Who Would You Like To Be?

RHYS. BOWEN: Last week we talked about interviews we had experienced, both as the interviewer and interviewee. I’ve done a lot of radio and blog interviews, as I know the rest of the Reds have too. Sometimes they are excruciating because the radio host as no idea who I am, what I write and has probably never read a book. “So—Miss Brown—you’ve written this, uh…”

Most of the time I get asked identical questions so that I can switch off my brain, open my mouth and the answer comes out.

But just occasionally I get an interviewer who challenges me. On a radio interview a while ago I was asked, “If you could be anyone else in the world for fifteen minutes, who would you like to be?”

                This took me by surprise. I didn’t have much time to think but I said, “I’d like to be the number one tennis player in the world, coming out onto Center Court at Wimbledon for the final, knowing I can win.”

I’ve always been a tennis fanatic. I played for my school and my college. As a teen I had pin-ups of Rod Laver, Ken Rosewall etc on my wall. My friend and I rode our bikes about ten miles to the tennis club after school, practiced for two hours then rode back again. I played club tennis and occasionally league (which I hated. Too serious) until I got a damaged disk between my shoulder blades. I asked if I could still play tennis. Yes, but you’ll have to serve underhand, she said. Hey, I can still beat my son-in-law. I don’t server underhand I said. So I quit.  I still miss it.

                But this week, when I’ve been laid low with a virus, I have watched the tennis channel every day and I found myself wondering would I really have liked to be a top tennis player? I love tennis but nothing but tennis, every day all year?   I’m afraid I’m not very good at doing just one thing. When I lived in a country club in Texas I played tennis with the other women a couple of times a week. Most of them played every morning.  “I should be cleaning my house,” they giggled as they swept the court of leaves. I have friends who after retirement play bridge every day.

I have realized I’m not passionate enough about anything to do it every day of my life. Maybe if I’d been that little bit better at tennis—, one who could win tournaments, perhaps I’d have worked harder. But now when I watch those young women playing all over the world, all year without a break, I wonder if it’s worth it. Ashley Barty didn’t think so. She quit as number one in the world.

Now Reds—who would you have liked to be? Did you have any childhood dreams or passions that were not fulfilled? And I realize as I write this that I write every day. If I’ve finished a book and am supposed to take a break I am jotting down ideas, itching to get back to work. So I do know who I’d like to be after all!

And to update that question about who I’d like to be for fifteen minutes I now have a good answer. I’d like to be Vladimir Putin. I’d take poison that would take twenty minutes to react.

Desert Island Don'ts

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Last week, I stepped up on my parenting cred by keeping Youngest’s 15 year old mostly deaf/mostly blind Shih Tzu who is unneutered for medical reasons and who wears a diaper indoors because he’s also impossible to housetrain. Now Buddy has the virtue of being cute, sleeping a lot (I will too when I’m 105!) and he never pees when on a bed or sofa, so, you know, at least I didn’t have to add in extra laundry to the mix. Except for doing diapers for the first time in 18 years. Thank you, 20 Mule Team Borax.

I discovered something about myself in the eight days Buddy was in my care - as much as I love dogs, four of them is TOO MANY. Too much time dishing out three different foods, too much time getting everyone out and in, too much time making sure those who want cuddles are getting some and those who want to retrieve toys and sticks have the opportunity. Clearly, I was smart when I stopped after child number three.

This got me to thinking about other things I absolutely adore - that can also tip over into Oh, God, no, make it stop! Music is a big item. I seem to have a lifetime limit for most songs, and when I reach it, I’ll turn off the radio/tell Alexa to skip immediately. This put me in conflict with Ross, who was a guy who could listen to Alice’s Restaurant dozens of times on a single car trip to my parent’s house for Thanksgiving! Movies are the same way for me; even the ones I love, love, love I restrict to one viewing a year so i don’t get sick of them. Clearly, I would be a flop at Desert Island Discs. The greatest classical pieces ever would make me stabby if I had to hear them over and over and over again.

What else have I found is too much if too many? Well, ham, obviously. Travel, although it’s going to be some time before I hit my limit on that again. Looking at art - I’ve learned through experience to limit myself to ONE gallery at a museum, otherwise 1) I get blase 2) I get bored 3) I start to pay more attention to my feet hurting. 

