Making a Splash?

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: I was thinking about how this year I might have to buy a new bathing suit. Argh. After I made all of the predictable excuses: it's too early, it's too late. Nothing ever fits, the lights in the dressing room make me look green… Anyway, after all that whining, I thought: wait, let me look at my old bathing suits and see if perhaps I can use one of those.

Funnily enough--I guess it's funny---I found some bathing suits in a drawer that still had their tags on them. I had purchased them, apparently thinking they were reasonably okay, and never worn them.

Why is that you ask? Because: I never go swimming. I have to say, I live in Boston, which is near (duh) the ocean. We have millions of friends on the Cape. And in Maine.  We go to the Caribbean from time to time, and… We have a swimming pool in our backyard.

It is the family joke that I never go in the water.

I remember growing up I loved swimming. First we played in the sprinkler. Apparently, as you can see from this photo from...1954-ish? I was already into swim suit coverups.

Later it was our summer social life, going to the pool. Hanging with everyone. Listening to Surfer Girl and Da Do Ron Ron  and  Sum-Sum-Summertime on our transistor radios, and doing whatever else we did, which I don't remember. I think it was dodging the splashes of the guys trying to splash us while pretending to ignore us while showing off by doing cannonballs. And--can openers, right? That was holding just one leg.

I also remember one summer when, inspired by Esther Williams, I think we tried synchronized swimming. For about a minute.  I could dive off he high dive. No prob.

But no more. Why do I not go swimming? Everyone thinks I either can't swim, wrong, or afraid of the water, wrong, or don't like swimming, wrong again. The reason I haven't been swimming in years is a strange one… It's because I can't see.  To be able to see, I either have to wear my contacts, which is not a good thing in water. Or I have to wear my glasses. Worse. So what I would do was just avoid it.

But since I had cataract surgery I can really see. And as the guys came to open the pool last weekend, I thought wow! I could actually go in this year. So we shall... see. I still don't have a good bathing suit.

How about you all? Are you swimmers ? Or are you more watchers. Are you mermaids? Or shorebirds?

INGRID THOFT: I’m definitely a mermaid or a selkie.  From Irish, Scottish, and Icelandic folklore, selkies are creatures who are seals in the water, but shed their skin to be human on land.  I love swimming, preferably in the ocean with critters.  Snorkeling and scuba diving are two of favorite activities because I can observe, and sometimes, interact with the sea life.  I dove with a potato cod fish the size of a small car on the Great Barrier Reef, who wanted to tag along, even when I was headed on my way!  Although the ocean is my first choice, I’ll dive into pools, ponds, and lakes with equal enjoyment.  I also love taking baths, so I guess that water just suits me.

HANK: Ingrid, you are my role model for swimming. I cannot believe your adventures!

HALLIE EPHRON: I love snorkeling, too! You don't have to be a strong swimmer, you just have to be able to relax in the water and let your flippers keep you afloat.

HANK: Gah. I can't do that.

HALLIE: When I was little I loved to run through the sprinklers in our backyard.  (ed. note: Here's Hallie, probably the same era a few years later) Then I graduated to the ocean. I learned to body surf and was there trying to catch the waves, and then getting tossed upside own and ground into the sand. And coming up and going right back out again.

Now I rarely go in the water, but when we were in Puerto Rico I did take my granddaughter into the pool several times. More standing and weightlifting in the water wearing a hat and sunglasses than actual swimming.

JENN MCKINLAY: I love the water. Pools are fun to splash in but I prefer the ocean -- surfing, paddle boarding, boogie boarding, snorkeling, all of it. I am in. However, I only enjoy it if the water is clear. I grew up on Long Island Sound (not clear, brown, very brown) and I was eight when JAWS came out. My brother -- my Irish twin as he's only eleven months older -- used to sneak up on me while I was swimming and grab my leg and tug me under. Scared the snot out of me every time. Argh!!! Even though I didn't see the movie until I was much older, I can still hear the terrifying music and I don't enjoy water that is over my head if I can't see the bottom. Yes, I'm afraid of sharks because of a movie. Ridiculous, I know.

HANK: Well, yeah. There's a whole generation of people who are permanently traumatized. DA-dum DA-dum.  (sorry :-) )

LUCY BURDETTE: My mother was completely ocean-crazy so we spent all of our summers either at the Jersey shore or in Hatteras NC. We kids were in the water for hours and hours. I also had swimming lessons and am a strong swimmer. I took the water safety instructor class, but didn't pass the part where you had to swim a 200 pound person to the shore. And I used to swim for exercise, including long swims in the Long Island Sound with John. (Jenn, the water is much much nicer these days.) However, that ended after several jelly fish stings. And now I hardly go into the water. Why? The chlorine smell doesn't appeal to me in pools...jellyfish in the sound...too much sun... But in the end, here's what I think: I'm a Capricorn and Capricorns are of the earth, not the water. That said, I'm going to go in more this summer, I swear!

