JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Congratulate me, everyone, I’m a
grandmother! Little Paulie* arrived last week, a full ten days before his due
date, throwing us all into confusion. He must get this from my
daughter-in-law’s side of the family, because I guarantee you no one on the
Hugo-Vidal camp has ever arrived that early to anything.
*He looks just like Paul Sorvino in Goodfellas
Right now, my grandmotherly duties are keeping the new parent’s two dogs, which, if you’re keeping score at home, makes for four dogs and two cats, one of which is my younger daughter’s $15,000 guy. It feels as if my house had been invaded by needy toddlers, which, I suppose, is a good preview of the future.
 |
| Like this, but bald, no cigar, and in a onesie |
I’m excited about this new stage in my life, in part because my own grandmothers played such an important role in my life. I was lucky to have three: Grandmother Spencer, a loving fluffy bisquit of a Southern woman, Grandma Fleming, who magically always had fresh-baked cookies when I stopped at her house on my way home from high school, and Grandma Greuling, a no-nonsense Adirondacker who let me help in her antique shop and told me stories about my family going back to the 1600s.
None of my grandmothers took me on vacations or showered me with expensive gifts. They let me be with them while they sewed, gardened, baked, refinished furniture. They loved me for who I was and listened to me no matter what. What a gift for any child!
Reds, what do you remember about your own grandmothers?
HALLIE EPHRON: I remember my grandmother was very old and wrinkly and spoke very little English and with a thick accent. She always had a coin or two in her pocket for me.
She lived in an apartment nearby and came to our house once
a week and cooked. She made the world’s best thin, crisp cinnamon cookies which
I’ve never been able to duplicate. I got to cut them out and brush them with
butter and sprinkle on cinnamon.
She also made the world’s best chopped liver. Don’t groan, it’s delicious.
She’d start by rendering chicken fat from chicken skin (I stood by the stove
hoping to grab off some of the crispy bits). And end by chopping sauteed
livers and onions that had been cooked in the chicken fat, seasoning with
plenty of salt and pepper, and chopping in a massive wooden bowl which I still
have, it’s bottom cross-hatched with cut marks.
I never got a chance to ask her what life had been like in
Russia, how she and others in her family managed to flee, what it was like to
go through Ellis Island….
If you have a living grandparent, ASK while you can still get answers!
HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: My father’s mother was elegant
and gorgeous, beautiful with icy white hair and the best clothes, and a
wonderful cook who made lemon pancakes in the shape of our initials and dusted
with powdered sugar. She made amazing chicken soup, and kreplach, and matzo
ball soup, and a wine cake that no one could ever duplicate–and she had
written out recipe cards with NO quantities, so no one could
possibly make her dishes again. She gave me a typewriter, when I was
about 9, which was so life changing. (It came in a little suitcase.)
I did ask her about leaving Russia, and she started talking about what a lovely village her family had lived in and what lovely soldiers came to town, and I soon realized she was about to tell me her own fairy tale, and I’d never know the real story. I did ask her to write it down--she typed it on my typewriter! And it is still somewhere.
My mother's mother was very..quirky. Ethereal, and fragile.
From another time, it really felt. I have no memory of her ever saying a word
to me.
When my parents were divorced, I also had my step-father’s mother. She once said to me, when I was 10, maybe: “I love you as much as I would love a real grandchild.”
LUCY BURDETTE: My mother’s mother was Lucille Burdette–she
was a painter, very kind and gentle. Sadly, she died when I was about seven so
I don’t have lots of memories.
My father’s mother was little and fierce–we still tell stories about how she bossed my grandfather around. My mother was afraid of her, and my uncle didn’t have too much good to say either. Even so, I admired her sturdy toughness and John fears I’ve inherited too much of her:).
I feel like grandmothers of today seem much younger and more active. Congratulations Julia!
RHYS BOWEN: Congratulations from me too, Julia. You’ll love this stage of life.
My mother’s mother raised me while my mother worked (female
teachers were required during the war), then came to live with us when my
grandfather died, so she was always a huge part of my life. She was tiny and
gentle. I don’t ever remember her raising her voice. She showed endless
patience and kindness to me, which was great because my mother was always
overworked and stressed and had no time for me. She lived to 91 and ate like a
sparrow.
I didn’t know my father’s mother as well. We went to visit her frequently but it was always a formal visit, not playing with her as with my other grandmother. But she was a wonderful cook. I remember her sausage pie with her homemade red cabbage pickles. Still drooling! And when she died, when I had just got engaged, she left me her wedding ring, which I had melted into my own ring.
I am blessed to have been part of my grandchildren’s lives since the day they were born. When they were little II had to make up fantastic stories for them. Also chased them over climbing equipment, Such happy memories.
DEBORAH CROMBIE: I only knew one grandmother, Lillian, known
as Nanny, my mother’s mother. A widowed school teacher (I knew neither of my
grandfathers) she came to live with us when I was born. We shared a room until
I was about six, when my parents built an addition on to the house for her so
that she could have her own space. She was the gentlest person I’ve ever known,
although she must have been really tough to have raised four kids mostly on her
own during the Depression. She was unfailingly kind and encouraging to me and a
good buffer between me and my mother, who was a much more demanding
personality. She taught me to read and to be interested in the world and we had
many adventures together. She died at 86 and I still miss her.
JULIA: How about you, dear readers? What are your memories of a grandmother - or grandfather?
Julia, much love to you, your daughter and daughter-in-law, and Paul…who like all wonderful grandchildren will soon outgrow “little Paulie” (it is true that all grandchildren grow much faster than we believe they will.) Grammy was always a safe haven…cookies in the cookie jar, broiling steaks in the coal stove, letting my cousin and I set the table in her 1812 home with all the china and silver that had been there since 1812…even the finger bowls, teaching me to sew, wallpapering and painting her home, and teaching my mother to wallpaper hers. And always being a cheerful pitstop on my way home from college, when my bladder would not have survived the 15 minutes to get home. Elisabeth
ReplyDeleteThat's how I feel about my grandmothers, Elisabeth. I have all the china and silver ready to demonstrate proper place setting, too!
