Seemed LIke A Good Idea at the TIme

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: You never know, right? When what seemed to be such a great idea will turn into--not so? 

The other night, I decided a box of books was too heavy to carry down the attic stairs, so I figured that shoving it down the steps would result in it landing nicely at the bottom. It actually resulted in it crashing into the wall, leaving huge gouge in the paint and plaster.

I also decided that three lipsticks that I had in the medicine cabinet could be rejuvenated by putting them in the freezer. Where this idea came from, I'm not sure, but it didn't work. At all. The lipsticks froze. Duh.

Elizabeth Heiter--whose madly suspenseful brand new debut thriller HUNTED will be out any minute now from MIRA Books--also had a brilliant idea. You might win her wonderful book--and THE WRONG GIRL!--but first:

Watch Where You Point that Gun

by Elizabeth Heiter

         It all started a few years ago, when I visited the FBI Academy at Quantico.  I was thrilled, because I love writing FBI characters.  I love everything about them: the country-spanning investigations, the interesting specialties (from profiling to hostage rescue to SWAT), the badge that reads “fidelity, bravery, integrity.”  I could hardly wait for the visit.

         When it finally arrived, I expected the tour of the Academy, the up-close look at Hogan’s Alley where New Agents in Training do practice scenarios, and the run-down on major cases and investigative methods.  What I didn’t expect was to be led out to the firing range and handed a variety of weapons, from a Glock pistol to a Remington shotgun to an MP-5 fully automatic sub-machine gun.  So, naturally, I’d worn a skirt and heels that day.

         People took pictures.  Other writers on the trip.  The FBI photographer.  My critique partner.  When I returned home, I found myself on random sites on the Internet, holding a shotgun, with labels like “Badass Spy Chick.”

[The shot that started it all.  Me at Quantico, firing a shotgun in a skirt and heels.  Yes, I still hit the target.]

         Fast-forward a few years, when I sold my first five novels, and it was time to create a website.  My web designer and I figured out a design and when the first mockup was ready, I only suggested one change.  I wanted to replace the male law enforcement character (a serious-looking guy wearing dark glasses and pointing a weapon) with a female character, since the lead in my debut was an FBI profiler named Evelyn Baine.  

        Instead of finding a replacement, my web designer suggested I make myself the FBI character.

         I didn’t use the pictures from the FBI, because I really didn’t look like a federal agent in that outfit.  So, I put on a suit (and heels!), wrapped electrical tape around the red tip of my plastic gun and headed outside.  (Why did I have a plastic gun?  Well, because I had dressed up as an FBI agent for the previous Halloween, wearing all the FBI gear my friend in the Bureau had given me over the years.   But I digress…)

         Turns out, when you put black electrical tape over the red tip of a fake gun (and also use it to cover “Secret Agent” written in gold on the side), it actually looks pretty dang close to the real thing.  And there’s a cop who lives in my neighborhood.  Plus a fire station up a few blocks. 

So, like any writer who spends a lot of time researching the stupid ways criminals get caught (pointing a fake gun in the general direction of her sister, who’s taking picture after picture of her out in the snow on her driveway?), every time a car drove by, I frantically hid the gun and ruined the shot.

     

    Luckily, the story doesn’t end with me facedown on my driveway, with a horde of police officers around me, aiming real weapons.  Instead, it ends with me finishing up my website – I think I pulled off “serious federal agent” – take a look at www.elizabethheiter.com and see if you agree!

         What “good idea” did you have that could have gone horribly awry, but didn’t (or maybe it did!)?

HANK: So funny! But in the end, it did work perfectly. Unlike my box-of-books and lipstick ideas.

So--who wants to win Elizabeth's book HUNTED? Just tell us a good idea--or a bad idea!  

(And the second place winner--wait, that's a bad idea-- let's call it "another winner"--will win THE WRONG GIRL!)

But wait-there's more! Check out Elizabeth's website for another special contest--and more about HUNTED! (What a good idea!)

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ELIZABETH HEITER likes her suspense to feature strong heroines, chilling villains, psychological twists, and a little bit (or a lot!) of romance. Her research has taken her into the minds of serial killers, through murder investigations, and onto the FBI Academy’s shooting range.

Elizabeth graduated from the University of Michigan with a degree in English Literature. Her manuscripts have been finalists in the Golden Heart®, Marlene, Daphne Du Maurier, and Golden Gateway contests and she won Suzanne Brockmann’s 2010 Haiku Contest. She’s a member of International Thriller Writers and Romance Writers of America and has volunteered for several chapters, including serving as the Greater Detroit area president.

