Monday, February 6, 2023

Regrets of a declutterer?

 

HALLIE EPHRON: Poor Marie Kondo has experienced some rough sledding as late. The author, after having blockbuster successes from her books and television show that helped the rest of us fold our underwear and declutter our homes, seems to have hit a wall.

After having child #3 she’s woken up to the messiness of the world we all live in, tolerate… and often love.



CNN quotes her:
I am busier than ever after having my third child, so I have grown to accept that I cannot tidy every day – and that is okay!”
From the way the press piled on, it looks as if many of us have fallen out of love with tidying for tidiness’s sake. Or maybe we’re all experiencing a bit of buyer’s remorse after getting rid of items that it turns out we care about.

Clutter versus caring. I certainly can be pulled in both directions.

I’m glad I did not throw away a single one of my husband’s drawings, even doodles on scraps of paper. Even after I scanned them. And I have no use for it but I’ll keep (thank you very much) a green glass swan that I bought of eBay to celebrate my first novel, in which a green glass swan figures in the story.

But I don’t miss a single one of the 37 boxfuls of his books that went to Ken Gloss and the Brattle Bookshop. (Jerry’s Bar Mitzvah suit is still hanging in “his” closet.)

Do you look at the stuff in your house as clutter, or as stuff to be curated and cared for? Is there an item you’ve gotten rid of that you’d love to have back?

JENN McKINLAY: I can’t think of anything I’ve ever given away that I wish I had back. Sometimes I lose things and I do feel badly about that, but otherwise nope. I loathe clutter, tchotchkes, collections of any kind. No thank you.

My aesthetic for my house is “no one lives here”
which Hooligan 1 called sad, but I countered with “there are five cats and two dogs, it’s their house” and it is from the screened in porch (catio) we built for the cats to the yard that was not meant for a lush lawn and garden but rather a place to dig holes to nowhere and chase tennis balls.

The only thing I collect is pet hair and I purge that with my handy Dyson.

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: I have the same collection, Jenn, what a coincidence! Although I’m down to one cat and two dogs (from a high of two and three respectively) now the girls have moved on.

I’m not a terribly sentimental person, so the papers, etc I must keep don’t pile up in excess. I think there may have been one or two things I’ve gotten rid of that I’ve said, “Oh, shoot,” sometimes afterwards, Hallie, but they’re always easy-to-replace items like, I don’t know, a corkscrew. And like you, I had ZERO regrets saying good-bye to Ross’s huge library of books, dipping into every major conflict from the French and Indian war to WWII. Victoria sold them all on eBay, and I delight that somewhere, some other dad is getting his military history itch scratched.

As for Marie Kondo, I’ll pass on what my mother said to me when I moaned about the impossibility of keeping the house tidy with three kids:
“They’re only young for a little while. You’ll have plenty of time to clean house after they’re gone.” And she was right.


HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: I LOVE throwing/donating/decluttering. I’m not always great at it (see: books) but I am determined. And as for regretting the “loss” of something. Hmm. Usually I do not miss things, not even for one tiny moment. If I have donated it, I take delight in that someone else has it, and is happy with it. I mean–if someone else loves it, and I gave it to them, that’s the most wonderful thing! And such an incentive to me.

I have only regretted giving away one thing. A certain pair of shoes. But I thought–oh, well, Never mind. Don’t cry over donated shoes. Whatever. And then...I FOUND THEM. I guess I’d donated them to myself. But I hid them first, apparently, to make myself be grateful.

Ruby slippers.JPG

DEBORAH CROMBIE: I've been reading about Marie Kondo's travails with a bit of amusement but also sympathy. It must be tough to have built your career on a principle and then find you can't maintain it yourself.

But I do LOVE decluttering and if I've regretted throwing anything out I don't remember it, so it must not have been too much of an emotional blow.


Too many books, of course, and I have to tackle them periodically. I also have accumulations of certain things like London Transport posters, London photos, teapots, dishes, but those don't really bother me. It's the general clutter, the daily stuff that builds up that drives me nuts. I'm always telling myself I should take one drawer at a time, but then there's finding the time to do it…]

HANK: Here’s the secret to one drawer at a time. Take out the drawer. Dump it in the middle of the floor. Then you cannot ignore it. THEN: Think of it as a jigsaw puzzle Seriously. It’ll be fun.