DeleteMazel tov, Julia!! May little Paulie live a long, happy and healthy life! Congratulations to Victoria and her partner, too. How lovely for them to make a family together.
ReplyDeleteYou will so love being a grandmother, especially with them living so close by. I was Zak's only babysitter for many years, and we still have such a special bond.
My dad's mother was strict, and cranky, and not maternal in any way. But I was very close to my mom's mother and dad, and lived with them for a time when I was in second grade. Grandma raised ten kids--her own nine, plus a foster kid for awhile--and she had love in her heart for everyone. Unconditional love is a powerful thing, and it helped overcome a lot.
Her mother-in-law, my great grandmother Charlotte, or Lottie, we called Little Grandma because she was tiny. And elegant, with close-cropped white, marcelled hair, and a trim figure. She was an amazing baker, and brilliant seamstress who lived in a tiny house with a big yard full of peonies. Aunt Dodie, whose house we went to after school to wait for Mother to get home from work, was a nurse with Wednesdays off. She would bring Little Grandma to her house and they would bake, and we would smell the aroma of the bread fresh out of the oven a block away and start running for a slice of warm bread dripping with butter.
I have a photo of my two grandmothers and Little Grandma with my younger sister on her First Communion day, in 1961. I am about the age my great grandmother was then, and my grandmothers were both in their late 50's. It is shocking how much older they all look than we do today at the same ages!
I've noticed that in pictures of my grandmothers as well, Karen! There's a lovely pic of my grandmother Greuling at mom's college graduation. Grandma was 51, and I swear she looked pretty much the same as she did twenty years later. Not that she stayed youthful - at 51 she could have been 71!
DeleteCongratulations Julia.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, I never knew either of my grandmothers. My father’s mother died before I was born.
I was born on my mother’s mother’s birthday and she did have a chance to hold me, but passed away several months later at what would be considered a young age. Today she would have been able to have a much longer life with the medical treatment that is available.
I did know about her though. My mother told many stories so I knew a lot about her. She married my grandfather when she was about fifteen. It was an arranged marriage and my grandparents only met shortly before the wedding and didn’t know anything about each other. Fortunately it was a very happy marriage. They were married for fifty years and very much in love with each other.My grandmother would always make dishes she knew were favorites of my grandfather. My mother
would often see them holding hands.
My mother regretted that she couldn’t duplicate some of the recipes her mother made because nothing was ever measured, it was a little of this or that. It was how something looked or tasted.
I always appreciated when my mother told me I was like one of my grandparents in some way because I knew it was a compliment.
What a lovely story, Anon. I think one of the best things we can do is pass along tales of our parents and grandparents to the next generation. I know titbits about my grandmother's grandmother, who was born in the 1850s, because my grandmother passed them on to me. It feels like a treasure.
DeleteOh Julia!! Congratulations to the new family and to the new grandma! So great that you are close enough to be more than a holiday grandmother. I was lucky enough to know both of my grandmothers and my Grandma Thompson's mother too! My Grandma Thompson raised 12 children and had 36 grandchildren. Of course, she had her favorites--like my cousin Dale, who she raised until he was six years old, but she had enough love for all of us. She was the postmaster of a one-room post office which sat on the corner of their property, a wonderful cook, no-nonsense, and I loved her dearly. My Grandma Church was a sweet person, cowed by a domineering husband, but she told stories of my dad as a child. Long after her death, her daughter-in-law gave us "Homer's Box." Homer was my dad and the box was filled with clippings from my dad's time in the service, a telegram he'd sent saying he was coming home, and letters commending his unit's service from the general in command. It was such a vivid reminder of her love for him.
ReplyDeleteYou are going to be such a wonderful grandma, Julia!!
I'm going to try, Flora!
DeleteCongratulations, Julia! You are going to love being a grandmother. I wish you and your family all the good health and happiness in the world!
ReplyDeleteI was very close to my mother's mother who used to take the train to New London to come and stay for weeks at a time. I can still picture her coming out of the station carrying her little yellow suitcase.
Grandma was born in New York as were most of her dozen siblings. We would go to NYC to visit her on school vacations. Every Wednesday, her sisters would come by to play cards and the apartment would ring with their loud conversations and laughter. She always took us to see the Christmas show at Radio City.
She baked great cakes and pies and cookies. I know how everyone feels about lost recipes. Her sugar cookies were divine.
The apartment I grew up in was just steps from my father's mother's grocery store. The market was very popular because my grandfather had a slaughterhouse and the store's tiny meat department with the walk-in refrigerator and my dad behind the counter bantering with all the locals while he prepared their exact orders, was more than most small grocery stores could offer. Grandma was always busy in the store, or busy in her kitchen at home. I probably spent as much of my childhood in her back yard as I did in mine. She didn't have as much time to fuss with me as my grandma from NY, and her English wasn't as good, but she knew that I liked my mashed potatoes with chicken fat and salt and that I'd try anything she cooked or baked.
I am glad that I knew both of my grandmothers. It's just too bad that now I can't ask them more about their lives. I have questions.
Judy, we never think about our grandparents as people with their own rich histories until we're out of childhood, do we? And then sometimes it's too late. I cherish all the bits and pieces I know of my grandparent's lives, even if there are a lot of blank spots in the narrative for some of them.
DeleteI never met either of my grandmothers; one was long dead before I came along, the other had basically abandoned my moother when she was seven. I do have fond memories of my great-grandmother (who raised my mother), a schoolteacher who became one of the first female school board members in the state. She was born shortly after the Civil War ended, which gave me a link further into the past than most of my friends had. I remember her wood stove and her home-made biscuits, with the ever-present jar of honey on the kitchen table. One of her projects was to read the HARVARD FIVE-FOOT SHELF OF CLASSICS from start to finish, borrowing each volume one at a time. Her curiosity never ended, lasting until her death at age 96. My maternal grandfather had also died in an exposion when my mother was very young. My father's father was a hardworking Yankee with a great sense of humor who wouild read mystery books in his spare time. He worked many jobs but was basically a truck farmer. My father was one of nine children and I had well over thirty cousins, so the time I spent with my grandfather was limited, but visiting my grandfather was always a treat.
