JENN McKINLAY: I don't want to say I'm having a full on midlife crisis, but I'm clearly going through something. Potentially, it's an empty nest thing, although the dudes have been out of the house for 3+ years. But I think it's more that after prioritizing the health and well-being of my people for the past twenty-five years, it's my turn. I want to do what I want to do just for me and no one else.
Let's examine. First, I started running 5Ks. Me, the person who only runs if a scary looking clown wielding a knife is chasing them.
Second, I got a nose stud. Never planned it. Thought they were cool but I could take it or leave it. Next thing I know, I had a big old bloody Mary and I was at the piercing pagoda getting a diamond shot into my nostril.
And, most recently, I got a tattoo. Was it planned? No. Did it hurt? No. Truthfully the nose stud hurt WAY more. Do I regret it? Not a bit. If you read my newsletter, you know the how and why of the tattoo, but I'll share a few fun facts here.
Hub and I arrived at Hotel Kabuki in Japantown, where we were meeting our friends. Our room wasn’t ready so it was a cocktail for me and a mocktail for the Hub at the lobby bar while we waited.
One of the bar’s specialty drinks was a paper crane, which seemed appropriate as the Nihonmachi Street Fair was also happening just outside the hotel. Hub and I wandered around the lobby, getting our bearings when what should we stumble upon but a pop up tattoo event happening by Studio Kazoku. And what did they have on their list of available tattoos? A paper crane. It felt like fate. We decided these would make awesome Mr. and Mrs. tattoos. Why? I don't know. It's not like I was operating with a plan!
Now here’s the back story that you don’t know. WAAAAAAAY back when my first mystery SPRINKLE WITH MURDER was published (2010), I told the Hub that if I ever hit the NYT Bestseller’s list, I’d get a tattoo. It was a joke — I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD HAPPEN!!! —but it did. Needless to say, I stalled as I had no idea what to get.
Years passed, I hit the NYT’s list thirteen more times and still no ink. But here I was in San Francisco on an awesome vacation with the Hub, who is seriously my best friend, and the paper cranes just felt right. A little research (librarian!) and I discovered that origami cranes (orizuru) hold deep symbolic meaning, especially in relation to marriage. The crane (tsuru) is revered as a mythical creature believed to live for 1,000 years, symbolizing longevity and good fortune. Needless to say, we went for it.
So, in conclusion, the past year has been interesting. I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do next -- purple hair? Paddle boarding? I'll keep you posted.
So, how about you, Reds and Readers, did you ever find yourself "going through something"? Any tattoos, piercings, hair color, etc. to report? Or is there anything you think you might do when the wild mood strikes?
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ReplyDeleteLove the tattoo, Jenn, but considering just how much I absolutely hate needles, getting a tattoo is definitely not making it to the list of things I might consider some day. No piercings, no wild hair color, either, but who knows what might happen if that wild mood were to strike?
ReplyDeleteThe beauty of the wild mood, it hits when it hits.
DeleteI am not a tattoo or nose stud person, but at the same age I did buy a cow, buy property, clear it, and learn construction by building a barn. I had dreamed of having a cow since I was in college. She and the farm I have since created were my dream, not anyone else's. (Selden)
ReplyDeleteLove that Selden, a cow instead of a tattoo!!
DeleteSo when Bart Simpson said, "Don't have a cow," you defied him. Good for you, Seldon!
DeleteI love this Selden! I did something similar last year. Bought a huge property with a horse barn. Still in my “getting educated about horses” phase and now see myself fostering horses and/or donkeys (maybe offer animals?) in my future. Did all this at 55 while all my friends are downsizing for retirement!
DeleteFrom Celia: powerful wish fulfilled Selden, i salute you.
DeleteAs I commented the other day, I so enjoy your comments, Selden. A cow couldn't be further from anything I would want, but I love that you made it happen!
DeleteWell, that is just next level awesome, Selden!
Deletea cow? That is the best thing I’ve ever heard!
DeleteTatto at 50 something. Have never regretted it!
ReplyDeleteAnd at 71 have taken up cross training. 2x a week with 2 great coaches and a roomful of lovely younger(30, 40, 50) women who encourage me all the time. Strongest I have ever been!
go Marcie!
DeleteFantastic! Having a community does help!
DeleteQuitting my day job to write mystery fiction full time has been my biggest leap, that and leaving the unpleasant husband. I've been sliding a vegan turquoise hair dye (at home) into part of my hair every couple of months, but that doesn't feel too radical.
