Friday, June 25, 2021

Confessions of a Would-be Hermit

RHYS BOWEN:  Last week Hank posted about our reluctance to come back to normal life after the pandemic. Didn’t she compare us to groundhogs, peeking out of burrows?

Like all of you I have spent the last year and a half Zooming--wearing a nice top, make up AND sweat pants or shorts, plus bare feet.  I had thought that the pandemic was over I’d go on a shopping spree. But now I have the chance,  I have looked through my wardrobe and it seems I have plenty of everything. Most things practical and serviceable. So I find, to my surprise, that I have no interest in that shopping spree. Because I have no interest in returning to the symphony yet. Or going to conventions (who is going to Boucheron? Not me, I’m afraid. All those people at the hotel bar?) In fact I seem to be content to watch TV or read a book, chat with a few friends, occasionally, walk in nature. Have I become a hermit? Me? Total extrovert me?


I also noticed that it was about time I had a pedicure. Then I thought ‘nah! It can wait a while.’

So now I’m concerned. Have I lost my joie de vivre? Will I eventually be willing to hurl myself back into pre-pandemic life? I hope so…. But how about you?  Who has been on that shopping spree? Who has had a pedicure? Been to a show?

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Prairie dogs!

HALLIE EPHRON: Not me. None of the above. What’s the opposite of a prairie dog? An ostrich!

My biggest adventure has getting my hair cut. And last night I went INTO a restaurant to pick up takeout. It was very raucous in there and they were playing Trivial Pursuit. Maskless, of course. I did not want to linger.

And like you, Rhys, I find my closet has all I need for the moment. How did I accumulate so many shoes?? 

One thing I’ve been doing more of since the pandemic began is walking, and now I’m carrying rather than wearing my mask.

JENN McKINLAY: No pedicure here but then I’ve only ever had one in my life and both the manicurist (pedicurist?) and I discovered to our mutual dismay my inability to sit still for that long. Maybe if they’d let me write while getting one...hmm. 

I have been out to restaurants and to shows (Hub is a musician, so it’s my spousal obligation but also my joy). I have found that I am much more interested in visiting with people one on one. No big groups not because of COVID fear but because there is so much to catch up on individually that I want to give my people my undivided attention. So small coffee meet ups and luncheons are good enough for me for now.

LUCY BURDETTE: Yup, we’ve been out to dinner several times, though I much prefer eating outside. And I have an appointment for a pedicure, but she will come to the house. And hmmm, my haircuts have been one on one in someone’s house with both of us masked. I can’t quite yet picture going to the movies or the theatre, but I miss that and hope it happens fairly soon. And when I go into stores, I wear my mask. I guess I'm inching back into the world!

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: I agree with Jenn - I’ve been socializing in very small groups because it feels so important to have that one-on-one experience. No big trips planned; just (finally) getting to see and hug my Dad and later this summer, the Sailor. My watchword is “easing in,” so, for instance, I’ve been going to the 5:15pm service at my church, which usually has about six people attending. Lots of the concerts and theater in Maine is outdoors by design, so those will be an easy thing to say yes to. 

One thing I’m doing old school? F9 hits movie theaters the weekend of my birthday, and I’m strapping on a mask and heading to the movies. “Ride or die!”

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: I think about this every day. And I am completely worried. I have, as I said the other day, NOTHING TO WEAR. Oh, well, does it really matter? I learned how to do my own manicures, and it looks great. (Great enough for the all-forgiving zoom.) Pedicure, truly, that is the Rubicon. I need one. Tomorrow, maybe.

I said to Jonathan--We HAVE to get over this. There is NO NEED for us to be hermits. 

And he said: But we like it!

I mean, not the fear and the terror and the sorrow. But wearing comfy shoes?  Staying in our cozy home, lucky lucky lucky people that we are? 

And there you have it.

DEBORAH CROMBIE: No pedicure yet and I've discovered I really haven't missed it. Now if I was going someplace where I really wanted to look sharp--but I'm not, so I'm fine for the moment. A couple of haircuts, several lunches out, but I haven't wanted to go anywhere really busy and crowded. As I am partially deaf, I find I'm not looking forward to trying to hear other people in crowded places. Small group visits are so much better.

But my big recent excitement was FIRST MOVIE! Last Saturday my friend Gigi, my daughter, and I went to see IN THE HEIGHTS, and it was great! Both the film, which we loved, and the theater experience.  Now, like Julia, I'm all geared up to see F9!!

