Monday, January 2, 2023

Intentions, Aspirations, Resolutions




LUCY BURDETTE: Are you superstitious about New Year’s Day? Did you have lucky black-eyed peas? Did you make sure you were doing the things that you wanted to keep doing over the year? (I completely believe that if you forgot to do any of this yesterday, you can do it today or another day this week and all will be well!) I’m pretty sure we’ve discussed this topic in the past: that you should spend part of the day/days in the new year doing things that you hope you’ll be doing a lot of all across the year.


I would consider this a kind of intention-setting with action. In sports, psychologists and trainers talk about spelling out your goals and then repeating them enough to develop a strong habit. To be specific, here’s what I did. I wrote, because I want to have a year full of writing, good writing, good stories! I also practiced my ukulele, because I’m determined to get good enough to be able to play with a group in public. And I practiced some French because that’s another goal for this year. Finally, I started out the day with a yoga class that I love on Zoom. If I can keep up with all of those aspirations, it will be a miracle!


How about you Reds? Are you superstitious? Did you set any intentions for the new year?


RHYS BOWEN: I do always start the new year with intentions. I have a pretty note book that was given me years ago and every New Year’s Day I read what I wrote for last year, my hopes, plans and see which came to fruition and which did not. Then I do the same for the upcoming year.

We go for a walk if the weather is fine–which we plan to do every day all year. And I may try to get a little writing in as deadline is looming.


HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Lucy, that is SO impressive! And Rhys, I love that notebook idea. Love to hear more! I completely believe in affirmations, and learned that from Sue Grafton, of all people, who I still think of all the time. Yes, I am affirming my intentions like mad. But only out loud to myself.. And I’ve never heard of “spending the day doing the thing” but I love that, and that’s certainly what I’m planning to do. (The line between “plenty of time” and “OH NO THE DEADLINE” has just passed.

Secretly, I have a great idea, and next year at this time, we shall see. (See? I almost changed that to “I think I have a great idea” then decided to stay confident.


HALLIE EPHRON: I am not superstitious about New Year’s day. Once upon a time I made resolutions but then I’d lose them. I so admire anyone who makes resolutions and hangs onto them. A new notebook! Ukulele and French!! Wow. Boy would I welcome a “great idea”...


Last year my goal was just to get through the year. Be there for my kids and grands and friends. Don’t need a “resolution” for that. And I’ve emerged in pretty fine fettle… whatever fettle is.

Next year I would like to get back to writing fiction. Walk longer and more regularly. And I’m looking forward to teaching. I’ve got several gigs lined up, including a week for the Guppies. My favorite.‘


LUCY: I don’t see how you could have had resolutions with the year you had Hallie! We are all grateful you’re feeling better. I like to think of mine as more like intentions than resolutions. Somehow that hairsplitting takes the pressure off:). I’m very suggestible!


JENN McKINLAY: I can never seem to get my act together by New Year’s day. I have taken to celebrating the Chinese Lunar New Year, which is on January 22, 2023 (year of the rabbit) for those of us who need the extra 22 days to get sorted. I do like having intentions and resolutions but next year I have decided to embrace the empty nest we’ve got going and make 2023 the year of me. It becomes a habit when you’re a wife and mom, I think, of putting your wants and needs after everyone else’s. I am determined that next year, I’m going to move myself up a little higher in the queue. I think it’s time. So, instead of putting off the things I want (new kitchen) because someone else needs a new car or whatever, I’m holding my ground and the kitchen comes first. At least, that’s the plan. We’ll see if I stick to it!


JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: I’m like Jenn this year - I’m still catching up from the last minute rush of Christmas (and sitting Samantha’s cat and Youngest’s dog) that I haven’t taken the time to set my goals for the new year! I have a work book I’m making my way through titled YOUR BEST YEAR, and I hope to come out the other end with some clear goals and the strategies to put them in place.

Does that mean my intention is to eventually set intentions?

As for superstition, just one: the first visitor of the New Year must be a dark haired man, and I’m getting that this year, as Guest Son (you will remember him living with me during most of 2020) is staying over that evening, and he is, you guessed it, tall, dark and handsome. A perfect first-footer!

DEBORAH CROMBIE: I like "intentions" better than "resolutions", too, Lucy, but I hadn't heard of "doing the thing," although I suppose starting as you mean to go on makes sense! I've given myself until today, though, as the 1st was for black-eyed pea soup and taking down the Christmas tree and decorations.

I don't have a special journal for yearly goals, but I do try to jot some things down in whatever journal I'm currently using. And one of my intentions for 2023 is to do those regular affirmations. I believe in the power of affirmations, but they are a habit that is easy to let slip.

