Monday, April 3, 2023

Managing the white space...

HALLIE EPHRON: I know what writing is about. Evoking images. Expressing voice. Mining the sense. Words are our tools... right?

And yet I often find myself paying attention to white space.

Where to put a paragraph break (carriage return), sometimes just to give the reader a break so the page doesn’t seem dense and impenetrable. Or where to place a scene break (double carriage return) where the point of view or the time or the setting changes.

Readers glide over the middle of paragraphs and sentences; they land hard on beginnings and endings. So I also think about where to put key information.

If it’s a red herring that I’m planting, I might put it in the middle of a paragraph. Deliberately making it harder to spot. But if it’s an important and I want the reader to notice, then I make sure it’s at the start or the end of a paragraph.

If it’s more than that, something which dramatically changes the emotional valance (for instance, the narrator’s suddenly feels afraid or wary), I might put it on a line all by itself.

That’s when she noticed. Water dripped from the ceiling.

Do you think about managing the white space in your novels?

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: What a great topic, Hallie!

It’s true, I think a lot about white space, along with paragraph and sentence length. It’s all part of creating a reader experience that feels as if its actually happening in real life, and to make them forget that everything - emotions, environment, people - are only words on a page (or a screen, to be modern.)

I use many of the same techniques you do, and I love, love, love the single solitary sentence for emphasis.

I started a chapter in one of my books with a single swear word. The last sentence of the previous chapter had Russ stepping into a woodchuck hole and falling backward, with an audible “snap” of his tibia. Then the reader turns the page and sees:
“F—!”
One of the few times my mom didn’t ding me for using the F word in a manuscript!

LUCY BURDETTE: I’m always in awe of the way you break things down, Hallie. That’s what makes you such a good teacher.

My management of space seems to be much more intuitive, which makes sense since I don’t think about beats and acts and outlines either. Though I do bury clues and red herrings, as you suggested, and also open and close with important information.

One thing I’ve gotten better at I think is ending chapters with something that I hope will urge a reader forward. Not crazy, hanging hooks, but little bits that should make someone want to read another chapter. Here’s an example from the end of chapter two in A CLUE IN THE CRUMBS:
“We were wondering,” Miss Gloria said, “whether you’d whisk us on a little tour of Old Town before dessert? Maybe we could even drive by the scene of the fire?”
All three faces looked so wistful and hopeful, I couldn’t say no. Besides, I was curious too.

HALLIE: I call that a “hook-and-grab structure” - where the ending of one scene (or chapter) provides a hook that gets grabbed by the opening of the next scene (or chapter). 

You see it all the time in movies. A telephone rings and the scene fades to black; the next scene opens with someone (somewhere else) answering a phone. A scene ends with a door closing/next one opens with a door opening. 

It’s so obvious when you start to notice.

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Yup, all of this. How the book looks is so pivotal, and it's a way for the author to give the reader a roadmap to the emotion and suspense of the book. Pacing. And also a bit of misdirection. 

Yes, exactly, the ol’ list trick, where the key is in the middle. The forest for the trees, right? We were being totally fair–but we made you look the other way. The author used… sleight of words.

Chapter endings, too, where the pause is built in. How do we get the reader to turn the page, and what will be going on in that white space in the readers’ brains? It should be different, depending. Hook and grab, absolutely. Or...a moral question or philosophy. Or quiet foreshadowing.

For instance: END of Chapter 5

“I hope you won’t be mad,” Bree finally said. She curled her fingers around the stem of her wineglass. “I have a confession to make.”

Beginning of Chapter 6
“Confession?” Alyssa stepped back from the center island, caught herself looking at the shiny knives stabbed into the wooden rack on the drainboard, then, embarrassed, actively didn’t look at the knives. Trapped in a kitchen with a stranger was not the best prescription for good outcomes. She imagined the explanation she’d have to give to the police after whatever horrific thing that was about to happen actually happened. If she were alive to tell it. She could imagine the headlines. Idiotic suburban housewife invites . . .

END of Chapter 6
The refrigerator motor kicked in, its hum seeming louder than usual, and the red light from the alarm system blinked reassuringly from the panel on the wall. Alyssa stared out into the night, and watched a wide-winged moth flutter into one of the outside security lights, frantic and needy and throwing itself into the irresistible and lethal brightness.

