Ode to Horizontal Hold

HALLIE EPHRON: Following on from last week, talking about TV shows, I offer this a first-world whine: Television used to be so simple. You plugged the TV in (to a wall outlet!), turned it on, jiggled the rabbit-ears, and voila! There were shows you could watch and they were (wait for it…) free! 

Yes indeed, I even miss those features of analog TV like "horizontal hold." Remember when you turned it on and the programming hours were over, and up came an image of an Indian head... and it didn't occur to anyone that the imagery was inappropriate.

Then along came cable. I never succumbed. I survived without watching  a single episode of THE SOPRANOS or THE WIRE.

Now there's streaming, too, and a million shows that people talk about but that I have no idea where to find or whether I should care. 

In our house, we have Xfinity WiFi/Internet which includes "Basic cable" – the stations we could get with rabbit ears plus an incredible number of useless channels. The only ones I ever watch are PBS. For this I pay nearly $100 a month.

We have a ROKU on our set, a mysterious gadget that my son-in-law (God bless him) installed. On it, we have a subscription to Netflix. I cannot do without "Stranger Things" and "GLOW". Plus all of Sherlock and Poirot and NCIS and Midsummer Murder. Yes, overall worth the $9 a month.

Hoping I'd find Scott and Bailey I added Acorn (sadly not on Acorn) which costs me another $5 a month. It has "Vera"and "The Detectorists," which I find sublime, but otherwise there's not so much.

So along comes "The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel" and I am seduced into adding Amazon Prime. Yay, And soon I'm going to watch "The Americans." Plus I love being able to watch movies like "Lord of the Rings" in 20-minute bursts, about all I can take of all that marching and shouting and fighting. Not too bad for another $10 a week (and there's the free shipping).

Except it turns out there are a ton of shows and movies you can get THROUGH Amazon Prime but you have to pay extra. Feh.

So now I am officially done. NO MORE FEEDS. To NBC, SHOWTIME, CBS and HBO and all the rest of you out there that want me to pay another $10+ a month for the pleasure of streaming your programs, take your siren song and go. Enough already! Even though I know I'm missing the Christine Baranski in the spinoff of "The Good Wife." And "Big Little Lies" which people tell me I'd love. And "Project Runway." And...

So today's question? Are you cabling or streaming or just plugging in? Is there one source you couldn't give up?

Netflix?

Hulu?

Amazon Prime?

HBO?

Acorn?

Showtime?

What am I missing??

3, 2, 1, You're On!

HANK: It may be the longest-running live TV show in New England! It's called "Barbara ... & You"--and Barbara Foster has been producing and hosting the weekly program for 35 years.

Thirty-five years!

Dinah Shore, Johnny Cash, George Plimpton, Bob Cousy and Arthur Fiedler have come to visit. Here's vintage Barbara with Freddy Fender. I've been in Babara's guest chair too! Today, we're changing seats--and I get to chat with the eminent host about all her secrets.

HANK: There’s nothing scarier than being interviewed on TV! (Okay, there probably are scarier things. But when the red light comes on? It may not seem like it.) How long have you been doing interviews?

BARBARA FOSTER: For people like you and me, Hank, it is hard to understand why so many people are afraid of being on TV ... or public speaking. When I first started doing TV interviews, I always felt I should be looking over my shoulder because I would be 'found out' that I was never trained for this career. Little did I ever suspect that it would last 35 years.

HANK: How did you start?

BARBARA: Back home in Cincinnati, I did a few TV commercials. Then on a trip to New York City, I auditioned to be an imposter on the old TV show 'To Tell The Truth'.

I got the spot as an imposter women's basketball player on the All American Redheads. The local newspaper interviewed me about that appearance and it came out in the interview that I had some experience doing TV commercials. The local cable company was just starting up their programming department and asked if I'd be interested in hosting a program of my own. They actually paid me!

(That was--when? Thirty-five years ago!)

After 25 years, the cable company (having changed hands a few times), decided to cancel all local programming. I was emotionally prepared to 'retire' then and had a farewell program.

On that same day, the three local public access channels called to invite me to do my "Barbara ... & You" show with them. I selected Fitchburg Access TV because at that time they had the best studio. We agreed to distribute it to Leominster and Lunenburg. Today we're on the air in seven towns in Central Massachusetts.