Julia is going to have to give us all tips!

How about you Reds? Intentions? Aspirations? Resolutions?

79 comments:

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  2. I think I like intentions better than resolutions, too . . . but I'm not big on making those promises to myself to do something better or diet or whatever it is that we're supposed to start off with in the new year. I'm content with just doing the very best I can for the moment. [And some days that's truly hard.]
    And, yes, we definitely had black-eyed peas [with bacon] yesterday . . . .

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  3. So many interesting ways to begin the year. I'm fascinated by different customs and rituals, including those around the first day of the year. For instance, do any of you do the "rabbit, rabbit" thing? I'd never heard of that until a couple years ago.

    Friends make sure they have black eyed peas, while my oldest daughter and her husband always have sauerkraut on New Year's Day. We've never really been concerned about what we eat or do that day.

    Normally, I have a running list of goals and tasks I want to achieve, and update them fairly haphazardly, just not on January 1. Is that like making resolutions? Sort of, I guess.

    Jenn, I'd forgotten that 2023 will be the Year of the Rabbit. If I have any superstition it follows Chinese astrology.

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    1. I've heard you're supposed to say Rabbit, Rabbit, except in April, when you say Tibbar, Tibbar!

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    2. And the way I first heard it: “rabbit, rabbit,rabbit” should be your last phrase before bed on the last day of the month. And “bunny, bunny, bunny” your jump out of bed phrase on the first day of the month. A kind of out with the old in with new expression. Elisabeth

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  4. I am not a fan of New Year's resolutions or making January 1st the day you need to decide what you're going to pursue or make better or whatever. It puts way too much importance on one day. I think the past three years have taught me that I will continually try to be the best me under the circumstances thrown my way. Not that I can always achieve that, but I'm going to do the best I can and if I want to lose some weight or learn how to play chess, then I will come to that at some point, not on January 1st. What I do believe in is setting up my reading to start the New Year. I've started my List of New Books 2023 and my List of Books to Try to Get to in January. I can live with reading goals. I can also live with planning to get to Bouchercon this year. I'm registered and have my hotel reservation. Oh, I shared on my FB page a philosophy(?) that I can get on board with. It goes, "Every year you make a resolution to change yourself; this year make a resolution to be yourself."

    Yes, I went along with the New Year's Day dietary requirements, because my husband likes to. He bought us both a dinner of corned beef, pork tenderloin, boiled cabbage, greens, black-eyed peas and potatoes. And, now I don't have to eat greens or cabbage or black-eyed peas again for a year.

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    1. So funny on the dinner Kathy! I like that FB philosophy, and also reading goals. Except reading for me is at the end of the day, when my brain is tired, so my decision is to read only what I want to read!

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  5. Happy New Year!

    I always say, this is the year I make small changes toward X. And then very little actually changes. I'm a creature of habit, which is both good and bad.

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  6. Happy New Year! I gave up on resolutions, but I do like intentions. Yes, I had the traditional southern New Year's meal minus the cornbread. My intention is to still be the person I want to be and that is me. Looking forward to seeing a few of you in 2023.

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  7. Since my father was from Monroe, Louisiana, we always had black-eyed peas cooked with salt pork as part of our New Year's Day meal when I was a child. Lucy, I like your intentions! Mine are to WRITE as much as I can and WALK as much as I can. (Sometimes I walk alone, listening to books, and sometimes with friends, chatting away.) I hope I'll get other things done, and I'm sure the year will bring me lots of tasks large and small, but I don't think I'll load up my plate with anything that feels like an obligation at this stage. As we all know, things that should get done will rise up and smack us in the face all year long, whether we plan them or not!

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  8. Of course we had black eyed peas yesterday. How else to assure good luck in the coming year?

    My only resolution/intention is to avoid breaking any bones this year. Same as last year. So far so good

    I used to make lists, resolve to exercise more, weigh less, all that and a bag of chips. Now I work more on accepting me as I am, which is very hard work.

    I wish everyone here the best, hope to see some of you this year at one conference or another, and may all your books be best sellers!

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    1. We hope to see you too, Ann! yes please, no broken bones this year, and accepting ourselves is an ongoing project:)

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  9. Intentions are a big part of life at the Center. First comes Aspirations (what do I want?) Then Intentions (How do I get there) This year the plan is to start over, if needed. My plan was set formally in a ceremony called Beginning Anew - one of the Center's High Holy Days. For me: 1. To transform unmanageable parts of my life 2. To look at and release dogmatic thought patterns. 3. To deeply live the book of Coralee. Will I do this perfectly? Of course not. Perfect does not exist.