RHYS BOWEN: This topic took me by surprise as this is something I’ve never thought about. Now I’ve got one more thing to obsess over!

I am only aware when I’ve had my heroine Molly being introspective for too long and I see a big block of text on the page that needs breaking up. 

I am aware also that today’s reader is used to TV with 90 seconds before the scene changes. I don’t write like that but I am aware of the need for pace and switching from dialogue to description to action to make sure the reader is being kept engaged. 

But mostly I just write and then go back to tweak if necessary. If I’m writing an exciting moment I plunge ahead then go over it again to fill in details of setting etc.

I do try to end chapters on a line that provides suspense or makes the reader think.

JENN McKINLAY: Oh, dear. I’m with Rhys. I have never thought about the white space – not once, not ever. And now it’s all I’ll be thinking about. Thanks, Hallie!!! LOL. 

I think it’s just one of those things where I let my instincts take over. If I want to emphasize a line I do. If I’m hiding a clue, I bury it in an action packed scene. I personally find large blocks of text daunting, so I don’t write them.

Fascinating topic. I love reading everyone’s answers!

DEBORAH CROMBIE: Hallie, this is so interesting. I do all of these things, but I never thought of it as "white space." I just want to keep things moving, and as much as I like long sentences, I know that if you put too many of them together it's hard for a reader to stay focused. But too many short choppy sentences is annoying, so it's all about balance.

And I always use the "hook-and-grab" in my scenes, but I had no idea that was what it was called. A lot of this seems to be instinctive–I just know when I have to cut the action or the dialogue in order to keep the tension up and keep the reader wanting to turn the pages.

HALLIE: So, for you as a reader, do you notice the white space? Does it bother you when a page is one big block of text? Do you notice chapter endings that make you want to go on to start reading the next chapter??

74 comments:

  1. Hhhmmm . . . . if the author has pulled me into the story then, no, it doesn't particularly bother me if the page is one big block of text. However, I do notice the white space . . . particularly those one line sentences . . . and, yes, those hooks at the end of the chapter most definitely keep me reading.

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    1. And yet there are authors I expect those big blocks of text from. Not so much in a book by an author like Robert B. Parker but definitely in something by P. D. James... style!

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    2. Oops that was me... Hallie

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  2. I do notice if the paragraph is too too long.

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    1. I'll be you do, Dru! When I was reviewing there were times I had to force myself to keep going. But some authors can really make it work.

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  3. I haven't thought about this before, so I found it very helpful. The two factors I have paid attention to as a reader and as a writer are chapter endings that should propel a reader forward, and the stand-alone sentence that should alert a reader. But the other points you mentioned - where to put a line break, scene break, where to plant a red herring, how much white space around paragraphs, etc. - well, I'll be mulling these over a lot. Thank you.

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    1. It comes from years of teaching and trying to SHOW writers how they can make the text less impenetrable.

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    2. Susan Nelson-HolmdahlApril 3, 2023 at 12:26 PM

      As a reader I notice none of these page devices except the various obvious ones, such an end of chapter cliffhanger or sentences by themselves. In my case they likely affect me in the opposite way the author intended, I’m very likely to not read a book or continue reading if I feel the author is overtly manipulating the reader.

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  4. It's a very interesting topic. Today's reader is accustomed to a LOT of white space. Recently I have been reading historical novels written in the 1920s. The paragraphs are long and dense. I enjoy the immersion in description, but I am an omnivorous reader who loves historical detail. If you read GONE WITH THE WIND, for example, there are long explanations of Civil War campaigns. Mitchell does it expertly, but nevertheless she leaves her characters for pages as she explains what is happening in the war. Kenneth Roberts similarly takes his time to paint the background of the Revolutionary War in Maine. I imagine one would have to be very talented to use those techniques 100 years later.

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    1. We rarely talk about nonfiction, but I do think you can get away with more long blocks of text in nonfiction.

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    2. In Victorian era there was more time to read and less distractions. Also reading was often out loud to family members-/the Audible of the day! Rhys

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    3. Wondering if some of those early 1900s books and late 1930s into late 1940s were packed so densely to conserve paper during WWI and WWII? Vaguely remember notes on type setting and type face in Nero Wolf mysteries of WWII. Elisabeth

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  5. One of the first things they taught us in my year of retraining as a software technical writer was, "White space is your friend." We were writing user's guides, not compelling fiction, but I still think about white space. Even here in the comments I try to break up paragraphs.