HANK: And going strong! Tell us some of your favorite interviewees—and what made them so good?

BARBARA: This is a tough one because there are so many. Of the celebrities, I'd pick Johnny Cash who was just so very nice and not wrapped up in himself. Also, Michael Dukakis is the epitome of charm. It was a very fun night with Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show interviewing them after their concert. I had been warned that they could be difficult, but they were so much fun and they compared me to Dinah Shore. She was also a down-to-earth woman when I interviewed her.

This is Red Sox legend Jerry Remy.

But there are so many 'ordinary' people who are not 'ordinary' at all. I totally enjoy shining the spotlight on these type of community guests who don't always get the recognition they deserve. In all these years, I've never run out of interesting guests/subjects to interview.

HANK: What do interviewees need to understand about the person who’s interviewing them?

BARBARA: When briefing guests, I always tell them that I am a tool just like the camera, lights and microphones. They are what is important and I'm just there to help them tell their story. Not only is it my job to bring out their best, but to make them comfortable while doing so. Often guests tell me that they relax after the first five minutes and forget that we're on TV. It feels like we're just chatting.

HANK: Are there common mistakes that interviewees make? Like what?

BARBARA: I truly cannot say any specific mistakes, but people often tell me right after we go off the air, "Oh, I should have said ......." So, it might be a good idea for them to write down a few key words to prompt them if necessary. I often tell them, "Barbara Walters uses notes, we can too." We do our show live -- which means you have to get it right the first time!

HANK: How about—clothes? Makeup? Attitude?(What are some no-nos?)

BARBARA: It is a luxury having my hair done for the show by my wonderful Maria. I used to have my make-up done, but do it myself now as it took too much time. Ditto with wardrobe. Too much time & trouble to go get the outfit and return it the next day. I do try to rotate my clothing I wear on the show. It consists of business-type suits. On special occasions I get more dressy. Like you, Hank, a black suit always works and you can accessorize it so many ways. Generally white is a no-no and certain shades of red.

When someone knows they're going to be interviewed, they should give some thought to what they want the public to know about them. They might even make themselves a little cheat sheet. In my case, they need to recognize that the interviewer is there to help them look good.

They should think in terms of sitting down to have a chat with a friend about themselves, their work, their passion and their goals -- depending on the topic. As you know, Hank, I love to interview writers and the writer should want to entice the viewer to go buy the book. You know, tell enough, but not too much. All interviewees are not expected to be great public speakers, but they need to take deep breaths if they feel nervous and think before they speak.

As for their appearance, they want to look professional -- not too dressy and not too casual. Solid colors are always best. Make up could be just a tad heavier than they would wear to the office. If men have a 5:00 shadow, a little foundation can do wonders. And most important of all -- SMILE.

HANK: Barbara Walters (and we both admire her so much!) has a big staff helping with research and questions. Do you? And how can interviewees use that to their advantage?

BARBARA: I wish I had a staff like Barbara Walters!! I do all the bookings and prepare all the questions myself. And ... I do the show live so mistakes can't be edited out. We need to get it right the first time. When I book a guest, I mention that if they have specific questions they'd like to answer, they may write the question on an index card and give it to me before we go on the air. I also tell them that they should feel free to speak about something even if I haven't asked the right questions. Just say, "Barbara, you might be interested to know ......" Of course, Hank, I have the advantage of usually doing a half-hour interview unlike you who must get a lot into a short amount of time.

HANK: Well, doing interviews for 35 years...it's fantastic! Congratulations! Any questions for Barbara (or me?) about how to be the best you can be on TV?

ON MCFICTION

"Most people in America want an easy read. I call it McFiction - books which pass right through you without you even digesting them. I don't mean a book that has two-syllable words. I mean chapters you can read in a toilet break. Happy endings. We are more of a TV culture, and that is a hard thing to go up against for any writer."
Jodi Picoult

**************************

JAN:
I'm torn on this quote. A part of me thinks it's just a tad snippy and possibly aimed at the mystery genre. Is that what we are, McFiction? Easy reads digested on the toilet? But a part of me remembers what my very first agent told me when he took on Final Copy. He warned that it would take longer to sell because it was "intelligent." (and yes, it took more than three years to sell)
I do think many readers want easy reads, but I don't think that's always a bad thing. Let's just say that when I was sitting ten to twelve hours a day in a hospice at my mother's side, Janet Evanovich provided real relief where David McCullough's John Adams did not. True, I can't remember which Evanovich I was reading or what the plot was, and I still reflect on the new perspective I have on Thomas Jefferson and the early down-and-dirty American politics revealed in John Adams. But the point is that sometimes you read to learn and sometimes you just need the distraction of raw entertainment.