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    1. Hallie: I 'fine fettle" (according to dictionary.com" is a British dialect word meaning "a state of condition of wholeness' - Lancashire dialect now obsolete.

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    2. To live deeply, the book of Coralee! Then you must have done a lot of work on figuring out what's in the book??

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    3. "fine fettle" - so interesting. I always thought it was "fit as a fiddle" -- whatever that means!! Thanks Hallie for bringing up the word and Coralee for the definition

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  10. That's a lovely idea, to start out doing the things you want to keep doing. I pretty much lived up to that.

    I wrote the first several hundred words in a new book. I walked my 10k steps. I attended Quaker worship, plus a gathering afterwards where people shared, in part, the ways they maintain their spiritual life during the week (NOT something I have a habit of, but now have lots of good ideas for).

    I spent the rest of the day with my son, his wife, and our dear friends, a party that included salsa dancing in the living room, with the toddler having the best moves. And I slept over at my friend's (toddler's grandma and my bestie of 45 years). I intend to keep doing all that, especially the family and dancing bits.

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    1. Sounds great Edith! I wish we could have seen the toddler's moves!

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    2. Luca and his sister's faces aren't allowed on social media, alas, or I would post the video on Facebook! His other grandmother is Puerto Rican, so maybe he got it naturally.

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  11. We celebrated Thanksgiving on New Year's Day with cousins in Newton, MA. It was great to spend time with them, the food was wonderful (alas, no black eyed peas). But we really didn't do anything new years-y and it's a 2 hour drive each way, so I kind of forgot about resolutions and such.
    My intention this year is to review more of the books that I read, not only in my personal journal in which I write about each one. But my entries are more synopsis than review. So, we'll see.

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    1. We're glad you're here, both reading, and writing when you can!

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  12. Similar to your tradition of eating black eyed peas, I did make the traditional Japanese soba noodle dish to eat on New Year's Eve close to midnight. Toshikoshi soup is simply made with soba (buckwheat noodles), dashi, bonito flakes and scallions is supposed to melt away any hardship of the past year and bring good luck and prosperity in 2023.

    I don't do resolutions or lists. But I did start New Year's Day with a good 12K step walk. After 2 separate bouts of COVID & other issues affecting my reading mojo, I do aspire to maintain my normal reading speed for all of 2023. So walking and reading are the main tasks I plan to do each day.

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    1. Yes, another walking and reading sister! The soup sounds divine...

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    2. Grace, reading and walking are also the things that keep me sane and healthy
      Danielle

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    3. Walking and reading sounds good to me, Grace!

      Happy New Year! I often go for a walk if I get up early enough and there is no one around. Less chance of getting Covid that way!

      Diana

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  13. I don't like resolutions that come with so much pressure, but I do like to choose a word or two as a guide for the year. For 2023, I have chosen EXPAND and EXPLORE. I hope they'll apply to my mindset as the months unfold and bring me who-knows-what. Happy New Year, Reds and Readers!

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  14. The first word I saw was "yup" a promising start.

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  15. Raising a toast to you all and wishing you good health and much happiness in this new year.

    Like Lucy, I used to make an effort to start the year as I mean to go on, doing those things most important to me. But now I go with the flow. The plan for yesterday was: spend time writing, do a rough draft of a marketing plan, cook a real meal. The reality was: my brother dropped in to work on the dishwasher--remove defunct one, install new one. Grand-nephew came to spend the afternoon and evening with me. My sister dropped in for a visit shortly after my brother left. I managed roast beef sandwiches with chips for supper. And yes, there were moments in between the frenzy where some of my own work was accomplished. I count that as a win.

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    1. From Celia: HNY, and while it may not have been the day you planned, all that family visiting is a gift to be cherished. One I would wish I could have. The writing will be there.

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    2. Celia, oh yes! Sweetest moment--when 7- year-old grand-nephew and I toasted the new year with sparkling red grape juice spritzers.

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    3. Sometimes those unplanned days are the best!

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  16. I like the word 'intention' way better than 'resolution'. Intentions I can do. Happy New Year to all.

    Yesterday I started the day with a walk up Council Crest with my sister and a couple of other women from my walking group. I don't have any NY day superstitions, but this walk is a long time tradition. We were delighted it wasn't windy, rainy or icy. I read some of my book group book (How the Garcia Girls Lost their Accents). I'm reading it in Spanish because it wasn't available in English at the library. Challenging! Then I Zoomed with my son and had an early night.