HALLIE: AAAAAGGGGH! Me: running screaming from the room.

RHYS BOWEN: I grew up with a mother who tossed everything out the moment it was not needed (including my beloved toys, but we won’t go into that). I’m married to a collector/hoarder who keeps every letter he ever wrote to the electricity company.

I once tried to declutter his office. It didn’t work as he wanted to see and read every piece of paper before I discarded it.

I like to work in a neat office and I’m good at filing.



One of the reasons I love being in Arizona is that the house is purely functional. No added clutter anywhere since we’ve only bought what we absolutely need here. Our California home has forty years of accumulated stuff–children’s trophies, stuffed animals, John’s clothing of the wrong size that he won’t throw out.

So every now and then I have a great purge but the children say “Don’t you dare die and leave us with all this stuff.” I couldn’t contemplate moving.

LUCY BURDETTE: Oh poor Marie Kondo. Watching our daughter juggle three little kids and a big job, it’s amazing they all live, never mind live neatly. I’m not too good at throwing things out, especially books.

Truly, I have more than I could ever read, with more on the way. I did manage to give some away to the library book sale by asking myself sternly: “can you see yourself reading that anytime soon?” If not, someone else can enjoy!



HALLIE: So, were you bitten by the declutter craze, heedful of Marie Kondo's advice to keep only those "things that speak to the heart?" Are you happily rid of it all or experiencing twinges of seller's remorse?
 

91 comments:

  1. Hhhmmm . . . “tidying every day” or spending time with the children? [Since I have never been and am not likely to ever become a “tidy every day” person, I’d vote for spending time enjoying being with those three children] . . . .

    Like Lucy, I find it particularly difficult to part with my books. And because all those pictures and stories and what-not that the children so carefully drew and colored and wrote “speak to my heart,” I have happily saved all of them . . . .

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    1. Oh Joan I have them, too. Especially the pictures they drew. Kids AND grands.

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  2. After spouse died I cleaned out a three bedroom house and moved into a condo. I love the simpler, cleaner life now, and knowing that my kids will have an easier time cleaning out after I pass.

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    1. A move like that is what it would take for me to really address the drawers and storage boxes of my husband's stuff. He drew on everything.

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  3. I admire those of you who can easily declutter - and keep things filed. This is NOT my superpower, at least not with my own stuff.

    But - I can help others. My son and his wife are gearing up for a (human newborn) adoption home visit/evaluation (yay, a grandbaby!). They aren't good at decluttering, either, and they've accepted my offer to spend a weekend being ruthless - I mean, organizing and decluttering - with them.

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    1. I am very good, Edith, at being ruthless when my mum wants to do a clear-out of her closet, cabinets or drawers. She likes my decisiveness, but it's harder with my own stuff. Best wishes to your son and DIL with the upcoming home visit; exciting! (and maybe nerve racking, too?)

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    2. I have the inverse problem. My son-in-law (daughter?) has the habit of bringing storage boxes to my house, unloading them in the dark of night, and leaving them stashed in my basement. I'm not sure he knows that I notice. But HE'S a keeper. Big time.

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    3. Oh yes, I can easily throw out my John's stuff:)

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    4. Edith, wonderful news about your son’s growing family. Ruthlessness is the key to cleaning stuff out. I hired a professional for my downsizing. A friend who was gently, although ably, helping called the professional “Ruthless Randi.” But Randi did a great job of clearing out and getting my condo sold in just a month! Hooray for the weight lifted from me.

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    5. Edith -- congrats and best of luck to your son and his wife. My husband and I adopted siblings from Russia years ago. Adoption is a daunting process but worth it.

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    6. What a lovely reason to declutter, Edith! Making way for a little one! They do take up a LOT of space, especially these days. Keeping my fingers crossed for them!

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    7. Thank you, dear friends. I am delighted they are determined to have a family even if not of their own (excellent) genes.