RHYS: I was born a mermaid! I am told that the first time I was taken to the beach I started walking toward the water and kept on going. They pulled me out when I was up to my neck! Unfortunately I grew up in a country of non-heated pools and cold ocean. But since I've lived in California I have swum every day. I just relax when I am in the water, especially warm water. I'm a passionate snorkeler. I have four kids who were all competitive swimmers and now grand kids who are top water-polo players. 

 DEBORAH CROMBIE: I love the water, and love being by the ocean more than just about anything (other than London or the English countryside.) I grew up in the country club and community pools--that's what you did in Texas in the summer, swim, swim, swim, every day. But I have never been a strong swimmer, and when I was about fifteen I got caught in the undertow off the beach in Acapulco. I would have drowned if some other swimmers hadn't seen me go under and rescued me. Since then I have never been comfortable in deep water. I love snorkeling, but only if I can touch bottom! So this makes me pretty much a watery wimp.

Yeesh.

Hank, I totally get it about not being able to see. I was in the same boat (excuse the pun) and it hadn't occurred to me that since my cataract surgery I'd be able to see while swimming. Maybe I'll drag out that cute swimsuit I bought last year and never wore!

PS Does anyone else say "bathing suit?" Hubby always makes fun of me when I do....

HANK: I always say bathing suit! Is it supposed to be swimsuit? I never call it that. So how about you, Reds? Water or not? Do you swim with the (do not use the S word)  or happily sit by the pool/lake/ocean?  And do you have this year's--Ahhhhhh--bathing suit?

Mission Impossible: Shopping for the Guy who Wants Nothing

INGRID THOFT: Every year, when my husband's birthday rolls around, I'm faced with the same dilemma:  What on earth should I give him?  He's not a picky guy, nor is he hard to please, but wow, he's hard to shop for.

The problem is multi-faceted. Firstly, he doesn't have a hankering for stuff in general. Secondly, his interest in technology (he's a software developer who works in the area of augmented reality) means that I don't understand most of the gifts he might like, so he tends to buy those items for himself.  Thirdly, his other primary hobby—a salt water aquarium—is also something with which I have little familiarity.  I'm talented when it comes to choosing names for the creatures in his underwater world—a shrimp named scampi, a fish named poke (after the Hawaiian fish salad)—but I can't tell a protein skimmer from a sump pump.

Full disclosure: my husband and I are not big gift givers to each other.  We love to give things to ourselves as a couple, but we’re not fans of gift swapping on major holidays.  We celebrate our anniversary by making a purchase for our home or putting money toward a trip.  We don’t exchange Christmas presents, and our birthday celebrations are modest.  So each year I find myself wracking my brain trying to find a good gift.  Perfect doesn’t even enter the picture!

My family also struggles with this, which explains the greatest hits of gifts that show up under the tree every year.  He’s a dedicated New England Patriots fan (yay Pats!), but not one for wearing the team colors except on his hat.  He loves spicy food and has, therefore, been the recipient of a plethora of spicy sauces and marinades.  Don’t even get me started on the salsa selections!  One of the doodads that delighted him in recent years?  Unpopable (sp?) bubbles.  Seriously.

What about clothes, you might ask?  Everyone needs clothes.  That would qualify as a deal breaker in our marriage.  As a child, he received clothes for gifts, and since then has deemed clothes "not gifts!"  I'm with him on that.  Unless you're Tim Gunn or Carrie Bradshaw, clothes don't seem very festive.

Were money no object, I'd buy him that jet he has his eye on or maybe a private tropical island.  Nothing makes him happier than spending hours snorkeling and photographing the sea life dwelling on a healthy coral reef. In fact, maybe that's what I should be "giving" him: a donation to an organization that is committed to maintaining the health of our oceans and reefs.  Maybe writing this post will solve this thorny dilemma once and for all!

In the meantime, Reds and readers, I want to hear your experiences on the gift-giving front.  When it comes to presents, which loved one poses the greatest challenge?  Do you have a go-to gift?  Have you thrown up your hands in frustration and gone the gift card route?  Do tell!

The ONE THING that makes you happy

JAN BROGAN - There's a scene in The Help (great movie, great book) where Minny, the maid, is really angry, and someone mentions cooking, which she loves, and all her anger dissipates. I think she even smiles.

And it reminded me of one Christmas, a transitional year, when the kids had just stopped believing in Santa Claus. My daughter, the first born, was too old to get excited about toys, but still too young to get excited about purses and boots. I had to spend a lot of time shopping for her presents, searching all the things that would make her happy. When she came down Christmas morning, I could tell she was disappointed. It wasn't enough.