ReplyDeleteI love your matching tattoos! My yoga teacher has a butterfly on her ankle. One of these days I'll ask her the story about that. So far, a tattoo isn't for me, but ya never know! I'm way too allergic to have anything extra in my nose, but my ears have been pierced since high school and I don't feel dressed without one of my pairs of silver earrings.
Also, can you explain how getting tattooed didn't hurt? It's needles, isn't it?
DeleteEdith, this is second hand, but son-in-law reports that the tattoos were painless…the removal agony. About 15 years between one and the other… But, no, for me, if a needle is involved it hurts! Elisabeth
DeleteThe nose stud hurt enough - like dropping a small brick on my face - that the tattoo was easy peasy.
DeleteEdith, the needles don't puncture the skin; it feels more scratching.
DeleteI don’t believe wild or spontaneous are words anyone would use to describe me so no on any piercings or tattoos-even well thought out ones. I don’t drink so not getting drunk and doing crazy things that way either.
ReplyDeletePicking up and moving across the country was on the wild side for us though.
I like to wear colorful patterned socks and now I wear them with shorts so there is that.
Socks for the win! I did the pick up and move across country, too. You can't really appreciate the USA until you've driven it.
DeleteI think I did most of my wild things in my 20's to 40's, though like Edith, I did change careers abruptly! How about a Covid booster, does that count? LOL, probably not but my arm hurts this morning.
ReplyDeleteI always feel lousy the day after a booster, with a sore arm and extreme lassitude. My husband has virtually no reaction. I figure it's working harder with me. Feel better, Roberta! (Selden)
DeleteGlad you got your booster. I am apparently ineligible. :(
DeleteJenn, the matching tattoos are lovely and the story behind them is sweet. You really have a beautiful family. I love the photos you post of you with any and all of them.
ReplyDeleteMy ears are pierced, that's it. I have let my hair turn silver since the pandemic. That isn't daring. I have no desire to have any a tattoo or another piercing.
Aw, come on, Judy. You're belly button is right there...;-)
DeleteMy wife, along with my daughter and granddaughter, got matching tattoos when she was 73; they were the ALS sign for "I love you." Her first and only tattoo and she was proud of it. After she passed away later that year I bit the bullet and got the same tattoo on my inside left ankle in honor of her. Also my first and only tattoo. I get to see it at least twice a day when I put on or take off my socks; it brings back memories of so many happy years together and makes me smile.
ReplyDeleteThat's beautiful, Jerry.
DeleteVery beautiful, Jerry. (Selden)
DeleteThat is awesome Jerry!
DeleteFrom Celia: Bless you Jerry and thank you
DeleteNow that is a meaningful gesture. Love this, Jerry.
DeleteHugs, Jerry, that is just beautiful. *sob*
DeleteOur family has always used the ASL sign for I love you when we say good-bye to each other (kept me and Hub from yelling it at the Hooligans at school drop off and embarrassing them). We've been looking for a family tattoo - I will suggest!
Jenn, I thought the number one job of a [parent was to embarrass their children, followed by either teaching them to be good people or selling them off to a child labor camp (I forget which).
DeleteJenn,
ReplyDeleteI don't know if I'd wait around for it to be a clown, I'm pretty sure I'd be wanting to run from ANYONE wielding a knife and looking menacingly towards me.
As for the tattoo, nice going. Oddly enough, it conjured up a memory for me and after a quick Google search confirmed it, one of my favorite bands FATES WARNING used that same image on their album 'Darkness in a Different Light'.
I'm not one for tattoos myself but I have plenty of friends who do. And my brother has a bunch as well. He was always after my dad to get a tattoo. Though my dad had no interest in doing so, when he was being treated for cancer they had to do something related to his head and it required one of those head harnesses. He had to go in for pre-surgery stuff to get it lined up and it required a dot to be tattooed on his neck where the harness thing would go. He came home, showed my brother and said, "There's your darn tattoo!"
I'm sure we're all going to be waiting for your purple, or maybe neon green, hair color change. :D
Now I have to go listen to Darkness in a Different Light! Your dad sounds like a character. Maybe I'll channel Edith and go turquoise!
DeleteJENN: The paper crane tattoos are perfect for you and the HUB!
ReplyDeleteAs for me, not sure. I don't mind needles at all but can't think of any specific tattoo I want. I never got my ears pierced either but that's mainly because all the women in my family (mom, aunt, grandmother) never did.
Since I have dyed my hair for over a decade, I suppose the easiest thing to do is add a colourful swatch like I have seen other do?