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  4. My husband and I had to declutter when we moved to Portugal. Mostly clothes, books, and some art pieces, because we didn't know how much w all space we'd have. And we made the right decision. People who got the art were delerious with joy, and what we kept we love. Some of the books we miss; the clothes not so much.
    Which brings me as a writer to my folders and notebooks for stories and poetry and novels. All of those I kept -- but: I had kept journals for so many years - and didn't read them, merrily writing away, telling myself I would cull them one day, saving what was valuable and discarding what wasn't. Sort of a revise and edit of a huge carton of scrawled pages. We'll I didn't have time before the move, and I wondered if I ever would, and I wondered did I really want to ship it? The upshot is that I tore them all up, in case some bored person would ever fish them from the trash and read basically my private and endless diary.
    You would never believe how liberating that was. Way in the back of my mind I must have been dreading the day. Now it was "Bye bye paperwork!"

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    1. That is fascinating, Elizabeth -- that you tore up all those journals. This is a much-discussed matter in my writing group; that you found it liberating is so interesting, as many people fear they won't be able to destroy their journals themselves and, so, leave it for someone else (who, they fervently hope, won't read them first).

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    2. Heaven help anyone who gets designated keeper of a writer's "literary estate" - Nightmare.

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  5. The one thing Marie Kondo got right, IMHO, is, as Hank says, take EVERYTHING out and put back only what makes sense. The kitchen junk drawer is most satisfying to tidy up this way.

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    1. I did that with my two boxes of miscellaneous sewing stuff recently. So satisfying to toss old elastic and tiny scraps of fabric, and to organize the button collection.

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    2. That's the treatment I give the "junk drawer" in my kitchen. So satisfying.
      On button collections: When my mother-in-law died my kids were little and we spent a day in her apartment preparing to empty it. She had a button collection - a mason jar full of them. And my daughters (they were about 6 and 10) had a wonderful time sorting through those buttons. It occurs to me that have no idea what we did with them.

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  6. OMG, Hallie, sore spot. I have the "hoarder gene" on both side of the family. It is a constant inner battle.
    That's all.

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  7. If he confines himself to first editions and Blu-Rays, well, I'd say you'll be in good shape. Especially if he has redeeming features. ;-)

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  8. I am moderately successful in my own spaces , though I allow for a good deal of grandchildren clutter. (Daughter’s second floor living space and studio are gratefully excluded from my decluttering.) I agree with Hank on two points - 1.) I do dump things out of drawers or closets for pruning, not on the floor but in a laundry basket I keep handy when I’m struck by ambition.
    2.) I strongly agree about never regretting what I have given away, ever since I lived in fishing port and saw families shopping in the thrift store where I brought clothes and home goods. Also, Household Goods, a nearby charity, has a showroom of used furniture, kitchen supplies, dishware etc. where displaced families, immigrants or otherwise, or domestic violence victims, can choose items to set up their new lives. And books - More Than Words supports kids aging out of the foster system - and, of course, the library book sale.

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    1. Clear all your cookies on the phone. If you log into Google before trying to post, your Google if should come up in blogger. If you don’t have gmail account, you need to type your name in each time you comment.

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  9. That’s me - Marian McMahon Stanley- in the above comment. One of these days, I’ll figure out why I am always Anonymous. 😏

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  10. Great pointers for donating - thanks, Marian! And btw I used to be HALLIE EPHRON but for six months now Blogger won't let me post as me. Annoying. I have no idea what to do about it...

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    1. Join the club Hallie. I’ve tried everything to be able to post as me on my phone. It lets me on my Mac. Infuriating. Rhys

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  11. I really need to declutter, but it feels difficult to me. Life keeps getting in the way. I have a friend who gave a pair of shoes to charity and then remembered that she had hidden some irreplaceable jewelry in the toes. She went to the charity and looked for the shoes, but didn't find them.

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    1. Ack! That's a cautionary tale. And sadly I can completely relate.

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    2. A home safe is the best solution. Hiding valuables guarantees you will lose them!

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  12. Decluttering is going slowly. At Christmas, my daughter returned a drop-leaf walnut table she'd used for two years. Though it's usually shoved against a wall, I can pull it out for big projects. We missed last year's village recycling and shredding day, but I'm organizing chemicals, batteries, old paint cans and electronics for this year's event. Nothing is more satisfying than unloading thirty shopping bags of old receipts and bills and watching the truck-mounted shredder attack them.

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    1. Which reminds me I just discovered that our town's recycling does not take shredded paper. Sheesh.

