Saturday, April 23, 2022

If It's my Hotel, This Must be HGTV

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: With apologies to the marvelous 60s comedy, IF IT'S TUESDAY, THIS MUST BE BELGIUM; I stole their title because if I'm in a hotel room, there is one thing on the increasingly wide screens in the room: HGTV. 

 

Readers, I looooove HGTV. I get the HGTV magazine (or as my son calls it, middle-aged mom p*rn.) But I don't have cable, except for the internet - we cut the cord some twenty years ago. So for me, watching the channel is a pleasure reserved for hotels and Carter's Automotive waiting room, where I will sit for three hours waiting for my Honda to be fixed rather than arranging for a ride because Doug Carter has HGTV on. (Know your customers.)

 

What do I like? Love It or List It, where Realtor David hunts for a dream house for a couple while decorator Hillary races to renovate the place they already own to make it a dream come true. It's particularly amusing since my sister became a Realtor a few years ago - I always thought deciding based on seeing three houses was a bit premature, but now I know just how fictional it really is. There's always a BIG conflict between the couple; he MUST HAVE a man cave and she will DIE without a walk-in closet. They tour houses that look, no lie, 800% better than mine and turn up their noses.

 

The day my mother died (I promise this isn't a sad story) my girls and I were headed back from the New Jersey that had admitted her. (She had been transiting through Newark Airport when she had her stroke.) We're in shock, sleep-lagged, because we had driven from 1am to 7am to be there, and it we were crawling along the Merritt Parkway on the HOTTEST day of the year when our AC died. Rolling down the windows made it hotter inside the car. We struggled along for another three quaters of an hour when I said, "Not going to do this." 

 

I navigated off the Parkway as Youngest searched her phone for a hotel, and we too refuge in a deliciously cool Marriott. We all took lukewarm showers and, wrapped in hotel waffle robes, spent the rest of the day watching Beachfront Bargain Hunt and eating take out pizza. Out of a terrible twenty-four hours, its become a memory I cherish (and we still joke about the couple who passed on a gorgeous lakehouse because they were afraid their three-year-old would climb on the built in bookcases.


Househunters International is another fave for all of us, mostly because it features couples who have jobs like "yoga instructor" and "doggie portrait painter" looking for million dollar properties in exotic locales. Are they laundering Russian money? Drug mules? We'll never know. One couple was looking to buy an apartment in one of Brazil's smaller, beautifully colonial cities, and they had just graduated from college, like two years before. FROM COLLEGE. The girls and I stalked their social media to try to figure it out. (Turns out her family had $$$$$.)


My new must-see if Farmhouse Fixer, mostly because the adorably photogenic Jon Knight is as passionate about creaky old New England farmhouses as I am. He had be from the first kitchen demo, where instead of swinging mallets through the existing cabinets - also known as the HGTV money shot - he and his worked carefully removed them so they could be, you know, recycled and reused by someone. I love you, Jon! Please come up to Maine and do a show on my house. I'll start a GoFundMe to raise the necessary $140,000 - $180,000. You guys will all pitch in, right?


How about you, dear readers? Do you HGTV? And do you have a special show you save for those hotel stays?

65 comments:

  1. As I sheepishly admit that I don’t HGTV, I continue to chuckle over the parents who passed on the lake house because they were afraid their three-year-old would climb on the built-in bookcases.

    And now I find myself wondering what other entertainment gems I’ve missed. Perhaps HGTV could become my television viewing choice during my next hotel stay . . . .

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    1. There are are sorts of silly stuff along with dopey home buyers, Joan. One couple didn't like the cabinet color in the kitchen. Even my daughter said, "For crying out loud, haven't they ever heard of paint?"

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  2. I also gave up cable about 8 years ago. And since I rent my apartment, I am not into DIY, so I did not watch HGTV even when I could.

    But I understand the allure of watching channels while in a hotel room and did so on my recent trip. In Santa Fe & ABQ, NM, I did watch local & national news on ABC & CBS. Also watched some movies on the Hallmark Channel & TCM (An American in Paris).

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    1. We (and I include Ross on this) once caught a multi-episode binge of "Wedding Island" on, I don't know, Discovery? We LOVED it. Insane brides and grooms and an overworked island wedding planner.