Devastated, I called my mother, and my mother's advice was this: "Start cooking and you'll feel better."

And she was right. Once I started cooking, I felt better. I completely lost myself in the sweet potato recipe and pie shells. And since then, I've understood that for me, cooking was the one thing that could change a dark mood.

So here's my question Reds. What's the one thing you do that makes you happiest? Now, DO NOT SAY WRITING. And DO NOT SAY helping others, or anything that a Miss America contestant might say. Be purely selfish here and reveal what's the one hobby, pastime, (non-career) pursuit that brings you peace and/or happiness?

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Floating. Yes, floating .We have a pool in our back yard, and in the summer, Jonathan and I have two pool floats, we call them Gumbies because they're green and flat. (I'm going to give you every detail, since you asked.) We get our bathing suits on, and our current books in hand. Meanwhile, we have diet cokes in the freezer, getting icy. Then we take our drinks and our hats and our sunscreen, and float around the pool in the warm sun and blue sky, reading and floating and reading and floating. The pool intake moves you around on the water, so it' s like being on a little raft, perfect and quiet. The garden around the pool is filled with flowers and butterflies, and the two huge ancient trees reach to the sky. Lying on the pool floats is the only time you can see to the top.

Sometime at night if I'm restless, I just think about floating.

RHYS BOWEN: I’m actually happiest when I’m sitting at a good meal with friends and family and we’re all laughing and teasing each other, but solo happiness? Walking on a beach, feeling warm sand between my toes or letting gentle waves lap at my feet, bending to pick up shells. Or snorkeling if I am in the right sort of ocean. Both those pursuits and I lose all track of time and I’m in my own private world, not thinking, not worrying, just in the present. In August I was snorkeling in Kona and I’d bought a disposable underwater camera—and it didn’t work. I kept turning and turning, waiting for it to click to the next frame and guess what? The fish were fascinated by the turning sound. I had zillions of fabulous fish inches from the camera and my fingers… and I couldn’t take a picture of them. Never mind, it was a perfect moment.

LUCY BURDETTE: If you're taking away all our beauty contestant answers Jan, liketime with friends and family, that still leaves a couple. Yes, I like to cook, but I like to eat even more:). Another thing would be reading a great book, lying in bed, with the cat rumbling next to me and the dog on the floor on the other side. A book like THE HELP or AFTERTASTE (whose author visited us not too long ago)--something that really takes me into a new world--not too scary and with lots of good food.

HALLIE EPHRON: Mmmmm, floating. Mmmmm, eating. Mmmmm, cooking. And of course hugging the people I love. I'm a big hugger and sloppy kisser (so watch out).

I'm also very happy when I'm walking and walking and walking and my feet don't hurt. Also soap. Big chunky bars of lovely scented soap make me very happy. Also long leisurely baths.

ROSEMARY HARRIS: Walking around my garden. I don't even have to be doing anything, just enjoying the work I've done and planning the next round of activities. I probably look like a crazy lady doing it. Yesterday I had a small breakthrough computer-wise (finally succeeded in setting up new computer and using multiple screens) and I treated myself with a glass of red wine and a stroll around the garden. It was amazing.

Can I add another? Singing at the top of my lungs in the car. Alone. Traffic, bad weather, lunatic drivers - nothing can bother me when the Ipod is working and I'm belting out a tune. "I got some change in my pocket but it wasn't enough....!"

DEBORAH CROMBIE: I know Jan said just one, so it's probably a good thing that some of you have already hit a few of my biggies. So ditto on all of the above (especially baths. And I love walking my dog late at night, just the two of us.)

But I have to add, London. London makes me happy. England has always made me happy, but nothing compares to London. (I know I say this as a stock part of book talks, but it doesn't make it any less true.) And just walking. For hours. No particular destination necessary. And it's a deep, welling sort of happiness, not just contentment, although contentment is no bad thing. And it makes me happy just thinking about walking in London . . .

JAN: So how about the rest of you. There are lots of little things that bring us peace or pleasure, but if you had to pick ONE, what's the one thing you can count on to make you happy?

Faking it - What we did for love...

ROSEMARY: A week or so ago Hank wrote that she'd gone gliding once with a former boyfriend. Actually she said beau, but I'm not sure I'm cool enough to use the word beau without it being something in French or about Jeff Bridges' brother.
She did it for love.

My husband has frequently described this or that woman as a "pre-nuptial sports fan. "No, honey, I'd really love to see the mixed martial arts championships with you and your friends this Saturday!" Sure you would.