BTW, I am glad you enjoyed visiting Japantown & that they had a street fair. It was mostly deserted the few times I went there. It only seemed busy on weekends.
And I did stay once at the Hotel Kabuki. I like staying in boutique hotels and I remember the lobby had a quirky vibe/decor.
The quirky vibe remains. Also, we had the best ramen I have ever eaten at the Japan Center - at a place called Marufuku Ramen - seriously, I dream about it. LOL.
DeleteI'm less and less likely to be spontaneous as I get older--no tattoos or new piercings for me. I love your paper crane tattoos. I think of Fred Small's song Cranes over Hiroshima, about a young girl who in Hiroshima who got leukemia 10 years after the bomb. She believed that if she could fold 1000 cranes, it would take away the pain. She made it to 644, but her friends finished the project. It's a sad song, but also a plea for peace. Sorry to be a downer, but it's a beautiful song and the crane is a beautiful symbol.
ReplyDeleteYou may already know this, Gillian, but in Hiroshima there is a monument to this story and when school classes visit, they have the children make paper cranes that are stored on site and later given out to visitors. We came home from our visit there with a paper crane.
DeleteI loved Fred Small's songs!
DeleteOne daughter's friend got married in her grandparent's backyard. She and their very artsy family together made 1,000 colorful paper cranes to hang from the branches of every tree. It was magical, and such a lovely way to begin a marriage.
DeleteShe came up in my research on paper cranes - Sadako Sasaki - broke my heart.
DeleteJENN: Wow! Running a 5k - very impressive! If I ever develop varicose veins, then I can always say they are tattoos. Since I hit the menopause stage, I noticed that I no longer can drink alcoholic drinks. It will be interesting to see if I can drink wine again once I'm done with menopause. Right now it's mocktails for me. Stopped coloring my hair after the 2019 LCC conference in Vancouver, BC.
ReplyDeleteWhenever the mood strikes, I find myself drawing pictures with pen or pencil with paper and I never thought of myself as an artist like some of my relatives. Trying to think of anything I am doing differently now. Just woke up this morning.
Many of my postmenopausal friends have reconnected with their art - it is a glorious age!
DeleteFrom Celia: love the cranes Jenn, love your leap into the new phase in your life. My leaps including the current one appear to be centered around moving; marriage and moving to the USA, moving to the 'burbs, moving to Maine and now moving for health which has taken me from Maine but towards family in Massachusetts.
ReplyDeleteMy other leap really belongs to you all Reds and Readers who have encouraged me to write and share my life stories as well as my love for cooking with you all. This has given me great joy.
We love you, Celia! I feel a move coming but I'm not sure where as yet. Maybe we'll be neighbors in Massachusetts :)
DeleteThe Old Farmer’s Almanac is predicting a mild winter for MA this year
DeleteWe love you, Celia!
DeleteSpontaneity was never my strong suit. When I dumped my first husband in 1985 and married the current one in 1987, it felt pretty daring, but even then not too impulsive. And when we had our son it was definitely a case of the biological clock sounding an alarm, as I seemed to do a sudden swing from "no children ever" to "I really want a baby NOW." (Thank God my husband was open to that reversal.)
ReplyDeleteOoh, I do remember one time of "going through something." When I was around 40, I fell in love with a red Saab convertible on a car lot. We used to have a rhythm of alternating car purchases, so we were only ever making one car payment at a time. It wasn't even my turn to get a car, but I fell for this one and told my husband about it. He famously replied, "If I can get you through a midlife crisis with nothing worse than a flashy car, I count that as a win. Take my car and trade it in and I'll drive your current one for a few years." He was always, and remains, a keeper!
Definitely a keeper!
Delete100% Keeper!!!
DeleteWhat a lovely story Jenn! The tattoos are simple, beautiful and meaningful.
ReplyDeleteI suppose that's what I was waiting for :)
DeleteMy impulsive acts have been major moves cross country (in 1973, 1992, 2020), and going to law school (decision reached in an interview just as the employer was making the offer in 1989). Now in 2025 feeling quite settled and short of energy to have more “impulse”. Elisabeth
ReplyDeleteI'd say you outdid yourself!
DeleteLove, love your his/hers tattoos, and the story behind them!
ReplyDeleteA few years ago my two youngest daughters talked about getting sisters tattoos. Both of them already had some ink, meaningful and frankly lovely designs. The oldest daughter asked to be included, and when they showed me the beautiful three-sister design they chose I said I would get one, too. It's a very simple graphic that is reminiscent of Frank Lloyd Wright, with a sort of arrow with three overlapping triangles. Each sister is meant to have a different triangle filled in, based on birth order. I chose to have just the outline, as the mom.
