Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring - The Mammogram!

The winner of THE LESSONS WE LEARN by Liz Milliron is C.D. Moulton, and the winners of BATTER OFF DEAD by Maddie Day are Pat D. and Alicia. Contact me at Julia Spencer Fleming (all one word) at Google mail, and I'll hook you up!

 

 

 JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Yes, today's title refers to the Bananaphone song, which was a longtime favorite on my mother, who liked to hold a banana against her ear and say, "I can't hear you, I've got a banana in my ear." Good times. We always used to sing the song - substituting "the mammogram" for the edible handset - when one or the other of us was talking about, well, mammograms.

 

 

No, this isn't Breast Cancer Awareness month (October, if you don't remember football players wearing pink stuff,) and guys, this post is for you, too. You can remind the women in your life to schedule their appointments, and you can learn how to do a simple breast examination - yes, you! It's fun and helpful; just about a year ago, my daughter's boyfriend noticed she had something that didn't feel quite right in her embonpoint, and she had it checked out. Thankfully, it was just a harmless cyst... but what if it hadn't been? He could have saved her life.

 

 

 

 

 

Here's the thing - caught early, when tumors are still localized, breast cancer has a 99% five-year survival rate. I'm pretty sure those are better odds than my survival rate if I keep living through Maine winters. (Someday I'm going to totter down the ice-covered driveway and whoops! They won't find my body until spring.) Forty-five years ago, that survival rate was only 74%. Thousands of women are living as breast cancer survivors instead of dying as breast cancer victims because of early screening. 

 

And mammograms are available to everyone. The ACA mandates that all insurance plans include a free screening mammogram every one or two years for women over the age of 40. Which, let's be honest, is probably most of the readership of this blog. If you're low income or uninsured, yep, there are plans and places for you to get checked out as well. I'm not yet eligible for that sweet, sweet socialized medicine ( I wish!) but both Medicaid and Medicare have extremely generous coverage.

 

 

Now, I realize a mammogram isn't the most fun thing to do on your average day. Nobody calls up their girlfriends to say, "Hey, gal, lets go grab a mammogram and lunch!" And there are people who just don't want to know, in the same way little kids hide under the blankets with the idea that if they can't see the scary thing under the bed, it can't see them. 

 

But as someone who sat with a loved one through two rounds of cancer treatment, I can promise you that nothing - not the discomfort, not the fear of "finding out," not the weirdness of having a nice lady named Cheryl maneuver your boobs around while talking about her childcare difficulties - is as uncomfortable, scary and weird as surgery and chemo/radiation/immuno therapy. And if you do have a positive test? If there's a problem? The sooner you get to that alarming and strange medical treatment, the more likely you are to be one of that awesome 99% survival statistic. 

So, dear readers, check your calendar, check in with your doctor, and if you're overdue for a mammogram, make that appointment today. Be sure to remember to sing the Mammogram song - Cheryl will definitely appreciate it.