ReplyDelete(I suspect that Kitty felt she was a wonderful grandmother because she wanted to give our grandkids something that she never had. In truth, Kitty was a great grandmother because she was at heart a loving, caring, and compassionate person who could communicate with children with respect and at a level they could appreciate and understand.)
Jerry, sounds like you come from an amazing family. And in an interesting coincidence, I have the HARVARD FIVE-FOOT SHELF OF CLASSICS that was passed on to me by my grandmother. They had been my grandpa's, who was something of an autodidact, but she said, "You always have your nose in a book, you might like these." :-)
DeleteChiming in late on this - deepest congratulations! What an adorable tiny foot.
ReplyDeleteSo tiny! I keep marveling over his size. I don't know why, I know they aren't that large at one week! :-D
DeleteCongratulations to everyone, Julia . . .
ReplyDeleteMy father's mother's family was from the south . . . she was a wonderful cook . . .
My mother's mother was a no-nonsense woman who had worked for the telephone company; when we were growing up, we spent every Saturday visiting her . . .
What I remember most about both of my grandmothers is how much they loved us . . . .
Right, Joan? It's not about what they did, grandmother's offered a kind of unconditional love unlinked to your poor mom, who had to actually raise you to be a responsible adult!
DeleteGrandmothers have a special place in their grandbabies' hearts . . . enjoy being a grandmom!
DeleteMy father’s parents died in the 1930s so I never knew them. My maternal grandmother lived in Chicago so we only saw her when we visited her from California. I remember her as baking tasty coffee cakes and cookies. Aside from that, I remember her being old and a little scary in the way old people seem to little kids. Unfortunately, my mother’s father died when she was a baby and my grandmother had to go to work to support them. She wasn’t the warm, sweet kind of grandma (or apparently mother) one likes to picture.
ReplyDeleteJulia, congratulations to your daughter and daughter-in-law on the arrival of their son. And many congratulations to you on becoming a grandmother! I predict that you will enjoy your new role. — Pat S
Thank you, Pat, I do intend to enjoy it to the fullest!
DeleteCongratulations to you and your family on the new addition! My own children only have dogs, but I won’t go so far as to say I am their grandmother.
ReplyDeleteI had the country grandma and the “city” grandma. The four of us kids stayed with them for a week or two every summer spending half the time on the farm with Dad’s parents and half the time in town with Mom’s.
Grandma B. taught in a one room schoolhouse until she married. She did farm work and was an excellent cook and an award winning baker. We had many birthday cakes she made. Remember the doll cakes? She had a vegetable garden, crocheted, and wrote weekly handwritten letters to our family. She always put two dollars in our birthday cards. At Christmas we always got socks and a hanky along with a doll for the girls and a truck for the boys and coloring books and colors. She made clothes for our Barbies and my disinter and I each got a small suitcase of outfits she made for our Chrissy dolls too. It felt more relaxed at her house. She came to take care of us several times when my parents went on trips or my mother was ill. She kept a daily diary.
Grandma Chris was an Avon lady. She had a flower garden and always took peonies and ferns to several cemeteries on Memorial Day, which was my oldest sister’s birthday back before they made it a Monday holiday. We played Avon lady in her attic with the little white sample lipsticks. We went with her on her deliveries around town, walking along stone walls along the sidewalks. She got a 3 wheeled bicycle and would give my little sister and me rides in the big basket on the back. She knitted. She played the organ at home and taught Sunday school at church. Her cooking and baking were okay. Her letters were typed and done with carbon paper to her three daughters. She also kept a daily diary. We felt more like we had to be on our best behavior at her house.
They were both very loving and kind, but each showed it in her own way.
Brenda, they sound like amazing women. It staggers my how MUCH that generation did, whether in the country or the city. (And I can exactly picture those little sample lipsticks - my mom used to pass them on to me and my sister to play with as well!)
DeleteOh my goodness, those little sample Avon lipsticks! I absolutely adored them! I wonder where we even got them? Somebody at school, I think, whose mom was an Avon lady. I used to think that was the coolest thing in the world.
DeleteCongratulations to you, Victoria and her partner on your new grandson.
ReplyDeleteI never knew my grandparents, but I did know my great-grandmother on my mother's side. We would go visit her and I was the one who sent to the store to get her favorite "Social Tea" cookies. She would make her tea with her silver spoon (which I have) and eat her cookies. She would also sneak Hershey chocolate pieces to us. She told us about her family and how they disowned her when she married her husband (she was Irish and he was Black), but her stories made her smile and she loved my mother. When my mom passed, she was laid to rest with my great-grandmother.
Wow, Dru Ann, she must have had a LIFE! I love the sneaking candy... it was always fun to be with a grandmother because they don't have to play by the rules!
DeleteBlessings Julia and the new parents! I became a grandma two years ago today. I felt completely loved by both my grandmothers (Mama Dot and Mama Ruth) in different ways.
ReplyDeleteMy father's mother, who lived two towns away from us near Pasadena, was elegant and reserved, liked her cocktail before dinner and used a cigarette holder and a silver lighter (the smell of a lighter still brings her to mind). But she was also an excellent cook, picked and squeezed oranges from the back yard every morning for breakfast, and made a mean guava jelly. I memorialized her as a young lady PI in the 1920s in my historical mystery A Case for the Ladies.
My mother's mother was little, never smoked or drank, and lived in the Bay area. She would take the train down once or twice a year and stay a couple of weeks, with the loudest snore I'd ever heard. She would iron everything in the house, bake from scratch, and sew and crochet. I still remember her teaching me how to thread a needle. She wore sausage curls and blue rayon dresses - I never saw her in pants. Every year she would sew us new nighties for Christmas. She is memorialized in a couple of short stories where she and Dot are PIs together in Pasadena in the 20s.