Youngest got hers on a whim while she was traveling. Then we were all supposed to be in Nairobi together for the Christmas/New Year's holidays in 2022, but oldest's family got stuck in Michigan because of the blizzard. Holly already had us scheduled for family tattoos with a fascinating Kenyan traveling artist who had been a banker for 15 years before devoting all his time to inking celebrities all over the world. Newton gave middle daughter hers while I watched, then I had mine done, on my left forearm. Youngest and her husband also got additional tats that day. Oldest has yet to get hers, because she keeps chickening out. Yes, I'm calling her on it. LOL
Everyone is aghast when I tell this story, because...Kenya. But it took Newton as long to clean up between his artwork as it did to create it. He was scrupulously hygienic. Also, I was surprised that the process was less about needles piercing the skin than it is to lightly scratch the outermost layer of the skin. It was not nearly as uncomfortable as I'd imagined it to be. Did you also find that, Jenn?
I had always wanted one tattoo, but had been waiting until I found a design that was both beautiful and meaningful, and this is the one.
If we are Facebook friends you can see the photo of my tattoo that I just posted.
DeleteOff to look - I think we're friends! It is just like being scratched. Seriously, the nose hurt WAY worse.
DeleteI love this story! I have a paper crane hanging in my car that I received after graduating from my yoga teacher training so many years ago. It is a wonderful symbol. I have also toyed with getting a tattoo, but I’m not there yet. Mostly because I haven’t found the one that feels right. Serious kudos on the running (love running!) and the nose piercing (love mine!).
ReplyDeleteWe are clearly kindred spirits :)
DeleteLove your cranes, love your piercing, Jenn! I have contemplated getting a tatoo for years but have just never thought of quite the right thing. Have thought of a quill pen, or something London, but nothing has stuck. I love Karen's tatoo with her daughters. My daughter would definitely be up for something like that.
ReplyDeleteDo it!!!
DeleteI'm not a great adventurer So when I announced I was going to Bouchercon, in Dallas, I thought my nursing supervisor is going to take my vitals for fear that I was ill. I never went anywhere when I took vacation time and didn't attend any parties. I made a little dent in my own armour when I went to Dallas.
ReplyDeleteGood for you, Deana! I think it's good to step out of our comfort zone because it helps us appreciate that zone so much more!
DeleteMy impulses all happened early, Jenn. Moving to Australia. Marrying a Brit and moving to California. But no piercings no tattoo! And certainly no 5k although I was a serious hiker until recently
ReplyDeleteJenn ~ I love the Origami Crane tattoos and the symbolism behind it. They are lovely! I am considering getting a wedding band tattoo as arthritis has taken its toll on my wedding band finger making it difficult to remove my gold band over the knuckle. My dermatologist did warn me that it would be a painful tattoo to get (so close to the bone) and would need to be refreshed every year because constant hand washing would eventually fade the color. So I am in the limbo stage right now with my decision making. The only body piercing I have are my pierced ears which I did when I was 14 with what were called "Sleepers". (I'm not even sure if these sleeper hoops exist any more; hopefully not.) I'm finding that your generation and us Boomer women are becoming more adventurous than ever and all the power to us!. :-) As the song title suggests ~ "Sisters are doing it for themselves". (Aretha Franklin/Annie Lennox)
ReplyDeleteJenn, I love the matching cranes you and your Hubs got, an enduring act of whimsy and love, which is a perfect combination. And, the nose piercing announces you as an adventurous, free spirit. Maybe you have a subconscious bucket list that you've been waiting to fulfill when you didn't have others to put first. I had my adventure period when my husband was gone for almost sixteen years for the Army and contractor's work (still connected to Army). I surprised myself by starting to travel, for the first few years or so with a best friend from childhood. Bouchercon finally became a reality for me, as did Niagara Falls and a girls' (other friends from hometown) meet-up in Key West. There was more, but Bouchercon is what I did most. Then husband came home and Covid lockdown, so my adventures were put oh hold. Just when I felt good about picking some things back up, my son Kevin was killed. Interestingly enough, I went to Paris a year after his death on a Paris three-day stop and a Seine River cruise. I was kind of pulled into that one, and although I saw wonderful sights, I'd like to do it again with a clearer head. Then, started trial dates for Kevin's killer, with the trial still not until this coming January, so planning, especially spontaneously was impossible. There is a New England trip I saw in my AAA newsletter that I'd like to do next June, if possible, and I finally am back to wanting to do an England trip.
