Jenn McKinlay: During the school break after every holiday, there would come the dreaded day that my mom would pull out the list of gifts we'd received from family, a pack of stationary, and a couple of pens. My brother and I would then take up residence at the kitchen table until every thank you note had been written.
Not gonna lie, when there were snowball fights to be had, our sledding hill was beckoning, and the ice on the lake had just frozen over enough to skate on, being forced to stay inside and write thank you notes was sheer torture. It took us forever!
Now that I'm a full time writer, I laugh at ten year old me. Writing a heartfelt thank you is a no brainer (thanks, Mom!) and I can't believe I was ever so resistant. The Hooligans were given the same task as kids and I'm pleased that while they don't use stationary and stamps anymore, they always text thank you messages to people who've given them gifts or helped them out in some way.
Mostly, any thank yous I get these days are in text or email form. I'm okay with that, I mean, it does save trees but there is something extra special about getting a thank you card in the mail. Frankly, it feels a bit more sincere.
How about you, Reds and Readers, what's your take on thank you notes?
I think a "thank you" is always important . . . these days, a text is certainly one way to express your gratitude, but I really do like those hand-written notes . . . .
ReplyDeleteMe, too!
DeleteMy favorite boss, 50 years ago, always said you can never say thank you too many times. Words to live by.
ReplyDeleteWe nearly always send thank notes, one way or another. And I appreciate gratitude expressed in any form, and notice when it isn't proffered.
I was floored after the first participation in the commumity garden tour to receive a lovely note from a couple who had visited my garden. They thanked me for being part of the tour, and encouraged me to continue to do so. And they sent a note again this year. I really wish they had introduced themselves, so I could thank them!
Oh, that's lovely. What a thoughtful couple.
DeleteI hated writing thank you notes when I was a kid. I don’t know if I understood the importance of expressing your gratitude at that age, but I also know my sincerity was questionable in the stilted tone of the notes! My son was raised to write them, too, but definitely transitioned to the text format. I think a handwritten note is much nicer than a text, but realize that is probably a minority opinion from anyone under 50. — Pat S
ReplyDeleteYes. Although, I will say one of the Hooligans writes better thank you texts than most. Very thoughtful so I give him a pass.
DeleteI was raised to write thank you notes and so were my children. My daughter will usually still send one in the mail, but the boys are texters. My oldest and his wife never sent wedding thank you notes and I am still pissed about it ten years later. I suppose because I feel it reflects badly on me as a parent.
ReplyDeleteWe received a thank you note in the mail in the past week from a neighbor thanking us for organizing and being a host home for the cookie walk. We have no idea who she is and would not recognize her if we met her on the street. The return address is from a couple of streets over. I need to get to know her as her address label had a beagle on it and she used a hummingbird stamp…two of my favorite things!
I hate not getting a thank you for a wedding gift! Raised by wolves...
DeleteDefinitely a future friend! Hummingbirds always please me :)
DeleteI don’t care about the form, but I require a thank you note. But I do treasure a hand written one.
ReplyDeleteIf I don’t get an acknowledgement in a reasonable time, I write and ask if the gift was lost in the mail or was booty for some porch pirate.
And when this happens more than a couple of times, I stop sending gifts. The Bank of Grandmother requires recognition! Or it closes the ungrateful account!
that seems totally fair to me Ann!
DeleteOh, I love that.
DeleteI do very much appreciate thank you notes, especially written ones, but a text or an email works just as well. My sons also had practice of enforced thank you note writing after Christmas, and I think they're pretty good about it texting or calling their thank yous.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I get a written thank you card from a reader who has won one of my books. The mail comes to my post office box which I don't check very often, so it's a delight to stop by there and find some handwritten cards.
DeleteWell done, Mama.
DeleteAs children we were expected to write thank you notes and I taught my children to do likewise. As long as the kindness is acknowledged it can be a written note, text or email. However, there is something very special about sending/receiving a hand written note in the mail.
ReplyDeleteDianne Mahoney
Exactly.
DeleteI am also one who wrote as a child and still do ... I don't text or email, but sometimes I telephone someone, particularly people I know who need and love calls!
ReplyDeleteOh, i love that!
DeleteAlways, although they are not always handwritten these days. And to be honest, that could be a kindness to my recipients!
ReplyDeleteI don't think the format is important so much as the content of the thank you. I have friends who are 50 years younger than me and their approach to showing gratitude is different from my peers. Doesn't make it any less touching or memorable. For me, it truly is the thought that counts, not the frippery surrounding it.
ReplyDeleteFor the new year I have prepared a box of thank you notes to send to my sister. They are simple cards expressing gratitude, not necessarily for gifts, etc. My note to her says, "In gratitude for all you did to help me survive this past year and hope that the year to come is filled with many more reasons to give thanks." She, in turn, will use them to spread her own form of gratitude. -- Victoria
that's very sweet victoria!
DeleteVery thoughtful, Victoria.
DeleteI believe thank you notes are important and raised Jonathan to understand it is important to write them. But these days, even I am texting photos of the flower bouquet they sent me for my birthday.
ReplyDeleteI am an excellent thank you card writer and once upon a time, I considered hanging up my shingle to write notes for others. (LOL) Then I wondered whether people too lazy to write their own thank you notes, would actually keep track of whose present was whose?
Judy, you'd have been in demand as a thank you writer.
DeleteThat could be a side hustle.