    I don't like to read long chunks of text, like Jenn, and I always look for places to split them. I try to create the hooks and grabs. I also love the impact of the single line paragraph. Some of it is intuitive (that is, coming from long practice), and some of it I'm aware of.

    Interesting how several of the Reds have thought about these issues and the rest just do it!

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    1. White space is your friend! Yes indeed. It's one of the few things about which technical writing and fiction writing agree.

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  6. White space. I never thought of it quite like that but I definitely notice. It definitely makes it easier for me if there are breaks but, in some cases it feels forced. Right now I am reading a book in which the story swings around so madly, jumping from one time frame to another, from one incident to another that I feel like the author is yelling, "Come on Judy, keep up!"
    Let me reassure you, the author isn't a Red. LOL

    For those Reds who haven't thought about it, you are naturals!

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    1. The spacing should make it *easier* to follow - not more confusing!

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  7. Hallie, I've never thought about white space until I read this. And now I'll obsess about white space. I do instinctively break up paragraphs longer than five or six sentences. And I know not to let a character fall asleep at the end of a chapter.

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    1. Sorry about that... I know, as if we don't have enough to obsess about already...

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  8. Oh, yes please, to white space. Partly so my eyes can 'breathe' and partly so I can follow the rhythm of the writing. Like Edith, my long-ago experience with technical writing taught me about the importance of the look of the text on the page. White space makes complicated instructions easier to follow, for example: Can you imagine putting together a BBQ from one solid paragraph of words?

    In a novel, too many pages without enough white space tire me as a reader. I'm sure this has gotten worse over the years, as my attention span has increasingly shrunk, in part due to social media snippets (Instagram reels, TikTok videos, etc.) becoming the norm.

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    1. Love that answer to why: "So my eyes can 'breathe'!"

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    2. Why do so many people waste productive, precious time on social media?

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    3. Why? I confess I love it... hive mind is fascinating. But it is a time sink.

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  9. White space on the page. Negative space in design. Pauses in sheet music. They're not empty.

    They all shape interpretation or the performance, whether in a viewer's imagination or, as Edith described, in a machine's playback of code.

    I should've had more caffeine before pondering all that. ;)

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    1. I think you did great, Rhonda! Especially without a lot of caffeine!

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    2. Brilliantly, in fact!! And they give the reader time to think. Absorb. Process. And even fill in the blank.

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  10. Thank you, Hallie! I do notice white space and i really wish this was something that other authors paid attention to. If nothing else, it makes for a much more enjoyable reading experience. I especially like the one sentence paragraph for emphasis. Again, if more authors read their work out loud, as opposed to sort of muttering, I think they would begin appreciate the white space more.

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    1. READING ALOUD! Absolutely ... works wonders helping a writer get some distance and experience their own writing.

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  11. White space is different when you are a listener. Unfortunately like chapter breaks and chapter titles (eg now it is 1876, not 1923 as it was in the last sentence) are not read or articulated well. Readers should pause – like the carriage return that you speak of – so that we the listener get the author’s use of white space. I understand that it must be difficult to portray the story without subjecting the listener to the reader’s bias, enthusiasm or boredom, but that is the mark of a good reader.
    I am currently reading one of my favourite authors republished books. There is a lot of nose-crushing as the e-reader falls on my face due to boredom. Long paragraphs that seem to go nowhere, and in this case not enough white space or red herrings. Anyone have any spare band-aids?

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    1. Interesting, Margo. Makes me wonder if authors who routinely have their books put into audio format change the way they write in order to make them more speaker-friendly.

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    2. So interesting - I'm reading a book right now AND listening to its audio simultaneously The book is GILEAD by Marilynne Robinson, and the reader is so brilliantly at conveying the paragraph breaks and scene breaks, even though the book is NOT broken up into chapters. The pauses are there and they work.

