Risk Taking: But What About My Feelings?

Jenn McKinlay: Recently, I gave a book talk at a library. It was a packed house, standing room only, which is not always the case for these talks. Stunning, I know. But on this particular night, it was a mob. Probably, because I was speaking to a writer’s group. These people meet once a month and are dedicated to the craft of writing with the goal of getting published. In short, they were my people.

Now I’m always happy to send the elevator down and share what I’ve learned on this thrilling, exhilarating, but also frequently soul crushing journey into the land of publication. I try to emphasize that the mechanics do not matter as much as the spark. In other words: “I’m going to have to pass on your Fifty Shades of Girl with a Twilight Tattoo, because you used the wrong font,” said no editor ever. Sometimes, I get through.

But consistently at every talk I give, I meet people who have a great idea and have possibly even whittled a few chapters out of their big block of a story, but they haven’t submitted it because they are terrified of rejection. As if rejection by some person they don’t know is more valid or important than how they feel about their own work. Argh! It isn’t! So, even though they desperately want to get published, they can not hit the send button on the query email. This boggles me.

I understand that we all have different levels of coping, I do. But having spent the other day hurling myself down a mountain (on skis) with a few hundred other folks, it occurs to me that while we’re so willing to risk life and limb jumping out of airplanes, falling hundreds of yards off a bridge with a rubber band strapped to our ankles, or donning a foamed neoprene suit to swim with sharks, we freak out and shut down if we think our feeling might get hurt. Last time I checked you didn’t have to wear a cast or do physical therapy because you got a thin envelope from your first college choice. Similarly, no funeral service has ever been held for someone because the person they are crushing on likes their best friend instead.

The same thing goes for sharing our art. No one ever expired because their work was poorly received. There will always be haters, especially nowadays when name calling, trolling, etc. having become a pathetic pastime for some people. Rejections, one star reviews on Amazon, nasty Goodreads posts, are all part of the job now. If you want to be published, you have to take the bad with the good, but it shouldn’t stop you from getting in the game. Feelings are not bones; they should not require the same healing time!

When I was starting out, I was rejected -- frequently. So, frequently, that I had a recovery routine. I would be sad for a few hours and then I’d get irritated, and then I’d tap into my apparently deep well of I’ll-show-you. I used the rejection to push myself just like I did when I was skiing the other day. It had been more than a decade since I’d skied and I was seriously trepidatious, as the possibility of injury was high, but I didn’t give in to it and sit in the lodge sipping cocoa. I put the skis on and hit the slopes. I am so glad I did! It felt great to fly down the mountain again, and I’m pleased to report that I didn’t fall – not once!

I genuinely believe that the only things we regret in life are the chances we don’t take. How about you, Reds and readers, what chances have you taken that were worth the risk?

The "R" word: REJECTION

JENN McKINLAY: While decluttering my desk awhile back, I found my file of rejection letters. What does it take to be published? For me, I'd say a pound of flesh, a gallon of tears, and an inch of rejections. I have a hide like a rhinoceros, but even I struggled to shake off the "no thank you's" for a solid seven years before I got published.

How did I shake it off? Well, after I shed a tear or two and dramatically cried, "I will never write  again!", I'd get really mad. And I do mean mad like crazy not like angry. Despite my jokester nature, I have a contrary personality and the quickest way to get me to do something is to tell me that I can't. So, usually within 48 hours of being emotionally shanked via letter or email, I was back in the saddle, writing the next idea absolutely positive that this was going to be THE ONE. And eventually, it was. 

And just so you can see how subjective this business is: Here are two responses from editors for the exact same query: One thought the hook was too small and the other thought it was great for a series. (Picture me throwing up my hands here).


How about you, REDS? How did you handle rejection and if you were never rejected, well, you're dismissed. Seriously, go away now.

HALLIE EPHRON: I have a ton of rejection letters. I read from then when I give a keynote at a writing conference, even though they still sting.

 I was giving a talk the other day and a woman in the audience asked me what she should do, her daughter was an aspiring writer who'd been rejected and now was vowing to give up writing. My response was: EVERYONE gets rejected, and if you can't take it, you shouldn't be a writer. Seriously. There's a steep learning curve, and then there are the vagaries of the market, and the intricacies of what's going on at each particular publisher. And it doesn't end with getting to YES. After you get published there's dealing with snippy reviews and nasty online reviewers and disappointing sales and... Nope, not for wimps. 




RHYS BOWEN: The first book I sent to a publisher was accepted. You'd think that would be the end of the story, right? But after that book was published it took me five years to sell another. This was all very long ago but I can still remember the hurt, anger, annoyance when I saw that envelope returned to me. I never once thought of giving up writing, however. I just thought, "I'll show them! They'll be sorry." And I have. And they are. The important thing to tell yourself is that a rejection is just one person's opinion. Some people think it's okay to streak their hair pink. Therefore not all opinions are equally valid. I also tell myself this when someone gives me a snippy review. 




