JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: When we talked about our summer plans, I mentioned the kick-off for my season is hosting Youngest and the Very Tall Dutchman (they're coming over on KLM; does that mean I can call him the Flying Dutchman?) Of course, I want to make a good impression, and more importantly, he has allergies, so I'm attempting to remove as much dust/soot/cat hair as I can from the premises. It doesn't help that I burn wood all winter long and that the family room carpet is covered with a gentle sprinkling of bark and twiglets.
This isn't the first important guest I wanted to impress, of course. Ross and I hustled like MAD when his father visited us at This Old House for the first time. It was a scorching hot day in August, and of course, we also had to deal with a two-year-old and a seven-month old while dusting, weeping, polishing, etc., etc. When Dad arrived, I dropping my rag and spray bottle on the kitchen counter, and yelled, "Honey! Come on downstairs!" Ros reaching the foyer just as I opened the door to greet my father-in-law -- and my husband promptly vanished upstairs without a word and didn't reappear for a good half hour.
He later explained he didn't want his dad to see him all sweaty and sticky. and he didn't understand why Victor and I kept laughing about his disappearing act. (If you've heard people say, "There weren't any autistic people being born in the 1950s," let me introduce you to my husband...)
However, I admit I was even MORE frantic a few years later, when my mother came to stay for three days. (She never lingered longer than that, holding to the old adage about fish and guests.) I was so freaked out about the mess, and the dust underneath the mess, and the dirt under the dust, that we hired a professional cleaning service to come in and basically power wash everything.
It was ridiculously expensive compared to our budget, but the peace of mind it gave me was priceless. I didn't hear a single critique while she was visiting! (Well, not about the house. She had a few things to say about my hair and my parenting.)
Of course, many of you will remember we were known for our huge Christmas dinners. We hosted twenty to forty friends every year between 2003 and 2019 (excepting '16 and '17.) It got easier prepping the house every year, as the kids grew older and were able to genuinely assist in the run-up. Also, since it was an annual affair, we all knew the drill.
However, inevitably, there was enough "what the heck do we do with this" stuff to fill a basket or box, which would get stashed up in the attic. Did we ever reclaim those boxes? No, no we did not. I was in the attic yesterday, looking for old children's books to pass on to baby Paulie, and stumbled across a few. At this stage, I think it's best to not even look at what's inside; out the door and straight into the trash bin will be best.
Dear Readers, have you had V-I-Vs (Very Important Visitors) or a high-profile event at your party? How did you carry it off?
I guess we're very low-key; no high-profile guests or events, just family . . . . Of course, they still manage to instigate that same rushing around, cleaning, and fretting that seems to be part and parcel of expecting any guests . . . .
ReplyDeleteI always used to get stressed when my MIL would visit. She was an excellent homemaker, while I worked outside the house, didn’t cook, and was pretty sure she didn’t think I was good enough for her son.
ReplyDeleteWe used to have big BBQs for my husband’s co-workers. Did I hide clutter in the dryer? Yes. The trunk of my car? You betcha!
Those are two ingenious stashing places, Lisa!
DeleteMy aunt used to hide her dirty dishes, and later, the many snack bags, in the oven. Which, fortunately, she never used.
DeleteJulia, your stories bring back memories of my childhood. I remember helping my Mom clean the house before having guests for dinner. I first heard of "hostess with the mostest" about 20 years ago. Do people still have dinner parties these days or are people too busy these days? Family are important to my parents so they are important guests. So are family friends.
ReplyDeleteYesterday we cleaned up and finally did some decluttering before we had guests for afternoon tea. It was also a 80th birthday party for a relative. 80 is an Important birthday.
Get that cleaning service back, Julia! How delightful you get to host the Very Tall Dutchman, but you definitely don't want him sneezing his way through the visit.
ReplyDeleteMy former husband and I used to host up to a hundred people for a 4th of July party every year, but it was outdoors! Nothing to stash or polish. I just had to be sure the downstairs bathroom was clean and the route to it relatively tidy.
Really deep cleaning your home is not easy. Drapes and curtains, blankets, cushion covers, everything can hold dust. With pets, it is even more work. I still clean and declutter before we have dinner guests, but sleepover guests require even more preparation. In one case, I went so far as to clean out the guest closet and dust everything stored inside because my guests were sensitive to dust. It took days.
