Good Sports

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: It’s the 2024 Summer Olympics, as we mentioned earlier this week, and if you’re watching, you’ll notice a few new  sports included. Kayak cross and breaking, aka break dancing will be debuting, and surfing, skateboarding and sport climbing will appear for the second time since ‘21.

 

The IOC has an official policy of introducing game-specific sports to maximize local interest and growth, and an unofficial policy of trying desperately to keep a younger audience. (Most recent polling has 66% of Americans above 55 with a tradition of watching, with 62% of viewers 18-34 saying the same. And if you don’t think that 4% is significant, you’ve never worked in television.)

 

So for the 2028 Games in Los Angeles, baseball/softball will be played again after being dropped in ‘09, while flag football, lacrosse, squash and cricket will be added. I’m not sure about cricket being of local interest in southern California, but I’m sure the NBC announcers will be able to clearly explain the rules and play for the American audience. (Picture me with a dubious look.)

 

If we’re allowed to vote, I’m going to kick water polo off the list of current sports. You can never see any of the action with all that water flying everywhere, and the sight of handsome young jocks wearing skimpy Speed-oes isn’t enough to make up for it. 

 

In exchange, I propose this Millennial/Gen Z pleasing competition: the dash between the athlete’s main job and their side gig. This would take place in a city setting, like road cycling, and would involve the contestants dashing from their day job to a fast food place to grab dinner to their evening side gig, with bonus points for having to change into a uniform along the way.

 

Hey, if breakdancing is a sport…

 

How about you, Reds? What sport should get the boot, and what would you like to see instead?

 

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Multitasking!  Just like the decathlon, contestants are given TEN things to do, and whoever accomplishes them fastest wins. 

 

Events will include: 

1.     doing a load of laundry (degree of difficulty points given for sorting)

2.    making a dinner for four for a vegan, a veg, a paleo and a keto and having it all be finished at the same time, 

3.     finding hidden car keys, 

4.     finishing a chapter of edits, 

5.      posting on four social media platforms with DIFFERENT posts, 

6.     taking a shower and getting dressed again

7.     finding the matching socks in a huge pile of socks

8.     Remembering three birthdays and sending the cards

9.     Submitting a set of travel expenses (degree of difficulty points for finding all the receipts)

     10) Defrosting a freezer and putting everything back in and have the door still close.

 

What do you think? It’s THE TASKATHON!

 

RHYS BOWEN: That’s a brilliant list, Hank!  Julia, you may not take out water polo! We are a family of water polo players: 4 college division 1 players, three Olympic development players, one junior US team captain and a 3 time All American. So do not touch it. And it’s exciting to watch.

 

No to breakdancing. How ridiculous. It might be clever but not a sport. Also not a sport is rhythmic gymnastics. Twirling a ribbon, throwing a hoop belong in a circus.  But on that note, how about trapeze as a sport? That would be exciting to watch.

My own sport addition is the microwave challenge. Can you put a cup of coffee in the microwave to reheat and in that time rush down the hall, pee, and come back before it pings? I am a champion at this, I must tell you.

 

DEBORAH CROMBIE: How about the Mealathon? The contestants would have to plan a week’s meals, do all the shopping for those meals, then prepare each meal. Each meal would then be a heat, points given for time of prep as well as excellence of taste and presentation.

 

The winner can then come work for me! 

 

LUCY BURDETTE: I would not take Hank on in the Taskathon! The only prize there would be second place. Debs, I will take your second place winner at my house!

 

HALLIE EPHRON: I propose a sheet-folding competition, with difficulty starting with twin flats and moving up to king-sized fitted. And cutlery sorting, beginning with a dishwasher load of cutlery. Accuracy counts. 

 

 

JULIA: Ugh, I'd be a wash-out at the sheet folding, Hallie, but I sort my cutlery as it goes IN to the dishwasher, so I can see a gold medal in my future! 

How about you, dear readers? What new sports do you propose for future Olympics? And are there any current sports you think can be retired?

 

Housekeeping Skills

DEBORAH CROMBIE: I was switching out an old print in my downstairs bathroom for a little watercolor I brought back from my summer trip to England. But first I had to move the stack of books artfully arranged on the shelf (everyone has decorative books, right?) including this massive tome–HOME COMFORTS by Cheryl Mendelson. At 896 pages it is, to quote the blurb from USA Today, "...to the house what The Joy of Cooking is to food."

Now, I'm embarrassed to admit how long this book had been gathering dust on my shelf, and that it obviously did not do much for improving my housekeeping skills, but it reminded me of a stage in my life when I had aspirations to do things around the house properly. This was undoubtedly in the heyday of Martha Stewart–in fact, Martha published a housekeeping handbook around the same time–so there were obviously a lot of other people who dreamed of perfect lavender-scented linen closets.