And if "most people in America want an easy read," why are Jody's books, which involve intense themes and are not easily digestible, such best sellers? I don't think the problem is that readers are morons. I think the problem is that there are fewer readers overall, more reselling of book copies, and a lot less room for sales in all categories of fiction and non fiction. So, as Hank says, what think? Is McFiction a problem for us? Or are we the McFiction Jody is talking about?

HALLIE:
I confess, I like a book that has something to chew on, something to say as well as being diverting. If I get to page 20 and I feel like there's no 'there' there, I generally stop reading. And yes there's lots of mysteries that seem pretty ephemeral, but we haven't got the lock on light by any means.
And let's pause for a moment to praise great bathroom books. In my bathroom right now is Bill Bryson's THE MOTHER TONGUE: ENGLISH AND HOW IT GOT THAT WAY. It's been there for 4 months and I'm 3/4 of the way through it. Perfectly fascinating and perfect in 3-minute sittings. Mc-nonfiction? Hardly.
Her comment on short chapters -- I'd say that's definitely a trend for an ADD-TV-Addicted audience.

HANK:
Okay, time to hear from the TV person. I've been a TV reporter for 30 years. And each year that goes by, the length of my stories (and everyone else's) has been cut cut cut. In 1991, I did a story that was 11 minutes long. To be sure, we had an exclusive interview with a person confessing to murder, so okay, how are you going to cut that down. But now, our stories are about four minutes--and that's amazingly long. (Most news stores are 75 seconds.)

"They" say: viewers just won't listen to anything longer than that, and they'll just click away. And "They" say: if the viewers click away, it won't matter how long your story is, because no one will be watching it.

In fact, there's a TV saying that if Moses brought down the Ten Commandments these days, we'd have to do a story saying: "In other news, Moses brought down the Ten Commandments today, the three most important of which were...etc."

So, we try to learn to write shorter better. (Insert the Cicero quote you all know so well here.) "Select" don't "compress" is the mantra.

But "select" translates to "leave out." And in writing/reading a book, if you get all plot and no substance, then--I think--that's a waste. You don't have to be a philosopher king to allow the readers to have some insight into the "Why." You don't have to leave out the "why" or the "what it means." And it doesn't have to be long. It just has to be good.

RO:
Where do I begin? This quote opens up a lot of issues - long versus short, light versus heavy, and some would say, meaningful versus meaningless. First of all, I'm just glad that anyone is reading anything, they could be watching some moronic tv show (apologies to HPR, but we know she doesn't do moronic.) And I lost any snobbishness I might have had about what people read long ago when I was a bookseller and kept trying to steer people toward the Marquez when all they wanted was Sweet Savage Love. (Anyone remember that bodice-ripper?)

I agree with Jan. It does sound a tad snippy. I would respectfully suggest that long does not equal good, any more than short equals bad. I am currently reading my first Ian Rankin - a short, but terrific (and not stupid) read. I am also slogging through the biography of Captain Richard Burton, a long, long, book that I have been working on for two years. As Jan said, different books, different reasons for reading, different reasons for writing. Which is better seems like the wrong question.

On the subject of three page chapters...The first time I read one was in a James Patterson and I remember thinking, "that's it? He's got to be kidding." Then I got it. When the scene's over, the scene's over. There are even a few short chapters in my book. Is it marketing? Something designed to make a book feel like more of a pageturner? Perhaps. Or maybe JP just knows that many of his readers are juggling kids and car keys, or waiting for a flight, or taking the train or bus to work, and they have snippets of time to read a book.

At my reading group a few weeks ago, we talked about when we read. One lucky woman said she sat down and read for 6 hours straight. I looked at her in disbelief. Who had 6 hours in a row to read? I took her cue and allowed/forced myself to finish The Birthday Party in one sitting.(Amazing story, btw) It was great, but I'm not counting on it happening again any time soon. Maybe short chapters are popular because, just like us, readers are juggling a zillion things every day. I'm glad they fit us in at all.