RHYS BOWEN: Yesterday we had a chat about danger. We write about it so easily. We put our heroines in awful situations, life or death situations. But that’s fiction.
So now I wonder if we have ever been brave like our characters? Have I ever run toward danger, not flinched in the face of danger? I’ve certainly never wheeled my bicycle through occupied France. I’ve never smuggled food to a downed airman in Tuscany. And I’ve never been as brave as Lady Georgie or Molly Murphy who have faced knives, guns, being locked in dungeons or about to be thrown down an elevator shaft.
I suppose in our world we are not often called upon to be brave… except now when we decide whether to join a protest march! I have asked myself whether I would intervene if I saw ICE grabbing a person on the street. I have a lovely cleaning lady from El Salvador and a gardener from Mexico. Both are legal but that doesn’t seem to matter. So yes, I would fight for them. There is a number to call to alert the right people to a wrongful arrest.
I'm sure I could have been brave to protect my kids, and now my grandkids. If I was hiding from Nazis and a soldier with a gun came in, I could probably have killed him to protect my family. I say probably because I haven't been put to that test, thank God. But apart from small acts that required some guts: traveling alone across Europe when I was fourteen, leaving everything to move to Australia alone, I can’t think of an occasion when I swung on a rope to rescue a puppy from a river.
I was going to say that I'm not a risk taker. I'd never do rock climbing or deep see diving. But thinking it over I have taken risks: moving to a new life in Australia, coming with John to California. And I've taken risks with my writing. Just not the reckless sort of risks. No sky diving, thank you.
The only occasion I do remember with some pride that took guts was when I was fifteen. I was attending drama school in London. I rode the train up after school twice a week. It was dark and very foggy when I arrived back at Charing Cross around 7pm station only to find it shut. No explanation. Just barriers across the entrance. I went down and caught the Tube to London Bridge, station, which was also shut. That’s when I learned there had been a horrible train crash on the line I would have taken. One train ran into the back of another in the fog, knocking down a bridge with a third train on it. Awful loss of life.
This was before cell phones but I did find a pay phone and managed to get through to my parents. The fog was far too thick for them to come and get me. I’ll try and take a bus, I said. Of course today I’d have checked into a hotel and told them my parents would pay in the morning, but I was fifteen. My brain didn’t work that way. So I waited at a bus stop with a growing crowd of people. It became quite clear that the fog was too thick. No bus would come. So a group of us set off, walking in the right direction. The fog was so thick that every time we came to a cross roads someone had to peer a few inches from a street sign to try and read it.
We walked on. People left when we reached their area. We came close to the site of the rail disaster. All we could hear through the fog was non-stop wail of ambulance sirens, fire engine bells. It was very frightening. One by one more people left. I should point out that I lived fourteen miles outside London and none of this route was familiar to me. Then finally I was on my own. I kept walking. The fog was still so thick that there were no vehicles on the road. No lighted stores. Nothing. And the area I was walking through now had fields on either side. The occasional street lights only gave a faint glow through the fog.
I finally got home at three in the morning. My parents were frantic but had no way to contact me. So I guess if I survived that I can survive most things. But was I brave? I suppose the answer is I had no alternative, and this must be true for a lot of things we call bravery. A soldier finds himself behind enemy lines. He has to kill or be killed. It's not bravery, it's self preservation.
So I don't know if I'd ever be really brave. But I would try to rescue a puppy from a river!
How about you Reds and Reddies?
Stories of bravery to tell?
How brave you were to hike all that way through such heavy fog . . . .
ReplyDeleteAm I brave? While I am certain I'd do anything to protect my children/grandchildren, I don't think of myself as particularly brave . . . .
Exactly, Koan. Me too
DeleteI used to take my high school students to France every other year. One year, we were in la vieille ville in Nice and three of my boys got into a staring match with some local boys. One of the local boys pulled a knife on my students, so I calmly stepped in front of the French boy and explained (in French) that we were all dumb Americans and didn't know the local customs. I told my boys to calm down, because they were ready to fight, of course (testosterone!). Nobody was stabbed, and we left the market with no injuries (Jane N.)
DeleteI think I many people on this blog are brave - taking the words that live inside your head and sending them out into the world seems very brave to me.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Lisa. The writers who persevere in spite of rejection, i.e. How many publishers turned down a work? That is diligence and that is bravery.
DeleteI agree with Lisa and Coralee that writers who persevere in spite of rejection are brave.