How about you, Reds? What are the things and experiences you delight in… in small enough quantities?

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: This is hilarious. Yes, the limit thing. I have to says, Julia, once for Alice’s Restaurant is always welcome, and nostalgic, and fun to sing along. Twice, though,  is a big no thanks until next year.  

And thing is, you don’t know you’ve hit the limit until it actually happens. You’re all fine listening to the sound track of A Chorus Line, over and over (in the 1970s) until–stop! No more whining. No matter how relatable and inspirational it is. And “Alexa, SKIP this song” is a refrain around here, too.

And yes, I restrict movies, too. I want to protect My Cousin Vinny, and The Devil Wears Prada, and High Society and The Philadelphia Story.  I wonder, though, about The Godfather. Might that be good no matter how many times?

Finally, I am worried about turkey sandwiches. I truly do NOT want to tire of those.

RHYS BOWEN: I’ve always felt enough is enough. I have friends who played bridge every day after they retired. I could not do that, or even tennis which I love. I keep my favorite music for certain rituals. Mama Mia when we drive from San Francisco to Phoenix. Two Christmas albums that have to be played as I decorate the tree. Die Fledermaus and Les Mis only once  year.

 

I have favorite movies: Enchanted April, Midnight in Paris, Letters to Juliet, the Court Jester when I need cheering up. But I can watch certain British comedies over and over, laughing even though I know all the jokes!

LUCY BURDETTE: Julia, you are a very kind person! I hope you will take me in when I am deaf, blind, and incontinent. I know we will have a good time! And I will only bring two pets. As for getting tired of things, I know not to watch Love Actually more than once a year. I think it’s nearly perfect over that timeframe, but more than that it would get silly and old. Speaking of nearly perfect, have you watched the movie CODA? I watched it with friends and we all absolutely loved it. I am saving it to watch with another friend because I think two times through will be perfect. And one thing I barely ever repeat his books. I know some of you are wonderful rereaders, but I always want to move on to something new. 

 

 

 

HALLIE EPHRON: I confess, I OD’ed on THE WIZARD OF OZ. SINGING IN THE RAIN? Once a year is perfect. And though I adore THE FIFTH ELEMENT, I get about halfway through and turn it off. The Harry Potter movies have now shown up for free on Peacock and I try NOT to turn to one when the rest of TV-land feels like a desert. Besides, the books are better.

Too much potato chips and sour cream/onion dip? That would be a tragedy. 

As for pets, I’m pretty sure zero is the perfect number for me right now.

JENN McKINLAY: My entire life is pet care with three cats, two dogs, and two fish who won’t die, which is fine because they’re the easiest to care for. I said I was done with pets and then another dog appeared…sigh. Sucker, thy name is Jenn. It’s fine, everything is fine.

As for other things that I used to love but am over now. Sun. I used to bake like a cat in the sun, but after the skin cancer on the nose – nope, nope, nope. Also, I get bored just lying there when I used to fall asleep – which is code for “recover from a hangover”. I don’t reread books anymore because my TBR pile gives me stink eye if I don’t diligently chip away at it. I never rewatch TV programs or movies because the childrearing years set me back ten years in pop culture and I’m still catching up. Thankfully, I have yet to hit my limit on baked goods since I just discovered there is a Paris Baguette nearby and their walnut cream infused bun of yummy goodness is delicious enough to make me give up state secrets. 

DEBORAH CROMBIE: I have to say that I am pretty much over big cooking projects. The idea of cooking for a big dinner or a party fills me with existential dread. I am over weekly menu planning, too, but that is not going away unless I actually end up on that desert island!

JULIA: I wish there were food items I was just so over, but I don’t seem to be wired that way, alas. Okay, dear readers, tell us your Desert Island Don’ts!

Follow Your Passion

RHYS BOWEN:

One of my reasons for travel this spring was a reunion of college friends. We meet every 3 years in a good hotel somewhere and laugh, eat and drink for three days. This year several friends couldn’t make it, including one who has an interesting hobby/passion/obsession. She is a fan of a particular opera singer, Finnish I believe, and she goes to hear this woman wherever she sings in the world.

