JENN McKINLAY: I don't want to say I'm having a full on midlife crisis, but I'm clearly going through something. Potentially, it's an empty nest thing, although the dudes have been out of the house for 3+ years. But I think it's more that after prioritizing the health and well-being of my people for the past twenty-five years, it's my turn. I want to do what I want to do just for me and no one else.
Let's examine. First, I started running 5Ks. Me, the person who only runs if a scary looking clown wielding a knife is chasing them.
Second, I got a nose stud. Never planned it. Thought they were cool but I could take it or leave it. Next thing I know, I had a big old bloody Mary and I was at the piercing pagoda getting a diamond shot into my nostril.
And, most recently, I got a tattoo. Was it planned? No. Did it hurt? No. Truthfully the nose stud hurt WAY more. Do I regret it? Not a bit. If you read my newsletter, you know the how and why of the tattoo, but I'll share a few fun facts here.
Hub and I arrived at Hotel Kabuki in Japantown, where we were meeting our friends. Our room wasn’t ready so it was a cocktail for me and a mocktail for the Hub at the lobby bar while we waited.
One of the bar’s specialty drinks was a paper crane, which seemed appropriate as the Nihonmachi Street Fair was also happening just outside the hotel. Hub and I wandered around the lobby, getting our bearings when what should we stumble upon but a pop up tattoo event happening by Studio Kazoku. And what did they have on their list of available tattoos? A paper crane. It felt like fate. We decided these would make awesome Mr. and Mrs. tattoos. Why? I don't know. It's not like I was operating with a plan!
Now here’s the back story that you don’t know. WAAAAAAAY back when my first mystery SPRINKLE WITH MURDER was published (2010), I told the Hub that if I ever hit the NYT Bestseller’s list, I’d get a tattoo. It was a joke — I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD HAPPEN!!! —but it did. Needless to say, I stalled as I had no idea what to get.
Years passed, I hit the NYT’s list thirteen more times and still no ink. But here I was in San Francisco on an awesome vacation with the Hub, who is seriously my best friend, and the paper cranes just felt right. A little research (librarian!) and I discovered that origami cranes (orizuru) hold deep symbolic meaning, especially in relation to marriage. The crane (tsuru) is revered as a mythical creature believed to live for 1,000 years, symbolizing longevity and good fortune. Needless to say, we went for it.
So, in conclusion, the past year has been interesting. I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do next -- purple hair? Paddle boarding? I'll keep you posted.
So, how about you, Reds and Readers, did you ever find yourself "going through something"? Any tattoos, piercings, hair color, etc. to report? Or is there anything you think you might do when the wild mood strikes?
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ReplyDeleteLove the tattoo, Jenn, but considering just how much I absolutely hate needles, getting a tattoo is definitely not making it to the list of things I might consider some day. No piercings, no wild hair color, either, but who knows what might happen if that wild mood were to strike?
ReplyDeleteThe beauty of the wild mood, it hits when it hits.
DeleteI am not a tattoo or nose stud person, but at the same age I did buy a cow, buy property, clear it, and learn construction by building a barn. I had dreamed of having a cow since I was in college. She and the farm I have since created were my dream, not anyone else's. (Selden)
ReplyDeleteLove that Selden, a cow instead of a tattoo!!
DeleteSo when Bart Simpson said, "Don't have a cow," you defied him. Good for you, Seldon!
DeleteI love this Selden! I did something similar last year. Bought a huge property with a horse barn. Still in my “getting educated about horses” phase and now see myself fostering horses and/or donkeys (maybe offer animals?) in my future. Did all this at 55 while all my friends are downsizing for retirement!
DeleteFrom Celia: powerful wish fulfilled Selden, i salute you.
DeleteAs I commented the other day, I so enjoy your comments, Selden. A cow couldn't be further from anything I would want, but I love that you made it happen!
DeleteWell, that is just next level awesome, Selden!