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    2. Hallie, shredded paper makes a very good mulch, or you can add it to the compost pile as "brown" matter. I actually ask my mom and brother to save theirs for me.

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  13. Hah, my downfall has been to move into an Ottawa apartment that is triple the size of my former Toronto Art Deco apartment. Over the past 9 years, I have accumulated plenty of stuff that has been crammed into huge closets & lockers. Sight unseen, so I am in dential.

    And I have plenty of room to add to my 22 bookcases. That's collecting, not hoarding.

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    1. "Collecting, not hoarding" - it's all in the eye of the beholder!

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    2. Oh Grace. 22 bookcases (and counting) in your Ottawa apartment. I'm so impressed. I've never actually counted the number of bookcases in my little east end Toronto house, but not close to 22.

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    3. Okay, I had to count. I probably missed one or two, since I was just taking a mental tour.

      Yikes. Each time I do the count, I find more. Up to 17, I think. No cheating. I included the shelf of quilting books in the Quilting room, and cookbooks in the kitchen. But not the line of books on the living room hearth. Not a shelf.

      Reds, perhaps you could do a blog post on this subject? How many bookcases, bookshelves, etc. And what counts as a bookshelf?

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    4. Susan, I just counted 16 bookcases here, but we also still have about 50 boxes of books that have not been unpacked since we moved. Two of the bookcases hold overflow stock for my Little Free Library.

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  14. My SIL died very unexpectantly and suddenly Christmas Eve. She had a will, but the house is filled with antiques – too good to throw out, but no one wants them. These things are the last things of husband’s childhood – BUT we don’t need them or have space for them. I don’t want them!!!!! He is contemplating getting a U-Haul…
    Books – lots – now I read audiobooks and will never reread the collections in the book shelves – again BUT – what will go on the shelves if I disperse them?
    Saved all the VHS tapes of the kids childhood – for their kids, even saved a working machine. They watch on You-Tube.
    LP Records – from 1967 on…no cd’s as we never bought any.
    As for clean-up – was thinking today that I should vacuum – it is getting gravelly on the carpet. The crate of kid’s toys is still on the couch – needs to go downstairs to the shelf (the kids were here in Nov). They will be back for Easter…
    There is always something more interesting to do – today I may catalogue-shop for seeds, and I would like a new recipe for Cole-slaw to go with the fish & chips for supper – much more fun that vacuuming…

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    1. Cole slaw is surprisingly tricky... but easier to tackle than a house full of antiques. My condolences on the loss of your SIL... (My daughter, who's an architect, says that the public's taste for antiques in decorating is about to have a resurgence...)

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    2. Margo, there is a big, big recycling trend going on, with thousands of videos on how to "upcycle" old furniture. Younger people with more time and elbow grease than money are refinishing especially wooden furniture in lots of fun ways.

      Failing that, look for a charity that helps the formerly homeless furnish their homes. Here in Cincinnati there's an especially good one, and they will come and pick stuff up. Maybe such a thing exists in your area, too. Maybe call a local shelter or veteran's office to see if they know of one.

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    3. Add a bit of horseradish to your cole slaw - it's the secret ingredient to perfection!

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    4. Will try the horseradish. No red cabbage as I have none, but green, savoy, carrots, onions, and a bit of jalapeno pepper (necessary to all cooking). Celery seed in dressing. Thanks

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    5. We tried to give some to refugee programs (mattresses, etc) but they are not too interested in antiques. Maybe it is worth while storing for a while and seeing if the decorating trend shifts...

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    6. Margo, try putting some things on Facebook Marketplace or Craig's List. I've been amazed.

      No one will take mattresses unless they are brand new and sealed. It's a public health policy everywhere.

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    7. Fish and chips? I’m coming to your house, Margo. Rhys

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    8. Home Made - great batter from ATK. Coleslaw is just to pretend you had vegetables.

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  15. After I read that she said you could only keep 30 books I stopped reading what she had to say! I have more cookbooks than that. Yes I read cookbooks as if they were novels. Our house is neatish but lived in.

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    1. Gram, I love that description "neatish but lived in." Yep!

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    2. Third that: neatish but lived in!