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  3. So funny, Julia, and glad you are getting your fix!

    The TV in my room hasn't been on once, and won't be. Hugh watches those show sometimes but I can't get interested. Now, if they renovate YOUR house, I promise I'll watch.

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    1. I'm with you, Edith, no TV in my hotel room. But, I'll watch HGTV if that hunky guy renovates Julia's farmhouse. (Sigh)

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    2. EDITH:

      I'm with you. Though I never watch HGTV, I would watch it if Julia's house is renovated on the show.

      Diana

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    3. I'm going to start wishing for that instead of getting my books made into movies!

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  4. I will definitely chip in for that Julia! Just don't spend the whole weekend in your room LOL. This reminds me of one of my favorite features in the New York Times Saturday real estate section. One or two people are looking for a home or apt and the article describes the 3 choices they've come up. Then you guess what they picked and why. If you're on your phone, you get to vote. I'm totally addicted to this so I can sort of understand your HGTV obsession. Meanwhile, have a great time!

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    1. Oh, Lucy- THE HUNT! In the nY Times. I'm addicted to it, too. This week's was about a couple looking to downsize to one floor no yard... I could totally relate. It's also educational. I was gobsmacked to hear what TAXES are for a two-bedroom condo ... something like $30K. Another world. Guess I'll just stay put.

      Julia, I confess I have never watched HGTV though I'm sure it's one of my bargain basement subscription channels. And when we added onto our house, we reused all the moldings and doors. That way you didn't feel like Dorothy going from her house on the great gray Kansas plain to technicolor OZ when you stepped into the addition.

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    2. Great idea, Hallie. And I promise I'm not spending all my time in my room - just doing these blogs :-) and winding down before bed.

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  5. I love THE HUNT in the NYT! I marvel how people can compress their lives into two or three rooms.

    I very familiar with certain HGTV shows like Renovation Island, set at a resort in the Bahamas. It's always the plumbing or the generator, or crucial structural elements on a slow boat from the States.

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    1. The same issues happen suspiciously often in certain shows. "Oh, no! Asbestos!"

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  6. Road trips are so much better when you can add a stop instead of simply to-ing and then fro-ing again. I did that once with my girls, at a motel on the way to Lake Placid with two little girls. We stayed at a place with a whirlpool tub in the room. They were in Heaven.

    We have never had cable, except for the basic which is pretty useless. One of my youngest's roommates had a 100" projection TV on the wall, and it was tuned to all the cake competition shows. When I visited I was often there alone a lot waiting for her to get off work or out of class. Later, there was Pawn Stars to binge on. My oldest is the one with the HGTV "house porn" obsession, and that's where I get that fix.

    When I stayed with my mother in January she and I watched back to back Hallmark movies. She can't hear unless the volume is turned to atomic blast, and constantly asks me who the main characters are, but she likes the kissing and flirting, even at 92.

    Your Malice pictures are great, Julia! Hope you are all having a wonderful time.

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    1. No limit to the kissing and flirting fun, Karen!

      And yes, I', having a great time. Taking breaks to sit down and have actual talks with friends I haven't seen in years. Lovely.

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  7. I used to go for my mammogram an hour earlier because the radiology center had HGTV on the screen. Yes, I love it. Are you an Amazon Prime member? For a - cue announcer - low monthly fee - you can get Discovery +. It includes HGVT - YES!

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  8. I'm afraid I haven't watched any of those shows, Julia. I remember several years ago there was a show on network TV, where the company sent a deserving family out of town while they totally renovated the house to meet their new needs.

    I have also watched This Old House on PBS but got pretty fed up with people who had an attitude of money was no problem so they put all kinds of fabulous things in this house. I couldn't relate. But it was good when they showed us how we could fix some problems ourselves.

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    1. Right, Judi, Irwin still watches This Old House. The Massachusetts yuppies who are renovating their homes must have endless resources in order to choose some of their house's new features.

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    2. A couple of friends worked on two of those houses for deserving families. SO much insanity goes on behind the screen, including half-done and temporary work they pass off as finished.