DeleteTatto at 50 something. Have never regretted it!
ReplyDeleteAnd at 71 have taken up cross training. 2x a week with 2 great coaches and a roomful of lovely younger(30, 40, 50) women who encourage me all the time. Strongest I have ever been!
go Marcie!
DeleteFantastic! Having a community does help!
DeleteQuitting my day job to write mystery fiction full time has been my biggest leap, that and leaving the unpleasant husband. I've been sliding a vegan turquoise hair dye (at home) into part of my hair every couple of months, but that doesn't feel too radical.
ReplyDeleteI love your matching tattoos! My yoga teacher has a butterfly on her ankle. One of these days I'll ask her the story about that. So far, a tattoo isn't for me, but ya never know! I'm way too allergic to have anything extra in my nose, but my ears have been pierced since high school and I don't feel dressed without one of my pairs of silver earrings.
Also, can you explain how getting tattooed didn't hurt? It's needles, isn't it?
DeleteEdith, this is second hand, but son-in-law reports that the tattoos were painless…the removal agony. About 15 years between one and the other… But, no, for me, if a needle is involved it hurts! Elisabeth
DeleteThe nose stud hurt enough - like dropping a small brick on my face - that the tattoo was easy peasy.
DeleteI don’t believe wild or spontaneous are words anyone would use to describe me so no on any piercings or tattoos-even well thought out ones. I don’t drink so not getting drunk and doing crazy things that way either.
ReplyDeletePicking up and moving across the country was on the wild side for us though.
I like to wear colorful patterned socks and now I wear them with shorts so there is that.
Socks for the win! I did the pick up and move across country, too. You can't really appreciate the USA until you've driven it.
DeleteI think I did most of my wild things in my 20's to 40's, though like Edith, I did change careers abruptly! How about a Covid booster, does that count? LOL, probably not but my arm hurts this morning.
ReplyDeleteI always feel lousy the day after a booster, with a sore arm and extreme lassitude. My husband has virtually no reaction. I figure it's working harder with me. Feel better, Roberta! (Selden)
DeleteGlad you got your booster. I am apparently ineligible. :(
DeleteJenn, the matching tattoos are lovely and the story behind them is sweet. You really have a beautiful family. I love the photos you post of you with any and all of them.
ReplyDeleteMy ears are pierced, that's it. I have let my hair turn silver since the pandemic. That isn't daring. I have no desire to have any a tattoo or another piercing.
Aw, come on, Judy. You're belly button is right there...;-)
DeleteMy wife, along with my daughter and granddaughter, got matching tattoos when she was 73; they were the ALS sign for "I love you." Her first and only tattoo and she was proud of it. After she passed away later that year I bit the bullet and got the same tattoo on my inside left ankle in honor of her. Also my first and only tattoo. I get to see it at least twice a day when I put on or take off my socks; it brings back memories of so many happy years together and makes me smile.
ReplyDeleteThat's beautiful, Jerry.
DeleteVery beautiful, Jerry. (Selden)
DeleteThat is awesome Jerry!
DeleteFrom Celia: Bless you Jerry and thank you
DeleteNow that is a meaningful gesture. Love this, Jerry.
DeleteHugs, Jerry, that is just beautiful. *sob*
DeleteOur family has always used the ASL sign for I love you when we say good-bye to each other (kept me and Hub from yelling it at the Hooligans at school drop off and embarrassing them). We've been looking for a family tattoo - I will suggest!
Jenn,
ReplyDeleteI don't know if I'd wait around for it to be a clown, I'm pretty sure I'd be wanting to run from ANYONE wielding a knife and looking menacingly towards me.
As for the tattoo, nice going. Oddly enough, it conjured up a memory for me and after a quick Google search confirmed it, one of my favorite bands FATES WARNING used that same image on their album 'Darkness in a Different Light'.