ReplyDeleteFrom Celia: Good point Judy but for me now age has taken precedence which translates I have help and am grateful for her. But having guests to stay was so much easier once we moved to Maine. The house divided into the main level where the living took place and the open walkout basement level with the guest bedroom view of the lake. After gazing out no one noticed whether the sheets matched or not. It's an ideal set up.
DeleteFrom Celia: clearing up from heating through the Maine winter is challenging. I was thrilled to find a built in vac in our new home only to find it had been installed upside down. But the pressure behind 'important' guests? Yes I remember my mums first visit after the baby joined us. My mum in her typical manner always had a rag on hand to wipe up after I had wiped up and I remember having hysteria once she had gone home.
ReplyDeleteI like order around me but where do you start? The pressure of the boyfriend, flying or not can loom over one but with two g'sons to give me a lead on behavior my guess is he's more interested in the family rather then the dust. Buying an appropriate anti allergy medication and leaving it by the bedside is a nice gesture.
I should be honest and state that we loved having guests for a meal, sleepover, whatever but I would torture myself in trying to achieve the perfection of my mother's demonstrated standards (particularly her ironing skills. So I would suggest turning the list upside down. How?
1). Empty all trash
2) Remove to another location - garage for the recycling decisions after the visit. In fact borrow a friends garage or barn but give yourself a hard after visit recycling date.
3). Remove any loose stuff that needs to stay indoors. A box and a marker plus neatly stacked storage corner which is NOT the attic. Date the box to deal with after the the visit.
4). To dust or not to dust, no
question here. Leaving kitchen, mud room etc to the end considering making up the guest rooms and other spaces upstairs (bathrooms are last).
5) Heavy hitting now with dusting, straightening (MARTHA-ING) - Basically you're selling the house! So once a space is fluffed up it's ready.
6). Now the kitchen: fridge throw out together with counter tops and that odd potato on the pantry floor that escaped.
7). Stack but don't run the DW yet
8). Move groceries to the pantry and consider tossing out old spices etc.
9). Don't spend time tidying the dishes
10) HOW DOES IT ALLLOOK?
11) Finally the floor and extra fluffing.
Great job you're done. This is just my guidelines for big cleanup.
SUGGESTIONS
Run the DW as you leave the house then when you all return the kids can empty it together giving you a breather.
Holy cow, Celia. I'd need a holiday after that list!! I knew a woman once who kept her vacuum cleaner in the hallway, in full view. If someone should arrive, they would think they had found her mid-clean. But of course, visiting with the person was always more important and the state of the house was obviously pre-clean. I think this is a brilliant strategy. Maybe that's why I keep my vacuum in the front-hall closet...
DeleteFrom Celia: Of course you do Amanda, it's a good strategy and until we got a Robot that's where it lived. Right now theres little to engage me as I await PT so I indulged myself seeing how it could be broken down into really, not bite sized but nibbles approach. Selling our NYC house was a case in point - we would get out of bed in the morning and facing each other make, or as I liked to name it - Martha - the bed. But the house sold well, so all good.
DeleteMorning all ~ I had a friend back in the day who had 4 kids under 12. Just before visitors arrived she ran her kitchen sink full of water and Pinesol. Thanks Amanda for instigating this fun memory.
DeletePaula - Pinesol in the sink takes the vacuum-cleaner-in-the-hall hack to the next level!
DeleteMy, Celia, that is some list! We host Easter and Thanksgiving and have from 8 to 15 people. This year we had a Derby Day party for 11. I do extra dusting and vacuuming (at least twice a year moving all the books off the bookshelves and dust/vacuum-yikes), washing windows, etc. My Mom was never a problem. As long as she had books to read, us to talk with, (and wine in the evening) she was good. I do think a professional cleaning service once a year (maybe twice) would be wonderful! Good luck, Julia! It will all be fine!
ReplyDeleteI always do at least a little extra cleaning and tidying before anyone comes over. My son actually helped me before the first visit of his (then) girlfriend, climbing up and cleaning the high garden window in the bathroom. Taking garbage and compost out are top of my list, along with tidying, and cleaning the bathroom.