DeleteI'm pretty good at thank you notes, although as a child I didn't enjoy the task. A couple of years ago, during November, while reading Diana Butler Bass's book Grateful, I wrote a thank-you every day to to someone in my life. They went mostly to friends and family, but a few to more professional connections. My dentist's office was so surprised--they texted me right away! It was a great exercise in developing a grateful heart.
ReplyDeleteOh, that's brilliant.
DeleteLike Jenn, writing thank you notes is a no brainer now. I loved writing as a child, though I wished my handwriting was beautiful. It was like magic to me. I remember writing thank you notes as a child, even if I didn’t like the gift. Writing thank you notes shows acknowledgement that the gift arrived. Reading other comments, I know I’m blessed to have received thank you notes for wedding gifts. And the grooms always write a note in the same thank you card from the brides.
ReplyDeleteTo my surprise, the next generation doesn’t write thank you notes.
I love it when a groom is tasked with writing his share. I let Hub slip on this and still regret it.
DeleteI don't recall if my mother ever made us write thank you notes. But I do remember calling my grandmother and saying thank you for the gift I got on whatever "special" day I was receiving it for.
ReplyDeleteIn the here and now, I think thank you notes are mostly a relic of the past when you can text or email a thank you in a matter of seconds. Plus, if it is someone you see regularly you can just tell them thank you in person.
So as you might imagine, I don't write thank you notes. But that doesn't mean I'm somehow less appreciative of the gift and the thought behind it. Family friend makes me my aunt's chicken dish for my present, I'm effusive in my thanks. My best friend Ann sends me a New England Crime Bake sweatshirt, I do a nice little mini essay on Facebook for all to see. My sister gives me a couple of books and she gets a shoutout on Facebook too. And so it goes. It might not be a piece of physical proof but since my life isn't a murder mystery, the physical isn't something that we need to have when you have the in-person or social media thank you being so bright and cheery and right there for all to see.
Excellent point, Jay. An in person thank you is the best and a shout out on FB is solid, too.
DeleteI don’t follow facebook so I would never see the message
DeleteI also was raised to write thank you notes. Thank you Mom! And write them we did. (I was a frequent letter writer growing up but thank you notes seemed so hard way back then!) I did write all the thank you notes for our wedding shower and wedding presents although it took some time. I have one friend who still hand writes thank you notes, and 3 nieces who, even in their 30snare good about written thank you notes. I have lots of lovely note cards and have decided that I am going back to hand writing them. It is so lovely to receive a card in the mail!
ReplyDeleteIt is. I love it when I get them from book clubs or other author events.
DeleteI believe strongly in thank you notes. In addition to my upbringing, my commitment was reinforced by my experience as a professional fundraiser. Part of my work duties included sending out thank you notes -- for donations, of course, but also to volunteers who helped with events that raised money or even that didn't, but reflected well on our organization. It is amazing how much good will those simple thank you notes generated. People really, really appreciate being appreciated. It was very hard to instill that in new, younger employees though -- many had not been taught the basics at home and literally didn't know how to begin.
ReplyDeleteI am perfectly comfortable with thank you texts and emails in casual, daily life. But for more formal events like a wedding or a shower, I still think one should invest the time to send real, handwritten thank you notes. We recently attended the 4th birthday party of a former neighbor. We are very close to the parents and adore them, but we both were kind of saddened when Mom handed us a preprinted thank you note as soon as the child opened the gift. Better than nothing, I suppose -- but barely.
Pre-printed? No. Just no.
DeleteA text would have been more personal. Sheesh.
DeleteI agree, it doesn’t teach anything other than it’s just another gift from someone who might be just an anonymous giver not somebody who is thoughtful and spent time to select and give the gift-more thought than was given to the thank you note
DeleteI know my mother would have insisted I write thank you cards, but the only memory I have of doing so is to my grandmother who I loved dearly.
ReplyDeleteAnd I bet she cherished it.
DeleteHas anyone else had a thank you note from a large women's store (Talbots)? I bought a few items a couple months back and the cashier sent me a handwritten thank you note. I didn't quite know what to make of it.
ReplyDeleteIf she works on commission, that is just good business for her. It sure makes her stand out, doesn't it?
DeleteI have not but that's good business.
DeleteWe had exactly the same kind of thank you note training! I really hated it, but wow, it was worth it, and I am grateful for it now. So… we’re deciding that text and email thank yous are appropriate? I suppose it’s inevitable, and certainly it’s easier, but it still does not seem exactly right – – although, of course, better than nothing.
ReplyDeleteChange is hard but I think some things like weddings should stick to traditional notes not just for the thank you but to acknowledge the day, too.
DeleteFriends laugh at me but I was raised you don’t get to use a present until you send a thank you. I usually do a written card as non-junk physical mail is special. And I hate not receiving any acknowledgement at all if the gift is not given in person because who knows if it was even received.
ReplyDeleteExactly!
DeleteIf anyone takes the time and effort to mail me a gift, that person is going to receive a handwritten thank you note. If someone emails me a book (or sends me an ebook, however which way that works) I will email them a thank you note. I've tried to pound that into my granddaughter's head, but texting seems to be the only way for her. Oh well.
ReplyDeleteIt's a struggle for the young ones for sure.
DeleteThere is a charity I donate to every year in memory of my mother. I always get a printed thank you letter from the charity but it also includes a personal hand written message addressed to me by name and thanking me for the contribution and how meaningful it is to them.
ReplyDelete