Saturday, March 18, 2023

Buddy: Eulogy For A Good Dog

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: On Thursday, I buried a dog. 

At the very beginning of 2021, I drove my daughter Virginia (known here as Youngest) to a Target parking lot near Albany, NY to pick up a Shih Tzu she had adopted from a senior dog rescue organization. This Shih Tzu was... something. He looked like an angry gremlin after being fed after midnight, scraggly and underweight. He was 13 years old, unneutered, and had a heart condition that rendered him unable to get the snip. In addition, he was mostly blind - an opaque cataract in one eye and something else not working in the other - and deaf as well. His name was Buddy, and he became Virginia's best little pal.

 


 

She started out by giving him the health care he hadn't received in his pre-rescue life. He had skin issues, so she bathed him weekly with a prescription shampoo, placating him for the indignity with lots of special tub-only treats. She got treatment for his heart, for his breathing, for the mysterious lumps that grew beneath his snowy-white hair. Buddy got the concierge medicine treatment, despite the fact his owner was a self-supporting college student.

 

 

 

 

 

 

When he first arrived in Maine, Buddy wouldn't walk outdoors. We would carry him out, plop him on some grass, and he'd wobble about a bit before hopefully doing his business. Virginia bought him a special dog carriage - not a baby stroller, a dog carriage - so he could go out and take the air like Maurice Chevalier rolling through Paris in Gigi. With time and patience (and some visits to Granny's house in the country, where there was enough space for him to wander about in the sunshine without smacking into an obstacle) he pepped up and became quite fearless, taking off down the sidewalk at a brisk walk that left some family members chasing after, unprepared.

 

 


 

 

This dog was pampered. Oh, he was pampered. He had tiny hats. He had jammies that matched his "Mom's" He had competing Christmas and Hallowe'en outfits - both Virginia and Guest Son would buy him costumes and post online to see which got the most votes. He had a special orthopedic bed and would rip up lesser dog beds in disdain. (Or maybe they just smelled cheap.) He had a whole raft of toys designed for blind dogs that he could track down by their scent - although his favorite pastime continued to be ripping pieces of cardboard into the smallest possible pieces. He had a snug car seat that enabled him to travel safely without accidentally getting out, and if anyone else traveled in Virginia's car, well, Buddy still got the front seat. 

 


 

Like many small dogs, he loved getting floofed and cuddled, and he insisted on sleeping, not just with his humans, but over them, by wriggling his way from the side of the mattress to the pillow, and then to the top of the pillow. I got to experience this for myself on Buddy's visits to granny's house, when I would wake up with a Shih Tzu hat draped over my head.

 

 

 

 


 

 

He was an ambassador for the joys of adopting a senior or disabled dog, and Virginia and Guest Son never passed up a chance to let people see how much having a special needs pet brought to their lives. Visitors to their little apartment would walk in as skeptics and leave delighted.

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

But, of course, there's one last Visitor who comes to even the most beloved dog. Both Virginia and Guest Son were out of the apartment, but they could tell afterwards that Buddy drank a full bowl of water and then settled himself in his squishy bed, which always faced the door so he could see the change in light as his people came and went, and feel the vibration of footsteps in the hall. When Guest Son got home, he thought Buddy was asleep at first. 

 

 They brought him here to the house in the country, where we laid him to rest beneath a century-old lilac, which intertwines with wild grape and Virginia creeper. It's a good place for a little blind dog, full of marvelous smells in season. May we all be granted such an end! - all thirsts quenched, peaceful in our beds, waiting for the footfall of the One who loves us.

108 comments:

  1. What a wonderful life Buddy had with your family [I'm not certain who was more blessed] . . . so many magnificent memories. So sorry for your loss.

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  2. What a beautiful story, Julia (and beautifully told, as always). Thank you for sharing Buddy with us. What a blessing Virginia and Guest Son found him and cared for him.

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    1. Thanks, Edith, They were aware Buddy did as much for them as they did for Buddy.

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  3. No matter how old, no matter how expected, no matter. The loss of an adored family member leaves a hole in the heart.

    Virginia, thank you for filling the last days of Buddy’s life with love and toys and treats and that fabulous bed. I know exactly how you feel today. Much love

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    1. She'll be watching this page, Ann, and I know she appreciates your love.

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  4. Oh my goodness, what a wonderful eulogy for Buddy, the beloved dog. What a good life Virginia and Guest Son gave him. Thank you for the loving of him and for sharing his story here.

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    1. I know everyone at JRW would like to know Buddy, Amanda.