ReplyDeleteThe tattoo is not a surprising tribute to Kevin. He wrote a lot and was actually working on a book. His friends and I knew him to almost always carry a small notebook (one of those tiny ones spiraled with wire at the top) and a small pencil (always a pencil, never a pen). I found a perfect tattoo representing the notebook and pencil, and I think I want to put a short sentence or two he wrote on the lines of the notebook. My problem is deciding on a tattoo artist. This is such an important piece of body art for me that I want it to be done with perfection (someone that is a master at doing writing is a must). I have asked some people when I've seen a tattoo they had that was well-done where they got it done (first I compliment them on it, of course), and I may have it narrowed down. Now where to get it on my body. And, I feel like I should get one for my daughter, too, but I haven't decided what that should be yet. Maybe one of her and my granddaughter together, but I was really wanting a single item symbol.
But, before I do anything, I am scheduled for the orthopedic surgeon to look at my left knee, which is probably going to result in a new knee. However, I will be going to Nashville, where their newest techniques and procedures will result in a much quicker recovery period than the behind-the-updated procedures where I live. My doctor referred me to this surgeon, as he had just operated on her father. Her father was driving after two weeks. And, I'm currently trying to get through a diverticulitis flare-up, going into my third week. But, my doctor just decided that's what it is. I had my suspicions a little earlier. CT scan had eliminated appendicitis or pancreas problems. I had my second cataract surgery last month, right before my diverticulitis set in, so at least that's done. And, my second ophthalmologist is seeing me monthly right now about my macular degeneration in my right eye that has turned wet. He gave me a shot in the eye last month. I need some dental work done next. But, I'm not really too discouraged by all of this. I'm finally taking care of some issues that I needed to get resolved. But, it is a drag. To combat the drag, a friend and I have once again signed up for the Broadway series at our entertainment venue here. The out-of-town, not-on-Broadway casts are wonderful, and we've added a Post Modern Jukebox concert (one of my favorite entertainment groups) for the night before Thanksgiving. This friend is sadly beginning a slide into dementia, and I want to do all I can with her before she can't.
How fun, to get to see Postmodern Jukebox! They are incredible!
DeleteMy kids turned me onto Postmodern Jukebox a few years ago!
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteMy first trip to Europe was totally spontaneous. I had seen a program where the host had visited Keukenhof, the bulb park in Holland. I thought it was a place I would like to visit but I never considered actually doing it. I had not done much traveling and didn’t have much interest in doing so.
ReplyDeleteA few months later my nephew was born and I flew to Chicago to see him.
A week later I was sitting in the airport waiting for my flight home and I saw all the people around me headed for somewhere else.
It opened up a whole world that I had never imagined. At that point I started thinking about the idea of becoming one of those travelers. I debated back and forth should I or shouldn’t I. Then one day I just said I’m going to do it.
My first trip was to Holland and Keukenhof and I added on Denmark since it was near by. Then someone told me that if you are going to that area you have to take a trip through the fjords in Norway.
Subsequent to that, I added many other places both here and abroad that I became intrigued by through the photographic opportunities they presented.
My whole perspective on everything has been influenced by the people I have met and what I have experienced and learned about other cultures during these travels
When you visit Asia, you do see a lot of cranes in the art. Buddhism uses cranes as a metaphor for a. compassion and protection (from the Jakata tales) b. Perception vs reality i.e. a line of high flying cranes can appear to be black when in fact they are white feathered (Tibet) c. Liberation and freedom- being able to soar to great heights, and travel long distances, the crane shows the way for the mind to become enlightened; free / awareness /settled. The matching cranes are deeply satisfying.
ReplyDeleteSomewhere along the line I shut down and stopped taking risks. I do have a plan for a tattoo, and if not now, when should the ink be added?
Question for All of the Jungle Red Authors here:
ReplyDeleteDid you get a literary agent Before publishing your first novel?
Jenn! You are absolutely my role model in every way imaginable! In every way!
ReplyDeleteJenn, you are a magician - your post has produced are virtual gusher of fascinating revelations! As for me, I'm a big fraidy cat. I don't even have pierced ears (when my daughter turned 12 she and I went to the mall, to get our ears pierced. she went first and I chickened out). But I love that you and your husband got matching tatts with so much meaning behind them.
ReplyDelete