Edith, your grandmother who never smoked or drank just brought me the “story told memory” of my Grammy…she smoked only when alone and under stress and when the coal stove was in use for her to dump the butts and ashes in before anyone would see them! Elisabeth
DeleteYour grandmothers make me realize what a bolt out of the blue it must be when a couple find each other, Edith, Because if I were writing it as a novel, I'd never guess Mama Dot's kid would fall for Mama Ruth's child!
DeleteHahaha, so true! I think Dot's family might have thought Ruth's family wasn't quite of their "class," but they were generous enough to welcome my mother as my father's bride, anyway.
DeleteJust yesterday I was thinking about my grandmother, my mother’s mother. Her name was Sadie. Born in Texas and married in Guthrie, OK, she and my grandfather plus her sister and sister’s husband homesteaded in Montana early in the last century. She had four children in that cabin, none of the mod cons of course.
ReplyDeleteDuring WWII my mother and I moved in with them while my father went off to war. So during my formative years I was very much influenced by her. It’s no wonder I am a southern cook! She was also Chair of the Nemaha County Democratic Party and every morning she put the flag up on a pole in the front garden. She taught me to say the Pledge of Allegiance, mostly to hear me say “and for the Republicans for which it stands!”
She read to me daily and introduced me to poetry, Greek and Roman myths, Shakespeare, and current fiction. She took me with her to roll bandages for the Red Cross. She wept when FDR died.
Sadie Belle Zumwalt Duckers was born in 1892 and died in 1979. Ive missed her every single days since.
What a terrific story! And what a fantastic name. Perfect.
DeleteAnn, I'm laughing at "and for the Republicans, for which it stands." My grandma Greuling would have agreed!
DeleteCongrats and welcome Paulie! He's so lucky to have a grandma nearby.
ReplyDeleteMother's mother: lived in California and couldn't travel, so we didn't know her well. She sewed us dresses for Christmas and sent a box of shelled walnuts. Champion gardener. Hummingbirds would land on her finger.
Father's mother: she taught us "Daisy daisy give me your answer do" and other songs while we helped her with the dishes.
I love those old songs, Margaret. My grandpa Greuling, who died when I was nine, taught us "Guess I'll go eat worms" and "Hello Operator" which felt very naughty because of the near 'swear' words.
DeleteCongratulations, Julia! How wonderful!
ReplyDeleteMy paternal grandmother died before I was born, and my memories of my maternal grandmother revolve around her having dementia. She would tell me stories of her youth over and over. I was little and fascinated and never minded the repetition. Also, I soon realized I could tell her stories of my make believe friends (I was creating my own fiction even back then), and she would never remember or know that I was "telling lies," as my own mom called it. Grandma died when I was 10 or 11. Much later in my life, I realized my sitting with her, swapping tales, was a blessing to my mom because it gave her some free time. Grandma and I basically babysat each other for hours on end.
That's beautiful, Annette, and I love the image of a little kid never minding the stories are the same ones over and over again. I would say you and your grandmother were a blessing to each other.
DeleteCongratulations to the new parents and to you, Julia, on your new status as Official Spoiler of Paulie (OSP, for short)!
ReplyDeleteI was rarely on the same continent as my grandparents, so while they were always loving when we visited, our relationship was not a very familiar one. We met my father's parents first; when we later met my mother's parents they were the "new" grandparents and my father's parents became the "old" grandparents. We, therefore, called them Old Granny and Grandpa, and Mum's parents New Granny and Grandpa. It was perfectly logical and reasonable to us kids, but Old Granny NEVER liked it!
Amanda, you're making me VERY glad I've nipped in as the first grandmother; hopefully, I'll never be Old Granny!
DeleteCongratulations Julia and Moms – your little grandson will be loved!
ReplyDeleteHallie – what is the difference between chopped liver and liver pate – which I love. Should I try to make it?
Grandmothers – 2. My father’s mother lived next door and was always a part of our lives. She also was or wanted to be a mother to my very shy mother who moved to small town Louisbourg from small farm PEI. She was the keeper and teller of my mother’s secrets. She was the maker of all holiday dinners – much to, I am now sure, my mother’s jealousy – I think she wanted to cook them too, but always let Gran do it. She made raisin bread on some Saturdays, and always said “I have too much, maybe you can take a loaf”.
Grammie lived in dirt-poor PEI. She farmed, she had a lazy lout of a husband, and together they had 9 children – my mother was the 2nd oldest, first girl. She was afraid of us, for in her mind we were posh – not likely! As a kid she scared me, but by osmosis I learned so much from her about cooking, sewing, life and love. My mother would frequently ask, especially when we took up farming “how do you know how to do that?” Somehow Grammie lived in me. She also made the very best canned chicken (chicken bits cooked in a tin can to preserve it for the winter – absolutely no kin to ‘flakes of chicken’). Her bread was made once a week – seven dbl loafs at a time, and dry, dry, dry. It did make the best toast cooked in a wire-thing over the wood fire in the kitchen stove.
Oh, my gosh, Margo, you need to write about these women. It's amazing to have grandmothers who you remember personally but who seemed to live in an entirely different century. (I mean, I know it was a different century, but such a different era from what we've grown up to expect.)
DeleteCongratulations Julia! That tiny foot photo is classic!!
ReplyDeleteI only knew one grandmother, known as Nanny, like Deborah's. My direct experience with her was mostly very positive, but she was a tough old gal and I know a lot of "interesting" stories about her, also. In terms of direct experience, I stayed with her for a week each summer from about age 6 to 11, and thoroughly enjoyed learning how to find and harvest wild asparagus, how to shuck peas, driving out into the country to explore places of interest, and eating her wonderful cooking. Her house was right by the locks on the Muskingum River in Zanesville, Ohio, and we would sit on her porch for hours watching boats go through the locks. She was kind but firm and I really enjoyed the time spent there.