RHYS: So who is happy with the new normal and sees no need to burst forth and experience LIFE again? I have to confess that I am itching to travel. When I go through my photos of Europe I give a heavy sigh. But I have to confess I'm not ready to travel there in person yet--not until the countries report zero Covid deaths and zero restrictions.  I'm booked on a cruise next February and hoping that the world might be safe and sane by then, but who knows. 

57 comments:

  1. We’ve gone out for dinner and are, like Lucy, inching our way back into the world. We’re going to Colorado next month [more grandbaby hugs!] . . . .
    We’re being careful, but we’re also trying to reclaim what we once took for granted: being able to do things without being fearful . . . .

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm right there with the rest of you. No Bouchercon, no shopping, no pedicure, and I don't care. Last night our local cross-genre writers group met in person (at the beach, with the full moon rising at the end...) to socialize, but I know and trust all twenty of them and it was SO good to hug and chat again.

    I do hope I'll feel safe enough to get to Albuquerque in March for LCC, and I plan to drive to Crime Bake in November. Otherwise I'm staying close to home.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I've been out to get haircuts. That's been no problem for me. But then my haircuts are far less involved than anyone here I'd guess.

    I haven't gone to the theater or a concert. I'm considering the theater because like Julia, I want to see F9. CONSIDERING, haven't decided for sure. And as I said in a previous post with a similar theme, I have a concert ticket for an August 28th show (that was originally set for April 4th, 2020). I'm considering that because I don't want to eat the cost of the ticket and the smoking hot rocker chick that said she's going. :D

    I haven't done trivia anywhere because the 99 hasn't brought it back yet and since the passing of one my team's members, I'm not even sure if we're going to continue on as a team or not when they do bring it back.

    But in general terms, I don't have a problem with not going out like I used to. I'll stay home and watch TV, read and listen to music and write about it all. Current project: Reading Daniel Silva's THE CELLIST (due out July 13th) for a potential Mystery Scene review.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I just looked up F9, since I hadn't heard of it. John Cena is in it - he grew up in West Newbury where I used to live! His mom ran the hamburger/ice cream stand across from the high school where my sons went. Something degrees of separation?

      Delete
    2. Jay, I love Daniel Silva but stopped reading him in favor of cozies during the pandemic. I have hardly read anything that is as disturbing as his works can be, for a while. I have one of his books, the next in the series, sitting on my TBR bookcase. Tell us all what you think of the book when you are finished reading it.

      Delete
    3. Jay, you must post a picture of you with the smoking hot rocker babe! I’m dying to see it

      Delete
    4. Edith, that's pretty cool that you have a tie to John Cena. I'm probably not going to go to the theater this weekend to see it but I might go next weekend if I decide to risk it.

      Judy, I'm a huge fan of Daniel Silva's work. I'm about 2/3 done with the new book and I'm loving it. However, if you didn't read his work during the pandemic, I'm not sure this book will do much to change your reading choices. It is set in the midst of the pandemic. This makes sense since so much of the Gabriel Allon series is tied to real world events. It would be silly somehow if the author had ignored it. Luckily, it's more like a background setting than overwhelming the spy thriller narrative.

      Not sure who's posting under the JRW screen name but if I go, we'll see if I get a chance for a photo with her. Best thing, she's age appropriate for me rather than the beautiful waitresses I pretend to flirt with who are young enough to be my daughter if I had been silly enough to have children. Luckily, they realize I'm a big goof and pay me no serious attention whatsoever.

      Delete
  4. I'm booked for Killer Nashville at the end of August, wearing a mask and social distancing. And yes, I will get a pedicure. We also have tix to three outdoor opera performances on a lawn, for which I will wear long sleeves, long pants tucked into high socks, and bug spray. Lovely.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Connecticut has one of the highest vaccination rates in the country and we've been fully vaccinated since February. We've dined inside. We've met with friends, 1 couple at a time, for dinner at restaurants. Last week we saw In The Heights at our local movie theater. We are planning a Disney vacation to Orlando, soon, with at least one of our kids and family, and we'll fly there. Last weekend, we stayed at a B&B in Beverly, MA and spent Father's Day (which was also Jonathan's birthday) with his family at an amusement park in southern New Hampshire.

    My hairdresser moved from a large salon to a tiny rented room in a salon that rents private space, (4 walls and a door) to stylists. He has made it adorable with a 50's motif. I've been there a few times. I'm not coloring but I am having haircuts. I never was much for manicures and do my own nails with a buffer, no polish. I don't usually have pedicures in salons. I do my own, once again, no polish.

