Saturday, June 4, 2011

June is busting out all over

ROSEMARY: That's a fun song from Carousel which was the class play one year when I was in high school. Of course, all the smart alecs in school pretended the next line was "June better get a new dress!" We were a clever lot.

But that's what I felt like this week as I packed for North Carolina. It wasn't yet summer in Connecticut but it had arrived with a vengeance in NC where, I was told, it had been hovering near 100 degrees the previous week.

I still had velvet curtains up. I had no idea where my summer clothes were. Most likely in another state. I had no choice - I had to go shopping :-)

So my question is, is there a woman alive who really looks good in these capri pants that are like trousers but short? I'm not talking about the baggy long shorts which remind me of what we used to call (geezer alert) clam diggers - and generally wore to the beach. I mean these weird short pants that make your butt look as big as all outdoors. The ones that's it's virtually impossible to find the right shoes for. And since no one can tan anymore show your skinny white chicken legs sticking out. In my day we used to laugh at at people whose pants were too short. We were also a sensitive and caring lot.

I guess I haven't gone shopping for a while. I was expecting linen pants, diaphanous skirts, cute sundresses that didn't hit mid-thigh. What I got was weird shorts. Weirder still - I bought a pair. After visiting 4 stores and losing interest in the project ("so I'll sweat a hot can it be?") they started to look reasonable on me. With a long top, maybe they'll work.

Wrong. In the loose ones I looked six months pregnant. And in the skinny ones I looked like a puta. So now I'm in NC and luckily it's not 100 degrees because I'm wearing a denim jacket over the dopey shorts so I don't look either pregnant or like a hooker. It better not get hot tomorrow.

So I repeat..does anyone look good in these things?


  1. I'm still wrestling with the fact that this year every dress in a store or catalog is sleeveless. That is so not a good look for women of "a certain age." Although I will say that a couple of months on crutches have done wonders for various parts of the upper body--not that I plan to continue that exercise!

  2. Remember gaucho pants? Ugh! Even worse than capris. I guess a really tall, really skinny woman with a spray tan could pull off capris--they chop you up so much that if you're under 6'2" you look like a Munchkin. And, Sheila, I know what you mean about sleeveless dresses; I recently tried to buy a dress for a wedding and everything was strapless or sleeveless. I bought one and found a shrug to wear over it. Sigh.

  3. What I remember (double geezer alert) are the skinny pants that came to just below the knee - pedal pushers. Kitten heels (they weren't called that) were de riguer.

    What's nice this year is dresses are back! But why can't they use nice light comfy summer-weight cotton?

  4. All the dresses are either sleeveless or completely strapless!! I suppose my arms could be worse, but still--not flattering if you are much past, um, well, you know what I mean. Unless you are a movie star and have a full time trainer.

    And the pants! I have to admit I wear cropped jeans because otherwise in Texas you will die, but they are not flattering. If you are at least six feet tall and rail thin, you maybe can pull off capris (or whatever they've called now. Geezer alert: Who remembers pedal pushers?) but NO ONE can pull off gaucho pants, the full ones that end half way down your calf. Totally ridiculous!

    My faves? Chico's cargo pants from last year. I don't know if they have them this year because I haven't been shopping at all. But these are a really lightweight cotton, came in loads of colors, roll up with tabs to just above the ankle, and blush, blush--they have a little elastic in the waist. Heaven.

  5. Now don't those "high waters" look nice with those black pumps and nude hose - NOT!


  6. Six year old girls look fine in those pants...they do no make clothes for us!

  7. Doesn't it seem like the bigwig fashion designers get together, get drunk in some back room, and start placing bets on what they can get us to buy next? Somebody won big with the "less for more" look of the past few years - cropped pants, backless shoes, strapless tops. Or, considering the hairstyles, maybe the look they thought we'd never buy was "chopped."

  8. Eileen Fisher makes a pair of nice long linen trousers. Nordstrom still has them for sale online.

  9. I called my capris "culottes" today and my twenty-something daughter had no idea what I was talking about. Here in Geezer World, oops Leisure World in Arizona, everyone wears capris to cover their knee surgery scars.

  10. Yes, Ro, you have to think about capri pants the way Cindy does -- as an alternate to shorts.

    As an alternate to shorts, they look great.