Her life story, though, is the stuff of novels. Raised in a "holler" in West Virginia, she married very young to a mean, no-good, low-life of a man. She stayed through the beatings (and birth of her two sons) but finally left him when he got her little sister pregnant. She left her boys with her nearly-as-brutal father while she went to Ohio to find work and build a new life for them. There she met the gentle, kind man I knew as my grandfather, and he finished raising those boys as his own. She had a gracious, charming manner, and most people who met her casually thought she was quite a lady. But she also had a rapier-sharp tongue and could (and often did) put anyone in their place.
Two last funny things about her: She was a smoker and went to her grave convinced that her husband didn't know she smoked, though of course he had to know. Whenever he left the house she slipped into the bathroom, opened the window, and quickly smoked a cigarette, blowing the smoke out the window. Then she brushed her teeth and sprayed air freshener in the bathroom. Also, she was of the old-school upbringing that a lady didn't drink alcohol. Well, except for medicinal purposes, of course. Nanny went through a lot of medicine. In fact, both my dad and uncle made it a practice to smuggle her a carton of cigarettes and a fifth of whiskey whenever they visited.
The more I write about her, the more I remember! I will stop here, but honestly, I feel like I could write pages.
Susan, what a character! And what a strong character, to leave her no-good husband and make a new life for herself. That's not easy in any time, but especially back then...
DeleteCongrats to the new parents and to you too Grandma Julia!
ReplyDeleteWhat do I remember about my (maternal) grandmother? She had a lead foot. The only person I know who could make the 90 minute drive between her house and my house in 45 minutes.
One time, she and I were driving back from a funeral. She's driving and we're coming to a merge. An 18-wheeler going full bore is coming from the merge lane. My grandmother doesn't slow down and I'm holding on for dear life. I said to her, "Grandma, that was an 18-wheeler!". Her response, "I had the right of way." To which I replied, "Yeah, but the truck would've hit the passenger side FIRST!" I didn't ride in a car she was driving for 20 years after that.
I also remember how she hosted the annual family Christmas Eve gathering for years. She was cooking up a storm in the kitchen at the house in Newton and continued for years after that when she moved to Natick.
I remember how she stopped letting people buy her gifts for Xmas except for me. Or the time we got her the Xmas gift she jokingly said she "wanted". THE EXACT gift. She had said the year before she didn't want anything and then said, "unless you are going to give me $1,000 dollars, I don't need anything." In our family, that's "Challenge Accepted". So the next Xmas Eve gathering, we gave her a box that contained 1,000 one dollar bills that everyone in the family had chipped in to give her.
She was responsible for me getting back into reading. Yes, the books of Robert B. Parker, Sara Paretsky and Sue Grafton were the first books I got into on my own. But on one of her break the laws of physics trips between her house and mine, she brought a big bag of books for me. I don't remember most of them, but the one I do remember was on the bottom of the bag and led me into a decades long love of the author's books. The book was John Sandford's RULES OF PREY.
Those are some of the memories I have of my grandmother and there are many more.
I love the lead-foot grandma who also gave you a love of reading. My grandmother Dot was the driver in the house, never my grandfather, but I don't recall her speeding.
DeleteI love the “Challenge accepted!”
DeleteJay, your grandmother sounds like a live wire! My grandmother Spencer could drive a tractor (farm girl), but not a car, because that's what men were for. My grandmother Greuling, on the other hand, drove a MASSIVE pea-soup green Plymouth station wagon like she was determined to win at Watkins Glen. No seat belts, of course, so you had to brace for dear life whenever she blasted around a corner.
DeleteWhat a wonderful character, Jay! And I love the $1000 gift!
DeleteWelcome baby "Paulie". It's so fun to get to know a new little one!
ReplyDeleteI only really had my grandma Helen, mom's mom. She and grandpa Ed were a big part of our lives. She was from Texas and always called us "sugar" and was very loving. She had Juicy Fruit gum in her big purse and gave us a piece at the end of every visit. My fondest memories are of the times when we would go spend a week with grandma (just across town, very close to where I live now). She always had special treats for us--Coke in green bottles from the second refrigerator in the garage, watermelon on hot summer days and sweet tea. My twin and I mostly slept on their sofa bed. The process of opening it and closing it was endlessly fascinating. My grandma had been very fashionable as a young woman and was an amazing seamstress. We would take our sewing projects to her house and work on them. We also loved going through her collection of fabrics and all the different beaded jewelry she had. I was always a little disappointed when it was time to go home. Her house was a cool oasis from life.
My other grandma, Kitty Downs Butler, was born in Londonderry and married a Yorkshireman (Frederick--who died in 1955) and lived in Leeds. In the '60s, this meant lots of airletters and the occasional card and a cable (telegram) at Christmas. I only remember one phone call! She used to send a box of gifts for the holidays. She died when I was about 6, so, sadly, I never really got to know her.
Gillian, your grandma Helen reminds me of my grandmother Jewel Spencer - right down to the ice chest in the garage, the green glass coke bottles (Paw paw would but them bulk in a wooden crate) watermelon and sweet tea. Those of us blessed with a southern grandmother really got some of the best moments in life.
DeleteCongratulations to you Julia and to your daughter and daughter-in-law. Little Paulie must be adorable.
ReplyDeletePictures required!!
I only knew my father's mother. I met her a few times but she made a huge impression on me that would shape my personality. She lived in Vicksburg, MS and we lived in San Diego. She raised 9 children by herself during the depression after her husband died suddenly. She came to visit us when I was 9 years old and always had something nice to say about everyone. I wanted to change my name to hers - wrote her letters often - and still think of her everyday.
That's wonderful, Anon. I sometimes wonder what the future is going to look like since ours is the last generation to have written letters regularly...
DeleteCongratulations Julia ! How fun and exciting for your daughter and daughter in law ! Welcome to ‘ The Grandmother In Love Club ! ‘ Becoming a Grandmother has been the very best part of my life so far ! Such sweet unconditional love you have to look forward to with your new Grandson!
ReplyDeleteBest Wishes To All ! ( Mary E )
Mary, my mother used to say grandchildren were the reward for raising kids, and I hope to find it's true!