    I really only have one new short-term intention: to do a dry January and write every day about how I'm feeling and what I'm noticing in my body. I think it won't be too hard. I put in a supply of herbal teas and I might even buy some gummy bears for treats in the evening. My other intentions are all long term and on-going-- I do feel motivated to get organized, clean the basement, etc, etc.

    I choose a word each year for centering prayer/meditation. Last year's was Joy. This year I'm back to Gratitude, an old favorite..

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    1. Last year's word was Gratitude. I am still thinking about what my word will be this year, Gillian.

      Diana

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    2. How lucky to have your sister close by Gillian!

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    3. I am Lucy--my twin is less than 2 miles away and our other sister lives about 40 minutes away.

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  17. I don’t have New Year’s traditions being about food or resolutions or intentions.
    My only action is to contact everyone I love to wish them a good year with health and what they wish
    like I did it for you all on this blog yesterday .

    I like what Kathy wrote: « …, this year take the resolution to be yourself. « I don’t have to take that resolution as I already do it and I try to do my best everyday. I’m certainly not perfect but I don’t believe in living under other’s standards, I like to live on my own standards.
    Danielle

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    1. I agree, "be yourself" is an admirable goal. That should be the guardrails of aspirations/intentions

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    2. Danielle and Hallie,

      Well said! Thank you. I learned that I am far happier when I decided to be authentic and be myself. When I decided to be my authentic self, true that there were several losses of "friends". They were never really friends in the first place. They tried to mold me into someone else and I just could not be that person. They saw it as my "rejection of their world".
      They tried to mold me into a different person.

      Never believed in living under someone else's standards, which was perhaps my undoing. LOL.

      Diana

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  18. Raising a toast to everyone here on JRW and wishing everyone well (good health, comfort, and the good stuff).

    "Intention" is a better word than "resolution" because the word resolution sounds like it has something to do with peace brokering and politics.

    For me, the New Year really starts on my birthday, which is in early January. When I decide to do something, I rarely wait until the New Year. Started journaling a few months ago, which was very helpful for me because of what happened last summer. I had a bad fall just before Memorial Day weekend and I still have soft tissue damage. I thought it was my last day on earth. As a relative said, I have been in a super reflective mood since then. Journaling helps me make sense of whatever is happening.

    Have a good feeling that this new year will be a good year for me in terms of family, friends, novel writing, romance and travel.

    Sorry this was soo long!

    Diana

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    1. Oh Diana, I didn’t know you’d had a bad fall. I’m so sorry I hope you’ve recovered well. Rhys

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    2. Diana, I wish you the best in every way.
      I noticed that you often apologize ( late comment ? Too long comment ? ) and I think you don’t need to. I’m always happy to read you no matter how late or long is your comment.
      Danielle

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    3. Rhys, thank you! Still have soft tissue damage. I have to be more careful and look around since I’m not getting younger.

      Diana

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    4. Danielle, thank you 😊. Diana

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  19. From Celia:- Happy second of January, and I love Intentions. Yesterday I read one of my Christmas books, Jacqueline in Paris / Ann Mah, which held me most of the day. But as working out is definitely in my life now (diagnosis Afib), I took a 15 minute Caribbean vibe walk on the deck in my robe but with shoes, and it felt fine. Another tool in my exercise kit. I rang an old friend and we talked! Workouts, books, accepting the hard stuff as a challenge to be solved, patience with those around me. I think that’s enough but I did love the word choice and I am deep in gratitude. As for goals- attend G’son’s high school graduation in person, I promised him and attend NE Crime Bake. Wish I could travel and experience Bouchercon but not this year. Bring it to Maine and I’ll be there.

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    1. Celia, your grandson is blessed that you plan to attend his high school graduation.

      Happy second day of the year!

      Diana

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    2. Celia, I'm so excited that I'll get to meet you at Crime Bake!

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    3. I do believe that I will meet many of my JRW friends at Crimebake next fall. Already told hubby that I intend to go!!

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    4. Crime Bake will be sooooo much fun! Celia, I like the word choice too.

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    5. It will be a stellar CB with all of you there!

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  20. I did manage our black-eyed pea soup, and we will be eating on that for the rest of the week! I'm not really that superstitious about them, it's just that I love this recipe and New Year's day is a good excuse to make it. So I cooked and did outside chores on a beautiful and unseasonably warm day, then had a friend over for a visit with tea and shortbread, and I call that a pretty good start to the year.

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  21. If we start out as we mean to go on, then I will spend a lot of 2023 taking out trash and sitting on Deb's couch watching Strictly Come Dancing. Which is not, when I think about it, a bad way to spend the year at all. There was also a considerable amount of pet cuddling, and an overall feeling that my health is improving. All good things.

