BREAKING NEWS! TRUTH
BE TOLD (Agatha WINNER and a Library Journal Best of 2014) is out in
paperback TODAY! Library Journal said “Drop
everything and binge read to the mind-boggling conclusion!”
So, binge now, okay?
And listen to this: If you send me proof of purchase--I’ll send you a paperback
of THE OTHER WOMAN. (Just click here and click on contact.)
MORE BREAKING NEWS: The amazing Laura DiSilverio’s new book
THE RECKONING STONES is out next week, and the Library Journal starred review says—well, it says a lot of wonderful
stuff. But the headline word is: OUTSTANDING!
But you know Laura. Her headline word is: fun. And: family. I
know her well, though, and can reveal her imagination is, well, remarkable. And
today, in these waning days of summer, if you and our family are thinking about
adventures? Laura has some hilarious ideas about where NOT to go.
Not
Your Father's Amusement Park
This summer, the fam and I headed to Universal Studios in
Florida to visit Harry Potter World. It has long been my older daughter's
dream, and so, to celebrate her 18th birthday, we packed our sunblock, hats,
shorts, and bug spray to take on Florida in late June. I will say up front that
I am not a theme park person. They cost too much (waaay too much), they're
crowded, hot and loud. Despite that, the Harry Potter attractions captivated me
with their attention to detail, whimsy, and thrills.
My daughter teared up on
several occasions, standing in Diagon Alley and outside Hogwarts, and said,
"This is where I grew up." It brings me to tears as I type this.
However, this is not going to be a melancholy post.
Seeing
how beautifully--and realistically-- J.K. Rowling's books were brought to life
made me speculate about theme parks based on other book series, and I came up
with a Top Ten list of the book series that would make the worst amusement parks.
10. Little House on the Prairie. Riding in
a covered wagon pulled by animatronic oxen is no one's idea of a thrill, and
those with a yen for constructing log cabins can report to their nearest
Habitat for Humanity build site.
9. Michael
Shaara's Civil War 1861-1865 series
(Gods & Generals, et al). War
sucks. The Civil War sucked more than most. Fighting against kin. Gangrene and
amputations. Slash and burn warfare. Not much here to appeal to most amusement
park enthusiasts. Do a tour of Civil War battlefields instead.
8. The Mitford Series. Resisting
temptation, a church service or two, some pastoral counseling, and a bucolic
setting. Let's just say the Disney corporation isn't battling for the rights to
this series with an eye toward putting The Mitford Moral Dilemma Roller Coaster
next to Space Mountain.
7. Not really
a series, but Anything by Dickens.
Grinding poverty, noxious smells, rats the size of capybaras, class warfare. If
that's what you're after, take a walking tour of Mumbai. (Airfare to India
would be only marginally more expensive than entry to a standard amusement
park.)
6. Stephanie Plum. Once you get past the
exploding cars and the Ranger/Morelli whiplash ride, there's not much there.
5. Kay Scarpetta. With a body farm as the
main attraction, homeowners downwind will organize and get this one shut down
before it opens to the public.
4. Most cozy series. I envision this park
as a cross between a cat sanctuary and an upscale tea house. Each ticket has a
recipe printed on it, and the "Main Street" equivalent is lined with
muffin, cupcake, cheese, spice, pie, cookie, fudge and donut shops. There would
also be libraries, bookstores, and specialty boutiques. Absolutely no thrill
rides. Come to think of it, it might be my kind of theme park.
3. Madeline. Lines are a staple at
amusement parks, but requiring visitors to walk in two straight lines all the
time is really over the top. Uniforms, school, and nuns are not what most kids
want from their amusement park vacation.
2. The Hunger Games. There'd be plenty of
thrills, of course, but being handed a body bag on entry might quench people's
enthusiasm, and there wouldn't be much repeat business since only one customer
a day would get to leave the park.
1. Fifty Shades of Grey. All together now:
Ewwww.
So, that's my take on the series that wouldn't make
successful theme parks. Add your ideas in the comments, or suggest some series
that would make amazing amusement parks. You never know--the folks at Disney or
Universal Studios might be listening!
(The astute among you will have noticed this post has
nothing to do with the book I'm here to promote, The Reckoning Stones, my first standalone suspense novel that Romantic Times award four stars! (And a starred review from Library Journal!) I hope
you'll check it out, though, and pre-order a copy. It'll be in your mailbox or
e-reader queue on Sep 8th.
The
Reckoning Stones is darker and edgier than my cozy books, but
not graphic, with a heroine who was molested by her pastor as a young teen. She
ran away the same night someone beat the pastor into a coma, and grew up to be
the emotionally troubled but brilliant jewelry designer Iris Dashwood. When the
pastor awakens 22 years later, she returns to Colorado to confront him and find
the truth of what happened the night she left. She might be able to disperse
old demons, rekindle family relationships and find redemption . . . if she
survives.)
HANK: YAY! And we’ll award a paperback of Laura’s other books to one lucky commenter!
(And don’t forget the TRUTH BE TOLD offer above!)