I am rather impressed by this, and a trifle envious too, as I have never had this kind of overwhelming passion for anything

 I have met people who read a book a day, every day. I used to love playing tennis, played a couple of times a week, but there were women at my club who were on that court at 8 a.m every morning. I have friends who play bridge every day. There are sports fans who follow their teams wherever they go.

                So what is wrong with me? Why have I never felt this strongly about anything? I go to Giant’s spring training games but only because I’m right there in Scottsdale. I try to attend live tennis matches when I can. I go to the opera and ballet sometimes. But no one thing has ever meant so much to me that it has taken over my life.

How about you, Reds and readers? Have you ever been so passionate about anything that your life revolves around it?

Oh wait… I’ve just thought. I have written at least two books a year, for the past thirty years. This means writing every day. So perhaps I do have my passion after all. 

And thank you for all the fabulous survival stories you shared about trips gone wrong. How so many of us made it through so many harrowing experiences, I don't know. But I think the winner of the ARC of Heirs and Graces has to be Susan McNichol. Susan please email me at authorrhysbowen@gmail.com with your address and I'll send you the ARC. And please tell us if you ever found out whether your Scot was delusional, had killed the other man or really was targeted by the Mafia!

Rationing Oneself for good or ill

JAN BROGAN - A woman I play  tennis with told a story last week that I can't get out of my head.   She was never allergic to almonds or nuts of any kind. She ate almonds  her entire life, and then one day, she ate something with almonds in it and she swelled up like a balloon. Every since, she can't even brush an almond to her lips or her lips get suddenly puffy and itchy. And now, she has to carry some sort of antidote in case she eats one by mistake because she could die.  She went to the doctor and he explained it like this:  With certain things it is like filling a cup.  You eat almonds, you fill the cup. Then, one day, when it gets one almond over the cup; WHOOSH, you are allergic.

That made me think:  A lot of things are like that, when you think about it.  I love tennis. But now because of deterioration in my cervical spine,  I have a limited amount of smacking-the-ball-as-hard-as-I-can left in me. I don't want back surgery so I've started to limit the amount of times I play tennis and who I am willing to play tennis against (men WHO HIT heavy TENNIS balls with a lot of spin are on my boycott list). I have self-rationed.

So how about the rest of you, are there things that you love - like almonds - that you love so much you'd be willing to ration yourself for the rest of your life? Any area of your life that makes you wary of overfilling your cup?

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN : What? Can this be true? (Isn't there that Will Smith or (someone) movie, where he's told he can only say 1000 more words for the rest of his life? If he hits 1000, he'll die? I thought that was a kind of cool story idea...)

One almond over the cup and you are Allergic? No. NO. I cannot believe it. How many is too many? Anyone? Anyone? Does this make sense?

Okay, rant over. Janny, I know you were asking about something else entirely. Frankly, I feel as if I already do that, ration myself. But I eat almonds every day, you see, and now I'm starting to itch. No, really, I'm not kidding.

HALLIE EPHRON: So weird -- that is what happened to me with mussels. I ate them for years and then BLAM just a taste and I get violently ill. If it had happened with almonds I'd be bereft.

RHYS BOWEN: I already have a love/hate relationship with nuts. I love them but they don't love me back. So I've learned to chew a cashew very, very slowly, once in a while. Hank, I don't think I could ration myself to a certain number of words (but what a great story idea!) I'd probably die not shutting up. When I was a small child I was horribly allergic to berries. Two strawberries and I came out in giant blisters. Strangely enough I outgrew this.
I would have no problem with any kind of food or drink. I'm quite disciplined about what I eat--but only one episode of Downton Abbey a year? Only half an hour of As Time Goes By? Or worse still--only ten minutes of reading a day or my eyesight might go? Those would be super hard for me.

JAN: Rhys, I hadn't thought of Downton Abbey, but that's what PBS seems to be doing to us, rationing us on our favorite program. Come to think of it,  I have DVD copies of both the old Pride and Prejudice and the Keira Knightly one and ration myself to once a year. I'm afraid I'll get bored (maybe because I already know every line by heart) and one day, I won't get the same thrill out of watching them.