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    1. that's a good start Gigi, especially the part about your health improving!

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  22. I have never been good about New Years resolutions. I always mean to write them and then don't. I love the idea of keeping a notebook each year. This year I did decide (without writing it down) that I really will write EVERY DAY. So far, for two days, (knock on wood) I've put in some good time on a writing project.

    I have never heard of the superstition that black-eyed peas (which we love in general) will bring good luck if you eat them on NYD. Apparently, from comments, everyone else HAS heard of this lucky meal. Dang! I've been fixing them on the wrong dates!

    Other than that, we didn't do anything special for New Years Eve or New Years Day for two reasons: 1) My husband was sick with a cold (not Covid, thank goodness), and 2) both days there were terrible thunder storms in our area. The city cancelled scheduled fireworks and sent warnings via phone to stay indoors and not go anywhere. So we contented ourselves with eating soup and we did a lot of reading.

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    1. Honestly, I suspect black-eyed peas are lucky any day you eat them! Eating soup and reading sounds so very relaxing. Hope the hub feels better and that you don't catch the cold!

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  23. How do you feel, Deb? Stay well, feel wonderful!!

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  24. I cooked black-eyed peas for New Year's for good luck. Hope it works for 2023. No aspirations or resolutions for me. I'll hope for the best, go with the flow, and roll with the punches. Sounds like a workout. Maybe I'll drop some pounds in the process!

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  25. The Washington Post had an article in their Health and Wellness newsletter that urged readers to pick a "nudge word" instead of resolutions for the New Year - much like we Reds have been doing since, I think, 2017! Here's Tara Parker-Pope's suggestions for figuring your nudge out:
    " Write down the things that made you happy this year. What felt good? What do you get excited about? What would it take to feel this way all the time?
    Next, think about what parts of your life could be better. What causes you stress? Are you thriving at work or feeling bored? Do you wake up excited about your day? What’s happening in your relationships?
    Finally, check in with your body. How is your physical health? How is your mental well-being? How do you feel when you look in the mirror?"

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    1. How do you get from all those questions to the nudge word Julia??

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  26. Now that I’ve been able to sleep, I’m feeling better. In two and a half days in the hospital, I slept a total of about four hours. My stomach is feeling more settled now!
    Thank you for asking!

    DebRo

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  27. Please DebRo, do not belittle yourself. No people is dull and boring, everyone is simply different.
    You’re going through difficulties, you’re fighting and you’re a survivor.
    I wish you a much better health in 2023
    Danielle

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  28. @julia We had a friend whose parents celebrated the new years with the first footing you mentioned in proper Scots style. One year my husband (who at that time still had dark hair) put a collander on his head as a helmet and fixed a little strainer hanging down over his nose and arrived as Captain Collander! We brought a gift of a little mouse made our of Hershey kisses. They were charmed.

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  29. DebRo, so sorry you were in the hospital! Glad you're feeling better and hope that's the end of it! xox

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  30. I've given up on resolutions. Last year I resolved to read a novel by Anthony Trollope every three weeks but that didn't last two weeks. Last month I bought a new journal; the first pages will be a list of things I WANT this year and what I'll need to do to get them. I'll leave room for more wants. I want to walk unassisted again, which will require exercise; but instead of just "exercising more," I have specific exercises, a goal, and an intense desire to be independent. I want to finish the book I've been working on forever, which will require opening the manuscript, thinking (it's easier not to), and believing I can do it. Some wants are for immediate pleasure and require only getting up out of my chair and putting on shoes. But the first sentence I'll write in the journal will be, "The cup is already broken." And it is. I planned to begin my journal on January 1 instead of the 2nd. If I don't exercise every day, or write every day, I won't have failed (and therefore have reason to stop). All my life, perfection has tripped me up. Progress and happiness will be enough.

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    1. So wise, because none of us can be perfect. We are all behind you while you work toward walking unassisted!

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  31. I used the Best Year workbook one year. It was a great experience and I got a lot out of it. This year I've bought a Focus Planner. So far, so good.... Not much of a test though. I like intentions and affirmations. Resolutions seem so close ended.

    Happy New Year to all Reds and Readers and may 2023 be super good to you!

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  32. We went camping for New Years. We are on a quest to visit every State Park in Georgia & we’re about 2/3 of the way through. Now when I say “camping” I mean in a cabin with real beds, bathroom & kitchen. So we made our traditional blackeyed peas seasoned with pieces of our Christmas ham. We also did the First Day Hike which is a great start to the New Year.

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  33. Latest comment EVER! I am tackling a massive deadline, how can that happen on day one? But I love everything you have all said, and love you so much.

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