JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: New Year's mean resolutions. Since I've had great help with my goal-setting from Friend of the Reds Celia Wakefield, I asked her to share some techniques for discerning resolutions. "Not so fast!" she said (more or less.) Before setting goals, first you need to sit and think for a while...
New
Years Resolutions
First,
a happy, healthy and peaceful 2020. I am most grateful to Julia for
inviting me to talk with this truly wonderful community and the
talented authors whose imagination adds so much to our literary
lives. No recipes today. as I am wearing a different hat;the one
which won a copy of Hallie’s latest book ‘Careful What You Wish
For”, all about the trials of Emily Harlow, Professional Organizer.
Yes I was / am a P.O. So it is in the spirit of getting organized
around new years resolutions that Julia invited me to offer some
thoughts. You might say, “well why not a recipe?” Celia has good
food ideas, but that is not what Julia wanted.
In
the spirit of true confession I need to add that I no longer make New
Years Resolutions. For several years Victor and I would meet with
friends in Brooklyn, enjoy a NY Resolution brunch with great food,
(there I go again) and lots of bubbles. Then we would settle to the
important work of deciding what we had achieved since the last brunch
and what we wanted for our futures. There were some high flying
thoughts and many unacheived goals despite our efforts to live up to
our picture of the perfect us.
I
could offer tips and strategies such as SMART goal setting (Specific,
Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Timely). It’s really more suited
for sales forces. But the conversation over brunch today with my
daughter (ham, veggie and cheese frittata) gave me some thoughts to
share. Olivia, with her consulting and corporate background, suggested she did not like the term ‘resolution’; it's too hard, with not much
maneuverability. My daughter would prefer me to reflect.
REFLECTION:
A quieter, calmer process with less of the naughty or nice attached
to it. This, I believe, is achievable. Consider what did I do that
was really successful, fun, different? What pitfalls would I like to
avoid in the future including the ones that I accidentally fell into?
Did I learn from these experiences? Then there’s space to cast
forward. What must be done because - write reasons -. Once the ‘must’
has been cut down to size, there is room for dreams, new experiences
and projects to try. Now this may sound a lot like the old resolution
thing, but I invite you to consider the how. How can also be seen as
time lost or wasted. This digital age has crept into our lives,
stealing attention with memes, selling stuff at bargain prices;
stating that we are no longer the boss of us. As my younger grandson
stated at an early verbal age, “You are not the boss of me,
granny”. I can think of several things that are bossing my time,
and which I probably would never miss if I was honest with myself.
Now
it may be that this seems harder that just tossing out a few ‘good’
resolutions, when asked by a friend but I believe that the end result
may be far more satisfactory and hopefully add joy to our lives.
However I must do my due diligence first. I went to Google and found
just under 200.000.000 hits. How to choose? I couldn’t even use a
pin, but I was intrigued by this, written last year in The McGill
Tribune: “New Month, new me: Keeping New Years resolution's for February and beyond”.
First, I love the cartoon and that is what caught my attention;
secondly, Jason is a student and I find it helpful to read what
people a lot younger than me are thinking; usually in a new and
interesting way. Then I found this fascinating header in my email:
“Where Are You Still Using Single-Ply?”
“Oh”, I thought, “someone sent me some knitting help”, It
turned out to be more interesting than knitting, which I am unlikely
to be voted most expert, evah! So I am passing it on too.
But
for an easy start, here’s my reflection recipe:
INGREDIENTS:
Quiet time - alone. For us New Englanders that means no trying to
write while watching the Pats edge their way to their XXXX Super
Bowl.
Pen
and paper; a tablet is allowed for dates or searches within reason.
Don’t get distracted.
METHOD:
Block out quiet time, sit comfortably with space to write. While the
PC is the best invention to come into my left handed life, I find
that lists and thoughts are best done by hand which engages a
different area of the brain.
Don’t
try to organize thoughts, jot them down as they flow. Reflection
allows that changes are part of the process.
Don’t
take too long unless you are really getting somewhere. If the muse
won’t play the first time around, try later, but do give yourself a
deadline to at least achieve some thoughts.
Let
us know how it goes and along with that I would be happy to be in
touch with anyone who wants to explore this further with me. Please
email me at wakefieldpro at gmail dot com.
JULIA: Pen and paper out? Good. Tomorrow we have the marvelous J.P. Smith as our guest with his psychological thriller IF SHE WERE DEAD, and the day after that, Saturday, we're going to share our resolutions for 2020! In the meantime - do you like reflecting on yourself? Do you find it stimulating, thought-provoking, or scary? Do you have suggestions you can add to Celia's? Let us know in the comments.
