Showing posts with label Dave Barry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dave Barry. Show all posts

Saturday, February 28, 2015

"You Can't Make this Stuff Up!" Lourdes Venard & Characters Inspired by Obits


SUSAN ELIA MACNEAL: Delighted to introduce Lourdes Venard, seasoned journalist, freelance editor and editor of First Draft, the newsletter for the Sisters in Crime Guppies chapter, who's come up with a brilliant (and rather poignant) inspiration for creating characters — writing obituaries. Yes, obituaries. She has also self-published a book, Publishing for Beginners: What First-Time Authors Need to Know. The ebook is free on Kindle this weekend hereRead on....


LOURDES VENARD: One of the hardest things for writers may be to create a character, with all their eccentricities and mannerisms, as well as a rich backstory. Sure, you can sit in coffee shops and listen in on conversations, or even plumb your own life. Or you can read the obits.

When I was a young reporter at The Miami Herald, I was offered the chance to move from one of the neighborhood bureaus to the main City Desk—a coveted spot for cub reporters. The catch?  I would also be writing obituaries.

Morbid as it sounds, this was actually appealing. The Miami Herald’s obituaries were little biographical gems, insights into the lives of the famous and not-so-famous. I found I loved it, and hard as it was sometimes to make that initial call to family members, I found the relatives wanted to share their stories. It was almost as if they had been waiting for that call: so tell me about your grandmother, your aunt, your cousin. I listened, sometimes open-mouthed, sometimes with tears in my eyes, as the stories spilled out.

I wrote about well-known Miami politicians, celebrities and Florida pioneers. But I also wrote about those who readers had never heard of. There was the Olympic fencer from an aristocratic Hungarian family who, when he immigrated to the United States, had to work as a gravedigger for a time before he became a fencing teacher. There was the Dixieland jazz musician who was a musical child prodigy at age 4 and as a teenager ran away to New Orleans, where he discovered jazz; he later played with The Jackie Gleason Show orchestra. There was the teacher with the wonderful name of Bain Lightfoot, whose earlier careers included professional ice skater, newspaper reporter and tavern owner. “He had read a lot, he was intelligent,” his wife said. “He found he could do a whole bunch of things.”

I even wrote about the Miami Beach civic activist who was a prolific writer of letters to the editor, which The Miami Herald printed—until the paper implemented a policy limiting the number of letters it would print from one person. The letter writer was devastated, but found a way around it—he would send letters signed with his wife’s name. I guess he got the last laugh: a full obit in the paper.

I wrote several times of long-married couples who died just a week or two apart. But perhaps one of the strangest obits I wrote was about a divorced couple who died together. The couple, in their 80s and married 57 years, had divorced nine months earlier. A few weeks before their death, they had begun dating again. They were on their way home from one of those dates when they died in a car accident. “They couldn’t live with each other. They couldn’t live without each other,” said one relative. “As luck would have it, they died together.”

As humorist Dave Barry (a Herald colleague at the time) always likes to say: You can’t make this stuff up!

I always tried to be respectful in the obits, but I also strove to make them interesting, looking for those offbeat or unique tidbits. This style of obit writing first gained favor in the 1980s. In the book The Dead Beat, by Marilyn Johnson, she writes about this focus on “regular people”: “People whose lives had been considered dull as linoleum to the general public were offered up as heroes of their neighborhood and characters of consequence. Even more important, every particular of their quirks and foibles—the brand name of their cigarettes, their taste in horror movies—was presented as a clue to the mystery of their existence in the fascinating story of their lives.”

The truth is, as I found out as a young reporter, was that everyone does have a fascinating life story, even if it’s not always apparent at first glance. In these stories, I found what fiction writers strive for: to build well-rounded characters whose lives are not always neat and tidy, but filled with heartbreak, humor and persistence in the face of adversity. In short, life in all its messiness.

SUSAN ELIA MACNEAL: Readers, do you read the obits regularly? What's the most unique one you've ever read (not using names)? What else do you want to talk about this lovely Saturday? Please let us know in the comments!


In addition to working at major American newspapers for 30 years, Lourdes Venard is a freelance editor and editor of First Draft, the newsletter for the Sisters in Crime Guppies chapter. She has also self-published a book, Publishing for Beginners: What First-Time Authors Need to Know. The ebook will be free on Kindle this weekend — click here.


Sunday, January 25, 2009

On the Worst Songs Ever

I crave Lunch. Publisher's Lunch. Not only for it's daily email newsletter on the latest industry scoop, of course, but for the book sale deals.


I know it's, what, masochistic? Not because I begrudge anyone the fabulous deals they made--oh no way! If books are getting purchased and publishers are humming along, I'm all for it.


No--what's masochistic is the constantly recurring thought that I am unable to suppress. And that is: oh--I should have thought of that.



Or worse: Oh, I COULD have thought of that.

We won't even discuss "I DID think of that, years and years ago, but didn't do anything about it" because that way lies true madness. (Two little words: Animal Planet.)

So I can only hope to express my deep depression when I read this on PL:

Colin Bowles's FLUSHED FROM THE BATHROOM OF YOUR HEART: The 100 Worst Songs Ever, a highly personal, deeply offensive, politically incorrect and humorous catalog of pretentious lyrics, bad rhymes and syrupy pap, including classics we love to hate such as 'Achy Breaky Heart,' 'Sometimes When We Touch,' and of course 'Ice Ice Baby' by the singular Vanilla Ice, .... for publication in 2010 ...