ROSEMARY HARRIS: And of course my first thought was....hmmmm,.... she's gonna save herself a lot of money in injectable filler treatments in the years to come if all she has to do is rub a nut on her lips and they swell up like Angelina Jolie's. But I guess I digress.

The hard part for me here is the defnition of "fill my cup." Or we talking death or other unpleasant experiences? I always feel that I have to ration myself when it comes to cheese - and peanut butter. my husband has taken to hiding the cheese (who moved my cheese?) because I don't know when to stop. Same thing for peanut butter. Oddly enough if the package is sealed or the jar unopened I don't mind. But once it's out there, I will eat it until it's all gone. Unfortunately when it's over I have the same thin lips.

DEBORAH CROMBIE: I'm not allergic to anything, thank goodness, and tend to be moderate about foods that I do like.  But oh, I would hate to have to give up tea, or cheese, or eggs, or lemons--I am addicted to lemons. And olive oil.  The list goes on, but none of these are things I'd sit down and eat pounds of.

I think Rhys has it.  The worst thing to have to ration would be reading.  I do, in a sense, because I almost never read fiction during the day, or I'd get even less work done than I do now.  But if I could only read five or ten minutes a day? Or only read a certain number of words? Yikes.  Lots to be thankful for, right?


LUCY BURDETTE: Ro, you gave me the best laugh for the day! For me it's cheese too, and milk. I'm one of the few weirdos who drinks milk with dinner and always with cookies or cake. My father was deathly allergic to peanuts and eggs that weren't hard-boiled. We were all well-trained to put the jelly on a sandwich first and then the peanut butter, so the jelly would never accidentally become contaminated. But I digress too:). I'd hate to have to go gluten-free. I adore bread and cake and biscuits and pizza...but reading would be worse. We went shopping for my mother-in-law who can't read normal print very well (and hasn't totally mastered her ipad.) The large print book department is really quite appallingly thin....

Oh wait, wait, I forgot one more...if I became allergic to pets, it would be a true tragedy!

JAN: So come on, we all self-ration in one way or another. To keep your cup from running-eth over, what kind of discipline do you impose on yourself? And in what areas?

And don't forget to come back tomorrow when social media expert and my new guru Glenn Miller (not the big band leader) gives us the best advice ever on how to ration our social media energy.

On Props

JAN BROGAN _ As the Boston Globe noted yesterday, our governor of Massachusetts has taken to props. He wore a black fleece emblazoned with the initials for MEMA "Massachusetts Emergency Management Agency," when he toured the town of Greenfield in the aftermath of Hurricane Irene -- even though he took no real part in the recovery action and surely, it was too hot for a fleece in August.

Apparently, it's the same fleece he wore during snowstorms. And he's also been known to put on firefighter jacket when the publicity moment felt right.

It's nothing new for a politician to try to convey an image. Scott Brown wore his barn jacket and drove a pickup truck when he was campaigning, and I think Ronald Reagan might have started it all with an informal sweater.

Tina Fey in her memoir BossyPants (which I heartily recommend) reveals that she first wore her glasses in the the SNL News segment because forgot to put in her contact lenses, but the glasses were so popular, they became du rigeur.

That got me to thinking about props. They're for everyone really. We already talked Tuesday about the high priced yoga pants I indulge in for yoga (although I hadn't yet told you about the mat, the yoga bag, or the Ugg sandals that complete the experience) and now I'll admit I have certain clothes I only wear when I'm on Martha's Vineyard - all of them longer, looser, and maybe a bit more hippyish. I'll spare you and not go into all my tennis gear - which goes well beyond sneakers and racquets.

But I even have props for writing - and that's outright silly. But yes, I have special typewriter earrings for when I'm doing speaking engagements or book signings, and a Shakespeare coffee mug for when I'm writing at my desk. (it was a gift, but still, is that pretentious, or what?)

At any rate, I think we all have our props. My question is: What are yours?

On No Discipline Whatsoever

Okay, maybe they weren't the best New Year's resolutions, nor the most ambitious, but I was sincere about them. Really, I was.

1. No eating after 9 p.m. at night. I was doing really well with that one until last night. I had one of those cinnamon sugar graham crackers. The good news was it immediately gave me a stomach ache. So after one small lapse, maybe I'll get back on track. Unless I'm watching television late at night. Then all bets are off.