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  5. Thank you for sharing Buddy's story. What a
    sweet tribute to him. We are dog people, so I understand the joy he brought into your lives. He was lucky he found you all.

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    1. Virginia always said SHE was the lucky one, Elizabeth - as, I suspect all of us feel about our beloved doggos.

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  6. Bless Buddy’s loving family. What a remarkable final chapter for this dear pup
    🌷🌷🌷

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  7. What a wonderful thing those young people did giving the best final years possible to Buddy. So sorry for their loss.

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    1. They really did rise to the occasion, JC, although they'd say Buddy gave the best possible years to them.

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  8. What a beautiful eulogy and demonstration of the power of love and kindness.

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  9. this is so sad Julia and so lovely. You can be so proud that you taught your children the importance of kindness. Sending you all the biggest hugs. xox

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    1. Big hugs back, Lucy. I know you know how they feel.

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  10. Oh dear, I had to grab a kleenex. I'm looking at our wee dog Molly, asleep on the carpet and dreading that day (she's only eight). But I know that Molly, like Buddy, is greatly loved so we'll continue to enjoy her company while we can. So wonderful of your daughter and Guest Son so make Buddy's last years so fabulous. Joyce W. :-)

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    1. That's it, isn't it, Joyce? When they called me wth the news, the first thing I did was give my own little guys cuddles, and they're only 5 and 9.

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  11. I'm so sorry for your family's loss. To die during sleep, without pain, without fear, is a gift.

    I had my mother's toothless 17 year old dog for 18 months and wish I'd had a dog carriage for him.

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    1. Margaret, I was astounded when she told me. I had to ask several times to really get it was a carriage for dogs, not just a repurposed pram.

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  12. From Celia: Buddy was unique and I am so sad for Virginia and the family’s loss. He visited here when sleeping over with or may be it’s on granny. What a character. On arrival I was told, oh he’ll just sleep. Not so much. Buddy appointed himself the star entertainment of our evening bouncing off unfamiliar surfaces, demanding pats and scratches, but his finale trumped all as he attacked, not his bed but that of Kingsley who was also visiting and ripped it to shreds. Not a bad display for a geriatric gentleman. I’m sure that wherever our beloved pets go Buddy is still getting plenty of action. Still last word to Virginia who gave Buddy her devotion and cared for him in an exemplary way. I’m glad Buddy spent a little time in my life too.

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    1. Thank you, Celia. Buddy had that effect on a LOT of people. :-)

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  13. This is so sweet and beautifully written. Lucky doggie to have landed in your daughter’s arms.

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    1. And we were all lucky to have known him, Hallie.

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  14. With a tear trickling down my cheek I send condolences and a thank you for sharing Buddy with us. My daughter has rescued, spoiled, loved, and lost many senior or special needs pets. They fill our hearts with joy in the time they are with us and their memories soothe our souls as we mourn them. Bless you all for Buddy’s last years allowing him to know what true love feels like ❤️

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    1. Thank you, Anon. I have a special place in my heart for senior pets as well - they can bring so much into our lives.

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  15. A beautiful tribute to a lovely companion. It's so hard to lose them. I'm so glad Buddy found his person in Virginia.

    When I found my my sweet rescue girl Marley dead on the floor at the end of my bed, my heart broke into many pieces. I still haven't gotten another dog because I'm not sure I want to go through the grief again. I truly won the dog lottery when Marley came into my life and I treasure my memories of her.

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    1. Gillian, when I lost my sweet Shih Tzu Louie, it took over three years before I was ready to open my heart again to a dog (turned out to be two dogs!) It's hard, and it takes time.

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  16. Julia what a beautiful eulogy for a beautiful dog. I send my condolences to your daughter and family.

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  17. What a beautiful memoir.❤❤❤

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  18. That is a beautiful tribute to Buddy. I'm so sorry for your loss. Hugs

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  19. Oh, Julia, I am so sorry to hear this. Please give Youngest a hug from me if you see her before I do. She was a good mom. Learned from the best. Hugs.

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    1. I will, Shari. Your family knows what it's like to lose a sweet old dog...

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  20. Hank Phillippi RyanMarch 18, 2023 at 9:24 AM

    Julia, this is quite extraordinary, and so are you, and we are all changed by it. Thank you for opening our hearts, and thank you and your dear family for opening yours.

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  21. Cute dog. My mom had a Shizu who lived 18 years. He was blind and deaf at the end. What a blessing your family was to Buddy.

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    1. They are wonderful little dogs, Brenda. I'm glad your mom got to know the joy of Shih Tzu ownership.

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  22. Rhys: what a beautiful thing your daughter did, making the last years of an unwanted animal so full of joy. Now if we could do that for unwanted humans….

