Tuesday, August 30, 2011

TRUE CRIME: Yoga for inner peace and murder motive

JAN BROGAN: For those of your unfamiliar with LuluLemon Althetica, it a clothes store that capitalizes on the current yoga movement.

Not that I am opposed to that. I hate to tell you how much money I've spent in that store, how many yoga outfits I actually own, and how much money I've spent on the stretchy yet still flattering bottoms and form-fitting tops. This is how both prized and expensive they are: when I come home from yoga, I immediately change because I don't want to wreck my "good" workout clothes.

As my husband points out, there's something just so conceptually wrong with that.

All this is to explain my interest in a murder in a Bethesda, Maryland yoga clothes shop by a woman with a gun. The actual event wasn't funny at all. The woman is charged with killing her co-worker and making up a story that they were robbed at gunpoint. Allegedly she injured herself to make it all seem believable.

But, as a devotee of yoga and a daily meditator, I couldn't help but be struck just a little bit by the irony. First there's the irony that those of us searching for inner peace actually spend that much on clothing for our journey to inner peace. Then, there's the irony of murderous violence in the commercial sale of the outfits needed to obtain inner peace while making the appropriate fashion statement.

Tragic in real life... but you have to admit, it would make a perfect opening for a chick-litty kind of mystery with lots of humor.

But I'm struggling for motive in our newly created chick-lit mystery. I mean obviously, if she were an employee, the accused murderer already got a pretty good discount. Was she trying to coverup outright theft? Embezzlement? Were they in love with the same guru?

You get the picture. The more absurd the motive, probably the better. Any suggestions? Or maybe even some red herrings?
Tomorrow, please join us for an interview with M.J. Rose, bestselling author and founder of AuthorBuzz. She'll be talking about book promotion and whether the time you spend tweeting and on Facebook is actually worth it.


  1. How about some kind of black-market headband scheme? A year ago at my daughter's middle school those headbands were the most stolen item. (The nearest store is five hours away.)

    Or how about the fact that staff are usually wearing those cute yoga pants but the pants look better with a thong underneath and some of us get danged crabby if we have to wear a thong?

  2. I don't do yoga-I know, I know, everyone says I MUST--but I am fascinated by yoga clothes.

    I was talking with someone about approriate airplane attire, (Another blog, right?) and she said she just wears yoga pants.

    I have no yoga pants. DO I get them for the plane?

    As for the mystery-I saw that story, Jan, and was similarly fascinated. May it's--a cult?

    (My captcha word is lythnine...sounds like someone who does yoga, right?)

  3. I think the guru is where it's at, although having them both in love with him is too obvious.

    Hmmm.. the dead co-worker was blackmailing the murderer with photographs of her eating those new triple decker Oreos in the stockroom? If exposed she would lose the admiration of her guru, plus go up a size in yoga pants.

  4. Not a yoga-er, either, I do have a serious question about that one-footed pose. How do you get into it? Do you crouch and then somehow get one foot over your knee? Or start out sitting lotus and raise up on one foot? Curious minds...

    Either way, it's a pose I would kill to be able to pull off.

  5. Headband scheme....hmmm...Darlene.it actually makes sense given how expensive the headbands from that store are (and yes, I have two). And a throng can drive anyone to murder.

    Hank,silly, you don't have to do yoga to wear the clothes. And this store actually "hems" your yoga pants for you so they can be the exact right length with heels.

    Vicki - I love the absolute shame of the triple decker Oreo (now have to find one of those Oreos for myself). Or maybe she was eating hamburgers WITH the guru. And blackmailing him.....hmmm.

    Hallie, I'm pretty sure you put your leg over THEN crouch.

  6. Actually Hallie, I take that back. I think you fold your leg over and get into that pose initially on your hands from the ground up.

    Any more trained yogis out here who can say for sure?

  7. Did someone say Oreos? If I was going to eat the triple deckers, I'd HAVE to do yoga, which I don't.

    I am considering yoga pants for the ten hour flight from Dallas to London, however, and there's now a LuluLemon store in Dallas at Northpark. But I may have to sell some black market headbands in order to buy the pants . . .

  8. An FYI -

    My husband told me there's actually a website out there and I'm not going to give the name because I don't want to promote it, but it's nothing but photos of women wearing yoga pants -- just the butts. The reason he knew was because he had to block it -- so that they young male employees at his company would stop going there.

  9. She could be motivated by hatred of yoga: she feels she HAS to do it, it hurts her (it hurts me), it makes her sore, it's fashionable, everyone is talking about it... The store stands for all these things. Sullying it with murder would be a way of attacking it.

  10. J.P.

    Or pointing out the hypocrisy? Brilliant.

  11. I do chair yoga. Go ahead. Laugh it up. I'll wait. :) Yup.

    Chair yoga is good for people with injuries, chronic conditions or other physical limitations that make regular yoga classes with all the down-on-the-mat-and-up-again stuff difficult or downright unsafe.

    Our class is a lot more strenuous than it sounds.

    I don't wear special "yoga pants" to class. I wear capris and tees. However, I do own what used to be described as yoga pants. They look a lot like bootcut leggings.

  12. Not laughing, Rhonda. Instead thinking, you are saving a lot of money not falling into the yoga pant trap.

    It's a sickness. I now spend more money on work out and tennis clothes than I do on real clothes.

    Except for boots. But that's another blog.

  13. Uhm...folks? That's what sweatpants are for... Just sayin'.

    Motives and plot bunnies...Perhaps they created a special smoothie and a big company aka Snapple/Yoplait/Starbucks came sniffing around to buy them out. One wanted to sell, the other didnt?

  14. Well - I think she wanted to bring her Lab to work with her every day (after all, dogs help relieve stress like yoga) and the co-worker said no! (Or, the co-worker brought her dog to work everyday and the shooter is allergic to dogs).

  15. Hallie, you could stand upright, cross your leg, then crouch. The more common way wd be to start on your hands & knees, then slide back on to your toes, lift one foot forward and cross your leg, and raise your arms. (I can't do it at all -- my R knee's too crunched!) Pretty pose, though.

  16. I write in my Lulu Lemons. My writing Lulus as opposed to my workout Lulus which are different from my traveling Lulus. Obviously I'm nuts for Lulu.

    Ah, one of the benefits of yoga is clarity. Your shooter obviously reached a higher state and realized that her yogi crush was doing more than Shavasana with her coworker. And getting store discounts from both.
    Jealousy: the flexible motive.

  17. Gotta go. Getting pants. Found Lulu at Copley. The in-store hemming clinched it.

  18. Hank, two words: Groove Pant.
    I live in them :)

  19. I love my yoga, but I don't have the clothes. :-)

  20. Rochelle,
    Never trust a guru alone in a studio with someone in a shavasna pose, I always say.

    Blame it on the Labrador, I say.

    And Silver James, these pants are as comfortable as sweatpants.

    Rochelle, I agree on the groove pant, which is flattering, but for writing, I like the pant with deep pockets and a cinched waist.

    SImon, they have a men's section. Although I've never actually seen a man in it. Or a man wearing them.

  21. Probably a good reason for that, Jan. :-}

  22. Aside from doing yoga which promotes inner peace as well relaxation, you can also enroll in any meditation courses. Understanding your inner self can give you the ultimate inner peace you really want.

  23. Yeah, pretty ironic. Well, I don't know with other people, but yoga really works for me. It soothes and relaxes me, plus it harmonize my body and mind making it a great exercise for me.

  24. Ironic indeed that the quest for inner peace leads to murder. Maybe those people doesn't need yoga but psychiatric help.