ReplyDeleteMy days of hosting anyone important are over, so I happily live with the dust bunnies until our wonderful cleaner comes (every fortnight). Though I will give the bathroom a once-over if friends are coming by...
ReplyDeleteJulia: Is "weeping" a typo in this sentence or is it deliberately used? If it's a typo (s/b 'sweeping') then it's the best typo I have ever seen! "It was a scorching hot day in August, and of course, we also had to deal with a two-year-old and a seven-month old while dusting, weeping, polishing, etc., etc."
Same thoughts when I read it too but then decided it really was a typo and that first letter got left off, which happens to me a lot.
DeleteI think both words would fit! Scorching hot, two year old AND a seven month old and having to clean house -- who wouldn't be weeping!!
DeleteI thought weeping was a perfect interjection in that list!
DeleteHaha! It was !
DeleteI do not host parties. The last thing I want is a bunch of people in my house.
ReplyDeleteI don't generally have guests at my house either. However, I'm currently in a 2-month period where my best friend Ann, after completing Leg 2 of her World Retirement Tour, is staying with me before she heads off on Leg 3.
Did I clean? Yes. Is my house spotless and ready for a home magazine photo shoot. NEVER! I'm clean-ish. Though my sister did come over and prep the room Ann is staying in so that it looks like someone cares...a lot more than me I mean.
I'll never be the host with the most. Hell, I generally don't even want to host in the first place. But Ann's my bestie so of course I said yes when she asked if she could stay with me. But I couldn't sanitize the house or she'd wonder who I was and what had happened to the real me.
Laundry, vacuuming, clean the bathroom, empty the trash...the basics. Steam cleaning every inch of the house at the beginning and end of each day...that's not happening.
From Celia: Jay, in my opinion you have exactly the right attitude together with a few extra resources tacked on as needed.
DeleteI think the basics - keeping things clean is what most of us strive for too.
DeleteThat's the list, Jay. SO glad the two of you have some time to catch up - and that I'll see you both in two hours!
DeleteWay back in my youth, first husband and I would regularly host 20-50 folks at the house. We simply didn't stress about stuff knowing someone would find something to gripe about. Instead, we choose to emphasize relaxation and flexibility. Invariably, someone would fall asleep during the festivities and we concluded that we had once again met our goal of a stress-free, safe environment. Couldn't ask for more! -- Victoria
ReplyDeleteFor years I marveled at my neighbor who was a single lady with a little non-shedding dog who had a cleaning lady that came every Tuesday at 10:00. I mean how dirty could her house get in a week? That same lady mowed her own lawn and shoveled her own driveway. Her garage was spotless, by the way. We, on the other hand, were a family of five with a dog who shed like crazy.. When I cleaned my children would ask, “Who’s coming to visit?” Yes, I had relaxed my standards greatly over the years after starting out with weekly cleanings when no one cared.
ReplyDeleteNow I keep the guest bathroom clean and guest bedrooms ready for anyone who wants to drop in.Then pick up the clutter and clean the rest as needed.
We downsized into our condo only about a year-and-a-half ago, so it hasn't had time to develop deep down dirt, and we are trying hard to keep up on routine stuff so it doesn't develop any. Still, last fall we hosted two priests to dinner (separately) and I did feel an absurd level of concern about the house for those two visits. I mean seriously, they're men who get into all kinds of places and probably are the least likely to judge clutter or dust. Still I stressed. Then it turned out the younger one needs gluten-free food, and that turned menu planning into an adventure. But we all survived!
ReplyDeleteJulia, I think most of us have been guilty of those boxes or baskets of hidden clutter. I remember a male coworker joking about it years ago, and when I cleaned out our basement crawl space for the downsize, I believe I found a few of them myself.
I've always had a cleaning lady - I felt it was a modest expense we budgeted for to keep up with the dust, dirt, so it doesn't become a major cleanup later on. Now we just have someone come once a month and it is obvious how much the dust and dirt accumulates. Since our cleaning lady retired and moved back to Mexico (waaaaa! we miss her lovely laugh so much - anyway) we haven't had anyone who will wash windows for many years. I finally had a window washer come out and it's amazing how nice it is to be able to see the outside clearly again!
