Monday, January 17, 2011

What do you mean that's not my sign?

JAN: Have you heard the latest? They've completely revised the astrological chart.

Apparently since the Babylonians plotted zodiac signs according to birthdate and which the constellation the sun was "in," our planet's alignment has altered. Over the years, the moon's gravitational pull has caused the Earth to wobble on its axis. This created about one month deviation in the stars' alignment. (this reported in StarTribune.Com)

In other words, when astrologers used to say the "sun" was "in" Pisces or Aries, they often were "off" by a couple of weeks. This could be just one reason why NOTHING they said was going to happen in my life actually happened.

But rest easy, corrections are being made. Dates have been changed, a new constellation has been employed, and a 13th sign of the zodiac created: Ophiuchus, or Serpentarious, the serpent holder, is now wedged in between the old Scorpio and Sagittarious signs.

My daughter, who alerted me to this important news development, was excited because she's no longer a Sagittarius but a Ophiuchus. She's happy about this because the new definition of traits (which if you reread carefully could be applied to anyone) predicts a career as doctor of medicine, and she just happens to be applying to medical school.

But I found myself really disturbed. I am no longer an Aries but a Pisces. What? I've spent my entire life trying to be headstrong and strident, and now I'm supposed to be wishy washy?

Sure its balderdash, but it's balderdash that I took pretty seriously when I was say, 13 or 14 and trying to figure out who I was. I was ruled by MARS that's who I was, a bullheaded ram not a freaking ideological FISH.

Plus the book my girlfriend had on the Zodiac, which became our eighth grade bible, was written by an author unabashedly biased in favor of fire signs. So of course, I liked being a "fire" sign, which helped explain why I wasn't such a great swimmer and helped to justify all my swearing at my brothers.

But even as a grownup, I took an odd satisfaction in the fact that both my children were fire signs (Leo and Sagitarious) as if that were critical to our relationship. Now that my daughterï has been redefined as a Ophiuchus, that's shot to hell.

So here's the link to check out your own birthdate and new Zodiac sign. Does s this shake anyone else's self image? Or if you can you adapt?

HALLIE: ACK! I've always been a happy swimmy Pisces, secure in the knowledge that I shared that sign with Elizabeth Taylor. Now it turns out I'm Aquarius? How can this be? I mean, that's patently absurd. Can you say: Nonsense!

JAN: Cheer up, Hallie, maybe Elizabeth Taylor has be reassigned, too.

ROBERTA: Oh no you don't...this is totally unacceptable! I've been a Capricorn all my life--stable, ambitious, dogged, a lover of the color brown--no way I can adjust to a new sign now! Some of my friendships are entirely based on sharing the Capricorn sign--just think what might happen if we all had to slide over to Sagitarious...

RHYS: Interesting. I've never felt myself to be a true Libra. That love of balance and seeing both sides.. you should have observed me during the healthcare debate. No Libra in evidence there. But I'm certainly not, pardon the expression, a Virgo. My daughter is one and is all sweetness and light and flowing garments. Maybe I could have drifted into Scorpio--yes, I do have a sting in my tail, I suspect.And my best friend, who can read my mind, is one. Ah, so maybe there's some truth after all. But I don't want my husband to stop being a Sagitarius and become an Ophi-whatsit. No way!

JAN: If I could get the flowing garments, I might consider switching to Virgo.

ROSEMARY: I don't know why I care...but I do. I am not Ophiuchus - which sounds like a skin disease - interpreter of dreams, vivid premonitions, tax assessor, snake charmer, highest fame and legend coming after death and worst of all -
wearer of plaid.

I am Sagittarius - straight shooter, strong thighs. OTOH I don't mind the part about attracting good luck and fruitful blessings, a seeker of peace and harmony, intuitive.

HANK: Oh, please, certainly, I'm probably a perfect Libra. I'm a reporter, right? Fair, balanced, searching for justice and truth, flexible, tolerant, mediator, peacemaker, able to see both sides of anything . You know, to the nth degree, to the degree of having to discuss everything up one side and down the other. And being able to see eerything as a possibility. It's a good thing, pretty much, well, most of the time. I've alwys been comfortable as really, the semi-predictably indecisively decisive Libra. (You know, pretty much. But I could see how it might happen another way...) But now they wanna make me a VIRGO? A perfectionist, prissy, critical Virgo? Well, okay, it could happen. But isn't that a perfect Libra response??

JAN: It is a perfect Libra response, Hank. Which makes it unanimous. We reject this new astrological chart on very practical, logical grounds. I predict an international ground swell of protest. A new quasi-political/or is it philosophical movement. Stick-in-the-Original-Signs Unite! Anyone else want to join us?

Please come back tomorrow, when I talk about robberies gone bad, and Wednesday, when Hank interviews Simon Wood.


  1. Oh how fun, resigning astrological charts/signs. Not. I am a true Capricorn, thank you very much. Not a Sagittarius! My Capricorn nature is rebelling, being told what to do and what to think and what to believe. Capricorns have principles. ;-p I totally agree with you, Roberta!

  2. Yeah, I could go either way. :-)

    DOes this mean the chinese zodiac changes, too?

  3. Being born on December 17 means I can be EITHER Sagittarius or I think I'll take the best qualities from each and become Sagittuchus :o) Oh Hank, I hope not. I like my sign in the Chinese astrological world...the Dog. Too much snow in Minnesota is giving at least one person too much free time, no? Does this mean we'll be hearing about a thirteen month calendar soon?