LUCY BURDETTE: I think you're getting the theme here--we all face rejection in this business, but what separates success from failure is a stubborn writer. I would also add for me, rejection meant trying to go back to the drawing board to figure out what the weak spots of my book/proposal were. And then do my best to fix them. Like Hallie, I've kept copies of those early rejections and have enjoyed using them in talks. On a bad day, a rejection might have looked like this:  a form letter photocopied crookedly on the sheet--the only personalized note being a coffee ring. On a good day, I might have received a letter like this: “regrettably, Final Round is not the project for us. We would like to encourage you to continue seeking representation. Another agent is bound to recognize your talent and may be able to offer you and your work the time and attention it so readily deserves.” (This was a real letter!)

The funny thing is, rejection comes every step of the way, even after getting an agent and getting published. Right now I'm working on a book that's been rejected thoroughly, first by my agent, and then after I fixed it and she got excited about it in proposal form, by several editors. Did I have the sense to quit? No. I hired an independent editor and I'm working on revisions. Yes, stubborn. 

JENN: Lucy, I think you nailed it. Tenacity is probably the most common trait amongst writers. 




DEBORAH CROMBIE:  By a weird set of circumstances, I sold my first novel without ever having had a rejection letter. I did, however, have a very good writing teacher when I was working on that first book. The first pages I turned in to him came back with big red UGHS scrawled all over my beautiful prose!!!! My feelings were crushed. I cried for a day, and then I got mad and determined that nobody was going to do that to my pages again. I worked really hard, and the red ink marks got fewer and fewer, until at the end of the course my teacher told me he thought what I had written was publishable. I don't think I've ever been more proud.

Not that I haven't dealt with a lot of editorial criticism in the years since, but I just figure it makes me a better writer. 




HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN:  Oh, I saved every single rejection. And I always read them at seminars--it's such a concrete proof that a rejection is only a moment in time. My rejections all came via snail mail, in a stamped self-addressed envelope, and I'd see that horrible thing peeking out of my mailbox when I got home. Once I wailed to Jonathan: "Charlie McNally is going to DIE! No one will ever meet her!" But eventually people started saying yes. So HA.

My favorite one says: "This is such a terrific book, I couldn't turn the pages fast enough. And you really nail the newsroom setting. Sadly, we just published a reporter book, and there's no room on our list for another."  Probably a big fat lie, but it made me feel better. I love seeing the people who once rejected me. They're always so  enthusiastic. And I never say a word.  It's just completely personal, and unpredictable, and there are so many factors that go into it. It feels like the most personal thing in the world, but it isn't.

Lucy, lemme at that book.




INGRID THOFT: I was rejected a lot by agents, but there was enough encouragement in the rejections that I decided to keep going.  My favorite rejection tale is that the agent who was representing me when I wrote LOYALTY told me, “I can’t sell this.”  I shopped around for a new agent, and she sold it to the first editor she submitted it to.  It really is subjective, and I always remind writers that when they walk into the bookstore, there are probably whole sections they avoid because those topics just don’t interest them.  So it is with agents and editors; some things just don’t interest them.

In terms of feedback, I recommend that after taking some deep cleansing breaths, you review the critique and ask yourself a question:  Do the suggestions put forth make the book better or different?  Better is what you want, but different?  That will just turn it into someone else’s book.

JENN: Better or different? Ingrid, that is a brilliant way to determine whether the critique is valid or not. I love it.

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: You're going to hate me. I submitted the first manuscript I ever finished to the St. Martin's Malice Domestic Best First Traditional Mystery Contest, won, and have been published by St. Martin's ever since. I had one book published, another under contract and a two-book offer in hand when I went looking for representation - I wound up rejecting agents. Then, when my first agent "retired" (long story) I interviewed several other agents and went with the wonderful fabulous (TM) Meg Ruley (who also reps Rhys!) When I'm giving talks to unpublished writers, I try to elide most of this story.

On the other hand, I was rejected by Yale when I applied for their drama program. So there is that.

How about you, Readers? How do you handle rejection?

LINSANITY

JAN BROGAN: How weird is the world, when my husband, an investment banker, and I, a writer, can use the same metaphor? Not as weird as you might think.

Especially if you've been following the story of Jeremy Lin. Here's what my husband said in his investment newsletter.

