Saturday, July 30, 2011

No thanks, honey...

ROSEMARY HARRIS: My husband is good at a great many things. He's even brilliant at a few - but buying me clothing is not one of them. Witness the last two presents. I know I should be grateful that the man still wants to buy me anything (ungrateful wench that I am)but seriously - a heavy cotton Derek Jeter t-shirt? Not an itty-bitty baby tee that might look cute or so big you can sleep in it tee, a medium, square-cut, not flattering if you were Gisele Bundchen t-shirt that my high school gym teacher would have rejected as too ugly to wear. I ask you...

I smiled...I thanked him...I asked him how the game was. I wondered if he'd notice if I never wore it. I said nothing. Mistake.

Not two weeks later he came home from Yale (where he was lecturing at their publishing course...see...frequently briliant.) I got another shirt. Not a small, sexy, cami-like tank, or a giant wear it as a cover-up on the beach tank. A tank with a pocket right on the E (of Y-a-l-e) that makes me look like I'm smuggling a loaf of bread in my top and still manages to be tight across my hips. He beamed and said "look, there's a pocket for your ipod."

I know...I'm horrible...but I'm running out of closet space.

It's hard to buy gifts after years of birthdays, Valentine's days, Christmases,etc. just to show that I'm not totally heartless, he did get me a ownderful present recently - a beautiful leather pencil case. Sounds weird, but I write with a pencil so it meant a lot to me - it's just a little too small to wear out of the house.


  1. That's exactly why I buy my sweetheart the perfect gift...oven mitts! Lobster oven mitts. In the shape of lobster claws. OK, I THOUGHT it was a nice birthday gift...Why can't we just forget about it...I'm posting this first, because I just KNOW she will. Sweetie, if you read this, can we let bygones be bygones? It WAS 20 years ago.Pretty beautiful little crustacean.

  2. He gave me the lobster-claw oven mitts for the first birthday I had as a married woman. THREE WEEKS AFTER OUR WEDDING.

    Hell, no, I haven't forgotten. Newlywed lobster claw oven mitts. It's a miracle we've made it to 24 years. A miracle.

  3. My husband has given me jewelry once, a ring, many, many years ago when he was still trying to impress me. It was lovely and I still have it.

    For the most part, however, he sticks to practical, either mechanical or electronic. He hates to shop more than anyone I've ever known, so if he can't get it online, forget about it.

    He has bought me ONE item of clothing, however. A few years ago he went on a camping trip in Washington, and he brought me back a zip Mt. St. Helens fleece. I've almost worn the fleece bare, and it will probably be one of those things we talked about that you NEVER throw away.

  4. Boy,do I know what that's like Ro.
    Our first Christmas together I asked for new sleepwear and he bought me a pair of men's striped pajamas. He thought I'd look sexy in them, he said. I thinkthe real reason was that he was too embarrassed to go into the lingere section.

  5. Oh, I have to say...Jonathan is pretty great about this..but thinking about it..clothes? He doesn't do clothes.

    I'm still laughing about the lobster claws...xoxoxo

  6. OK, the lobster-claw story wins, hands ... no, I have to go there: claws down. My now-husband gave me a choice for our first birthday together, did I want the sewing machine or the little ring with the rubies? Puh-lease.

    He bought the sewing machine a month later and sewed the damn curtains too! (Engineer, tools, you get the idea.)

    I pretty much let him off the hook these days entirely for gifts. He hates gifts, whether giving or receiving. HATES them. Yes, he is the Grinch. Every couple years I give him a list of suggestions and demand Christmas gifts, just to torture him a little bit. Hmm, maybe that's coming up this year....