Guess Who's Coming to Dinner? No, Better Not...

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Can't type....laughing. You know we invite guests to blog here on Jungle Red, people we love, people we'd love you to meet. Often, yes, they are writers, often mystery writers, and the coolest part of it is that every one is so different. We've had philosophy, and murder, and suspense, and drama, we've had pets and quilts and music and proms and torture and Twinkies and television and ...and...and...but we've never, I can safely say, had anything like this.

 Can't...type....still laughing.... (And she looks so normal, doesn't she?)

Literary Villain’s Halloween Dinners 

by Larissa Reinhart

When given October 30th as a date to be on Jungle Reds (Thank you for having me!), I immediately thought Halloween. And then food. I am not a costume gal, nor much of a decorator. I have to live that existence through my character, Cherry Tucker, who wields a bedazzler as well as her paintbrush and shotgun. I get in a seasonal mood through books, movies, and food. So what could be better than pairing scary villains with cuisine for a spooktacular Halloween dinner? And as Halloween is on a Thursday this year, you have a few days to put together a fantastic Saturday night spread for a late Halloween party.

I’m offering five themed meals. The recipes are not my own, but easily googled. I had a sixth option of a villainous animal meal (Moby-Dick and Cujo came to mind), but that might put folks off dinner. And it’s hard to get whale in the United States.

Just kidding.

First up is your Classic Monster Meal. Sure you could make a cute Frankenstein, but to me the monster really lends himself to a casserole (think throwing together different parts). As Mary Shelley was English, how about Shepherd’s Pie? Red wine for Dracula? Sure, but obvious. I live in Georgia. Red Velvet cupcakes with cream cheese frosting. With two streams of bloody cake gel as decoration. Yum!

Pennywise the Clown’s Satan’s Circus cocktail

Frankenstein’s mini Shepherd’s Pies

Grendel’s arm roast

Medusa’s Chinese Long (Snake) Beans sautéed with garlic, salt, and lemon juice

Vampire bite Red Velvet Cupcakes

The Evil Overlord Feast. Why dress up as the giant eye of Sauron, when you can eat Eye of Sauron cake? I was amazed at the plethora of Middle Earth and Hobbit recipes. Lord of the Onion Rings?  (HANK: see? Still laughing.) Yes, please! Fantasy is the place to go for food. Narnia dinners, Hogwarts meals. You would not believe the number of recipes on the internet for the Hunger Games’ “frothy pink soup dotted with raspberries” Katniss ate in the Capitol. Nineteen Eighty-Four? You ate well if you were Inner Party, but the Outer Party ate synthetic foods. More of a recipe challenge.

President Coriolanus Snow’s Frothy Pink Capitol Soup

The Dark Lord of Sauron’s Roast Mutton Chops and Po-tay-toes

The White Witch of Narnia White Winter Salad

O’Brien’s 1984 Victory Rack of Spam (slice spam without separating, insert American cheese between the slices, and bake in a 300 degree oven until bubbling)

Voldemort’s Unicorn digestif, a desert drink

The Haunted House Repast. What foods evict ghosts? Filmy, shadowy stuff? No thanks. Let’s examine food from the locale of these famous haunts. How about a little surf and turf? Shirley Jackson’s The Haunting of Hill House took place in “the most remote part of New England.” Traditional Essex recipes for the estate in The Turn of the Screw.

The Exorcist’s No Spew Ham and Split Pea Soup

Hill House New England Grilled Lobster (fireplace grill suggested)

The Overlook Hotel’s Colorado Angus Beef with French Potato Puree (served with canned fruit)

The Turn of the Screw’s Essex Apple Slices

A Killer Banquet. How can you not serve fava beans for these psychotic killers? Or American Psycho

without Cheerios?

Patrick Bateman’s All-American Snack Mix (with Cheerios)

Mr. Hyde’s Bubble and Squeak

Hannibal Lector’s Liver and Fava Beans (Amarone wine suggested)

The Tell-Tale Heart of Palm salad

Talented Tom Ripley’s Mongibello Cannoli

Finally, Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner? Don’t ask these women to cook for you.

Mrs. Danvers’ Manderley Hall Tea “Cucumber and Watercress Sandwiches” served with “Bowls of Fresh Raspberries and Peaches”

Annie Wilks’ Misery Pork Chops with Dom Pérignon sauce

Cruella de Vil’s Mini Corn Dogs with Spicy Pepper Relish

Nurse Ratched’s Going Bananas Foster

Anyone out there making a special Halloween meal? I would love to hear your suggestions for evil villain cuisine. Choose your favorite antihero and a dish to match. I’ll be giving away a signed ARC of my newest Cherry Tucker mystery, HIJACK IN ABSTRACT, (releasing November 5th) to some lucky commenter!

HANK: Oh, Larissa, you are hilarious...and that is quite the challenge. Lemme think. Maybe we'll simply bob for Poisoned Apples al la Maleficent?  (How can I beat Going Bananas Foster! Tell Tale Heart of Palm? LOVE it!)  Gang? How about ...youuuuuuuu?  (Imagine scary voice...)

ABOUT LARISSA REINHART:

Growing up in a small town, Larissa Reinhart couldn’t wait to move to an exotic city far from corn fields. After moving around the US and Japan, now she loves to write about rough hewn characters that live near corn fields, particularly sassy women with a penchant for trouble. HIJACK IN ABSTRACT is the third in the Cherry Tucker Mystery Series from Henery Press, following STILL LIFE IN BRUNSWICK STEW (May 2013) and PORTRAIT OF A DEAD GUY, a 2012 Daphne du Maurier finalist. QUICK SKETCH, a Cherry Tucker prequel to PORTRAIT, is in the mystery anthology THE HEARTACHE MOTEL (December 10, 2013). She lives near Atlanta with her minions and Cairn Terrier, Biscuit. Visit her website larissareinhart.com.