DeleteCongratulation to you and the moms! Little Paulie is one lucky baby to be surrounded by all that love and animals, too!
ReplyDeleteMy dad's mom died of cancer when I was very young, so I don't have memories of her at all. My maternal grandmother, Nana, lived to be 95. She was the best cook and I have yet to duplicate her homecooked fresh green beans, cornbread or sweet tea. She was VERY prejudiced and living in a neighborhood with black folks almost undid her. She could be quite nasty when speaking of them. At the same time, she went overboard in showing overt favoritism to me, the oldest grandchild, because I was in and out of the hospital so much. She would spend hours just rubbing my back and to this day, I haven't found anyone who could duplicate that same feeling. I'm pretty sure she had a boyfriend with benefits and she definitely favored my uncle (a man who gives me the willies to this day) over my mother. Poor mom grew up always trying to do better while my uncle could do no wrong, and believe me he did a bit of wrong. Nana was equally nasty to my great-aunt who shared the house with her and to Fanny, a black lady who did her laundry and ironing.
My maternal grandfather remarried after leaving Nana. His second wife, Pebble, would have been a Southern belle in another time. She was all about fine china and the "proper" way to behave. As you can imagine, pre-teens pretty much pinged her not proper side of the scale, so visiting them was fairly miserable. At least she tolerated "Nigras" as opposed to Nanny's hatred.
I find myself wondering how either of these women would feel if they knew their eldest granddaughter had people of many cultures and colors and gender identity as friends and associates. Interesting how I went in the opposite direction from them. Maybe they taught me more than they intended by their behavior. Hmm...--Victoria
Victoria, my father was an almost pro-level bigot, and I am most decidedly the direct opposite, too. He even hated Catholics--which his wife and four children all were. It was one heckuva way to grow up.
DeleteWow, Victoria! You have a remarkably clear eye as to the good and bad about your grandmother; I admire that. It's so easy for people to say, "Well, it was a different time." No, people knew it was nasty behavior back then, too.
DeleteSuch happy news to begin the week...Congratulations on the birth of your grandson and your new role as a grandmother, Julia! Have you decided yet as to how you would like to be addressed in this very important role? :-) I am still laughing at the photo you posted of "Paulie" (Paul Sorvino) and the "like this" reference. I unfortunately never knew either set of grandparents on both the maternal and paternal side. My mother's parents had passed by the time she was 16 and my father was an orphan by the age of 9. However I was very lucky to have an aunt and an uncle who lived next door to us while I was growing up. My Aunt Libby ran the switchboard for the entire town and I loved sitting with her during her night shift when the board came alive with crisis calls. More than once she was able to connect with our family doctor and dentist during our own unexpected late night emergencies. Uncle Bill used to take me to the local music store and let me choose any albums I wanted. He knew I loved having music in my life. Another aunt and uncle several years older than my parents were also a great influence on my life. I have wonderful memories of spending two weeks of summer vacation with them as a young child. My Uncle Otto who was in the Navy during World War I taught me all the songs that were popular at that time of the century and I loved that I had both he and my Aunt Dot all to myself during those two weeks. My Aunt Gert was my special godmother who nicknamed me "Moonchild" when I was small because she would let me stay up all night when I stayed with her. If mother only knew...lol. Everyone deserves that one special loving and eccentric relative in their life. So although I was unable to experience the greatness of having grandparents I was still very lucky to have wonderful aunts and uncles in my life. Along the way I also "adopted" the grandmothers of close friends. I had a Swedish grandmother named Mrs. Johnson (Americanized spelling) who was such a sweet and gentle spirit. She always made me those deliciously thin pancakes the size of her big skillet for breakfast and she was one of the kindest people I ever met. My Irish grandmother was spirited, funny and very loving. My Italian grandmother (my husband's grandmother) loved me as if I was one of her own and even though she only spoke Italian most of the time I still felt I understood all her stories of growing up in Italy. She was tiny in statue and had the grace and inclusiveness of Mother Teresa. Her cooking especially her eggplant lasagna was legendary and she could nurture and grow any houseplant out of a bottle cap. :-)
ReplyDeleteI think Italian is one of the languages where the meaning comes through even if you don’t speak it. When we stayed in Italy last year the caretaker of the house only spoke Italian but we felt she got her points across.
DeleteEvelyn, how lucky you were to be so rich in all those diverse, loving relatives!
DeleteCongratulations, Julia, to you and the entire family! What a marvelous time this will be. However, don't be too sure about an early arrival never being late again. My first child was a month early and he has never been on time for anything since!
ReplyDeleteI grew up with one set of grandparents just across a small field and the other set less than 2 miles away. I didn't know how fortunate I was though until my own children were born and they too lived close to their grandparents and great grandparents. I always felt bad for the kids and grandparent who were on opposite sides of the country, or even the world, from each other.
Oh, and I too wound up with extra dogs while my parents and in-laws went to Florida. No one expected there would be an early birth, but we all managed just fine. Not sure what the visiting nurse thought when she came in greeted by three dogs and a possum that somehow found its way into the breezeway.
Welcome baby Paulie! Congratulations, Julia! And good health, congratulations, happiness, and health to all! My father’s mother, my Grandmother Fleming died when I was seven, and we lived in different states so I didn’t know her well. I remember her as loving. My Mom’s mother, my Marmee, was active with church, a Red Cross volunteer group, her friends (my grandparents were very sociable) and when we visited, with us. She had Parkinson’s and died when I was 14. I so often wish I had asked more about how she met my grandfather (in Tours, France just after WWI) and their early life together in France and London. She smiled a lot, and I still miss her.
ReplyDeleteWhat good news ! Congratulations Julia and to the happy parents!
ReplyDeleteI was very close to my maternal grandmother. We lived on the first floor of a duplex and my grandmother on the second one. I went up there fairly often. She was so warm and welcoming.
We spoke while she cooked and showed me how to make dishes . Occasionally, on evenings we prayed together.she had a calming effect on me. I still often think of her.
