What Next?

 RHYS BOWEN:  As I’ve mentioned this week, we are gearing up for a big family wedding. I am debating whether to spend a small fortune on a dress. Because it is going to be A BIG OCCASION.

When my girls got married the weddings were lovely but simple. We had a family friend to do the photos and the video. Another friend provided the DJ at one and the jazz band at another. We had a nice venue, good food and a great time was had by all.

My son and his bride arranged their own wedding. It was in a grove four thousand feet up a mountain and the whole wedding party slept in yurts. It was lovely. Lights strung between the trees, a dance floor, good food and in the middle of nature. I loved it (apart from the bed in the yurt.. .)

This is a wedding with all the bells and whistles. A wedding planner making sure all is in place  before we reach the venue. A bridal procession in which I have to walk with the two other grandmothers up the aisle. A videographer, apart from the photographer. Signature cocktails. You name it, we are having it. 

This makes me realize how much we have to raise the bar to make anything feel special these days. Destination weddings in Tahiti! Photo shoots by the Eiffel Tower. 

 Christmas comes to all the stores in October.  Look at the ads at Christmas time. Put a Lexus under the tree for her. My granddaughters, at a private school, had to endure prom-posals before the prom. Not just “hey, would you like to go to the prom with me?” but balloons, banners, music, dancers etc etc. Lizzy had the embarrassment of an elaborate  very public, promposal from a boy she didn’t want to go to the prom with. But she said yes, not to hurt his feelings after he’d been to so much trouble. 

We were out for a walk a few months ago and there in the park was what seemed to be a big picnic.  Only it had a giant paper mache decoration and as we passed there was music, drum roll, then this exploded, confetti shot everywhere, there were screams and hugs and…. It was a gender reveal party!

What next? I ask myself. Have we lost the ability to be happy with the simple, the non-extravagent? Not over the top, competing all the time? I find myself fantasizing about living in a French or Italian village. Sitting in the town square, drinking coffee or wine with friends.. All the time in the world. No stress. No hype. 

How about you? Do you feel the same?

What is Luxury?

 RHYS BOWEN: On Valentine’s Day my oldest grandson is getting married. Yes, I know it’s rather mind-blowing that grandchildren have reached that age (and he is only 25, which is very young to get married these days). So of course my major concern at the moment is trying to find the right dress for the wedding. This is made more complicated because the bride has sent out a color palette… sunset colors.  I don’t look good in bright pinks and oranges, so it will have to be a soft pink or very pale blue. I started looking online and found the most gorgeous dress. I showed it to my daughter Anne, who was staying with us. She agreed. Gorgeous. Perfect. The only thing wrong with it was that it was $800. That’s a lot of money for a dress I will wear once.  I know I can actually afford it but my frugal nature keeps screaming “Are you crazy?”

I suppose the problem is that I was brought up to be frugal. My early years after WWII in England were years of “make do and mend”.  Of doing without. Foodstuffs were rationed until 1953 so as a small child there was no question of going to the sweet shop and buying a candy bar.  I had a school uniform, one set of play clothes and maybe one dress for special occasions. That was it.  My family rarely ate out, unless it was to stop for fish and chips on the way back from an excursion. So for me a luxury at the time was to buy a Walls Ice cream from the ice cream van in the summer.

When I started working for the BBC in London luxury for me was going to the theater often. It was usually seats up in the top balcony but at least I saw all the new plays when they came out.

Which makes me think about what constitutes luxury. I suppose it equates to something you can’t usually afford to buy.  I’ve been to India several times. The first time the bill boards advertised transistor radios… the item ordinary people dreamed of owning.  Then it was a bicycle. And on the last occasion it was a car.  As people became more affluent their dreams became bigger.

So now I’m thinking what constitutes luxury for me today? I’m not the sort of person to drool over designer items. I’m never going to pay thousands for Gucci or Prada. But the one thing I treat myself to is business or first class when I fly. That is not only luxury it makes sense because I arrive feeling rested.

I do love going to a spa, getting  a massage, staying at a nice hotel, so I suppose luxury for me is an experience rather than things… stuff.