DeleteI am not brave. I am an anxious person. Circumstances have taught me, however, that you have learn courage by doing things that scare you. My husband is a lifelong mountaineer and rock climber; I am afraid of heights and never had any interest in facing that fear. But I have built a barn and a garage and a cabin, cleared a farm, taught myself to back a trailer and use a tractor, handled dairy bulls, and done many other things that frightened me. When our son slid into mental illness in college I climbed up the fire escape of his locked off-campus building to his third floor room (afraid of heights, remember?) and went in the window to get him out. I then spent several years following him down difficult paths, pretending to be calm and unafraid.
ReplyDeleteI will add that I agree with Lisa. Writing for publication requires bravery and toughness and in general I can't manage it. Give me an angry Jersey bull! In my barn I used to carry a length of 2x4 in my back pocket for emergencies. I'm not sure that would help me cope with reviews. (Selden)
I think brave and anxious can go hand in hand - you are intelligent enough to see the risk of the situation (causing anxiety) but brave enough to take action anyway.
DeleteI think the life you have shared with us here on this blog is a very brave one indeed.
You are brave.
DeleteYes, you are really brave. Look how many times you have faced fears!
DeleteSelden, you are amazing! — Pat S
DeleteI'm brave in certain situations and others I'm not.
ReplyDeleteSame here. Not so good with spiders!
DeleteBrave? Ptah! Show me a spider and see how brave I am. While you're at it, you'd better bring me a clean pair of pants.
ReplyDeleteThat was my dad - he would do crazy things on a snowmobile. But a spider? No way!
DeleteMy friend’s husband is afraid of spiders. He’s a firefighter who literally runs into burning buildings and yet is afraid of spiders. (I’m also afraid of spiders but make no claims about running into burning buildings.) We all have our fears.— Pat S
DeleteI will gladly remove all of your spiders in my trusty tennis can and place them far out in your gardens where they can do the most good. I won't jump out of an airplane though, even with a parachute.
DeleteThat walk, Rhys! Do you remember being frightened or feeling hopeless that night?
ReplyDeleteMy good friend is part of an ICE watch near Boston. I hope I would be as brave to surround ICE agents and ask them for their warrant, yell "Shame!" and tell people they don't have to come out of their houses as a woman I saw on a video. I do stand out at a noon protest in my town every week with my sign.
Lisa and other say it's brave to write fiction. I suppose, but I learned to cope with rejection early on, and the positives of what I do so far outrun the negatives that it doesn't feel particularly brave. It is fun to write a brave protagonist facing her attacker at some point in each book, asking myself how she's going to get out of this predicament without relying on a rescuer.
Yes, I wonder about this, too (ICE). I used to talk to my students about the courage of people like Miep Geis, who hid Anne Frank. I know I would risk my life for my own family, but for my employer and his family? For strangers? It was a good discussion point. I would like to think I would but I've always worried that I'm too chickenhearted. (Selden)
DeleteThe strange thing was I don’t remember the fear apart from the ambulances going past but I do remember grim resolve.
DeleteI always say that there is no way to tell how you will react in a situation until you are in it.
ReplyDeleteThere are definitely things that I avoid doing and situations I avoid as well. If you can keep your head when faced with danger, that's something. But is avoiding unpleasant situations mean you are a coward? Every one of us has something we will stand up for, I believe.
I suppose there is being foolhardy or prudent. Walking the other way when there is some kind of uprising is prudent
DeleteI think I failed to hit publish the first time this morning. Oh well, for me 'bravery' has more to do with not having a choice for other action. For example many years ago when counseling, I worked alone in the office after hours. My clients varied from troubled to deeply wounded. At times I was fearful, but just hung in there. In one case a criminal and his associate entered the office. They only came once. I failed them and myself. I could not be non judgemental. //Plot twist though. It turns out that this office building's mail boxes were being used as a money drop for the local crime syndicate. At this time it was under FBI surveillance. Hindsight my friends is the moral here.
ReplyDeleteHow creepy. And you were brave to keep that job
DeleteCoralee, you were brave to keep that job.
DeleteThere are different sorts of personal bravery. Going in for certain medical tests and procedures when one is frightened. In my case, speaking before a potentially hostile crowd, or even a friendly one, leading (chanting) a religious service. These are things that are out of my comfort zone, so I have to choose to do them, knowing I can live with the outcome however it goes. People with severe anxiety are constantly doing things they would rather not do. It's just a different, private sort of bravery.
ReplyDeleteI suppose the things I have mentioned require courage rather than bravery. I haven't thought much about the difference between the two.
DeleteInteresting. I’ll be debating the difference between courage and bravery all morning
DeleteGood point.
DeleteI don’t know if I am brave but one of my sons tells me that I have a lot of “grit.” He specifically is talking about my journey into deafness which began in my mid-40s when I refused to give up.