Congratulations, Julia! As a relatively new grandmother myself (6 months in 8 days), I heartily endorse the experience. We had the same job as you during the birth - looking after my daughter's two dogs (including a Great Pyrenees mix) bringing our count up to 2 dogs and 5 cats. It was a bit nuts but so appreciated, and I know they're appreciating your efforts as well. Enjoy your newborn snuggles!
ReplyDeleteCongrats to you as well, Jen, and it's good to know I'll survive the Invasion of the Granddogs!
DeleteCongratulations on Baby Paulie. Becoming a grandmother is splendid. Expensive a bit too!
ReplyDeleteAnd tell Victoria for me that one never feels as fragile and strong and clever and scared as she does this morning. Xo
So, true, Ann. The first weeks of motherhood exemplify Dickens' phrase: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
DeleteCongrats, Julia!
ReplyDeleteBoth of my grandmothers would have benefited from modern pharmaceuticals as I think they were both bipolar. We spent more time with my mom’s mom, and I remember her listening to the Cincinnati Reds on the radio while she cleaned up after dinner, and how she drove us nuts saying murial instead of mural and K-Mark instead of K-Mart. I had brooches from both her and my great aunt that I loved wearing back in my suit days.
Lisa, one of my grandmother's was a font of malapropisms that my siblings and cousins cherish to this day. When playing cards, she would remind you it was your turn to "discharge." Her version of the bargain department store was K-Marx! We used to add, "Where the proletariat shop."
DeleteCongratulations, Julia! May I ask if baby Paulie had hearing and vision checked out at the hospital or by doctor / midwife?
ReplyDeleteMy mother's father looked like Lord Louis Mountbatten. He was an attorney and a Judge. He was still working as an attorney when he died. I remember his magic skills. I loved the tv show Bewitched and I was impressed that he could do magic tricks. I remember him always smiling. I remember having conversations with him on long road trips. We drove up the Pacific Coast and we talked about everything under the sun. I remember his calm manner. I never saw him lose his temper. He loved dogs. He was born when Queen Victoria was alive.
Good heavens, Diana, born when Victoria was still Queen! That stretches back.
DeleteI know the baby's passed his first wellness exam, and I'm sure his pediatrician will be regularly screening his vision and hearing. We don't have any Deaf family members, but virtually everyone in my family needs glasses, so I'm guessing Paulie probably will, too. Eventually.
Congratulations to all of you! ♥️
ReplyDeleteI have plenty of grandparent stories but the best thing to come of my foolish parents having a baby when they were too young was that I had all 4 of my grandparents until I was in my early 30s.
I spent the most time with my mom’s parents on a small farm in VT. My grandfather drove school bus (for health insurance) in our district. When I was in middle school I would ride his bus on Fridays and spent many weekends with them.
My uncles were only 10 and 12 years older than me so I got to spend a lot of time with them much to their chagrin.
My gram was a great baker, but she sure could overcook and ruin fresh vegetables better than anyone I have ever known. She was always cooking for the family and trying to lose weight at the same time.
Gramp worked with a team horses up ‘til he couldn’t anymore (in his late 70s). He would pull trees out of the woods to cut up for heating fuel and gathered sap for making maple syrup and many other things.
I feel so lucky and still mourn their passing.
Enjoy Paul as much as you can! Every second counts.
Missy
Missy, I love your grandparent stories. I also lucked out in the birth-date sweepstakes: my mom had me six days after she graduated from university, a month before her 22nd birthday. Which meant that, except for my Grandpa Greuling, who dies in the early '70s from what is now a curable illness, I had my grands in my life until I was in my 30s. It was a great, great pleasure to be able to introduce them to MY children.
DeleteWhat wonderful stories from everyone! There are a multitude of novels here!
ReplyDeleteRight?
DeleteCongratulations, Julia!!!! I'm out of pocket - traveling all day - but zipping in to say I am so happy for you.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jenn!
ReplyDeleteJULIA, congratulations on the addition to your family!
ReplyDeleteMy two sets of grandparents could not have been more different from each different. My mom‘s parents were loving and fun to be around, totally wrapped up in all of their grandchildren and there were a lot of us! (and then they were openly affectionate with each other.) They lived in a three room apartment in a two family house that they owned. They had the house built as they were approaching retirement. Actually, my grandfather and my mom‘s two brothers built the house in their spare time over a period of several years.(Then my grandfather got very sick and nearly died, and they didn’t work on it very much for a while.They lived with us during that.period, which overlapped with my birth. So I was always around them from just about from the day I was born). It was such an adventure to visit their little apartment. My grandmother had an ancient desk, which one of my sisters has a now, which was filled with books for children, and coloring books and drawing paper and crayons and water colors, and magazines for children, construction paper and children’s scissors, and glue. My grandmother also picked up comic books for us, and she was my introduction to Mad Magazine! They also had modeling clay, and encouraged us to be creative with it. Also, indoors was our grandmother‘s large walk-in pantry. She would allow us to take everything out of the pantry, and I mean everything, and bring it into the living room, stack up all the foods and play grocery store. And my cousins and siblings and I would take turns being the the cashier or the customer or the store owner. Grandma told us stories, especially fairytales. And we loved the fairytales because she would act them out. She would have us in stitches, and then she would laugh so hard that she had to stop and take a breath. Outdoors, they had swings (that my grandfather built) a picnic bench, lots and lots of berries, which we were allowed to pick and eat as as often as we wanted.I always thought that if I became a grandmother, I would try to be just like my Grandma Succi. I still miss my grandmother and grandfather
My dad‘s parents were so different. From what I understand, my grandmother married the first guy that came along because she was desperate to get out of her parents house. Unfortunately, she married an alcoholic. They had a horrible marriage and my grandmother experienced a lot of violence from my grandfather. I never really got to know her very well. I think in my whole life (she died when I was 20) I had maybe three conversations with her. By the time I was a child my grandfather wasn’t drinking anymore, as far as I know. I never saw him drink, and I never saw him drunk. But I heard so many stories …
I don’t know how this happened, but somehow my grandfather and I developed a bond, and he was very fond of me. For my eighth birthday, he gave me a red dress which I wore until it fell apart. It was beautiful. And he made it known specifically that the dress was from HIM to me. They were both very complicated people.