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  23. Oh, my. I am sorry that you have lost him in your day to day. Still, it is good that he has a permanent part of your place as well as your hearts. A wonderful tribute to the love.

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  24. My heart is breaking for you and Virginia and all who knew Buddy. But how wonderful Buddy's last years were, thanks to his new caring family. This has reminded me of the Buddy I had in my life, really the best dog ever for more than 16 years!

    The days are numbered, I know, for my Sunny, who is almost 13, but I try not to think about it.

    Somehow we have to encourage more people to adopt older and other vulnerable dogs. I'm sure that Virginia and Buddy's story will help promote this.

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    1. If there's some small knock on effect from his death, Judi, that would be a wonderful gift.

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  25. Julia, my condolences to you, Youngest and Guest Son on the loss of Buddy. The tale you posted illustrates to me why I have always loved dogs. But sadly, it also illustrates why I will never have another one. I have said goodbye to so many dogs that after the last one, I don't want to go through that again. I'll be the Uncle to my sister's dog Wilson on the occasional visit but that's about all I can handle.

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    1. Jay, I've always said their greatest joy is that they can be with their best friend for the whole of their lives, our greatest sorrow is that we cannot. I totally understand where you are right now.

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  26. Everyone is richer for having known him. I’m sitting here looking at my sweet 14 year old dog, Unfortunately, she is close to end of her days.

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    1. Oh, that's so hard, Patty. All we can do is hold tight and love them while we have them.

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  27. What a lucky boy Buddy was, to be so loved in his last years. And how fortunate your family was, to have so much love for and from him. Our senior rescues teach us about joy, sorrow, and then courage, to find another pet who needs us as much as we need them.

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  28. What a beautiful tribute to a much loved member of your family. ~Emily Dame

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  29. Julia, beautifully written! Condolences and hugs to Virginia and Guest Son and to you on the loss of Buddy. A well-deserved end for a feisty, sweet gentleman! We lost our Lilly two years ago this summer. She's buried under the apple trees with lily of the valley covering the ground. (Flora)

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  30. This story may have a sad ending, but it's a wonderful story none the less. Buddy's life, in his final years, was full of love and cuddles and treats--all the things dogs want from life. Youngest and Guest Son did a good deed when they adopted him, and I salute them. Caring for a senior dog is hard--that's why so many of them wind up in shelters, abandoned by the owners who don't want to deal with end-of-life issues. But caring for a senior dog can also be uplifting and wonderful. They teach us lessons of compassion right up to their last minutes in our lives.

    This is where I'm going to put in my pitch for adopting shelter dogs, or dogs in rescue groups. They need loving homes--even the younger, healthier ones. Right now a lot of pandemic pups have flooded the shelters to overflowing because the kids went back to school and parents went back to their offices and they didn't need a dog anymore. I got my sweet dog, Slater, from my local shelter via a rescue group I volunteer for, and not a moment too soon. Loud, crazy environments make him shut down and he's only now--four months after I got him--building his confidence to navigate his new environment. Some dogs aren't so lucky. I spotted another dog at the same shelter who looked like a happy, loving boy. I was sorry I had no room for him in my pack, but I promoted his adoption until he disappeared from the website. I thought he'd found a home but instead he had become aggressive in the fight-or-flight environment of an overcrowded shelter, and they had put him down. It shouldn't have happened that way, but I understand why it did. They couldn't adopt out a dog that bites. With therapy and a loving home he would have been fine, but he didn't get either so now he's gone.

    All of which is just to say, if you have room in your home and in your heart, head for your local shelter. Loving animals are there, and they need you.

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    1. Amen to that, Gigi! All our family's dogs have been rescues, either from shelters or from rescue organizations. There are so, so many wonderful dogs out there waiting for a forever home.

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  31. Buddy is seriously good dog. ❤️😢🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋

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  32. How lovely to hear of Buddy's recent history! My condolences to his family. May all of us have such a comfortable and dignified end.

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  33. What a beautiful tribute to Buddy and an amazing statement about the kindness of your daughter. We probably won't get another dog. Even after 4 months, we still find ourselves expecting to see Kenai when we walk in the house. I must confess that the photo of the dog carriage made me laugh, because Kenai weighed 100 pounds and putting him in a carriage would have been a feat on engineering. Sending you love!

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    1. Thanks, Judy. I do understand needing to take a break - or maybe saying "Not any more." Your heart is so broken.

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  34. This is beautiful! I am so sorry for your and your family's loss. Senior animals always give the best of love. Hugs.