      Reality shows are anything but. So much fakery. One friend's daughter was on that Total Makeover show--she lost thirty pounds, had a boob job, and got major dental work and facial reconstruction done from it. When the "reveal" was shown on the screen her mother said the shots were amalgamations of several different takes. She said they were directed to be "surprised" over and over again.

      I don't believe anything I see on those shows any more.

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    3. I am not a fan of reality TV. I was shocked when my father and step-mother (both deceased now for over a decade) told me in the early 2000's that they were fans of Survivor. Really? I was truly gobsmacked.

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    4. If you go in to it knowing parts are faked, you enjoy it more, I think. Like, every house in Love It or List it has a generic "House for Sale" sign in front. No Realtor, no phone number. When do you ever see that?

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  9. Julia, I haven't watched much TV since the beginning of the pandemic. Even before that, other than the news, I liked to watch stories with continuing story lines and characters like Castle and NCIS and all the Star Treks and Babylon 5 and...(see a pattern here?)...series. Just like I prefer with books! Develop some intriguing characters and present them with new challenges and I am yours!

    So, have fun, take some photos to share. My hotel room TV will stay off.

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    1. Babylon 5! I love that show so much. Youngest is watching it again after seeing it with the family several years ago, and it's delightful seeing her enjoy it.

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  10. Back in the day when I lived out of a suitcase for fieldwork, the hotel offerings were interesting (code for pathetic). True crime, anyone? But when I had tv at home, I binged on Househunters International. When my washing machine or dryer go down for repairs, I will watch HGTV at my sister's. But my only HGTV-type show now is Escape to the Country on Britbox. Two episodes once a week and I get my fix.

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    1. It's a treat in small doses, Flora, and probably an anesthetic in large amounts!

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  11. JULIA:

    Your story reminded me of when my family stayed at a small hotel. I think they had Basic Cable and one of the few channels included the Disney Channel. It was the first time I had seen the Disney Channel and I was thrilled to watch Lizzy McGuire and Even Stevens.

    Other times when I travel, if it is a mystery conference, I usually prefer to read the mystery novels from the gift bags for all of the attendees. However, when we were in Canada for the LCC, we got to watch MURDOCH MYSTERIES on Canadian TV. The TV was confusing and we had to call maintenance to help us figure out the TV. I got to watch a few shows on Demand like the movie about Ruth Bader Ginsburg and the movie about young Dumbledore ? FANTASTIC BEASTS with Eddie Redmayne. We watched the new Mary Poppins movie with Emily Blunt and Colin Firth.

    It is a perk of hotel stays when you can watch cable on TV (if you know how to use their TV remote - LOL)

    At home, the tv is very iffy. Sometimes I can get reception. Sometimes not. I have been watching ALL CREATURES GREAT AND SMALL, CALL THE MIDWIFE, among other PBS shows on my computer with PBS passport. When the TV is working, I love to watch Hallmark movies (fairytales for grownups).

    Diana

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    1. We watch PBS passport too - we use an hdmi cable to connect the computer to the TV for a bigger screen.
      All Creatures Great and Small is a well-done remake.
      Call the Midwife is one of our favorites - so heartwarming.
      Watched all of Murdoch Mysteries, too - on Prime, maybe.

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    2. Diana, by the time I get back to my room at a conference, I'm usually too brain-drained to read. Sitting in the bed in front of a ridiculously large TV and zoning is about all I can manage!

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    3. Julia, that happened to me too. Sometimes I just want to watch TV.

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    4. JCHull,

      Wonderful! Love PBS Passport and loved ALL CREATURES GREAT AND SMALL. CALL THE MIDWIFE is also a favorite in our family.

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  12. After building our first house and renovating (still!) a 1920s bungalow I have no interest in real estate/fixer up shows.

    BUT - we did watch some wonderful gardening shows - Ground Force and Love Your Garden (with Charlie Dimmock and Alan Titchmarsh as hosts). Families who have hardship are chosen for a garden makeover. Their family/friends are complicit in getting them out of the house for a weekend. And the team goes to work, with drama as the clock ticks down. Drool worthy gardens - so nice to look at during the long winter.

    Many of these are TINY gardens and even when they are behind detached homes, the homes are cheek to jowl so stuff has to be wheel-barrowed through the house or deposited by crane going up and over.

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    1. These are British shows, I should have said.