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  16. I spent a month cleaning out my parents’ house the summer of 2022. At first I was great at just getting rid of the stuff, but the longer I was there the more memories that came back and the more attached to things I became. I did bring some things home and there are some things I wished I had kept after all. I thought I would be energized to purge my own own home, but I still can’t face my own closets full of stuff. I do think before I buy things and tell myself “ You don’t need it. It’s just something for the kids to throw out when you die.”

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    1. This is why advertising mostly targets younger people... unless they're advertising medication

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  17. I never got into Marie Kondo. We do periodically clean. I create a stack of books for the "didn't like it" or "liked it, but not enough to keep it" titles and they go to a good home periodically. But the stuff that's really important, like my grandmother's china teacups, are carefully displayed. I hope one of my children want to take them some day.

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    1. I realized I had more platters than I needed and was SO gratified when both daughters happily took them off my hands.

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    2. Part of the estate from the SIL was a set of good china. That makes 5 sets that I have now - and we usually use the kitchen dishes! So I have decided that any time that we have company, including the meal that sits 50-75 people in the spring, we will use the good china. The kids don't want it so I may as well wear it out. Paper plates - be-darned!

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    3. Margo, my mother always used the good dishes and the silver daily. Her reason: “I’m not saving it for your father’s next wife!” There was never a next wife. We enjoyed that good stuff. Elisabeth

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    4. Margo & Anonymous: The only reason we don't use our "good" china more regularly is that although it says "dishwasher safe," it really isn't. A couple plates have tiny chips in the edge. So hand-washing it is - and neither The Hubby nor I want to hand-wash every night. LOL

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  18. I hate clutter and I'm married to a pack rat! No fair that. Seriously, I donate or toss stuff on a regular basis. My stuff. I have to. I wouldn't be able to walk from room to room otherwise. The only thing I've ever regretted donating were my Landlubber Jeans from 1970. The day after I gave them away, I was invited to a 1970s party by my college roommate. Dang!

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    1. So sad about the jeans. I can't say I've ever regretted throwing away an item of clothing. Which is probably because they are well and truly disgusting by the time I'm ready to toss.

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  19. Marie Kondo got us all thinking about our stuff differently. But her hobby was decluttering. My hobbies are quilting, puzzle books, and reading. I live in and also use my house for my hobbies. I’m not going to spend time putting everything away when I’ll use it again soon. My hobby is also not sitting immobile in a perfectly neat decorator’s dream.

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    1. "My hobby is also not sitting immobile in a perfectly neat decorator’s dream."
      Excellent. Can you embroider that on a cushion?

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    2. I certainly have the skills to do that.

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  20. One of my goals today is to continue ridding the basement of accumulated clutter, specifically cardboard boxes. We acquired most of these through home deliveries during the height of the pandemic, and they were wonderful for keeping grand-nephew (and cats) entertained--rocket ship, fort, tunnels, robots, you name it. But each week, I aim to send one bag or more out the door with my garbage collector (they recycle). I only regret giving away one thing--a gorgeous dress I could no longer wear--somehow it never made it onto the charity shop sales floor to which I'd donated it.

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    1. Best case: one of their volunteers spotted it and grabbed it.

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  21. I seriously need to declutter! On the other hand I have given away things I wish I hadn't!

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  22. I am horrible at not collecting things. My nephew and niece continue comment about the number of boxes that said books and yarn when I moved from a two-bedroom home to a single bedroom apartment. I knew the apartment was temporary and I would be moving again. Now my brother-in-law has joined the chorus, he helped move me from the apartment. Someday I'll take a month to declutter, maybe.

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  23. After committing to a round of decluttering in January, I was feeling pretty good about my efforts to put everything in its logical place, until last week, when I found myself frantically searching for a very important document to take to a meeting I was late for. Still haven't found it. I think my mind works best when surrounded by a bit of chaos.

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    1. Why is it always the one thing you need that you can't find?

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  24. Oh, dear! I’ve been trying to declutter since I retired four and a half years ago. I feel like the clutter is growing up around me, and that it somehow reproduces when I’m not looking. Last year one of my nieces gave me Marie Kondo’s book for Christmas. She gave me the Kindle version “so it won’t become part of the clutter, Aunt Deb!” I haven’t finished reading it. I’m tempted to say Marie Kondo is good at writing fantasy! Decluttering is really hard for me, because EVERYTHING “sparks joy.”