    Like Jenn, I am catching up with people one on one or two. In the past month I've had a visit from my best friend from high school and I've met my two best college friends for lunch at a restaurant (where we laughed so hard, I thought they might come ask us to stop having so much fun)! And we've driven to Delaware to visit Rachel and family. And we've been to Massachusetts for a weekend.

    I'm still wearing my mask inside stores and I am still washing the groceries before I put them away.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, Judy, didn't you love In the Heights?

      Delete
    2. We finally gave up wiping groceries, Judy. And hand sanitizer after every store

      Delete
    3. Yes, Debs, we loved In The Heights. It was refreshing, up beat and magical.

      Rhys, I laugh at myself for the things I do and don't do. In spite of the vaccines, I can't shake the feeling of vulnerability. We know this disease is mainly airborne. And yet...

      Delete
    4. So understand that “do and don’t do” laughter. Take good care, Judy

      Delete
  6. We've been out to breakfast once, and my hairdresser came to the house during the pandemic. Breaking my ankle made for a multitude of MD appointments, and I have one this afternoon. So far all venues have required masks, but Governor Coumo ended all emergency requirements yesterday. Our statewide positivity rate is 0.3% or thereabouts. We are both vaccinated as are something like 70% of people in our area. I'm done with masks except where required.

    This weekend we are celebrating 25 years of living in sin. We are going to a posh hotel, local, and Saturday night we are having dinner with our brother, his wife, and their daughter. Five or six years ago we celebrated their 25th in Paris. Times were different.

    Not going to Bouchercon in NOLA, but mostly because it will be too hot for me. We are, however, going to Raleigh in August to meet Baby Finn.

    I'm done with being an anchorite.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ann, a quarter century of love is well worth celebrating! Many living-in-not-sin couples don't last that long. Congratulations to you and Julie. I hope you get to celebrate the next big milestone in Paris again!

      Delete
    2. Have a wonderful anniversary, Ann and Julie!

      Delete
    3. Mazel tov on a quarter century! May you enjoy many, many more years of happiness and health.

      Delete
    4. Fabulous, Ann. Mazel tov is right! Your happiness is a blessing.

      Delete
    5. I used to worry about developing agoraphobia but COVID proved I can handle it.

      Delete
    6. Congratulations, Ann and Julie!

      Delete
  7. We've gone out to dinner a number of times. I had my hair cut last week maskless and it was wonderful. I go into stores on a regular basis. The mask is always in my pocket, but I don't wear it unless I see signage.

    No pedicures, but then again I didn't get them very often in the Before Times, so I don't feel like I'm missing anything.

    I'll be ready for LCC next spring!

    ReplyDelete
  8. What a great topic Rhys, I got an email from British Airways today telling me my 53,000+ air miles were about to expire. So here is the deal, would anyone in JRW land line them? I won’t be using them and it goes against the grain just to let them vanish. Email me - Wakefieldpro at gmail etc. it’s a genuine offer. As for the the world our toes went into the water with my V’s Spring hospitalizations. All recovered now. But we are cautious and the masks go with us for indoor stuff. So undecorated toes, but cut hair. Clothes? Still decluttering, it never stops. Living seeing and hugging friends. Such bliss.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You might be able to shop with you mileage points, depends on the provider. A friend had so mileage points she bought an Apple Watch and a Mac Pro laptop.

      Delete
    2. Yes, yes, try shopping with them! xxx

      Delete
  9. Oh my heaven’s! LIKE MY AIR MILES

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha! I wondered what you meant, but figured it was miles.

      Delete
  10. It's a slow process (though not for all in this least-vaccinated state of Missouri). I haven't eaten in a restaurant yet, but I did go inside for take-out at Casa Mia, and had actual conversation with two waitresses while I waited. Costco has rescinded the mask requirement, and while I enjoyed freely interacting, I worry about the littles who can't be vaccinated. I carry a mask for any place that still asks for it. I've had vaccinated family members visit. My niece cut my hair on my deck, as I wasn't ready for closeness with strangers (though I'd acquired a non-latex behind the ears mask to make it possible). Our community theater has started, but I'm not ready. My doctor said (wellness visit, catching up on all the postponed visits) to take it slow, as comfort level grows. Be well and safe. <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mary, that makes good sense, especially in a state (or area) with low vaccination rates.

      And think about vacationing in Maine :-) Over 71% of adults of 30 have gotten their final jab!

      Delete
  11. Well, I just had a shopping spree on Tuesday, between trying to fill in summer clothes and prepping for our trip to Kenya. I also hit Joseph-Beth, our indy bookseller. Whether it was because few are shopping yet, or because it was during the day, the stores were all but empty, so it felt like they were just there for me. Most of the employees were wearing masks, and I wore one, too, out of courtesy.