I'm not one for tattoos myself but I have plenty of friends who do. And my brother has a bunch as well. He was always after my dad to get a tattoo. Though my dad had no interest in doing so, when he was being treated for cancer they had to do something related to his head and it required one of those head harnesses. He had to go in for pre-surgery stuff to get it lined up and it required a dot to be tattooed on his neck where the harness thing would go. He came home, showed my brother and said, "There's your darn tattoo!"
I'm sure we're all going to be waiting for your purple, or maybe neon green, hair color change. :D
Now I have to go listen to Darkness in a Different Light! Your dad sounds like a character. Maybe I'll channel Edith and go turquoise!
DeleteJENN: The paper crane tattoos are perfect for you and the HUB!
ReplyDeleteAs for me, not sure. I don't mind needles at all but can't think of any specific tattoo I want. I never got my ears pierced either but that's mainly because all the women in my family (mom, aunt, grandmother) never did.
Since I have dyed my hair for over a decade, I suppose the easiest thing to do is add a colourful swatch like I have seen other do?
BTW, I am glad you enjoyed visiting Japantown & that they had a street fair. It was mostly deserted the few times I went there. It only seemed busy on weekends.
And I did stay once at the Hotel Kabuki. I like staying in boutique hotels and I remember the lobby had a quirky vibe/decor.
The quirky vibe remains. Also, we had the best ramen I have ever eaten at the Japan Center - at a place called Marufuku Ramen - seriously, I dream about it. LOL.
DeleteI'm less and less likely to be spontaneous as I get older--no tattoos or new piercings for me. I love your paper crane tattoos. I think of Fred Small's song Cranes over Hiroshima, about a young girl who in Hiroshima who got leukemia 10 years after the bomb. She believed that if she could fold 1000 cranes, it would take away the pain. She made it to 644, but her friends finished the project. It's a sad song, but also a plea for peace. Sorry to be a downer, but it's a beautiful song and the crane is a beautiful symbol.
ReplyDeleteYou may already know this, Gillian, but in Hiroshima there is a monument to this story and when school classes visit, they have the children make paper cranes that are stored on site and later given out to visitors. We came home from our visit there with a paper crane.
DeleteI loved Fred Small's songs!
DeleteOne daughter's friend got married in her grandparent's backyard. She and their very artsy family together made 1,000 colorful paper cranes to hang from the branches of every tree. It was magical, and such a lovely way to begin a marriage.
DeleteShe came up in my research on paper cranes - Sadako Sasaki - broke my heart.
DeleteJENN: Wow! Running a 5k - very impressive! If I ever develop varicose veins, then I can always say they are tattoos. Since I hit the menopause stage, I noticed that I no longer can drink alcoholic drinks. It will be interesting to see if I can drink wine again once I'm done with menopause. Right now it's mocktails for me. Stopped coloring my hair after the 2019 LCC conference in Vancouver, BC.
ReplyDeleteWhenever the mood strikes, I find myself drawing pictures with pen or pencil with paper and I never thought of myself as an artist like some of my relatives. Trying to think of anything I am doing differently now. Just woke up this morning.
Many of my postmenopausal friends have reconnected with their art - it is a glorious age!
DeleteFrom Celia: love the cranes Jenn, love your leap into the new phase in your life. My leaps including the current one appear to be centered around moving; marriage and moving to the USA, moving to the 'burbs, moving to Maine and now moving for health which has taken me from Maine but towards family in Massachusetts.
ReplyDeleteMy other leap really belongs to you all Reds and Readers who have encouraged me to write and share my life stories as well as my love for cooking with you all. This has given me great joy.
We love you, Celia! I feel a move coming but I'm not sure where as yet. Maybe we'll be neighbors in Massachusetts :)
DeleteSpontaneity was never my strong suit. When I dumped my first husband in 1985 and married the current one in 1987, it felt pretty daring, but even then not too impulsive. And when we had our son it was definitely a case of the biological clock sounding an alarm, as I seemed to do a sudden swing from "no children ever" to "I really want a baby NOW." (Thank God my husband was open to that reversal.)
