JENN McKINLAY: What is your most irrational fear? I’m asking because at the moment I'm trying to work and I have an American Staffordshire Terrier (pitbull)/Australian Cattle Dog mix, hiding under my desk and shaking so hard she’s rattling the pens in their cup because...are you ready?...it’s windy!
Granted, it’s a fairly aggressive breeze out there but, come on, Annie, you are a ferocious beast -- not really, she hides under the dining room table when anyone drops an F bomb -- surely, a little wind isn’t that terrifying.
*Jenn glances under her desk to see a pile of pitiful fur needing a hug*
Give me a sec, I’ll be right back. Okay, girl dog has gotten loved on and is now calmer so I can continue my post. Watching her, I tried to think of my most irrational fear. Sharks leap to mind (thanks, JAWS), but I’d argue since they actually can eat you, it’s not irrational, you know, unlike the wind.
So, what else do I have in my boogeyman closet? Well, true confession time, I am petrified of basements. I will not go down in one. Ever. Now, I don’t mean finished basements, where there’s a bar, a bathroom, and a big screen TV. I’m talking those single lightbulb on a string, wasteland of broken stuff, dirt floor, spider hostels, you know, the stuff of nightmares. Which is just silly. I mean it’s only a room in the ground, right? Ridiculous to have heart palpitations and sweaty palms just because you have to go down there to find an extension cord or whatnot. This is probably why I live in a ranch built on a slab of cement. No basement option!
So, how about you, Reds, what’s your irrational terror?
HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Well, I had to think about this. Roaches, certainly, any kind of shiny bugs that skitter really fast. Or have lots of legs, like a centipede! Yes, I hate centipedes! But I’m not sure that’s irrational, that seems quite logical.
Basically I am more of an Undertoad person. Remember from Garp? I have a deep fear of the thing happening that I cannot imagine, some horrible random terrible thing.
Okay, I’m not thrilled with rats or spiders or generic bugs of any kind, but more and more I’m sort of fascinated by them instead of afraid.
HALLIE EPHRON: Lightning. I’m afraid it’s going to come inside. And don’t tell me it can’t. It can. I run around and unplug appliances and make everyone get off the phone (we still have a landline) and out of the bathtub. Close windows. At the same time I’m fascinated. Once I’ve battened down the hatches I raise the shades and turn off the lights and watch. Counting after each strike to gauge how far away it is.
RHYS BOWEN: I hate to confess but I’m scared of the dark. If I go downstairs at our house in California I have to rush to find the light switch. I need a crack of light coming through the blinds when I sleep so I can see my way around the room. And spiders. I hate spiders. But I’m a good girl and put a glass over one I find in the bathtub ( unless it’s too big and hairy) and release it outside.And moths. Hate moths, the way they flutter at you.
JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Oh, Jenn, if you ever want to terrify you, I have a cellar here that’s made for your nightmares. Dirt floor, ill-lit, stone walls and the debris of 200 years of ownership, including a huge boiler that looks like something out of The Shining.
My irrational fear is pretty standard - I’m arachnophobic. A photo of a spider gives me the damp sweats and heart palpitations, and will cause me to slam shut whatever I’m looking at, never to return. Just typing this is making me anxious you’ll out a spider picture up here - please don’t, Jenn!
Interestingly enough, now that I have presbyopia and can’t see anything up close unless I have my reading glasses on, I’m perfectly fine with either killing or co-living with spiders. AS LONG AS I CAN’T SEE ANY DETAILS.
JENN: No spider picture here, Julia, but you might want to scroll past Lucy's section!
LUCY BURDETTE: Oh you guys would have FREAKED OUT if you’d seen the spiny orb-weaver spider on our deck. She (or he) had made a big web overnight blocking off 2 of John’s tomato plants and two of the seats that we use a lot. I looked it up--a good spider that eats many bugs. But still...John relocated her…
I am also afraid of car crashes. However, you are never going to convince me that this is irrational!
DEBORAH CROMBIE: Oh, I LOVE orb spiders. One year we left one on our front porch for months (until Halloween, actually) because it was so fascinating to watch and the webs are so beautiful. I laugh at people who are afraid of mice. I mean, what is a mouse going to do to you? And why is climbing on a chair going to protect you from the evil mouse?
But, I have to admit it, I am totally freaked out by cockroaches. I don’t mean the little brown ones, I’m talking about the big, black, waterbugs. Ack!! I shriek! I drop things. Or throw things. Once I threw a whole twenty pounds of dry cat food in the air when a roach ran out of the bag. These things don’t hurt you--why do they make react like someone in a bad horror film?
JENN: Creepy crawlies don't bother me...much. Unless I walk through their cobweb - ew - or they fly/slither right at me. So long as we respect each other's boundaries, we're good.
What about you, Readers? What's your irrational fear?