ReplyDeleteOn my to-do list is - hire window washer!
DeleteThe nice thing about having windows cleaned for me, was they cleaned the sill, frame and hardware which made the windows looked like new.
DeleteWindows! Since we are in a high-rise, we are at the mercy of the building’s cleaning schedule. I think they do it twice a year, which really isn’t enough since we are by the port (lots of particulates) and it rarely rains.
DeleteMy husband has been doing our windows, but it might be time to get outside help for that. He has never touched the second story ones in our bedroom, for instance.
DeleteMy mother was a neat freak and I shared a bedroom with two little sisters who couldn't understand why we had to keep things so orderly. I'd make them stand outside the room and walk in. "Tell me what is the first thing you notice." My sis my see the hairbrush, so we carefully lined it to match the comb. My other sis saw an out of place stuffed animal--under the bed! I used the same technique when my in-laws first visited. I was so nervous that I didn't dare sit on any of the carefully smoothed furnishings. Now, I have a very large house and can't keep up with it all so my guest's room and the kitchen/family area looks great. So does the exterior. In winter we have tons of lights. In summer and spring we have a lush green lawn and flowers. I ignore the pile on the attic staircase. OH, and a healthy stock of good wine helps!!!
ReplyDeleteI often ate delicious Sunday dinners at Peter's parents' house before we were married, but soon after we got back from our wedding in the US and I was settled into our (formerly Peter's ) apartment, I invited Peter's parents and his grandmother for dinner. Vreni, my mother-in-law (who is still going strong at 90 and living in the same house), is not the kind of person to criticize my homemaking skills and wasn't then, either. But I wanted to have a really special meal. I'm sure I cleaned our one-bedroom apartment thoroughly, but the hardest part was deciding what to feed them. After going through the idea of one fancy meal after another, I decided not to compete and served Tex-Mex crunchy tacos, with bought shells (which I had to buy in a gourmet store--no one in Bern then knew anything about Mexican food) and lots of spicy hamburger meat, grated cheese, guacamole, sour cream, and chopped lettuce, tomatoes, and onions. All to be eaten with the fingers when, in those days, I didn't know a single Swiss over 40 who ate ANYTHING with their fingers. I demonstrated for them how to make and eat a taco, and told them it was impossible not to make a mess. They loved the idea and the food. My father-in-law ate so many tacos I thought I might run out of shells, and even Peter's grandmother thought it was all great fun. My mother-in-law still reminds me of that evening now and then.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great idea! New and different is always a great approach.
DeleteA few months ago I saw a big display of Old El Paso kits at a grocery in Nice. I think crunchy tacos are still quite a novelty in Europe.
Welp, I just spent the morning tidying up because my mother is coming to spend the next two nights with us.
ReplyDeleteShe can't see well, but she is still sharp, and can detect dirt with her mom radar, so you know.
We do entertain, a lot, and always have, between hosting parties and overnight guests, as long as a week. Our kids don't live anywhere near, so they all stay with us, which I planned ahead for with this house. And when we were designing it, one of the architect's first questions was how many people we entertained at once. I told him as many as 80, which we have had twice in the last seven years. Luckily, there is a lot of outdoor space! I like cooking for crowds, a la Margo, but this year's Halloween party will be different. Last weekend, two daughters informed me that my 75th birthday present would be cleaning, setup, catering, and serving help for our Halloween bash! The best gift, ever. I will still plan the theme, and the theme food and drink for the hors d'oevres and late supper, but someone else will be in charge of making it all. That is a rare luxury for me!
I envy those who can host parties. I get stressed. Three months after we married we had our first important event: Thanksgiving. My in-laws were coming for that. Frank's dad was a huge college football fan (Gaux Tigers!) and insisted we rent a color TV so he could watch the games. We had just a small black and white portable. We survived. A few months later my aunt and almost-an-aunt were in town and I invited them to dinner. I had a nice menu planned. Frank was working as a store detective parttime and was late. When he arrived and we all sat down, someone shot out the street light out front. Frank had everyone on the floor to be safe. Nothing happened after that. It was no doubt memorable for our guests. Such was newlywed life in Austin.
ReplyDelete