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  12. This is all very fascinating. I have noticed myself skipping over the middle of a paragraph and have gone back to re-read. I do find myself looking for breaks (double carriage returns or chapter endings) as places to pause my reading. When the hook and grab is used, it's harder to stop, even if I really need to change the laundry or get the garbage out. I don't mind long paragraphs and I like description. It doesn't all have to be dialogue for me, but I appreciate the different approaches that different authors bring to their work. I definitely don't like a lot of sentence fragments. It's ok to express a character's occasional thought this way, but too many sentence fragments make me a little crazy.

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    1. Yes, too many fragments is too much of a good thing. Can make a work feel choppy... and worst of all make the reader AWARE that there's a writer pulling the strings behind the words.

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  13. As a reader and when I’m writing, I love white space (didn’t know there was an expression for that ).
    I like when a text is airy.
    When at the public library I have to choose a new book from an author I don’t know, I’ll first look what it’s about, then I’ll open the book. If the writing is too dense and not airy enough, I’ll leave it there.
    I hate too long blocks of description or of introspection or whatever. It often cuts the fluidity and I like fluidity.

    Thank you for this topic Hallie. I love learning more about writing .
    Danielle

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  14. Hallie, you and Julia wrote my short story from a few months ago.
    "That's when she noticed. Water dripped from the ceiling."
    "F---!"

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  15. I've never thought of it a "white space," but it makes sense. I do put lines alone for emphasis. And I didn't know it was called "hook and grab," but I do that as well.

    It makes sense. When I did page layout for my college newspaper, we were always urged to pay attention to the white space as well as the works to draw the reader's eye.

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  16. I was editor of my high school paper and I so remember setting up the pages (hot lead slugs) ... when I wrote computer based training it was all about the placement of words and images on the screen. None of it goes to waste, all that past experience.

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  17. Hallie, I agree with Roberta: this is just one example of what a good teacher you are. Not only are you talking about white space, but you are using it perfectly in your instruction to illustrate the concept.

    I learned to use the white space when I was making web pages and newsletters. Big, solid blocks of text are so visually daunting. However, don't you think it's a recent idea? James Joyce wrote a sentence that was close to 1400 words (and why I have never been able to finish a Joyce novel.) Absolom, Absolom opens with one of more than 1200 words. Even Jane Austen wasn't immune to being a grammatical showoff.

    It's a far, far better thing to shorten those blocks of text, thankyouverymuch.

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    1. I love Robert B. Parker (short punchy paragraphs) AND P.D. James (lalalala on and on with the description) so I think it's a style issue. For what I write I want shorter punchier and forward moving.

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  18. Oh yes. I notice white space. How much it adds to the rhythm of the writing -- providing a resting beat. And highlighting the words before and after to increase their importance.
    Love single sentence paragraphs and single words.
    Writers of novels should look at poetry to see the value of breaking up lines/sentences to add to their impact and feeling.
    You all have it figured out -- whether deliberately or intuitively!!

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    1. Excellent point about poetry! especially the modern poets, the placement of the words can be as important as the words themselves

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  19. Thanks for naming this often-overlooked and easy to accomplish writing tool. White space makes for easy reading, and these days, easy anything is a real pleasure!

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  20. White space is important, but I don't think of it visually. When I read and when I write I have a voice going in my head, so I think of it aurally as pauses and pacing, and when does the absolutely silent voice in my head need to take a breath? It is important. It's what propels the reader through the story. Although, face it. No amount of skillful white space manipulation will get me through a story if I don't like the people I'm traveling with.

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    1. I’m totally with you on this, Gigi
      Danielle

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    2. That's part of the process for me, too, Gigi. I "hear" those pauses.

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    3. It's why I try to read passages aloud to myself when I'm editing... to make sure the punctuation is putting across the phrasing.

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  21. I was reading this while having breakfast with my husband. (Not as rude as it sounds; he likes quiet in the morning!) I laughed aloud at something and when he looked inquiringly at me, I tried to explain. I was talking about white space and readers skimming through paragraphs. He said, “Well, that’s on the reader. They should pay better attention to what they read.” Sigh…. The difference between a person who reads almost exclusively non-fiction vs. a person who reads for enjoyment and doesn’t want to take a test afterwards!

    I will say that the hook and grab technique used at the end of the chapter works on me every time. And is almost always when I need to go to sleep, but “oh, I just have to find out what happens”!
    — Pat S.