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  35. I admire them for adopting a senior dog, and one with special needs, knowing that they wouldn’t have as many years with him as they would have with a puppy. Buddy was blessed to have them, as they were to have Buddy.
    DebRo

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    1. Senior dogs really do have SO much to give their people, DebRo.

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  36. That was beautiful. I'm so glad that sweet boy found a safe, loving home in the end. Sending hugs to all who loved him.

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  37. We've had many dogs over the last 50 years. The two we have now are rescues. It warms my heart to know there are people like you who genuinely love animals and care for them in this way. May God bless you for showing love and compassion for the vulnerable and fragile little ones he has put in your care.

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  38. I am so touched by Buddy's story. Five years ago we adopted a senior dog, very much like him. We couldn't bear the idea of Lottie living her last weeks or month in a cage. Five-plus years later we are still running after her, changing her diapers, guide-dogging her around around rural property, grateful for the chance to catch up on all the time we missed with this gal who reminds me of "Aunt Clara" from Bewitched. Our grand surprise. Our other dogs, rescues all, are patient with her and we have all learned much about love and moxie from our old gal. Beth T. in Oregon

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    1. Thank you, Beth. I'm delighted to hear your own senior pup success!

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  39. In the end it is all about the love. Good boy, Buddy.

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  40. Two of our three grand dogs are now firmly in the senior category; the Berner has actually lived to 13 now, an almost unheard of feat for that breed. She is full of tumors and losing hearing and mobility by the minute, but still so obviously happy to continue to be part of the family, and so rejuvenated by playing in snow, that my daughter keeps putting off the vet's recommendation of letting her go. As long as she seems happy they are going to keep helping her along.

    But taking on a pet already in the twilight years is a really special and kind act, particularly knowing that the relationship is finite. Bless Virginia, and everyone else who gives these animals loving homes where they can live out their days in comfort and companionship. We should all be so lucky.

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    1. Thank you, Karen. Our vet always said if a dog is having more good days than bad, it's all good.

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  41. Virgina and Guest Son are my heros! What beauty they demonstrated to Buddy, and to us all. I'm sure they are hurting now since Buddy passed, but the memories they and you have were created making his life blessed. None of you know me, but please tell Virginia and Guest Son thank you and that they are in my prayers as they grieve their loss.

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  42. What a beautiful tribute to Buddy. I’m so glad that Youngest gave him the best years of his life in his last years.
    We adopted our darling Maine Coon Tubby when she was 10. She had abandoned the neglectful neighbors for us a few years earlier but that’s when it was official. She blessed us with 8 more years of love before passing last June and I know we gave her the very best years of her life.

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    1. That's one of the many benefits of adopting a senior pet, isn't it, Jennifer? Along with all the love, you get the glow of knowing you've made a real difference in it's life.

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  43. I’m sitting in a noir panel at Left Coast Crime sobbing. Oh, Julia, I am so happy Youngest found Buddy and gave him best life. Dogs really are the best of us. We don’t deserve them.

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    1. We can only aspire to rise up to become the people our dogs think we are, Jenn.

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  44. We had to give up our 14-yr old 'chiweenie' Annie just before Christmas. I had had major back surgery in the summer, and part of my recovery was walking with my roll-ator (which has a seat so you can sit down if you need a rest, and a basket underneath it) in the neighborhood with my roommate, who walked Annie and Molly, our other dog. After awhile, we noticed that Annie was having trouble breathing and didn't like walking, so I would put Annie in the basket, with the top up. She loved it and got lots of attention from other dog walkers. After we took her to the Vet for x-rays and her lungs were full of fluid, we had to make the decision. Your narrative about Buddy has made me re-live those last several months with much love. Thanks, Julia, for such a wonderful story!

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    1. I'm so sorry you lost your Annie, Mary - and I'm grateful GS and Virginia were spared making that hard, loving decision you had to make. My vet told me it's the last loving act we can do for our pets, and I agree.

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  45. Oh Julia, TMMC (this made me cry), but in the best way. I extend my condolences to all of you, and pray Buddy's memory is a blessing. I'm an animal person who's lived with cats for the last 40 years. We say everyone in the house is a rescue, because the line between who did the rescuing is so blurred as to be invisible. The most recent addition to our family is a senior special needs Norwegian Forest Cat, formerly owned by a friend who died two years ago. Taj is a hoot, and has shown amazing fortitude and grit. He's 19, only weighs 4 1/2 pounds, has lost several teeth, can't clean himself (hooray for our mobile groomer), lives with kidney disease and still perseveres. Just the other day I saw him playing with a cat toy (we have three other younger cats) and it made my heart SO happy. He sleeps either on my pillow or his heated bed on the floor next to our bed, and eats eight or nine times a day - on my pillow. You *bet* he's spoiled! :))) The truth is that through divine alchemy Taj has given me infinitely more than I'll ever be able to give him. ~Lynda

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    1. Lynda, that is the mysterious truth of adopting a special needs pet, isn't it?