ReplyDeleteOoh, I do remember one time of "going through something." When I was around 40, I fell in love with a red Saab convertible on a car lot. We used to have a rhythm of alternating car purchases, so we were only ever making one car payment at a time. It wasn't even my turn to get a car, but I fell for this one and told my husband about it. He famously replied, "If I can get you through a midlife crisis with nothing worse than a flashy car, I count that as a win. Take my car and trade it in and I'll drive your current one for a few years." He was always, and remains, a keeper!
Definitely a keeper!
Delete100% Keeper!!!
DeleteWhat a lovely story Jenn! The tattoos are simple, beautiful and meaningful.
ReplyDeleteI suppose that's what I was waiting for :)
DeleteMy impulsive acts have been major moves cross country (in 1973, 1992, 2020), and going to law school (decision reached in an interview just as the employer was making the offer in 1989). Now in 2025 feeling quite settled and short of energy to have more “impulse”. Elisabeth
ReplyDeleteI'd say you outdid yourself!
DeleteLove, love your his/hers tattoos, and the story behind them!
ReplyDeleteA few years ago my two youngest daughters talked about getting sisters tattoos. Both of them already had some ink, meaningful and frankly lovely designs. The oldest daughter asked to be included, and when they showed me the beautiful three-sister design they chose I said I would get one, too. It's a very simple graphic that is reminiscent of Frank Lloyd Wright, with a sort of arrow with three overlapping triangles. Each sister is meant to have a different triangle filled in, based on birth order. I chose to have just the outline, as the mom.
Youngest got hers on a whim while she was traveling. Then we were all supposed to be in Nairobi together for the Christmas/New Year's holidays in 2022, but oldest's family got stuck in Michigan because of the blizzard. Holly already had us scheduled for family tattoos with a fascinating Kenyan traveling artist who had been a banker for 15 years before devoting all his time to inking celebrities all over the world. Newton gave middle daughter hers while I watched, then I had mine done, on my left forearm. Youngest and her husband also got additional tats that day. Oldest has yet to get hers, because she keeps chickening out. Yes, I'm calling her on it. LOL
Everyone is aghast when I tell this story, because...Kenya. But it took Newton as long to clean up between his artwork as it did to create it. He was scrupulously hygienic. Also, I was surprised that the process was less about needles piercing the skin than it is to lightly scratch the outermost layer of the skin. It was not nearly as uncomfortable as I'd imagined it to be. Did you also find that, Jenn?
I had always wanted one tattoo, but had been waiting until I found a design that was both beautiful and meaningful, and this is the one.
If we are Facebook friends you can see the photo of my tattoo that I just posted.
DeleteOff to look - I think we're friends! It is just like being scratched. Seriously, the nose hurt WAY worse.
DeleteI love this story! I have a paper crane hanging in my car that I received after graduating from my yoga teacher training so many years ago. It is a wonderful symbol. I have also toyed with getting a tattoo, but I’m not there yet. Mostly because I haven’t found the one that feels right. Serious kudos on the running (love running!) and the nose piercing (love mine!).
ReplyDeleteWe are clearly kindred spirits :)
DeleteLove your cranes, love your piercing, Jenn! I have contemplated getting a tatoo for years but have just never thought of quite the right thing. Have thought of a quill pen, or something London, but nothing has stuck. I love Karen's tatoo with her daughters. My daughter would definitely be up for something like that.
ReplyDeleteDo it!!!
DeleteI'm not a great adventurer So when I announced I was going to Bouchercon, in Dallas, I thought my nursing supervisor is going to take my vitals for fear that I was ill. I never went anywhere when I took vacation time and didn't attend any parties. I made a little dent in my own armour when I went to Dallas.
ReplyDeleteGood for you, Deana! I think it's good to step out of our comfort zone because it helps us appreciate that zone so much more!
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