2. No email until after I've already written five pages of my novel or the book proposal. I was actually doing pretty well with this one BEFORE New Years. But this week is my blog week, and the first thing I have to do in the morning is get up and post. For some reason, these leads to checking email. Plus I have a new computer AND a new email system. So what human could possibly resist the novelty factor?

3. Be green and use all cans of tennis balls at least twice before throwing them out. I tried this, but most people I play tennis with insist on opening their own fresh can of balls if you offer a used can. So it isn't any greener and it just seems cheap.

4. Stop telling my kids what to do. They are grown ups for goodness sakes. That was the idea behind the resolution. But this week I remembered that I'm still helping to finance them. And if I let my son shop for his clothes without me (on my credit card) he comes home with stupid stuff that is the wrong size. He hates shopping. I can't help myself. I have to go and save him from himself.

5. Buy less at the supermarket. Especially produce, which almost always goes bad because I buy too much. I've already had to throw out wilted parsley and a very funky looking lemon. And my first grocery bill has not yet gone down a penny. But then again, my son is still home from school and he eats a lot. Right?

Okay everyone, what new year's eve resolutions have you already broken???

And for those you who have resolved to watch less television, if you are in the Providence area today, January 7th , I'll be reading from Teaser and talking about mysteries with the talented Mark Arsenault at the Providence Main Library, Empire Street, Providence, RI at 7 p.m. We would love to see you there!

And Congratulations to Ruth McCarty, who won a copy of Brad Park's new book: FACES OF THE GONE.

And a reminder from Hank: WINNERS!! SECOND NOTICE!!

Margie B! You win Toni'sKelner's book! Email me and send your snail mail address.

And Plastic Santa! You win a copy of Quarry, the new and wonderful collection of short stoires from New England writers (okay, including my On The House.)

Send me your snail mail!

Fifteen Minutes of Fame

RHYS: Since it's the US Open as I post this, my thoughts have been exclusively on tennis for two weeks. My bottom has been glued to a chair and I have cooked with the background thwunk of tennis balls making me turn around every time there is a good shot. So naturally I had to blog once about tennis.

About a year ago I did a long radio interview. Usually interviewers ask the same questions and answering them merely requires me to push the correct button in my head. So when I find an interviewer who throws me off balance, I find I am sitting on the edge of my seat and I give much fresher answers. Anyway this particular interviewer suddenly said, "If you could be anyone else in the world for fifteen minutes, who would you be?"

I really didn't have time for much thought but a clear picture came into my mind. I said, "I'd like to be the world's number one tennis player, coming out onto Center Court to play the final at Wimbledon." I didn't choose the moment when I had won and was holding up the trophy. I chose the moment of supreme anticipation, feeling the cheers of the crowd echoing around me and knowing that all I had to do to win was to play my game. Delicious.

So who would you be?

ROBERTA: If we're sticking with tennis, how about Melanie Oudin, the 17 year old American in her first open who's just slain three major dragons? She's the absolute darling of the US Open crowd because she has not one visible iota of attitude or baggage. She's just so happy to be where she is and so happy to dig in and take every point. And she's so damn young:) That all might be fun for fifteen minutes!

RO: Who knew I had so much in common with my blog sisters? I am practically useless during the grand slams..I've been known to get up early for the Australian and stay up way too late for the US Open. I knew Flavia Pennetta when other people thought she was a sauce. Someone asked me this question eight years ago and I didn't hesitate before answering - Venus Williams. She had just won the Open and I thought - "what must it be like to be the best in the world?"
(Now I'm reminded of the homicidal beauty in The Natural..."are you the best there ever was?" BANG!) On the court I'd have to say Roger Federer. See above.

Off the court...it's really not so hard to be me, but maybe for a day..don't laugh..Oprah. Think of the power.

HALLIE: Not Oprah, but on about the same level I would mind 15 minutes as Heidi Klum. To be that gorgeous, that slim, and wear all those great clothes...sigh. Then I tell myself to get a grip...because the person I'd really like to be is Sonya Sotomayor. Fifteen minutes would probably be plenty.