In 2012, Elizabeth fulfilled a lifelong goal when she sold her first five novels.

Malice Quiz!

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Is there something still on your to-do list? Like maybe--register for Malice Domestic?  If you love traditional mysteries, this is the place to be the first weekend in May in Washington, DC!

And do you know our stuff?

Here's a quick Malice quiz: who was the first Malice Domestic Guest of Honor?

And who is this year's?

While you're racking your brains, remember: according to the Malice gurus: 

If you haven't registered yet, the rates go up on January 1, 2014. Also, those who register by the 12/31/13 deadline will receive an Agatha Nomination Ballot in early January. Register online here!

Phyllis A Whitney  first Malice GOH

And here's the first GOH:  recognize Phyllis A. Whitney ? In the 1960's, says her bio, "with 37 books in print, she was hailed by Time Magazine as the only American in her field with a major reputation equal to those of Britain's Mary Stewart and Victoria Holt."


And following in her august footsteps, this year's GOH Kathy Lynn Emerson. 

Kathy Lynn Emerson! Guest of  Honor

And following in HER footsteps, through the three days of festivities, are pals and authors and fans and readers and mystery lovers--like

 Annette Dashofy, who says:

"I'll be attending Malice Domestic this year for the first time as a published author! It will also be my first conference after my book, Circle of Influence, comes out!" 

Marilyn Levinson, who says (appropriately, right?)

"I'll be selling copies of my new mystery, Murder a la Christie." 

Multiple Agatha nominee Sheila Connolly says:

Table 10!

 "The best part is the people.  Writers, readers, fans, coordinators--they're the most welcoming group I've every encountered at a conference.  If you're a first-timer?  No problem: we'll take you under our wing and introduce you to everybody. (Oh, of course I'll be there!)"

Here's a big shout-out to table 10!  You can see by the wine and the smiles we had a wonderful time at the banquet. But who else will be there this year?

Wow--look at this lineup from the Malice Banquet 2008!

Kaye George/Janet Cantrell! Who says  "it's my favorite gathering of mystery writers and fans! I've been

going for several years now, have been rewarded with some nominations,

and wouldn't miss it for the world.

And the fab and (USA Today best-selling!) Susan Boyer says:

"I’ll be there with bells on—perhaps literally. I love Malice Domestic. It’s practically a family reunion. I can’t wait!"

And yay for Henery Press! Lots of authors from the Hen House  (Like Susan Boyer, and Gigi Pandian, and LynnDee Walker, and Diane Vallere) will be there.  What a terrific group..check out their books here...and then come meet them in person!

Hank with Margaret Maron in 2008! 

Karen Pullen says:
"I have three reasons for attending Malice: (1) to support Ruth Moose, a member of our Triangle SinC chapter, whose cozy Doin' It at the Dixie Dew won the Malice Domestic last year and will be published by St. Martin's in April (2) to brag about our chapter's anthology, Carolina Crimes: 19 Tales of Lust, Love, and Longing, which hopefully will be available by May, and (3) to enjoy the camaraderie, panels, and general all-around fun of Malice! (Plus I really enjoy the train ride from Raleigh to DC.)"

You''ll meet Jim Jackson, who says:

"I'll be attending Malice this year because Jan and I had such fun last year meeting everyone and to celebrate my 2013 debut novel, BAD POLICY and its sequel this year, CABIN FEVER."

And  Debra H. Goldstein who says she's going: 

"For the pure joy of interacting with fans and other authors."  

 Barb Schlicting says:

"‪This is my first time attending Malice, and I'm really excited.  To get to meet other gups plus be around all these other writers and readers, I'm sure that I'll feel as if I died and went to heaven.  It will be magnificent!"

And lots of first-timers--who instantly get swooped up into the fun, like Guppy President Michele Drier--who'll finally get to meet some of her fishies in person! 

Michele says: "I'm coming to Malice--my first time!--and I'm excited. Getting to meet

all the folks I think of as friends I haven't met yet!

 

Erika Chase says: "I'm going to Malice because it's the place to be if you love cozies! I love writing them and I so love reading them. Love to meet writers and readers, renew friendships and make new ones. It all happens at Malice Domestic."

Terrie Farley Moran is going to Malice Domestic 26 to visit with old friends and make some new friends.  She looks forward to the Friday night social and to learning about writers and series that she may have overlooked.

