loved it.

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  26. The one memorable gift: that every single year (until I was 11 or so) Santa brought the Christmas tree. Off to bed Christmas Eve, nary a sign of any tree or any gifts. Just stockings, empty, hung by the chimney with care. Up before dawn Christmas morning and magically a fully lit, gloriously decorated tree with tons of presents and all the cookies and milk left for Santa and the carrots left for the reindeer gone. That gift of my parents’ time is most precious. Happy Christmas, Reds.

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  27. The magic Christmas tree is me, Elisabeth.

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    1. Aww...what a wonderful story..xxx And to you, too! xx

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  28. My brother gave me a plastic Fury horse when we were kids. Of course he also gave me a box of coal (yes, we had a coal furnace when we were little). Lucky for him, he gave me another real present. As adults, he gave me Greeting Card Factory to use to make cards. I'm still doing that.

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    1. What a terrific and lasting gift! But...what exactly is a Greeting Card Factory?? I can imagine, but I have never heard of this!

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