    I'll be getting my third haircut since December 2019 in a couple weeks, but no mani-pedis for me. Like Judy Singer, I usually do my own, but my local girlfriend (also named Judy) only stopped getting her nails and hair done last year for a couple months. It was almost the only reason she left her house. Standards must be kept, you know. But her stylist had her in the salon all by herself.

    As far as dining out, all the restaurants here have put in barriers in between tables, often Plexiglas. I hope they keep them, because it sure makes for more pleasant dining, and much better privacy, too. We went out with our neighbors a couple weeks ago to a nice Chinese place, and felt almost alone in the restaurant, between the more space between tables and the see-through sides to our booth.

    In Kenya, most of the dining will be done al fresco, and even at my daughter's home we can eat outside. I am most nervous about being on three long flights each way with hundreds of other people. Trying not to think about it too much.

    Still trying to decide about Bouchercon. I have a super-duper hotel deal ($100 for three nights, at a lovely hotel), and can drive there. Hmm.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Karen, I’m so excited for you to see Kenya and your daughter. When are you going?

      Delete
    2. In a few weeks! And we are taking my 16-year old grandson. I'm more excited for him than I am for us.

      Delete
    3. Karen, if the flights to Kenya are anything like the flights to Europe, there are LOTS of safeguards in place. Youngest just got back from ten days in Kosovo; she had to take a rapid response test before getting on the plane both ways. Everyone masked, although I didn't ask her about eating and drinking. Plus the airlines have all installed these fancy HEPA filters.

      I'm kind of hoping the mask-while-flying rule will become the norm. It might help save me from the inevitable cold I get after going on book tour/to B'con.

      Delete
    4. Julia, there were almost zero deaths from the flu in 2020, and I am 100% sure that was because of enforced mask usage. It makes sense.

      Thank you for the reassurance. Of course my daughter and son-in-law both travel a lot for their jobs with the State Department, and they have said the same thing. However, they have so many miles they get to upgrade to Business class, and don't have to be crammed in like sardines with our fellow humans.

      Delete
    5. Karen, I too am excited for you! Everyone here will need a full and complete report on your trip, so get a notebook and fill it up! And tell your husband that we will also require that you post some of his wildlife photos! Just saying...

      Delete
  12. I have never had a pedicure or a manicure so I won't be starting now! My toes are so tiny I hardly see the point anyway. I do get my hair cut. I haven't gone out much more than I did before but I am not wearing a mask unless it is required. Yesterday my grandson and I stopped at a farm stand for strawberries. As he got out of the car he was about to grab his mask and wondered if they were required. We decided probably not. I was glad he was on top of the mask situation though. His school is still requiring them and because he is 10 he cannot be vaccinated.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Inching back out. No interest in crowds or eating out. Got an entry-level ebike and am riding 30-45 minutes a day...wonderful! But as a full-time caregiver to my elderly Mom, inching back out is the appropriate choice because she's so high risk. And let's face it, the vaccines are not 100% effective, nothing is, and I don't want to be one of the break-through cases. However, I also don't want to continue being a hermit...so carefully inching out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Taking extra care for vulnerable populations feels important, Missy. In my church, we're continuing to mask because the kids can't have the vaccine yet - and because there's a sizable elderly population, and even with the shot, we want to be sure they stay safe.

      Delete
    2. Julia, I think I'd like your church. The people I worry about are those that aren't being cautious...whether they're vaccinated or not.

      Delete
  14. Never was the burst forth type. Pedicure: never have ever wanted one. Manicure: tried once 4 years ago, never again, too much hand holding. Roger Rabbit was my last movie. Never enjoyed just going shopping. Feeling comfortable and loving being out and about, eating at restaurants — inside or outside. Smiling at folks on walks. Just enjoy the current pace of life and that I can be out and about. Cheers, Jungle Red folks.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I have no problems or issues about getting out there and mixing again. My inner hermit is perfectly happy staying home though. We've have our covid shots for months now and I am happily unmasked for the most part. If masks are required, no problem.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I'm back to wishing I could stay home when I have plans and wishing I could be out when I don't have any plans. I'm still working from home, but I LOVE that! It was a struggle to get back to church in person, but I'm glad I am doing that again. (We are meeting outside.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mark, the one thing I really miss is the easy excuse... "Sorry, I can't. I'm being cautious." Once everybody's seen your vaccination selfie on Instagram, you can't get away with that anymore.