There's a fun scene in an old Bette Midler movie (Outrageous Fortune) in which she and Shelley Long compare notes on what uncharacteristic things they've done to stay connected to the relatively new beau - one baked cookies, the other sewed Halloween costumes for an imaginary class of underprivileged students the man created just to get both women in the sack.


I'm usually pretty good at saying what I like or don't like - those of you who know me well feel free to guffaw here - but I've occasionally sucked it up for the good of the relationship. There were a few operas where I wished I'd brought toothpicks to keep my eyes open. And there was the eight course Paul Bocuse meal I pretended to enjoy because it was so hard to get a reservation and it cost a small fortune.


I'm not looking for any "oh baby, you're a god" moments, but what (else) have you faked for a partner or a friend?

ROBERTA: snort, giggle--we are laughing Ro! Okay, I picked up both tennis and golf for the good of a guy. Luckily, both turned out to be things I enjoyed just fine on my own. In fact, were it not for John and his obsession with golf, I probably wouldn't have started writing!

But skiing, that's a different story. :)."
Vermont skiing: I'm talking ice and whistling winds and fighting kids. In the early days, I went gamely along to be a good sport (you can all laugh here), but it was never my favorite activity. I was always worse than everyone else, by far. And the equipment adds up to more than your body weight. And the boots absolutely kill. And those romantic versions of crackling fires in the ski lodge? Forget about it--jammed with screaming children and loud teenagers. Unfortunately, my birthday usually falls on or about Martin Luther King weekend. So we would head up north with the kids and about 6 million other families. One year it was fifty degrees below zero. Get the picture?

Now when skiing comes up, I say "have a nice time honey

JULIA: I dated a much older man toward the end of my college days. He adored foreign films (old black and white ones, especially) and opera, neither of which I had much exposure to. The movies - oh, my God, I can't tell you how boring they were. But I went. The only takeaway I got from them was the ability to BS with the best of them about Jacques Tati and Michelangelo Antonioni. Hint: sex = capitalist oppression. Or Citroen = capitalist oppression.

HANK: SO funny.

JULIA: Opera was another story. He took me to see Cosi Fan Tutti and Abduction from the Seraglio and I was hooked. Opera has remained one of the great pleasures of my life. I don't get the chance to see a live performance very often (we have no resident or even seasonal opera company in Maine) but I'm on the radio every Saturday, listening to Live From the Metropolitan. Someday - someday! - I'll go there in person.

ROSEMARY: I've grown to love opera..especially the Italian ones. You should let me know the next time you're in NYC.

HANK: Me, too.


HALLIE: Oh, Julia, I'd forgotten about the movies! A guy I dated in college was into martial arts movies. Yawn. Fortunately he was also into Chinese food and knew some of the best places in New York's Chinatown to eat. And then there was the boyfriend with the motorcycle--NOT my preferred method of transport. I had to meet him down the block because my mother would have had a fit if she'd known I was riding around on the back of one. We're talking pre-helmet era. Scary to even think about it.
ROSEMARY:

Fortunately my husband and I have most of the same interests. Art. Birds. Nature. Food. Wine. And of course yard sales. Though he takes everything to extremes.

DEBS: Oh, Hallie, the boyfriend with the motorcycle . . . Maybe it was the same one? I had to meet him around the block because my parents would have KILLED me for getting on it, and just to prove them right, I got a huge burn on the inside of my calf from the exhaust pipe. Still have the scar. Can't remember what story I made up to explain it.

As for my DH, although his idea of fun is generally more outdoorsy than mine, we've liked many of the same things for years. BUT. Isn't there always a BUT? There was the time he convinced me to go on a snorkling boat out of Cozumel. I love swimming but am not a particularly good swimmer. I'd never snorkled. The swell was heavy and I am not comfortable in deep water. They dumped us off the boat and DH swam happily off, saying, "Oh, don't worry. It's salt water. You won't drown." Need I say more?

HANK: Yeah, Roberta. One little word. Skiing. SURE, I LOVE skiing, that's what I told...hmmm..what was his name? (SURE. I love to be freezing cold, and in constant danger, and have wet feet, and attempt to ride on those lift things where there's not only no way to to get on gracefully, but certainly no way to get off without facing certain death.)

One of my favorite photos is me at Alta, standing by a sign pointing to "easiest way" and me getting ready to go the other way. You can imagine what happened.

Yes. I know skiing is great, but I am too clumsy, I fear. I remember one moment of thinking--wow, fun! And then I splatted.

Also, in another life, to prove my worth and devotion I gritted my teeth though many Tai Chi lessons. Although the impetus for that is long gone, as it turned out I eventually..liked it.

ROSEMARY: So...for you Broadway musical fans out there "can't regret, won't forget, what I did for ...loooove..!" What have you done for love? (First to guess what musical that lyric is from wins a signed copy of Dead Head.)