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    2. I would watch garden renovation shows in a heartbeat!

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    3. There's a really wonderful Monty Don special right now on Acorn, about Paradise Gardens around the world. It's two episodes, and is quite the travelogue, with fantastic scenery.

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    4. JC, I used to watch a British show like that--loved it!!

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    5. Karen - Love Monty Don. I think we've watched all his specials.
      EXCEPT - there's one on American Gardens! I don't know where it's being shown. Will have to check.
      Also - Watch Monty Don, Adam Frost and the gang on Gardeners World. They had a real following during the pandemic with viewers sending in videos of their own gardens.

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    6. I love the garden shows and Monty Don is the best.

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    7. Love Ground Force and Gardener's World.

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    8. I didn't know about these! I would LOVE to watch garden renovation shows - landscaping and garden design is a talent that eludes me.

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  13. We don't have cable, so when I'm in a hotel (rarely) I always have the TV on and love the home reno, the cooking and the gardening shows. Fascinating to see what can be done to a property or with food when skill and know-how combine with money.

    I find hotel rooms -- no matter whether they're budget or quality -- feel kind of empty and sad, so the TV provides company and energy to the space. Or, that's my rationale for my TV watching, anyway!

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    1. Amanda, my rationale is that I'm usually so tired and/or socialized out that relaxing with the tube is like taking a long hot bath...

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  14. Guilty. I haven't watched House Hunters in a while though. The older couples featured were practical. The young ones, out of their cotton-picking minds! You could have a drinking game easily. Take a shot whenever you hear white kitchen, subway tile, soaking tub, man cave, entertain, open concept, etc. I do like Beachhouse Renovation just to see what can be done. And Restoring Galveston features cool old houses, a really cute couple native to the island who do the work, and interesting history. While I was househunting via Zillow I would see lovely older places that had been HGTVed: white kitchen, gray walls, etc. That just sucked all the character out of the houses. I think all the waiting rooms have HGTV or DIY on their TVS now. I know my dentist does, my eye doctor, and the hospital.

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    1. There is for sure a whole HGTV look that you see over and over again!

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  15. I don’t have cable but when I’m in a hotel, I often watch TV before I go to bed. And I love HGTV! I watch it for the entertainment value! As others have mentioned, I can’t imagine where some of these young people come up with the money to pay close to a million dollars for their first home. One of my sisters was a real estate agent before MS prevented her from working. She had cable TV at her nursing home, and she loved HGTV and home renovations programs, too. Even she couldn’t understand how young people could afford to pay such ridiculous amounts for homes, and then do major renovations on them. To me, changing a light bulb is a major home project:-)

    DebRo

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    1. I've been watching Love it or List It, and it's like a look into an alternate reality where homebuyers can afford to be picky, instead of what we're actually seeing today, where you bid on a house and hope you've outbid the other ten people making offers!

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  16. I'm going to the wrong medical offices, none of mine have any TVs in them and during the beginning and height of the pandemic all those ancient magazines where tossed. Thankfully, I always have a book with me. I have cable, which includes my Wi-Fi and cell phone. I have a more premium set up so I can watch daily, local baseball, if desired, during the season and TMC one of many bonuses. PBS is a mainstay and I've discovered PBS Create which as all those how-to PBS cooking, building, gardening and travel shows. It is a lot of repeats, but it has proven to better than some of the standard commercial channels. The Discover network seems to have become Magnolia. I enjoy Barnwood Builders, Maine Cabin Masters the Galveston shows. In a hotel room and in my home, my TV is on for company, and it helps cover some of the outside noises.

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    1. Deana, I had no idea there was a Maine Cabin Masters! I'm going to have to check that one out.

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  17. I rarely watch HGTV. Don't usually watch anything special when I'm in a hotel. I'm rarely in long enough to turn the TV on, in fact.

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    1. During family trips, that's true for me as well, Mark. It's business - book tours and conventions - where I NEED a little quite alone time to keep going.

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  18. My family loves HGTV and Magnolia ( formerly DIY). I particularly like Home Town because Ben & Erin leave the character in the houses & do a great job of giving the client what they want.