DebRo
Ah, my grandma, best baker, soother of babies, and determined to teach all granddaughters to crochet (finding a book for my left-handed self). My mom had a special smile for grand-babies and great-grands. heart I've been an aunt only, but my niblings have been teaching their littles to call me Grandma Mary, which is sweet. heart
ReplyDelete*Nibling = offspring of one's siblings, all the nieces and nephews and undecideds. I'm on a mission to get this useful and inclusive word in the dictionary.
Storyteller Mary,
DeleteI’m going to steal the word “niblings!”
Sadly, we’re spread all over the northeast, and I hardly ever get to see them.
DebRo
My maternal grandmother was very...forceful. She loved us very much, but she also never hesitated to tell us, or my mother, what we "should" do. And somehow it was never what we wanted to do. She was very big on rules and going to her house was awkward unless we were outside. She didn't like mess.
ReplyDeleteMy paternal grandmother, on the other hand, never shared her opinion unless asked and sometimes not even then. You could tell when she was angry, though. Just a look and pressed-together lips. She let us make as much mess as we wanted. Homemade playdough ground into the carpet? No problem. Crayon marks on the floor or furniture? That's what polish is for. Eating from a TV tray in the living room while we watched cartoons? Why not. She was the Rosie the Riveter and worked in a high school cafeteria after the war, so she'd seen it all. She taught us we could be anything we darned well pleased and we shouldn't feel bullied into doing anything else - even by her. She and my grandfather made a great pair and I miss them terribly.
Oh, and congratulations Julia!
DeleteYay Grandma Julia! My grandmothers were as different as night and day. Grandma Erickson was a city woman, strict Scotch Presbyterian, and offered criticisms instead of affection to her family. She was warm and caring to others though. How she wound up married to Grandpa Erickson is a mystery. He came over from Sweden as a teen, worked all kinds of jobs before settling down as a grocer. He had a keen sense of humor, smoked and drank, but not to excess. I didn't really know him; he was quite old and deaf when we met. His wife, Evelyn, elicited promises from all the male grandchildren that they would not smoke or drink, even as her husband and grown children did.
ReplyDeleteNow Mom's parents were totally opposite. They were country people with Grandma Rowena having been born in Texas and Grandpa Alvin having gotten there from Arkansas in a covered wagon. She was tall, quiet, and loving. Plain cooking, nothing fancy. Carried a hoe outside to deal with rattlesnakes when necessary. Alvin was a couple of inches shorter than her, always smiling, loved to tease, play checkers, and go fishing. We visited them every chance we got!
You’re going to love grandmothering, Julia. I had children early in life and the delightful result is that I just became a great-grandmother. My paternal grandmother died in the horrific flu epidemic of 1919. My maternal grandmother, Rose, and I had a close bond. When I was four she gave me a doll with wavy red hair. No one in our family had auburn hair and I thought she was the most beautiful doll in the world. She died when I was five. I went to sleep that night and smelled the perfume of roses and saw her face smiling down at me. Two decades after her passing I became the mother of two daughters with wavy red hair, just like my doll.
ReplyDeleteJulia, congratulations on your precious grandbaby! I just know what a wonderful grandmother you will be and how you will love it. Congratulations to Victoria and her wife, too. I'm sure they are thrilled with their little bundle of joy. And, that's just what a grandchild is, no matter what age, a bundle of joy.
ReplyDeleteI have zero memories of my grandparents because they were all dead before I was born. Of course, my parents had me when my mother was forty-three, almost forty-four, and my father was fifty-two, almost fifty-three. I didn't think about it growing up, but when I became an adult, I realized that I had missed out on something special. When I had children, we lived (still do) in the town where my husband's parents lived, so I was happy to see them have a close relationship with those grandparents. My parents lived four and a half hours away, so, sadly, my kids didn't get to know them as well, but our visits to them were always filled with my mother's delicious cooking, and I still am required to make my mother's scalloped oysters for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and sometimes her asparagus casserole. I did get impressions from my mother how sweet her mother was, and she looked so in the few pictures I have of her. I never heard much about my father's mother, but in her photos, she appeared to be of a sterner nature. Of course, she had six children and my maternal grandmother just had my mother. The grandfathers were different from one another. My mother adored her father, who was a postal carrier between small towns in the county, back when doing that job required a wagon and horse. My mother said she would occasionally go with him, and when it was cold, he'd heat a brick to wrap and put under her feet. Unfortunately, Mommy's dad died when she was twelve. My father's father was a farmer, and I remember my mother saying what a gentle man he was. I wish now that I had asked my mother and father more about their parents, especially since they lived in such a different age than I was born into. Remember, my father was born in 1901, and my mother was born in 1910. Of course, I wish I'd asked my parents more about their growing up and young adulthood, too.
Congratulations, Julia! - J
ReplyDeleteFor Victoria: First child eats dirt. Parent calls the doctor. Second child eats dirt. Parent cleans out mouth. Third child eats dirt. Parent wonders if she really needs to feed him lunch.
ReplyDeleteKathy, love these words of wisdom…my daughter who is on number four seems to be at the shrug shoulders..” ah, you finally are dirt” stage. Elisabeth
DeleteOff topic, but I thought the Very Expensive Cat now lived in Europe?
ReplyDeleteI was wondering about that, too!
DeleteSome of these stories about grandparents near and far remind me that my own mother lived on the other coast from us, but I took my boys to visit her and her second husband, Grandpa Fred, at least once a year for a good chunk of time. My sons have very fond memories of Grandma Mac (what my oldest nephew called her instead of Grandma Maxwell, and it stuck). They played lots of board games and got to know mid-coast California, and both still sleep under the beautiful quilts she made them later in life.
ReplyDelete