    PS First day of the 45 minute challenge accomplished...and now I plan to get more done this afternoon! Thanks for the kickstart guys! Now I have to go check email :o) (just call me Maryann MM) Happy Monday!

  4. I'm about to type something I never have -- OMG! It's Pluto all over again! Take it from me, an astrological researcher and practitioner for nearly 40 years -- you ARE what you ARE! It's not a sign's set characteristics, it's an essence of 100s of years of observance. Yes, we can have new planets and all the new signs you want, but the zodiac chart is based on a circle and the more finely you divide the circle, presumably, the more finite the description becomes. Not so! It only becomes a blending. Any reputable astrologer will explain that we are all influenced by our neighboring signs. And for those of you who have always felt "something else", that's because your ascendant sign (rising) and moon sign are strong and shape your character more in those directions.
    Hate to break sun sign readers bubbles, but daily sun sign reading is a complete farce. Not EVERYONE in one sign will have the same day, even IF that could be predicted! Your whole chart is a composite and if you know your ascendant, that should be the sign you are reading anyway. Clue: And I know this from working for a newspaper for 20 years, daily astrological information can (and is more than one would think) printed on the wrong day or repeated from another day, whatever is necessary if the wire doesn't send the information on time. Deadlines supersede, folks! So relax and just let the universe point you in your "right" direction, and it will.
    Oh, and Jan, your daughter's interest in medicine is a strong influence of her neighbor sign, Scorpio.

  5. Sorry, but I have no idea why my post, above says, "Aunty Ada"! But, it should say: AnnOxford

  6. Hi Ann,
    What a wonderful answer to all our objections! Just for fun today, I read both my Aries and my new Pisces advice -- and you know what? They were pretty much the same. So I fully believe you when you say not to listen to it.

    BTW_ I've been doing the challenge and didn't check the internet until now --1:45!! Proudly filling in my chart!

  7. Folks, your signs HAVE NOT CHANGED, because this "news" does not affect how your birth chart is calculated. Astrologers have known about precession for centuries (it's why a Vedic astrological chart is different from a western one). To an astrologer, this "revelation" is not news at all, and so irrelevant it had me checking my calendar to see if it was April 1st.
    There's a good explanation of all this here:
    And no, it doesn't change your Chinese astrology, either.

  8. Okay, this is the last straw in my identity crisis. I AM a Libra. I straighten out people's crooked pictures on walls when they're not looking for god's sake. I am obsessed with justice, fairness and always seeking balance. NOW, I am a Virgo? My ex-husband was a Virgo and you should hear what I had to say about him! All of the yoga in the world will not make me flexible enough to become a Virgo.

  9. Dear Venus

    Thank you for the link. I went to read it, and although much of it is over my head -- it was a tremendous relief!!

    Michele, you can rest easy. You are still a Libra.

  10. To anyone wanting to sign up for the Writer's Challenge. You can do it here, but it's a little easier for me to keep track if you go back and sign up under SUnday's comment page.


  11. Huge thanks to the astrologers among us for staving off my imminent heart attack! Me, NOT a Gemini? Not mercurial, flaky, scatter-brained, intelligent, verbally talented? Not the same sign as Paul McCartney?? My ingrained-since-teenage-hood self-image totally shattered? My excuse for being bad at math, gone?

    I might have slid forwards towards Cancer, but backwards towards Taurus? No way!

    Whew. Crisis averted.

  12. Michele, if you need anyone to testify for you, I can: You ARE a Libra.

  13. I'm a Virgo here. I’ll admit to being a perfectionist even if Hubby disagrees about that. His definition and mine are two completely different things. I might admit to being too critical (Hubby sure thinks I am) but no way am I prissy. The sweetness and light and flowing garments could be a possibility. Not sure, but I’m going to check out Leo to see if I want to be one.

    Regarding the Chinese chart, I was kind of hoping that would change but the year of my birth didn’t so I guess I’m still a Rat. I really don’t like being a Rat, I’d rather be a Tiger or something. Oh, wait! I might be a Monkey, now I have to check on that. You can see how well I follow all of this.

  14. Wonderful post, thank you! My sign stayed the same -- I'm almost disappointed (but not really...mostly I'm oddly relieved...which is weird, since I don't believe in astrology...)

  15. Carolyn,
    I know -- its so weird. We all pretty much don't believe in it, but WE ALL CARE. So maybe, we all DO believe in it.

    Glad you've got it all sorted out! Those flowing garments are awfully tempting aren't they?


  16. ..I'm still laughing over

  17. Wait a minute - if your sign is determined by your birth date, shouldn't we all keep whatever sign we were born under? I mean, when I was born May 9 was a Taurus, so I'm a Taurus. Now May 9 is an Aries, so anyone born on May 9 since the reallignment will be an Aries. Sound logical? (Oh dear, I just used 'logical' in reference to astrology. My bad.)

  18. All of a sudden I'm a Leo. What am I supposed to do with my typical Virgo traits? Sorry, I refuse to change (We Virgos are stubborn.)

  19. Yes Linda, That logic might apply except I think the planet may have wobbled before you were born.

    But apparently this only matters in the kind of astrology used in India. We, who are ruled by western-based, astrology, can rest easy. I think.

    Tiger -- Are you sure you aren't a LEO? Tiger sounds like a Leo's name?

  20. Tiger,

    I mean, at least you are both in the cat family.