Alas, I learned that I cannot fold for toffee, even a t-shirt, and our extra sets of sheets and duvet covers get stuffed into the very awkward wire shelving in my very small bedroom closet. (I do technically know how to fold a fitted sheet, they just never come out looking like anything but lumps…) I dreamed of crisp, ironed sheets, polished silverware, and an organized "spring cleaning" schedule, none of which ever materialized. But it was nice to be reminded that this book is an encyclopedic "how to" for anything you might need to clean, organize, or store. It's also still very much in print, so there's no shortage of people still interested in the nitty-gritty of housekeeping. 

How are your housekeeping skills, dear REDs, and can you fold a set of sheets?

RHYS BOWEN:  I grew up in the days when we had a ‘ daily woman’ to come and clean and sheets went to the laundry. So I can’t say I came to marriage with any housekeeping skills. I do find polishing our antique furniture very satisfying but apart from that I do the minimum thanks to a lovely cleaning lady who makes the house look perfect once a week. I can’t fold sheets. To avoid this I wash them then put them straight back on the bed !

LUCY BURDETTE: Debs, I am thinking of the piles of books “artfully” arranged everywhere in our house–no one dusts them. At least I should change out the pile in the guest room so visitors have something new to read. I finally took down the ironing board that was in the upstairs hall, with stacks of things on it LOL. That shows that neither John nor I iron anything! I do try to keep up with the fridge and freezer, and I cook and clean up the kitchen. Other than that, I am no Martha Stewart!

JENN McKINLAY: I have five cats and two dogs so I am a champion vacuumer! Mercifully Hub and I live in a petite three bedroom ranch house so it’s manageable. I don’t have cleaning people because I work at home and get stabby when I’m interrupted. JK…mostly. Also, I despise clutter - no tchotchkes, no stacks of books, surfaces are clear (Hub is the opposite so that’s a challenge). My decorating style can best be described as “no one lives here” making the cleaning much easier! 

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Here’s the thing. I’m just not good at this. I am eager to keep things looking nice, and I love our house and the way it looks, but things like–the inside of the freezer! Oh my dear heaven, it’s Jenga. Every time I pull something out (yay I found the thing!) it's incredibly likely that a million other things will tumble out and truly, once I was critically injured (not really, but felt like it for a fraction of a second) by a block of frozen cheese that fell on my toe.

But if I take everything out, as I truly have done, it might melt and it’s all so bizarrely shaped that the whole enterprise is futile. 

And I cannot ask the once-a-week wonderful cleaning people to do it.

I am a good after-dinner kitchen cleaner–at least I thought I was, until I saw Jonathan at work. How do you make it look so…clean? I once asked. He looked at me like I was nuts.

My mother taught me, he said.

Mine…apparently didn't.

((I am good at sheets.))

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: I discovered my housekeeping skills, which I thought were sub-par, improved immensely once I wasn’t picking up after FOUR OTHER PEOPLE who left their stuff everywhere! It’s also helped that I switched from owning large, fluffy dogs to two small Shih Tzus, who have hair, and who therefore don’t shed enough fur to fill a basket every day. (Don’t ask me about the cat. I’m waiting for her to die happy at the end of a long and healthy life.)

What I want: the sort of house Rosamund Pilcher used to write about, where all the furniture smells of beeswax and the silver is always polished and there are fresh flowers in every room. What I have: mostly dusted bookshelves, clean dishes in the dishwasher, some houseplants I haven’t killed (yet.)

HALLIE: My children complain that I never taught them to clean. Which is because *I* never ever learned to clean. My mother was determined NOT to be the cleaner upper. She worked as a writer, and used what she earned so she could work some more and not be waylaid by household chores.

I've been so fortunate to have found a completely fabulous human being to clean my house once every other week. In two and a half hours she wrings order out of chaos. She's been coming to my house for almost twenty years and I'd be lost without her. 

Yes, I *can* vacuum and sweep and make beds and the rest of it, but I'm not very good at it and, omg, I would so much rather not.

DEBS: In my defense I will say that I'm a champion kitchen cleaner. And vacuumer, which everyone teases me about, but we have two big very hairy dogs and hardwood floors. If not kept up with, the dustbunnies turn very quickly into tumbleweeds.

Like Julia, I want to live in a Rosamund Pilcher novel, or maybe in a room in a Victoria Magazine spread... I just need someone to do it for me.

But my burning question, after reading my fellow REDs' comments, is for Jenn: HOW DO YOU NOT HAVE STACKS OF BOOKS?

How about you, readers? Is your housekeeping a lost art?