COPING WITH STRESS

RHYS BOWEN: Is anyone else feeling stressed at this time of year? How many presents do I still have to buy? Have I left anyone out? The cleaning lady? The mail carrier? And what can I possibly get for my husband who says he wants nothing and needs nothing? And the house... is it ready for the Christmas luncheon I have to host, and my son's birthday....

So I'm wondering what other people do to de-stress? I have a grandson who loves to play video games as an escape (not the violent kind, his parents won't let him). I tried that once, years ago when I bought our kids the first primitive video game system. I can't remember what it was called but it had Smurfs and Super Mario and other harmless and non-violent games. Oh, and Pacman. I tried one in which you had to shoot ducks as they came across a fairground booth. Talk about stressful! The more ducks you shot the faster they came. My palms were sweaty. My heart was racing. So not the greatest stress-remover for me!

And there was the time when I thought that fish might be a good idea. Looking at a tank of tropical fish is supposed to be soothing, isn't it? We bought the tank. We stocked it with tetras and mollys and all kinds of bright and beautiful fish. And then John gave me a book on fish diseases. Disaster! Fin rot and Ick and others I can no longer remember. So I started to stare and worry. Was this one swimming funnily? Oh God. He didn't have Ick, did he? And why was that one lying quietly and not swimming? Rush to disease book and see what might be wrong with it.

So no fish for me. But my son is a fan of meditation. You can do it anywhere. No equipment needed.
Just ten minutes of your time to escape and calm the mind. I've tried it. Believe me, I have tried. But it goes like this:
Sit quietly with your hands resting in your lap. Empty your mind...
Me: How do you empty your mind? I cannot catch all those rogue thoughts rushing around.
Now concentrate on your breath. Breathe in........... visualize the breath as it fills your lungs
ME: I'm visualizing. It's warm and red and--wait. Did I turn off the stove?
Now breathe out, slowly, through your mouth. Focus on the sound of your breath.... Like a gentle breeze
ME:Gentle breeze..... wind... There should be a storm in the next chapter. That's what it needs. She goes out into the storm and someone is standing amid the trees.And the trees are dancing like wild creatures. Yes. That would be great. I should get it down before the image goes...
Now breathe in again. Slowly, through your nose. Hold it for seven counts...
ME: Was that the mail coming? Mail? OMG. Did I mail that review copy I promised?

You get the picture. My mind will not stay calm and still for five seconds, let alone for ten minutes.
But what does work for me is sitting in the sauna at my health club. It's like Pavlov's dog--the moment I sit on the bench my breathing slows. Tension flows away.

And getting out into nature works too. Sometimes I drive about five miles from my house to China Camp State park on the Bay, park and watch the sunlight on the water. There is something about being at the edge of a body of water that is wonderfully centering. Walking on a beach. Feeling sand between the toes, letting waves run over my feet. I think I need to do that right now! (The picture is the beach in Cabo San Lucas where I was this time last year. Heavy sigh.)

So how do you cope with stress? What works for you?