HIJACK IN ABSTRACT, A Cherry Tucker Mystery #3:

Cherry Tucker’s love life has shifted into neutral. And her siblings, Grandpa, and sort-of-ex-husband have flipped her personal life to greasy side up. But life in Halo, Georgia, isn’t all bad for the sassy, Southern artist. Her career has pushed into full throttle. A classical series sold. A portrait commissioned. Then Uncle Will, Forks County Sheriff, calls in a favor to have Cherry draw a composite sketch of a hijacker. Suddenly, life takes a hairpin when the composite leads to a related murder, her local card sharking buddy Max Avtaikin becomes bear bait, and her Amazonian nemesis labels the classical series “pervert art,” causing Cherry to be shunned by the town. 

Cherry’s jamming gears between trailer parks, Atlanta mansions, and trucker bars searching for the hijacker who left a widow and orphan destitute and Max Avtaikin in legal jeopardy. While she seeks to help the misfortunate and save her local reputation, Cherry’s hammer down attitude has her facing the headlights of an oncoming killer, ready to grind her gears for good.

Boo, hiss, brava! The villainesses we love...

HALLIE EPHRON: I've just been in New York and had the pleasure of seeing the knock-out musical based on Roald Dahl's subversive children's book, MATILDA. Though the little girl and her teacher Miss Honey are lovely, and of course we root for them, the character that wormed her way into my affections was the arch villain, headmistress Agatha Trunchbull. Years ago, when I read Matilda to my daughters, we revelled in La Trunchbull, too.

On Broadway, the part is played with great relish by Bertie Carvell (the NY Times reviewer said compares his Trunchbull to a fascist on the verge of a nervous breakdown.) She is awesomely awful, truly terrifying and hilariously funny at the same time. Her motto is “Bambinatum est maggitum” (“Children are maggots.”)

All of this got me thinking about the memorable villainesses. Here are my picks for villainous infamy:

The Wicked Witch of the West (The Wizard of Oz)
Nurse Ratched (One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest)
Dolores Umbridge (Harry Potter)
Alex Forrest (Fatal Attraction)
Annie Wilkes (Misery)
Mrs. Rachel Lynde (Anne of Green Gables)
Elle Driver (Kill Bill)
Cruella De Ville (101 Dalmations)

So what makes a female character wonderfully bad, and who would you add to the list?


ROSEMARY HARRIS: My favorite villainess may be Matty Walker (real name Mary Anne Simpson.) She was the dizzyingly amoral character in the movie Body Heat. "Matty was the kind of person who could do what had to be done."  And she did. Yikes."

HALLIE: "Ooooh, I remember Kathleen Turner burning up the screen in that, her film debut. Great movie, too.

RO: Also memorable - although I can't say I liked her - was Mrs. Danvers in Rebecca. Thanks a lot for the tip on the dress, Danny. O'Brien in Downton Abbey owes a bit to her.

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Ro, you are so right about the provenance of O'Brien!

Well, the wicked queen in Snow White--the one with the apple, right? Or is that Sleeping Beauty? I have her photo (!) on my bulletin board at work.  Miranda Priestly in The Devil Wears Prada--okay, she's not a villain-villain, but she's terrific.  And how about Faye Dunaway as Bonnie Parker? She was pretty great. And I don't want to do a spoiler, but did anyone see Witness for the Prosecution? (kind of.) And as I was packing to come home for Malice, Whatever Happened to Baby Jane was on. I couldn't watch it!

RHYS BOWEN: Hank, you stole my top choice--Miranda Priestly from the Devil Wears Prada. So frighteningly understated. Also I'd choose Cruella Deville. Lady Macbeth. Others that stand out... Miss Hannigan in Annie, the headmistress in The Little Princess. I guess it's particularly evil to pick on children and animals.

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Villainess I love: Maleficent, from Disney's Sleeping Beauty. The rest of the women in the story give birth, dance around with birds, and do domestic chores (badly.) Not Maleficent. She keeps herself looking good (probably has a complete gym up there in her magic cave.) Instead of getting depressed when she's not invited to the big do at the castle, she crashes the party (and throws in a few curse while she's at it.)

She doesn't sit around passively hoping her goals will somehow come to pass - when the King burns all the spinning wheels, Maleficent takes her spindle to the secret room in the castle and Gets It Done herself. She doesn't let any man, even a hunky Prince, get in the way of what she wants. When Maleficent gets hot flashes, its because she's turned herself into a dragon and is breathing fire. What woman wouldn't want that?

LUCY BURDETTE: Miranda Priestly was truly amazing. She gets my vote. And that's why I want Meryl Streep to play Hayley's mother when the food critic mysteries are made into movies. She can play anything, from evil to sweet.

DEBORAH CROMBIE: All great choices, but I think dear Dolores Umbridge takes the cake for me. Bellatrix is certainly a villainess, but she's crazy AND tortured. Umbridge is just really, really evil, and SO enjoys it.  Now I'm going to have Hello Kitty nightmares....

HALLIE: So today we're celebrating the bad bad women from fiction. Who would you add to our list?

***Sandi, you are the TOPPED CHEF winner from the drawing yesterday. Will you kindly email LucyBurdette at gmail dot com with your address?***