    There are lots of books I should probably get rid of. I checked, and my library won’t take them. Most of them are more than ten years old, and they won’t take anything that old. The senior center is no longer taking book donations, and I’ve heard that some of the thrift stores don’t want them, either. They may all end up in the recycling bin.

    DebRo

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    1. DebRo, this may be a long shot for book recycling: school art departments (any level of education) and YMCA/public library or similar arts programs. Books can be sculpted, colored, collaged, etc. Thinking that you live around New Haven so lots of these institutions. Good luck. Elisabeth

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    2. If there are Little Free Libraries around your area, you could spend a little time driving around and restocking them with your books. It would be very much appreciated. It would be too sad to recycle them for the paper.

      Find where they are here. Most LFLs are mapped on their website: https://littlefreelibrary.org/map/

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  25. I agree with Hank. I often do that with kitchen drawers and cabinets. In fact, yesterday I dumped out three "junk" draws in the kitchen and organized them. It just took about 15-20 minutes. I find that if I do de-cluttering in small amounts it is much easier. I still have several closets to clean out now!
    I have many paintings (of some value) that I can't figure out how to sell. I don't want to do e-bay or other internet sites. If anyone has any suggestions or experiences let me know.
    Thanks!

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  26. We decluttered in a strange fashion. We bought a house last year and I moved into it in May. Husband Frank said to pack up the least amount of stuff you need there. The rest remained in our Houston house which he had been decluttering, plus his three storage units. Some went to a rental house he is sharing with our son; some to his storage containers at his east Texas acreage. Some actually got donated. I did a big purge of clothing, etc. and every once in a while I'll regret donating one of my purses that would have been real handy. His mom dumped a lot of stuff on us from her travels. While it was interesting I didn't have any attachment to most of it so I left it up to Frank to keep or donate or sell. After cleaning out his parents' house, garage, work shed, and barn he isn't too keen on being a packrat himself. I'm finding that if I don't have it sitting around, I pretty much forget about it and don't miss it. Gosh. I hope that doesn't extend to husbands.

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  27. The problem for me is when I declutter, I worry that I am adding stuff to landfills! I try to keep things forever and I know I cannot do that. Definitely need to declutter! When I moved, I had to get rid of many books. These books went to the new library in the town that I was moving to. And the library got good use out of these books. People often borrow these books and I think the books that I donated are popular with library readers. Fortunately, I kept the books that are now out of print!

    Decided to End my subscription to many magazines with one exception. No more daily newspapers! Only getting the Sunday papers now.

    These days I try to think of how to AVOID clutter by reducing how much I consume in terms of buying things.

    Great post!

    Diana

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    1. Diana, that makes perfect sense to me! Like you I try not to buy stuff I don't need, ad I pay attention to packaging to avoid lots of plastic that will have to be "recycled" only it turns out it doesn't disappear as one would hope.

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  28. A note about recycling clothing. Driving though various town centers in Kenya and Tanzania you see rack after rack, kiosk after kiosk of castoff clothing from the US and other countries. If it's not sold by the thrifts, etc. they are donated to, they are shipped to African and other countries with people poor enough to shop for them.

    It's humbling to know how wasteful we are in some ways. And how willing so many are to make do with very little.

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  29. I really need to declutter more. And organize what I have. But it is so much more fun to read another chapter or what another episode. So that's what I do instead.

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  30. Where to begin. Right? Where to begin my comments and where to begin my de-cluttering. I like my things. Not for their monetary value but for their actual sparks of joy they bring me. The items from my parents' house and lives comfort me. The little quirky items I've collected make me smile. The books, oh the books. I do occasionally donate bunches of books, but I'm going to have to do better.

    How my daughter turned out to be a person who constantly weeds and donates and recycles and all that, I don't know. I've told my granddaughter before that if she wants to keep something I've given her, she needs to hide it when daughter is going through with her basket. Now that granddaughter is a teenager, I think she has more of a say in what goes and stays. Daughter also exercises and eats healthy. Switched at birth.