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  46. It's so special giving a home to a senior animal. My elderly cousin died a few years ago and left 2 kitties, KC and Harry who were 16 at the time. No one wanted to take them in so I decided it was up to me. Took a while for them to get used to my much smaller home, my own 2 cats, and to grieve for their owner who adored them. But eventually they got used to things and we had almost 3years together. Loved them, animals give us so much. What special children you have, Julia.

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    1. Thank you, Anon. I think they're pretty special as well.

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  47. (Third time typing this out, Blogger is not my friend today) What a difference love makes. From bedraggled to bejeweled. Thanks to Virginia and Guest Son, Buddy got to live the most wonderful of lives that he so richly deserved. Of course, I know that Virginia and GS feel that they are just as lucky, with the joy Buddy gave them. I know that adopting a senior dog (we have our Lulu, Brittany Spaniel rescue) is a special relationship. Giving a senior his/her final best years is a privilege. I'm so sorry that you all have had to say goodbye to your darling Buddy. I have tears for his passing but also for the love he felt with his adored humans.

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    1. Thanks, Kathy. I agree with you that it's a privilege to be able to shower a senior dog (or cat!) with love and care in their last years. And as Buddy shows, you can pack a lot of joy into 27 months.

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  48. Pets bring so much into our lives. It has been a long time since I've had one, but I haven't forgotten. Thanks very much for sharing this story, Julia!

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  49. So well said.
    I've long thought being a dog or cat is a great deal IF, and only IF you get the right family.

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    1. That's true, Unknown - there's no pampering like a pet with a houseful of adoring servants!

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  50. Last year, my husband talked me into looking at dogs from a senior rescue facility. We’d been through the deaths of our three rescue dogs over two years and were finally ready to adopt again, but I wasn’t sure I could handle an older dog with a looming “expiration date”. Well, I found our Buddy on their website and hit the jackpot! He’s the absolute best dog ever! Bonus: after his DNA breed analysis was done, they offered (for a fee, of course) to determine his age. Turns out he was only 7 when we got him so now is 8 and in great health! We’re hoping to have our big couch potato for years to come.
    Julia, your tribute to your Buddy was eloquent, heartfelt and beautiful. I’m very impressed that your daughter and Guest Son were open to adopting a senior dog. Please give them hugs and be kind to yourself, too. So very sorry for your loss.
    —Pat S.

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    1. Thank you, Pat. I'm so happy to hear you were also open to adopting a senior dog - and yes, to a lot of folks, any dog older than 6 is too old!

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  51. A beautiful tribute, Julia, and a lovely conclusion to Buddy's life. Virginia was sych a good dog mom. Our senior ShihTzu rescue, from a nonprofit aptly named The Misfits, came to us with a heart murmur and remarkably true-to-the-royal-palace-breeding character, is our supremely pampered princess. We hope her last few years on earth are her best. RIP, Buddy, under those treasured ancient lilacs.

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    1. All Shih Tzus deserve to be treated like the royalty they are, Anon!

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  52. What a beautiful tribute to Buddy, Julia. Your Youngest and Guest Son are terrific.

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    1. Yes, they are, Debs. I'm very proud of them.

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  53. Your daughter is lovely for saving this beautiful baby and letting him know what love is. Senior dogs are the best ❤️ So sorry for your loss.

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    1. Thank you, Liz. I think senior doggos are the best as well.

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  54. What a beautiful tribute to Buddy and your loving, caring, generous daughter and Guest Son! So poignant and so moving. I am so glad Buddy had such a loving home in the final years of his life. “Grief is the price we pay for love” is true but I am willing to pay that price for the chances to love and be loved by a cherished dog. Thank you, Julia. ❤️😢

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    1. Very true, Anon. I've had my heart broken before and I will again, and I still sign up for the chance to have a dog in my life.

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  55. I love this story, so much. We've adopted two dogs and adored both of them. Our sweet Lucy crossed the bridge last summer and we're both struggling with her loss. We want to adopt another dog, but are looking for one 3 years old or more. After all, we're in our mid-70s and we don't want to worry about a dear fudkid ending up in a shelter. Bless you for giving Buddy the best end of life, ever!

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  56. I am happy to reading this story, Dog are good pet and lovable to us.
    abogados de bancarrota de virginia

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