ReplyDeleteDetermination and bravery go hand in hand
DeleteAgreed that bravery and determination go hand in hand.
DeleteSome say I am brave for travelling on my own half-way around the world (like to Japan this month) but that's just second nature to me.
ReplyDeleteI was an only child and that I have lived on my own for 40 years so I am used to being independent and planning & doing things my way.
Physically brave? I'm not a risk taker or a lover of extreme sports.
Medical procedures and surgery are fine. I have not been afraid.
I think you have courage. Not sure if it’s the same thing!
DeleteIt's possible to prepare for some situations that require courage. Soldiers train before they go to the front. In the immigrant rights movement, we have done Know Your Rights training and built a rapid response team. I think it's easier to be brave if you've thought about the situations in advance and are doing it as a group. In your case, Rhys, you walked across foggy London with a group of strangers who became your companions in bravery. In the most dangerous situations (natural disaster, martial law) our connections with each other will save us. We need to consider community bravery. (sending this dispatch from "war-ravaged" Portland).
ReplyDeleteSo true! Would Rhys have started the walk all alone? But she was able to start with a group and build up the confidence that she could do this, so by the time she was alone, she was ready for the challenge. Very applicable to many of our challenges today.
DeleteGillian, I have to laugh when I hear "war-ravaged Portland."
DeleteAccording to Google, "Portland ranks lower than other cities nationally for overall crime rates,
Portland was ranked in the top 50 safest cities in a 2025 study"
I've never been particularly brave or courageous. Things I've done far out of my comfort zone were things where the alternative was not acceptable (drive halfway across the country or lose my job, etc.). But I'd like to share a story about my dad--one he never spoke of until late in his life, under the influence of morphine after a difficult surgery, and then to our sister who sat through the night with him. He was a soldier in the Pacific theater during WWII. He was leading his unit on foot through heavy enemy shell and gunfire. At one point he and his men had taken cover in a shell hole, when a soldier from another unit was hit and lay out in the open. My dad directed his men to stay put and crawled out alone to get this man. Another shell struck, my dad flung himself over the fallen soldier and saved the man's life as well as his own. I think how easy it would've been to direct one of his men to go after the fallen soldier; any one of them would've done anything he asked of them.
DeleteToday I wonder, like Edith, if I will be brave enough to open my mouth if I come face to face with injustice?
Wow. I wonder how many of our dads were unsung heroes during wars but never spoke of it
DeleteMy wife's father earned a Bronze Star for standing waist-deep in the darkness in a cramped space for hours as he worked to restore electricity to his torpedoed ship. He would talk about that, but he would never talk about the nitty-gritty of war, the friends he lost, or the battles they fought. Some things were just meant to be kept hidden deep inside. I gather that most, if not all, of his crewmates felt the same.
DeleteI had a crazy day and am so late to the blog today that no one may see this, but I couldn't help adding that my father, an aerial gunner in WWII, landed his plane after the pilot and a few others were hit by enemy fire. He received several medals for his actions, which saved several lives. He always said it was because after the first few guys bailed out something fell across the opening and he couldn't jump, so his only choice was to figure out how to land that plane or die. But I always believed not everyone could have done what he did even under those circumstances.
DeleteRhys, thick fog can be so scary and dangerous. I remember driving up to Mammoth (to go skiing) from southern Calif and the fog on one of the freeways was so thick I could only see the tail lights of the 18 wheeler truck in front of me. I presumed it was a large truck. Then it turned right, apparently to a side road. I turned and had no idea where I was or where I was going. It is terrifying being on a freeway where you can't see cars driving, who knows at what speed or where they are or where the road is or ends. We did make it but that was the last time I drove to Northern Calif in winter. Although fog can happen at any time.
ReplyDeleteI once was caught in a whiteout snowstorm that was just like the fog you describe. I was weeping with fright, unable to see anything of the road. I would have simply stopped, paralyzed, but it was so blinding there was a real danger of being struck from behind. A man who was with me rolled down his passenger window, leaned out, and watched the side of the road for the embankment, keeping his hand on the wheel the whole time to steer and keep us from sliding off. The expletives coming out of his mouth expressed my own feelings exactly. It was a time of sheer terror. (Selden)
DeleteIn the days of London smogs before the clean air act stopped coal fires the bus conductor would often walk in front of the bus as he could see the curb
DeleteMy dad used to tell a story of the fog being so thick one night when he was driving home that he was slowly, very slowly following the painted line dividing the lanes of traffic. He finally found another car coming toward him. A sheriff deputy was the on coming traffic doing the same thing as Dad. They slowly creeped around each other and proceeded on their ways.
