On Grace

JAN: While Rhys and Hank were on their way to Bouchercon (Hank collecting yet another award, this time the Macavity for her short story "On the House"), I was at the Bloomberg Tower in New York at a reading for the anthology: I'm Going to College Not You by Jennifer Delahunty.

When I learned that I was one of TEN contributors who would read that night, I was worried. Several of the friends I invited didn't have children and I figured they'd fall asleep listening to excerpts from TEN essays about the parental insanity that ensues when sending kids off to college. I imagined an ENDLESS night -- the kind that keeps you eyeing the door -- because no matter how much you tell people to keep it short, it's human nature is to keep going on and on.

Boy was I wrong.

The reading lasted exactly one hour. Every single author was brief, funny and gracious. But perhaps the most gracious of all was Jane Hamilton. For those of you who don't know her, she's one of Oprah's favorite authors, a winner of numerous awards (like Hank) and she wrote -- among other New York Times bestsellers, Map of the World, The Book of Ruth, my favorite, The Short History of a Prince and the more recent Laura Rider's Masterpiece. Frankly, I was star struck. When it was her turn to read her essay, she got up, made a few self deprecating remarks, praised Jennifer Delahunty and her other friends from Carelton -- where they all went to college together, and sat down.

It was clearly done to support the author, while giving up her time to other essayists -- so the program would move swiftly. It was ego-less and classy. It was one of the most thought-provoking acts in a night that provoked a lot of thoughts.

So I'm wondering, guys, what's the most gracious act you've witnessed recently?? What bit of human nature has reminded you that humans can be pretty cool, after all?

HALLIE: I know this sounds weird, but to me the most generous thing an established author can do is read a newly published author’s book. I still remember the first time I met Lee Child was at a conference, who knows where, and he bought my book (!) which at the time I thought was completely amazing. I was bowled over when he emailed to say he’d actually read it (icing on the cake: he enjoyed it). Lee does this over and over for new authors, giving them a leg up, and it really is an incredibly gracious and generous gift.

JAN: I don't think that sounds weird at all. I think that's pretty amazing.

ROBERTA: That's pretty exciting Jan--I would have been starstruck too! I think there's a lot of graciousness in the mystery writing business. I've been struck with how it permeates Sisters in Crime. Maybe it's the way the organization was set up--to promote women crime writers, not any individual writer, but writers and unpublished writers as a group. those founding members had an amazing idea and it's carried through over the years. More experienced writers really do have a sense of duty about passing on the support they received when they were new.

RHYS: I'm just back from sensory overload of four days of convention, but I witnessed gracious acts all the time--established writers listening patiently as new writers talked about their first books, or when fans stumbled shyly through words of praise. I think we are an especially caring community. And of course Hank was gracious and modest as ever when she accepted her Anthony award for best short story (yes, her third award for this story!)

JAN: Welcome back Rhys. Anyone else have any stories of grace?? Come back tomorrow for True Crime Tuesday -- a scenario that could find its way into anyone of our thrillers!

On college admissions madness.

JAN: Please welcome Jennifer Delahunty to Jungle Red today. She is the dean of admissions at the prestigious Kenyon College in Ohio, and the author of a new collection of essays about the college admissions process.

Jennifer, a mother of two girls, has seen the madness from both sides of the application. Her essay for The New York Times about the torture of undergoing this process with her daughter. Entitled, "To All the Girls I rejected," was the most emailed article for weeks after publication and syndicated in major papers across the country.

Booklist has given the book rave reviews and says the essays, with include authors like Anna Quindlen, Jane Hamilton, Neil Pollack, the Neurotic Parent Blogger, and myself, range "from hilarious to painful," and are often revealing about what Jennifer calls, "The last dance of parenting."

There's also the "inside" perspective not just from Jennifer, but also from admissions director from Smith and Colby Colleges.

JAN: Why has college admissions become so stressful for parents?

