Things That Go Bump in the Night

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Did you hear about those people who called 911 because they got lost in a corn maze? A corn maze! I can't decide whether to laugh at how silly that is--or sneer at how dumb that is---or be amazed that someone would take a three-month old infant into a corn maze at night.

But the police finally came, and the family was 25 feet from the exit, and all's well. But they had scared themselves into a panic, you know? It was dark, and the corn was 10 feet high, and they couldn't tell where they were..and the place had closed (!!) and they just--lost it. Poor things.

See, the idea of going someplace in order to be scared is quite alien to me. Why do I want to be in a position to feel fear? It's scary enough, just fighting off maniac drivers and flesh-eating bacteria and deadly cantaloupes.

But we're almost at Halloween, and things are supposed to be scary. I was traumatized, as a kid, by watching The Incredible Shrinking Man. (Remember when he fought the spider with a needle?) And what was the one with the pods? Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Eesh. Someone (it was Linda Katzenberger, actually, are you out here?) told me that story, around a Girl Scout camp campfire, and I didn't sleep for days.

In college we had to read the real Dracula, by Bram Stoker. My professor told us it was "kind of intense." At which I scoffed, then slept for the next three weeks with my arms across my chest in a cross since my roommate would not put up with garlic. (Did you know vampires can come into our room through closed windows, becoming dust motes on moonbeams?)

Blair Witch? Not scary. Rosemary's Baby? REALLY SCARY. The Exorcist? Not scary. (so, sue me.) The Vanishing? SO SCARY I wish I could un-see it.

Shirley Jackson's short story The Lottery? So scary, I can't even think about it.

Would you go to a corn maze? Do you like to be scared? (By fictional things, I mean...) What's the scariest movie you've seen? Or book you've read?

JAN BROGAN: I generally don't like to be scared. Hate scary rides, horror movies, particularly don't get the appeal of vampires, and am a total bust on the whole thrill-seeking thing. But a corn maze? That's not so scary. In fact, now I want to go there and check it out. I saw that story last night, and thought....wow, is this pathetic or what? These people get scared a lot more easily than even me. But then, I had missed the part where there was a three-month old baby involved. What struck me, was why do the maze as the sun is going down? That seemed pretty dumb with little ones in tow.

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: I agree with you, Jan. When our kids were little, we stuck to the "Happy Hallowe'en Hayride" at Smiling Hill Farm. Just exciting enough to be riding through the woods at night. The witches were all funny and the ghosts were friendly. I'm with Hank, I can't imagine paying the price of a ticket to be scared. And a corn maze isn't likely to be that scary if you've ever spent any time in the country. On the other hand, having read Stephen King's Children of the Corn...

HANK: Oh, the WORST. Really. Eeesh. Can't even think about it. Too late. Sorry, Julia. Back to you.

JULIA: Which leads me to confess as much as I don't care for horror movies or Haunted Houses, I LOVE reading scary stories. I still have "Tales of Terror" and "Tales of Terror II" which I got for Hallowe'en when I was maybe eleven. (Contrary to the schlocky titles and lurid cover art, they were collections of classic literary ghost stories.) I adore the sensation of prickly chills I get from a good horror novel. And yes, Shirley Jackson is a particular favorite of mine. The Haunting of Hill House and We Have Always Lived in the Castle are the creepiest books ever.

HANK: I keep hearing about We Have Always Lived in the Castle. Hmm. Must go find it. During the day.

HALLIE EPHRON: I loved the news story about the family lost in the corn maze. So funny because my husband and I were out hiking last weekend and we got lost (in a nature preserve, not a corn maze), so I turned on the GPS on my cell phone thinking that would help -- and there I was, a big dot in the middle of nowhere.

Scariest books? Thomas Harris's Hannibal Lechter books. Ira Levin's Rosemary's Baby. John Fowles's The Collector. All men, I know. Maybe something by Ruth Rendell, but I can't think what. Shirley Jackson of course. And of course, the movie A Clockwork Orange -- creepy and terrifying and I wish I'd never seen it.

RHYS BOWEN: Why didn't they just plunge through the corn, trample it down until they got out? I'd probably have done that--or yelled for help loudly? In their defence it really was a huge corn maze and tricky, since the paths weren't straight.

Scary things--hate them, hate them. My imagination is too strong. I can handle the sort of Giant Ant that ate New York kind of scary, Jaws, even Alien kind of scary but anything to do with the supernatural and I lie awake thinking about it. Shirley Jackson's The Lottery--it's amazing how that story sticks with you, isn't it? I've actually written some creepy short stories--one about someone being bricked into a wall at a convent has just become part of Alfred Hitchcock Magazine's new e-book anthology. But if we'd had Halloween in England I'd have been the fairy princess, I'm sure.

DEBORAH CROMBIE: No scary movies, no scary rides, no temptation to go into a corn maze! (With a baby! Did these people have no sense?) But scary books, yes, at least to a point. I love Phil Rickman's books, the standalones as well as the Merrily Watkins series (she's an exorcist for the Anglican Church.) These are seriously scary, and the evil is never wishy-washy. Great stuff.

Cannot stand slasher movies. I always want to scream, "You moron, don't go into that room/house/closet!!!!" Don't like serial killer movies, so I was surprised at how much I liked Manhunter when I finally saw it recently. But it made emotional sense, and the characters actions were plausible.

HANK: Absolutely, Debs. Did you see that Twitter hashtag? #ThingsI'veLearnedfrom the movies? Like: If the pizza delivery guy arrives and you didn't order pizza, don't answer the door.

LUCY BURDETTE: I'm a terrible wienie and my family very kindly vets things for me. Things that are too scary stay with me--like WAIT UNTIL DARK or DIAL M FOR MURDER. And then they come back out when I'm alone and it's dark...In books I can take a little more tension, for example I could read SILENCE OF THE LAMBS, but I would never want to see the movie. At least you can put a book down if it gets too awful.

By the way, have any of you read Tom Perotta's new book, THE LEFTOVERS? Now that is a frightening premise--1/3 of the people on the earth simply disappear from wherever they are--eating dinner or having sex or whatever. There is no explanation. The book is about the folks who are left behind, trying to understand what happened and deal with their losses. Some of them do better than others, of course. very scary idea, but handled brilliantly!

ROSEMARY HARRIS: LOVED The Leftovers...I'm a big Tom Perrotta fan. Not really scary even though lots of people disappear. I've never been interested in scary rides but I've always loved horror movies. The Mummy made a huge impression on me when I was a kid - The Brooklyn Museum has a wonderful Egyptian collection and I used to worry that at night they all got up and wandered around Brooklyn. Don't particularly like slasher books or movies, but LUCY...you've never seen SILENCE?? I've watched it a dozen times. "People will say we're in love...."

Would this be a good time to mention that I can't wait for Season 2 of The Walking Dead? Yes..there are zombies, but it's so much more.

HANK: Lucy! No Silence of the Lambs? Okay, that cinches it. Everyone come to my house..and we'll watch together on Halloween! Someone bring Twizzlers, someone bring champagne. But meanwhile--whats your favorite scary thing? Movie? Which one? Book?Which one? Or do you hide under the covers at things that go bump in the night?