"Even if you are not a sports fan, Jeremy's story is inspiring. An excellent high school basketball player in Palo Alto, he was written off ( too small, too slow etc...) as having no real future in basketball. Stanford, the revered talent incubator had no interest, even though Jeremy's high school was across the street. He ended up at Harvard with no scholarship where he played ball for the love of the game. Upon graduating (econ major) he wasn't drafted by any NBA team. He eventually signed with the Golden State Warriors where he warmed the bench and was quickly cut. He moved to the Houston Rockets and was cut before the season started. He then signed with the NY Knicks who sent him down to the D (minor) league. Not having his own apartment, he was sleeping on a friends couch. Then came his chance, a rash of injuries to Knick starters and Jeremy takes to the floor in Madison Square Garden. Six games later he is an international star, scoring more than any other player in the modern era of professional basketball in his first six games - any other player. Jeremy Lin is currently looking for an apartment in New York! So as you step up to the line and give your 50th power point presentation of the month to a group of yawning investors remember Jeremy Lin. Practice does make perfect."

And this is what I say: Jeremy Lin is the perfect model for novelists, who suffer all sorts of rejection and setbacks, but must plug on. He's the try, try, and try again story. Also a pretty good model for the characters we write, who need all sorts of obstacles if they are going to have any kind of story at all.

Writers: Have you been paying attention to Linsanity as the success-against-all-obstacles has been called? Are you inspired by it?

And come back tomorrow when I talk about how I overcame a twenty year plane phobia and will be talking a little about how I did it, and giving away a free DVD that helps explains it.

WHAT Were We THINKIN'?

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: I have a pal who majored in poetry in college. Drove his parents crazy. As a result, my pal was thoughtful, caring, eloquent--and completely unemployable. Then he says, just to drive HIM crazy, his son majored in poetry, too.

Okay, my pal has managed. But you've gotta admit, choosing the life of an author is setting a pretty high bar. Hard enough to do the writing, forget the whole impossible economics of it--and then--you've got to show your work to someone! And what if they hate it? Rejection. The worst.

((Yes, Snoopy. When was the last time you saw Snoopy on Jungle Red? It was a dark and stormy night...)

So you know book conventions, right? Panels of authors talking about new ideas and new books and writing and reading and..stuff like: voice. But at Bouchercon in St. Louis a week or so ago, something very strange happened on one of the panels. "Voice" took on a whole new context.The panelists...wait for it...SANG. SANG! Would you have the moxie to sing your answers?

Joelle Charbonneau was one of the star performers..and singing isn't her only talent. She's hilarious, and multi-talented--and a wonderful new voice in mystery world. Her books are original and wonderful--even reading her unusual and wide-ranging bio is a treat. (Check it out.)

But how'd she get where she is today? Rejection. Yup, Joelle says:


Just call me crazy…

I must be a glutton for punishment. That’s the only explanation for my career choices. I’m a professional singer and actress. I might even dance for you if you pay me enough. Both the singer and actress fields filled with oodles of rejections. So, of course, I decide to pursue the next obvious choice - an author.

Can someone please tell me what I was thinking? I have to admit that I’m not sure I was thinking at all. Becoming an author was never one of my childhood dreams. I was a reader not a writer. Every day I hauled my backpack filled with text books and at least one novel to school with me. My local library was a favorite destination. But never in all my childhood daydreams did I think I would one day write a book that would sit on a library shelf. Then one day, I sat down one day with an idea for an opening line for a novel in my head and I started writing for my own pleasure. To see if I could. To see what would happen next.

What happened next was that I learned I liked the challenge of filling a blank page. (Yep, there’s that ‘glutton for punishment’ theme again.) So, I decided to try to write a real book. Once that book was done I decided to start submitting it to editors and agents. That’s when the rejection started. I wrote another book. More rejections.

Funny, but my other professions made me ideally suited to the rejection that inevitably comes along with writing. Sure, there are some writers who get their first manuscripts published. (This was so not me. It took me five attempts to finally get the call.) But even those published-out-of-the-gate writers get rejections on later manuscripts or in the form of bad reviews. Rejection is something that comes with the territory. And I traveled lots of that not so happy territory in my myriad of careers.

Funny, but I’m really grateful for those rejections. Yeah, I realize that my gratitude for being kicked to the curb makes me slightly unbalanced. I’m okay with that. But one thing I know is those rejection letters is that they made me a better writer. They also gave me time to figure out what kind of stories I really wanted to write. See, when I started writing, I decided I was going to write emotionally driven women’s fiction. Perhaps because some of my favorite books are ones that tug at my heart strings and make me cry. Well, I tried. I really did. I wanted to make people sigh and weep and feel as if the author was a close friend who understood their problems. Some of my best author friends are fabulous at making me read with a box of tissues close at hand. I wanted to be them when I grew up.

Instead, I wrote about a dead body in a roller rink toilet, an ex-circus camel that wears hats and a grandfather who impersonates Elvis. Yeah – so much for growing up into a hard-hitting women’s fiction writer. Trying to become one was like putting a triangular peg into a round hole. A miracle girdle hasn’t been invented yet that could squash me enough into the right shape and size. The agents and editors who read those attempts probably understood that.