DeleteI've been brave in political situations, knowing I would be jailed for a protest, which is a choice, but for the most part I have avoided situations that I knew would take bravery (I am the anti-adrenalin-junkie) and done brave actions in situations that happened to me.
ReplyDeleteGood for you
DeleteI read in the paper yesterday about a young Polish skier and mountain climber who climbed up and down Mt. Everest without oxygen and while on SKIS! Doing the bunny runs on a slight incline is scary enough for me!
ReplyDeleteDifference between brave and foolhardy, right?
Deletethere's a big difference between brave and foolhardy!
DeleteI don't know about being brave, but I do know I had an experience a few years ago, where I did not think, just acted. Walking to work one day I heard cries for help about a block ahead. I started to run and saw a lady holding up a small dog in the air, while a larger dog was menacing her and trying to reach the small dog. I ran up, grabbed the larger dog by his collar and he came with me. We crossed the street and the lady with the little dog took off running. The large dog was very calm and rather sweet which turned out well for me. I let him go and he trotted off happily to the next driveway and went home. Never saw or heard from the lady with the little dog and on top of that I was late for work!
ReplyDeleteThat’s very brave. The big dog could have snapped at you in the excitement
DeleteWow! That was a very brave thing to do. The large dog could have bitten you.
DeleteMy sister insists I am brave because I live in my car. I find it is a necessity to surviving and that doesn't feel brave to me, it feels like putting one foot in front of the other. I think perhaps she is projecting that she doesn't feel brave enough to do what I have to do to survive. To her credit, she offers her bed in a 2-bed apt she already shares with a very negative roommate several states north of me. I explain that won't work for a myriad of reasons, but because I don't do what she wants, I am therefore brave. Nope, I'm just playing the hand I've been dealt and learning so very much along the way. -- Victoria
ReplyDeleteVictoria we all feel for you right now. Is there anything we can do to help?
DeleteRhys, the fact that you ask means the world. Positive thoughts towards a home or safe room in someone's home would be welcome. It is fascinating how many people I know who have spare bedrooms, but never once said, please come stay in my home. That is telling in so many ways. I know doors will open when they should, but I must say that the most support I have found is among those who have little, but still give share what they can, even if it is a pack of gum, because they want to help in some way. Give me a nation of those folks any day over those rattling around in their large homes with only one or two people living there, hoarding their space. I think folks forget that they are only a catastrophic event away from joining me. -- Victoria
DeleteVictoria, I think about you often, but have never offered anything to you. Aside from offering positive thoughts (which I am indeed sending), is there anything I or we can offer you? I am not sure what part of the country you’re in. — Pat S
DeleteWow Rhys… that is haunting. Xxx
ReplyDeletewhen you think about it, fear is a great gift. It kicks in to keep us safe. Darwinian .
ReplyDeleteThere would be those who think I am brave to have gotten a shot in my right eye this morning, got one six weeks ago, too. However, the shots are for my macular degeneration that has gone from dry to wet (wet is the bad one), and the last shot had some positive results, like no dark spot in my central vision after. And, that first shot was easy, just a little pain from numbing it. Today was not quite as smooth, still the pain from numbing it and it took several tries to get the thingamabob that holds your eye open to come out. But the shot itself, I couldn't feel at all, and if it helps me hold on to my central vision in that eye, even for a while longer, it's worth it.
ReplyDeleteRhys, I am so in awe of your walk home in that fog, especially when it came down to just you on the road. So many dangers in that. Brave you were. Of course, it's like so many people say, brave is doing what has to be done even when you're afraid. I think we are all brave to still be getting up every day in spite of our worries and troubles.
Poor Kathy. The shots helped my mother, and my sister gets them for a different condition. Oh, and the dreaded speculum - my first retina procedure was done by an insensitive doctor. who had a speculum keeping my eye open for much, much too long a time, with no sort of numbing. It was a traumatic experience [the speculum combined with the light torture]. Mercifully I switched doctors before my next procedures. The new doctor didn't actually say that the first doctor's practice was barbaric, but he implied that he would never do such a thing.
ReplyDeleteI suppose people could consider decided to be fired from a job is brave, but I've certainly been in a position where I had to defend myself, loved ones, or even rescue a puppy from a river. I think I could be brave defending my kids, though.
ReplyDeleteHow do we define the meaning of "brave"? I do things that you and anyone would do yet several people have this idea of people who are deaf or who have disabilities. These people always tell me "You are very brave". Do they think deaf and people with disabilities are helpless? I learned the tools to become independent.
ReplyDeleteBravery can mean different things.