Parental Trucking and Hauling, Inc., or, Moving Them Out of the Dorm

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: It's that time of year again, moms and dads of college-aged children. Stock up on gallons of milk and towels; the kids are coming home for the summer. As part of my occasional series on higher education in America today, I'm here to offer my wisdom to the rest of you tuition wage slaves proud parents. 

Ross is an educator.

At this point, I've moved the Smithie and the Boy into and out of dorms in  minivan, a station wagon and a four-door sedan. I've moved my offspring in and out alone, with the whole family, while Ross was undergoing chemo and in a record-breaking New England heat wave. For extra bonus points, Ross once moved a friend's daughter into her summer campus housing; a fourth floor room in  building with no elevator. This past Tuesday was a first even for us, though: because the Boy was bringing home a nineteen-foot long training scull (you heard that right, nineteen feet) Ross and I rented a UHaul for the trip. Since the Smithie will be leaving Northampton for good this Sunday, we decided to pack up her room on the same day. One day! Two colleges! Four hundred miles! Six hundred milligrams of acetaminophen! Here are a few dos and don'ts derived from my ninja-level expertise:

DON'T use the bathroom in the mens' dorm/floor. Just don't.

The PERSERVERANCE by wood pile and leaf bags headed for the compost.

DO have your children immediately after graduating yourself. That way, when you're hauling mini-fridges up and down stairs, at least you'll be doing it with forty-year-old knees. If, like Ross and I, you failed to have enough foresight to spawn early, DO pre-load with the pain reliever of your choice.

Speaking of that mini-fridge, DO remind your child to defrost and wipe it out before moving-out day. We forgot to do this, and arrived home with a mysterious puddle on the truck bed floor and several wet suitcases.

When you discover the second set of sheets you purchased last August, still in their original wrapping, DON'T ask your son how often he's changed/washed his bedding. The answer will only disappoint you.

DO bring extra garbage bags, tote bags and other easy-to-use containers to help with packing. We used ours up at Trinity College, leaving our Smithie to pack most of her small items in shopping bags she had saved over the course of the year. We looked like we were making off with an entire CVS store when we loaded her things in the truck.

This picture is a lie.

DON'T assume that beer-can pyramid, torn Tegan and Sarah poster or dust-rag t-shirt are junk. I mean, yes, they are junk, and several years from now when you try to give them to your kid to take to her first apartment, she'll look at you like you're crazy. But right now, they're precious mementos. Handle accordingly.

DON'T get too close to the dirty laundry. That's what the garbage bag is for.

If some strapping youths offer to help after seeing you struggle with boxes containing the fruits of four years as an English major, DO accept their assistance. DON'T listen to your kid, who's muttering, "I can get it." Is he going to pay your chiropractors bill? I thought not.

Not my kid's room. Not too dissimilar, though.

Speaking of book boxes, DO lift with your legs. Seriously. Why do men have a problem with this? Do they think we won't respect them if their butts are sticking out?

DO schedule time to eat. Knowing at the end of all the loading we could sit down at our favorite Greek restaurant in Northampton and stuff our faces was all that kept us, as a family, from killing each other.

DO a last-minute check. Library books returned? Key (if any) turned in? Any outstanding business it would be easier to conclude while on campus?

Our living room? Or an Amazon warehouse? You decide.

DON'T stress. Remind your kid campus safety isn't going to throw her out if she's still there after noon. Someone will be at the boat house/athletic center/music building to let him in to get his scull/weights/vibraphone. Everything will fit, and if it doesn't? There's a UPS store within a few miles of campus. (Unless you're at Colgate. There is nothing near Hamilton, NY. Sorry.) 

Good luck, parents! Remember, you have all summer to enjoy your students' company at home - which is why despite the strain and pain, you'll be happy to be doing at all over again at moving-in day in August.