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    1. ... and for those of us who came from technical writing, the placement on the page can also cue the reader on what it's okay to skip!

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  22. Oh yes, JCHull, poetry is a great example of using words and space to draw a reader in. I didn't know it was called 'white space,' either, but I've put it into practice many times--in my professional writing and in my creative writing. By design or intuitively, my favorite writers all manage white space brilliantly.

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    1. Editing for me is often at least partly a process of putting in and taking out white space... tuning

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  23. What clear and useful comments about "white space." Thanks,Halley. Yes, I notice as both reder and writer. You want a certain rhythm, a certain flow.l Short and long sentences, dialogue and description, and I agree with many others here - that single sentence on its own is a most useful tool

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    1. Triss, I agree it's all about stop and go and flow.

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  24. As a reader, I do notice the white space and appreciate it. I especially like the two line break when the setting/storyline changes. It helps me reset and continue to another setting/storyline.

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    1. Right, giving the reader time to take a breath. (akin to what writing teachers talk about as scene and sequel)

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  25. My first ( conscious) experience with white space was William Carlos Williams:
    “so much depends
    upon

    a red wheel
    barrow

    glazed with rain
    water

    beside the white
    chickens”

    In 5th grade, and I never could unsee white space again. Elisabeth

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    1. What a great poem, and a wonderful memory!

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    2. I have always loved that poem.

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    3. Perfect example. AND any of the wonderful HAIKU out there, too.

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  26. "Hook and grab" sentences at the end of a chapter are often what make me want (need?) to read JUST ONE MORE chapter before I turn out the light....And then it's 3 a.m. and I am still reading! I love it when that happens!

    I do appreciate a little white space on the page. For me it's often a way to help relieve fatigue and eye strain.

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    1. It's why I'm sometimes up waaaaay to late...

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  27. Hallie, I was just thinking about this last night. I’m reading Hillary Mantel’s last — sigh — book, The Mirror and the Light. She managed her white space brilliantly. This is necessary especially in a 800+ page book. Otherwise the reader would drown in a sea of words.

    You put this so beautifully. And yes, it’s vital for the reader. I much prefer it to breaking the verbiage with a myriad of short chapters. But I couldn’t have explained it before now.

    Thank you once more. Much love

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    1. Good point... I think it gives the reader a moment to THINK about what the words are saying.

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  28. Great topic, Hallie! I've never thought about white space, but yes, it is something I pay attention to, in my writing and in my reading. When I see a great blob of words on a page, I find I skim it rather than read it.

    I admit in my own writing I do strive for the hook and grab. Fun to do and fun to read.

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    1. Guilty here, too, of the skip-over... and too often it's prelude to putting the book down permanently

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  29. I definitely notice the white space. When I see a page full of lots of words with few breaks, it makes me think the page will be slow. Shorter paragraphs and lots of dialog make me think the page will be filled with lots of forward movement to the story. Is that always the case? Absolutely not. But it is the perception. Probably left over from high school where we had long pages of nothing much happening with very little white space.

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  30. Susan C Shea here: A class in miniature! I use instinct to find the rhythm in writing, but appreciate being reminded of the white space issue. I do use the line breaks as Hallie does because I don't weant to make my reader work hard to figure out time and space!

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    1. Instinct is a wonderful thing (if you're lucky enough to have it!)

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  31. Hallie, I love the way you think. Your writing classes must be amazing. I realize I think about the white space without thinking about white space. But, now I will think "white space," with its name, not just something needs a break or leaving more space between a quote and its bookend paragraphs. White space actually has a job, an integral part of your story or review or whatever you're writing. It's rather like "white noise." White noise doesn't have any words or lyrics, and it doesn't have a melody, but it has a purpose, that rest in-between the words and the music and the sounds of your life.

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  32. If I were still teaching, I'd find a way to share this with students, probably on the Smart Board. I did often talk about breaking up unwieldy sentences and paragraphs into manageable pieces, and confessed that it was one of my own challenges in writing. (I was never as complex as Faulkner, though, a relief to all of us).
    One feature that always amazes me is the carrying through of an action in a book that switches points of view. Such crafting!

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    1. I don't advise trying that ("carrying through of an action in a book that switches points of view")

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