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  31. Yes, he has a few redeeming qualities!! :-)

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  32. I know someone connected to a nearby food pantry
    She takes our "new" books and puts out during food pantry days
    I thought that those who can't afford food can't afford books and helps move on the books that we would normally checked out from the library. It has proven popular with the food pantry clients.
    Marjorie

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  33. I am a person who lives amidst clutter almost to the point of being a hoarder. However, underneath the trash, which I gladly throw away, when I make the opportunity, is a mountain of books. Many read, many "to be read". This now includes digital books, mostly on Amazon's Kindle platform, but some on other platforms. Over the years, I have given away a few books; most of which, I would give again. I have lost many books when forced to jettison them under duress. One book, I gave to our local library, assuming that they would put it on their shelves. The book was The Reawakening by Primo Levi, in English, translated from the original Italian. It was a memoir of his trip after surviving the death camps from Poland back to Italy. It was such a work of grace, I was sad that it was not available in the library. The library never put it on their shelves. When Levi committed suicide, I longed to have that book back. That was when I couldn't afford books. Now, I see you can get it for $5.60 used on Amazon.

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  34. We had a garage full of hubby's stuff and my stuff and one day last year hubby finally said why are we hanging on to all this stuff. Time to get rid of my past and he began a major decluttering. I for once stayed quiet and out of his way. He got about half the garage cleared, even coming across old boxes from my apartment days before we married 25 years ago. I said if I hadn't needed it in 25 years, let it go. Then it became my turn. We had dozens of boxes from 12 years of homeschooling. It was a trip down memory lane. I just finished going through those, saving what was important to us, and letting the rest go. My poor kid. I made him do a lot of writing, but it paid off as he is a prolific writer and loves writing fan fiction. I also went through the boxes of books and keep the ones that were my friends and the ones I would reread, the ones I valued, and let the friends of the library have the rest. Despite that, We still have 20 boxes of books in the garage. Hubby's decided we needed more bookshelves and fortunately IKEA's Billy's will be back in stock soon. At the beginning of all this hubby said forget what's in the house, let's get the garage done first. Little does he know that while he was at work, I was culling books from the inside shelves, making room for the ones I rediscovered in the garage and pulled into the house. It's been like a revolving door of books. They keep having babies. Anyhow, will be able to park one of the cars in the garage by the end of the month. Yeah!

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  35. I have to say I'm glad I saved my collection of size 4 (roughly) clothes. I told myself I'd try once again to lose weight, and this time, i did it. Lost 40 pounds, so I got to get rid of the big stuff. Meaning a friend sold a bunch of it on eBay for me, so it helped me survive the pandemic. Other than that I have a book collection, but I put them on PBS once they're read. Could be b/c I'm blind, so print books don't have the same allure for me. Ditto for not holding onto paper. LOL!

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  36. I'm just here for the comments :-)

    My passion is helping people discern between the memorable and the important, the useful and the valuable. Helping people get clear on what they own and why they own it, and where they keep the keepers.

    It's a journey, a long one, for most people who have spent their life acquiring, receiving, accepting.

    But it needs to be within the backdrop of "why" in order to help get over the hump of difficult decisions and the energy and motivation to work through it all. It's tough stuff, and if you don't feel connected to the value of doing it (not just decluttering for decluttering's sake), it's an easy journey to abandon when the road starts to incline.

    PS - if you think you're saving something from the landfill, I'll remind you your home does not have a protective bubble over it to save the earth from its contents. If you've already decided you don't want to own it, but you're keeping it because the only other option seems to be the landfill, you're just subletting your valuable real estate to the landfill. Be okay with that and live with your choices. Eventually these items will need to move on, even if they're not by your hand.

    Be kinder to yourself than you are to your stuff <3

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    Replies
    1. What Kathy said! She's so wise (and experienced) in these matters.

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  37. I love you all so much! Even though I am ridiculously late with us, more than late, I have read every single one of your comments, and you are all completely hilarious. Love you so madly! So fun, so funny that we all have the same concerns and questions. And Hallie, I’m sorry I freaked you out about my idea about dumping the drawer onto the floor. But it really works.

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  38. Having downsized twice, and acquired family heirlooms/memorabilia in between, decluttering is a necessary challenge. On the other hand, I love telling generations of family stories to the grandchildren when they come upon a picture or a 'thing' and would like to know about it. So it's not completely clutter (except old papers and the craft closet) because there are so many stories to recall and share. And I tell myself the grands may need it when they have their own apartment someday (I hear the laughter.)

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