      Delete
    2. How about “Sorry, I can’t. I just don’t feel comfortable.” That level of comfort is different for different folks. The comments here really show that. Take good care

      Delete
    3. If you don't put up a vaccinated selfie, you don't have to worry about that.

      Delete
  17. I was a bit of a hermit before the pandemic so being alone is nothing new. It was the required isolation that got tiresome, especially since I was still going to the office daily. Now that the state's reopened with masks optional it's better. I'm required to wear masks at work still and still carry one when out and about but seeing people's faces is so nice. One of the therapist I work is leaving today and I realized I've never seen her face, she started working during the beginning of the pandemic. Looking forward to my first haircut since December 2019.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I have always been a stay-at-home kinda person, so the Covid pandemic just tightened that down more. Except for masked trips to doctor and library, plus an essential trip to the nursery for a few plants, now frying in the insane heat here in Portland, I’ve stayed home quite happily for over a year. I garden, cook, clean, read a lot, watch movies, give the cats scratches, walk. It’s what I wanted to do when I retired after 40 years of 60 hour or more workweeks, and except for the mask part it’s what I’ve envisioned. So, yes, I’m good with the hermit lifestyle, and it lets me read a lot, which is my favorite thing.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Back in April I mentioned to my doctor that I wasn't particularly eager to get back out in the world and wondered if I should be worried. She said no, that it was a common concern she was hearing from patients, and that one of the factors affecting us all was sensory overload. Being out in a crowd shopping or otherwise was subjecting ourselves to a cacophony of noises that was hard for our now quieter lifestyles to handle. I have become less and less of a crowd person over the years, so this makes perfect sense to me. Like others have said, I much prefer one on one or a small group right now. I've decided not to go to Bouchercon this year, just not ready for even a crowd of people I want to see.

    We have eaten out several times, the last time outside, as the heat had broken and it was a lovely day. The thing that has gotten me out the most lately is not shopping for myself, but shopping for our new rescue dog we will get tomorrow. Lulu is an eight-year-old Brittany Spaniel, and while I ordered items for her, I also wanted to pick out some items in person. We're excited. I've been in the grocery store several times now without a mask, and it feels a bit strange. Now, I really need to do something about my hair.

    Rhys, I missed commenting on yesterday's post about you and Clare and the Molly Murphy series. I'm so happy that you all are reviving Molly, and I think it's wonderful that the two of you are working together. I am so looking forward to the new book.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I am in California in a county that has a 79% vaccination rate. I am an attorney and I was never fully working from home only partially, California lifted all restrictions so I’m happily traveling in the state and later this year to Maui. I refuse to travel to places like, Missouri, Texas, Louisiana, and Ohio where the vaccination rates are so low. Other illness is apparently higher there too, especially respiratory illnesses! I just had a client return from Disney in Florida and his entire family is quite ill. No masks and lots of respiratory illness in the children especially. Disney in California is much safer! One child is positive for covid! I supported local businesses who took lots of precautions, never stopped getting manicures and pedicures.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Rhys,

    Not travelling to Bouchercon this year. I hope that anyone who does go this year will stay healthy. I really want to go back to visit the United Kingdom and Europe, though I am waiting until there are ZERO COVID CASES.

    In California, though we have higher vaccination rates, the children under age 12 still are not vaccinated. I still wear my mask when I go out. The only time I take off my mask is when I am around people who are fully vaccinated. I am fully vaccinated too.

    Yesterday the grocery shop was Crowded and I was Not ready for that! I continue to shop online for books and clothes. If the local bookshop has few people, then I may venture inside. Everywhere they still have hand sanitizers by the entrance to public places.


    Diana

    ReplyDelete
  22. Oh, gosh..since I am the editor of the Bouchercon short story anthology and nominated for Best Novel, I am registered to go. And can anyone tell me a reason not to? I'm fully vaccinated. Besides just...generalized uneasiness about whatever and everything, what's the real reason?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. “Real reason” is the reason that you — not me or any of the Reds or “back page” Reds — decide it to be. And “generalized uneasiness” is just as good as any other reason. Do what feels reasonable and safe to you, Hank.

      Delete
    2. Yes, thank you--and that's so wise! And I am truly reluctant. But aside from that. What would be the real medical reason not to?

      Delete
    3. Sorry, but you are aware, I hope, that vaccinated persons are still still susceptible to the Delta variant? Many vaccinated people have tested positive after exposure. For heaven’s sake, Hank, if you go stay masked!

      Delete
  23. Gosh, Hank. You can go. Everyone will choose the way to re-enter the world that feels best to them.

    ReplyDelete