What a great idea! Colin, I bow to your hilarity, prescience, and connection with all of us.

I should have thought of it.

(Yes, I know the incomparable Dave Barry did an essay about it a few years ago--we almost couldn't air my TV interview with him because I was laughing so hard. What set me over the edge was Dave's response to the classic by the band America.



Dave said--with this air of incredulity and disbelief: "Name the horse! Why not name the horse? They have plenty of time out there in the desert!")


So because Colin is now under deep deadline pressure, and hey, what if he's only come up with maybe 50 of the top 100 in case the book didn't sell and he'd never need to figure out the rest--what do you think are the worst songs ever?


My votes? Even though I have a huge crush on the genius Paul Simon and he's my favorite, I'm not a fan of Homeward Bound. I think it's whiny. I mean, they're a famous band on tour. Who wouldn't want to do that? Why gripe? And then sing it on their tour?

Bobby Goldsboro's "Honey"--a tour of the home of a dead person? "See the tree how big it's grown, but friend, it hasn't been so long it wasn't big."

'Careless Whisper' in which George Michael declares: "I'm never gonna dance again; Guilty feet have got no rhythm." (Innocent feet do?)

I'm not counting meant-to-be-silly ditties like the Macarena. And its just not worth mentioning how silly it is that Jennifer Lopez sings that she's Just Jenny from the Block.

But Morning Train by Sheena Easton? "My baby takes the morning train, at night he takes it home again.." That's riveting. Having My Baby by Paul Anka."What a lovely way to say you love me.." That's embarrassing.

So this rant about good ideas turned out to be about bad ideas. (Ain't that just how it often happens.) But what songs do you think should be included in Colin's list?

ROBERTA: Oh Hank, this is hysterical. That "Honey" song has to be one of the all-time worsts. And by the way, I canceled my subscription to Publishers' Lunch because I couldn't stand the pressure. I do have a few possible contributions for Colin's book: How about "I think the worst is over now, yes, it's going to be all right, the morning sun is shining like a Red Rubber Ball.." That gem is by Cyrkle, for those not old enough to remember.




HANK: Oh, thanks Roberta. "Now I know you're not the only starfish in the sea..." that song continues. And it's now stuck in my head.


ROBERTA: And here's another one from the Archies: "Sugah, sugah, oh honey, honey, you are my candy girl, and you've got me wanting you!"




Is he going to list Jungle Red Writers in the acknowledgments???

HALLIE: I'm with Roberta on Publishers' Lunch. How to make yourself crazy...every day.

Hands down, my vote goes to that song "I...will always...love you...ooo...oooo. It comes on and I start swaying and caterwauling along. I like my songs, like my prose, seasoned with vinegar.

HANK: But it was a good song when Dolly Parton sang it. Didn't she write it?
RO: She did...I love that song!

JAN: See, Publishers Lunch is one of the few publications that doesn't make me crazy - except when they announce multi-million celebrity book deals - but in general it reminds me that good ideas can still get attention.

On song lyrics. I play guitar and sing, and have a stash of lyrics and guitar tabs from the Internet. Let me tell you, there is nothing like practicing the same song 150 times to make you start to question the lyrics.

Neil Young, for example. Great music and from a guitar standpoint, pretty easy to play. The lyrics SOUND meaningful, but when you break them down...







"When you see me fly away without you, shadow on the things that come, feathers fall around you and show you the way to go. It's over....


I'm sorry, but if you sing these lyrics enough times, you start to wonder...did the bird (ex-lover departing) get shot by a hunter on his flight out?? Is that why feathers are flying around you??? And are they like breadcrumbs, showing you the trail???
Also, there's an Icelandic band called Sigur Ros that makes beautiful, haunting, somewhat eno music. They recently started to sing in a completely made up language, so the audience would find their own meaning in the lyrics. I find this incredibly amusing since generally sing in Icelandic. How many people understand Icelandic?

RHYS: That's so funny. How many people speak Icelandic? When I was a student traveling around Europe with a backpack my friend Ruth and I used to pretend we were Finnish when creepy guys tried to pick us up. We were language students and we knew that Finnish is a language pocket--i.e. not related to any other language. So we spoke this made-up Finnish and got pretty darned good at it.So maybe I'll now try made-up Icelandic.

And I no longer read Publisher's Lunch. All those good deals, nice deals--how about "and in a really crappy pathetic deal...."But--I do check my Amazon ranking way too often. Then I check Jackie Winspear, Anne Perry etc to see if they are higher. Then I'm depressed usually.How we torment ourselves.


HANK: Oh. Digression. Rhys, you never cease to amaze me. I always picture you--happy and satisfied, glowing and secure. If you check your colleagues to see how everyone's doing, I feel much better. Thanks, sistah.

Do you read PL? Well, of course you do. But how do you feel afterwards?

Do you have PL remorse?
RO: See, I never check any of that stuff, either I'm extremely confident or extremely clueless. There are people higher and people lower..what else do I need to know? Lest you think that I've obtained some higher state, I check my mailing lists stats every week - I LOVE it when someone signs up for my mailing list and I'm inordinately upset if someone unsubscribes!
Okay, my worst song ever...Band of Gold by Freda Payne. Some woman signing about, um..."last night on our honeymoon, we stayed in separate rooms. ...come back here and love me like you tried before?" Who bought this? And someone actually remade it.

HANK: Be sure to tell us your worst song ever!
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COMING THIS WEEK:
Wednesday--Jordan Dane tells all!
Abd Friday--queries about queries? The guru of query letters answers is all for us!