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    1. Jennifer, the thing that drives me nuts are when the designer/renovators just strip out everything and fill it with that HGTV aesthetic inside a shell. Why have an old house if you don't want to keep the details?

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  19. I don't do HGTV anymore but I used to love to watch the English versions of the house hunts. (Can't remember the titles right now.) There were two, one with a high brow woman who was convinced that you could afford it if you really wanted to and another with a guy who was all about country houses. I used to catch the fixer-upper shows on PBS, too -- This Old House and the like. Are those guys still working? They might like your Maine farmhouse, Julia. I have also kicked an addiction to the designer re-do shows. In Canada, that meant Canada Olsen's _Devine Design_ or Debbie Travis' _This Painted House_ on W network.

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    1. I often refer to my place as This Old House, CD!

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  20. Julia, I think we could definitely share a hotel room and be happy. Put the HGTV on and don't change that dial. Love It or List It is my absolute favorite of the shows, and I'm usually rooting for Hilary. Did you know that Hilary Farr has a new HGTV show called Tough Love? I've only caught it a couple of times, but I'm always up for more Hilary redesigns and redecorating. I also enjoy Beachfront Bargain Hunt, but I sometimes shy away from it because my idea of a bargain is, well, not in that league. Still on board with you, as International House Hunters is a favorite, too. I enter a fantasy world while watching it, pretending that I'm young and unfettered and can move to some foreign location and soak up the local culture. You've presented me with one I haven't seen (don't know why) in Farmhouse Fixer, but I think I would love it, too. I've also watched Lottery Dream Home, as it plays on the dream that you too can win the lottery and be able to afford a dream home. However, it's actually a more down to earth show than it sounds. Many of the buyers are really just looking to get a nice house and not an ostentatious display of their money. I like that. I used to watch Chip and Joanna Gaines' Fixer Upper, but I haven't searched out their new Magnolia Network yet.

    Enjoy the rest of Malice, Julia (and Rhys), and catch up on your HGTV shows. You can sleep when you go home.

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    1. Yes, Kathy, while I was here I watching Lottery Dream House and it was a sensible woman looking for a nice $200,000 place outside Cincinnati. And David, the heavily tatooed host, was just as sweet and respectful of her wishes as someone getting a two million home.

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  21. Julia, we are in the same boat. We've only had internet for years now and the only channels I miss are HGTV and The Food Network. Back in the before-time when I would get pedicures, it had to be in a salon with HGTV on all the big screens--that was the real treat. Now off to see how much Discovery+ costs...:-)

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    1. The executives will wonder why there's a sudden bump in subscriptions!

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  22. I did watch HGTV when we first moved to Nome Street, gosh 20 years ago now. Not as much now, once I learned some of the back stage shenanigans. Did you know the couple on house hunters have already purchased the chosen home? Not sure why but that is part of the deal. Maybe to be sure of the closing?
    I save my HGTV for airline travel. Delta offers streamed seasons on their domestic flights.

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    1. Oh, yes, Coralee, I read those articles with great interest. And the old switch houses and decorate your neighbor's/friends home - I guess there were some real issues backstage with those!

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  23. Julia, you and I can travel together anytime! We have not had cable in a long time, and I almost always watch HGTV when I travel. I adore Love it or List it! Hilary and David have such a great snippy rapport. My dd and I also love Good Bones - two redheads, mother and daughter, who renovate in their home city of Indianapolis. The mom used to be a lawyer but retired to run the reno business with her daughter called "Two Chicks and a Hammer". Various other relations are involved in different ways and it's fun meeting them along the way.

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  24. Love It or List It is the only HGTV (so far) that's hooked me. It's very interesting that during the pandemic they started showing some of the Canadian episodes here without mentioning where they were. The differences: accents, different contractor-guys, prices are way, way higher, and basements--incredible finished basements seem to be way more necessary to the Canadian home buyer.

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  25. This has all been so educational for me. I keep the tv tuned to news channels (local, CNN or BBC) 24/7. I don't keep it on that long, but those are the only channels I even know the numbers for! People are so different: my sister's kitchen is only used for the microwave and to boil water, but she watches cooking and baking shows all the time. Different strokes aside, I'll definitely pitch in to your GoFundMe, Julia - as long as you promise to post pictures and not make me watch it on tv!

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