JENNIFER: To parents, the college bumper sticker has almost become the report card on the first 18 years of parenting. When parents call me and ask why their son or daughter didn't get into Kenyon, I'm so struck by the fact that they want to blame themselves.

All of us, parents of this generation, have done too much for our kids and then we whack them over the head with the college search assignment and they have no idea what to do -- and thus the parents step in, once again, to rescue them..

JAN: I know from my own experience that my kids were made crazy by the process. Even before parents got involved. Why is that?

JENNIFER: It's ridiculous! Thirty-five years ago, students applied to three colleges, got into two and chose one. It seemed very manageable. But that's not how it goes today -- we've had students apply to Kenyon and 19 other colleges. Do you know how difficult it is to keep track of 19 different applications -- and to what end?

JAN: But because the process has become so selective?

JENNIFER: What percentage of students do you think get into their first choice college? 75%! You wouldn't think that by reading the mainstream press, which is all amped up over selectivity. The problem is that colleges and the press are both guilty of feeding the frenzy -- the press says "it's so hard to get in" and then the colleges get more applications and guess what? It IS harder to receive a fat envelope.

JAN: How you got the idea for the book?

JENNIFER: I read an essay by Gail Hudson (included in the book) which was in a collection of essays about raising teenagers. It made me laugh so hard -- and this was at the point when my own kids were going through the process. I thought, "I would read an entire collection of such essays."

JAN: Were there any particular anecdotes of crazy parenting that you saw as dean of admissions that inspired the book or that you'd like to share?

JENNIFER: There are too many! The mother who falsified her son's transcript, the mother who forged a threatening letter from Kenyon to her admitted son so that he would button up his work habits and not lose his offer of admission, the parents who write the essays, the parents who say, "We are English majors." You get the picture! This is not about the parent -- it has to be about the child.

JAN: How would you describe this collection?

JENNIFER: The essays are from parents and for parents of college-going students. It's not a "how to" book, but rather, a "how I survived" collection of essays. Parenting a kid through the college search process is confusing, exhausting, frustrating and hopefully, exhilarating. But the ride is a wild one! Each essay illustrates a particular journey of parent and child -- and each one is a unique experience.

JAN: I connected with Jennifer in a global sort of way. I was at a dinner party in Aix-en-Provence, France, where we were trading war stories about our own experiences with our kids. And one of the friends I made there, Cathleen Keenan Church, retold my story to her friend Jennifer, in Ohio. But how did you reach so many high profile authors in gathering these essays?

JENNIFER: Some of the high-profile essays were borne of friendship (Anna, Jane) and some through accident (Neil Pollack, Joe Queenan). Two of the essays I had read before in one form or another. It was very organic, how the essays found their way to me.

JAN: Were there any big surprises?

JENNIFER: I wrote an essay about my daughter's college search and when she read it, she said very politely, "Mom, the writing is good and your concluding point is perfect, but I sound like an idiot." "What's our solution?" I asked, using my best counseling tone. "Let me write what I was really thinking." And she did! And she was hilarious and profound. I was so glad to have her perspective in the book. She translates what many students think for the parents.

JAN: Any last advice for parents or students?

JENNIFER: My basic approach has been to tell everyone to take a deep breath and repeat after me: "It will all be fine in the end." And it will be!

I'm Going To College Not You, will hit the book shelves September first and is available now to preorder at Amazon.com and the on-line independent bookstore, Powells.com

There will be readings across the country: September 4, in Gambier Ohio (home of Kenyon College) October 2nd in Los Angeles and October 12 in New York City. For times and venues contact: ImGoingToCollegeNotYou@Gmail.com or visit "I'm Going To College Not You" on Facebook.

And please come back to Jungle Red Writers tomorrow, when I'll be talking to a Yoga experts about what postures are the best to unlock your creativity. That's right. Pretty soon you'll be on all fours unleashing your blocked energies before you sit down to write.