Today, I sit behind my computer screen and write whatever off-the-wall thing pops into my head and I enjoy every minute of it. And those rejection letters? Well, I wear them as a badge of honor and am thankful for every one of them. For good or for ill, they made me the writer I am today.

HANK: Yep. I've had a couple of doozies. A million years ago, I sent in three chapters of a book about a golf pro. (A problem, since I have no idea how to play golf.) I submitted to two agents, figuring, hey, how hard can this be?

One agent wrote back: What a terrific writer you are! But this book has no plot." The other wrote back: "This is a terrific plot! But, I fear, you are not much of a writer."

That was almost word for word. As a result, I gave up. For--about fifteen years.

So recently I re-read the "book," having thought--hey! Why not just use that? It was--well, let's just the "not much of a writer" agent was right on the money. Point of view? La dee dah. There was none. (You should read it. Eeesh.) But now I know.

So how about you? Rejections make you stronger? Or just make you feel--rejected? How do you deal with it? And how have you changed?

And we're giving away a copy of Joelle's book to a lucky commenter!

Joelle Charbonneau is the author of the Rebecca Robbins and Paige Marshall mysteries
Skating Over The Line ~ Out Now! ~ Minotaur Books
Murder For Choir ~ July 2012 ~ Berkley Prime Crime
www.joellecharbonneau.net

On Rejection

ROSEMARY: The following is an excerpt from Time.com's Helthland website.

Lab participants who watch as photos of them are rejected — even if they know the rejection is being done by a computer — experience not just emotional but physical distress. Your levels of cortisol, a stress hormone, fluctuate when you think you're being rejected. It turns out that all of us are the nerdy kids on Glee: pathetic and weak when Sue Sylvester comes around, even if we know she's a robot dressed in a sweatsuit.
This week a new study shows that these physical effects go further: rejection actually stops your heart. Thus the clever title of the new Psychological Science paper: "The Heartbrake of Social Rejection." The authors of the study — a three-member group led by a University of Amsterdam psychologist named Bregtje Gunther Moor — measured beat-by-beat heart rate changes in 22 students as they received either rejection or acceptance of portrait photos they had submitted. When hooked up to electrocardiogram monitors, the students reliably showed a skip in their hearts when they thought they had been rejected by someone shown their photos.

Read more: http://healthland.time.com/2010/09/29/heartbrake-how-rejection-literally-stops-your-heart/?xid=aol-direct#ixzz10yUslWtm

ROSEMARY: I hope they didn't spend too much on this study.


I was fortunate and only got a few rejections before my current book deal, so I don't know how I'd have handled the 36 or so "no-thank-yous" James Patterson supposedly got before his first book was accepted for publication. But the reality is, as writers, most of us experience rejection on a regular basis - agents, editors and readers make their choices every day and frequently - gasp - they may reject us. There's not much I can do about it if an editor is looking for the next PEN or Booker Prize winner (I write genre fiction.) Or a reader is in the mood for a vampire book (I write traditional mysteries.)

There are plenty of best-selling books or enormously popular movies and television shows that I don't particularly love. And that's what I tell myself every time I'm on the receiving end of a rejection. Hey, not everyone is going to love you. Chaque a son gout. Jan, did I get that right?

What do you tell yourself?

On Rejection

JAN: I just got the news: I’ve been rejected.

Not by a publisher. Or an agent. Or even awards committee.

I’ve been rejected by an insurance company.

Because I’m a writer. I thought my husband was kidding when he told me that I had to call the insurance agent about our new umbrella policy because there was a problem with my profession. That I was a liability.

The umbrella policy had nothing to do with writing. We wanted one because we have a rental property I had a hard time figuring out how what I made up on the page affected a potential slip and fall claim.

I called Jane, our insurance agent, and explained that all my books were murder mysteries. Fiction. Just some fun that could not be construed, in any way, to libel people. She checked with the company. “They don’t like you,” she said.

Tell them I don’t even have a book coming out this year, I said. She got back to me: “They still don’t like you.”

Apparently, they were worried that someone out there might think I was using them

as a model for one of my characters and thus libeling them.

(As a financial aside, since I draw a lot on my own journalism experiences in the creation of Hallie Ahern, my protagonist, I wonder if this means I can sue myself and make a killing?)

At any rate, Jane, who really is an insurance agent extraordinaire, eventually solved the problem, but it required a search. She had to find a special insurance company in LA that….. and get this: “insures celebrities.”

That’s right. Me and Angelina Jolie. We have the same kind of insurance problems.

The policy cost more money, but they, that’s just the price of celebrity!!

So have any of you other writers out there ever heard of this?? Or had to pay the higher premiums yourself?