‪KB Inglee says: "I haven't been for years. Last time I went as a fan, this time as a writer!"

Remember when there was a hat parade? Here's Liz Zelvin's memorable cha-Poe! (What year was this, LIz?)

And Leslie Budewitz--who won the non-fiction Agatha--is now bringing her first mystery to Malice! "Because it’s such a great party – with exactly my kind of readers and writers!"  


So who else will be there?  What are you looking forward to? And what advice do you have for first timers?

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And--don't forget, the Malice-mavens say:

Ads for the program book are also available for purchase in our store.

For those interested in donating to the Malice Charity Auction please note our Auction email has changed to MDCharityAuction@gmail.com

Please contact us with your ideas for auction items!

How Christmas Came to Hank's House (circa 1965)

Hank Phillippi Ryan: Talk about a Christmas tradition--telling this story is one of my favorite ones.

Spoiler alert! And you’ll read why in a moment. It’s about Santa.

I was signing in a bookstore a few weeks before Christmas, and also having fun watching people select books, and overhearing snippets of conversation. A mom and a pre-teen daughter were heading out the door.

The girl—cute, hip, mismatched gloves--was looking at her mother with a strange expression. She stopped, and held on to her mother’s arm. 

Wait, she said. You mean—YOU’RE Santa?

I almost burst into tears. What a once in a life time moment. And it reminded me…

Twas the night before Christmas—no, it really was. And at my home in rural Indiana, back in–1960-something? I had just turned sixteen.

 Twas the night before Christmas—and my younger sister and I were very unhappy. My mother had laid down the law. This year, there would be no Christmas tree. We were too old, Mom said. It was difficult. And even though we’d always had a Christmas tree, and all that goes with Christmas morning, and unwrapping presents and candy canes and chocolate apples and Handel on the record player and oranges in the toes of our stockings--this year, it was not gonna happen.

The Santa thing was long over (being careful here) and there was no reason for a tree. My sister Nina—age 13—and I were devastated. We had three younger siblings, and even though they were no longer waiting for Santa, we knew they would be devastated, too.

We pleaded. Nope, Mom said. We could have presents, and brunch, and all the trimmings. But a tree was a pain (she probably didn’t use those words) and just not necessary.

 Christmas Eve day came, and our living room was looking right out of Dickens. I mean—Bleak House, not A Christmas Carol. Sure there were stockings, hanging right where they should be. But where there should have been a tree, there was…living room.

 It was about 4 o’clock. And I had an idea. Mom? I said, all innocence. Nina and I need to go to the store. To get one last present. I remember trying to look guiltily sly, as if I were hiding that I was going to buy HER present. Could I, I continued, take the car?

With my brand new drivers’ license in my wallet, Nina and I headed out in the family station wagon. But not to the store. We went the Christmas tree place by the shopping center. All that was left, as you can imagine, were Charlie-Brown-scraggly leftovers. No matter.

 We put one of them in the wayback of the station wagon. Then realized—we had more to do. How were we going to decorate the tree? We couldn’t get the boxes of ornaments out of the basement, we’d get caught.

 So—we went to the movies. But not to see a film. We hit the lobby, and bought several boxes of popcorn. 

We got home, and hid the tree behind the garage. By that time it was dark, and we totally got away with it.

Then we ran upstairs. Mom thought we were hiding her gifts, probably, and actively ignored us.

We got out our sewing boxes (no comment) and madly started stringing popcorn with a needle and heavy thread.

We worked and worked. I think we had to stop for dinner, then we went back upstairs. “Wrapping!” we said.

At one point, one of us had a brilliant idea. We headed down to the basement, and got a bag of whole cranberries out of the freezer. “Being frozen will make it easier to string,” one of us said. And so we made frozen cranberry garlands too.

That night, we could barely sleep. What else is new on Christmas Eve? But we got up early early early, dragged the little tree from behind the garage, and set it up in its rightful place in the living room. (I don’t really remember how we did that, but somehow it worked.)

 We festooned it with our popcorn garlands, and our cranberry garlands (not terribly successful, however, as the cranberries began to defrost, drip and get mushy). We made a star-like thing out of aluminum foil.

Then we high-tailed it back upstairs. We had been instructed to come downstairs no earlier than 7 AM. We came down earlier anyway.

So we were there when my mom and step-dad saw the tree. And, in their pajamas and robes and slippers, they stopped in their tracks.

 Mom’s face was a mixture of—shock, and surprise, and joy. And love. “Santa!” she said. Her voice was a whisper. “He came!”