I don’t think I’ll buy that dress. I am, after all, only a grandmother, on the fringe of wedding photos. But I’ll keep you posted.

How about you? What do you consider to be luxury?

JENN McKINLAY: Oh, that is a lot for a dress if you’re not the bride. Maybe you can do an image search of the dress on Google and see if you can find it cheaper elsewhere or something similar but less pricey. Give it a go! I’ve had good luck doing that for shoes.

My cousin the economist calls me a “bougie thrifter.” I will buy designer items but they have to be in excellent condition, on sale, and retain their value so when I die, the hooligans can sell them for a profit. I don’t buy a lot of expensive things but when I do I look at them as investments. So that’s my take on luxury items - I’ll only buy if there’s a guaranteed return on investment - rather like being well rested after a long flight. LOL.

LUCY BURDETTE: Oh Jenn, I have to agree with Rhys on business class. You lose days of your vacation if you arrive exhausted and a wreck. Though I still shop for sales and the best deals. Rhys, I’m in the ‘buy the dress’ camp because this sounds like such a special occasion! Would it be something you could also wear to a conference?

HALLIE EPHRON: I grew up with money but I still have trouble spending it. On springing for business or first class airfare, I was up for it until I went to actually book a trip to Europe and saw the price difference. Thousands, not hundreds. No amount of but-but-butting will get me to spring for that. It’s much cheaper to arrive a day early and book an extra day in the hotel. Maybe it’s not so much for domestic flights.

I’m with Jenn on buying designer items on sale or used. Love the idea of a “bougie thrifter.” Jenn, I want to go shopping with you!

Wondering if anyone out there wants to weigh in on Lululemon - Worth it or not for workout clothes?? Uggs?? On the other hand I swear by LL Bean for quality if not so much for stylishness. But you can be sure that when you’re sick and tired of wearing it, it’ll still be in good condition for another bougie thrifter to snap up.

RHYS:  Hallie, my daughter and granddaughters swear by Lululemon. They last forever and if they rip Lulu will replace them. Since I don't wear leggings (I don't believe women of a certain age should reveal their shapes to the world) I haven't had to make a decision about this.

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Oh, you know what I’m going to say: If you absolutely love it, buy the dress. Of COURSE. Will you have fun and feel wonderful and you can afford it? Absolutely.

Business class on airplanes, yes, and first class if I can bump myself up when someone else is paying for the basic  ticket. It is worth it to me not to arrive at events frazzled and frustrated. It;s an immense difference.

Luxury to me  is carryout food, isn't that ridiculous? Not having to make dinner all the time is so wonderful.  (A massage? No, that would be torture, argh) Having clothes I love in all price ranges, I love that. 

(Hallie, UGGS are the warmest things in the world, but to me they are ‘inside’ shoes. )

And “ONLY a grandmother,” Rhys? I don’t think that describes you at all!

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: I’m more of an “experience instead of things” person as well, Rhys. Staying in a nice hotel and ordering room service so I don’t have to get dressed and go out. Post shower hydration hour, where I wrap up in a long terry robe after slathering on nice-smelling moisturizer, and laying down with a Korean face mask to listen to one of my podcasts. Honestly, one of my favorite luxuries is absolutely free - slipping into a freshly made bed with sheets just off the line.

I classify buying really good clothing/footwear/outdoor wear under frugality. I’d rather have a $300 sweater that will last twenty years than a series of fast fashion versions. Of course, I’m a pretty staid dresser, so your mileage may vary.

And if I can add to the UGGS conversation - have you seen the UGGS slides? They’re basically flip-flops. Shearling lined flip-flops! Why?!?

DEBORAH CROMBIE: I say buy the dress, Rhys. It's a very special occasion and you are not "just" the grandmother! And surely it's something you could wear on another occasion, like a conference banquet when you are nominated for yet another award?

I'm with you on the upgraded air travel, although I can usually only do it when I can bump up my original ticket with mileage. Business class on a transatlantic flight can make the difference between a productive first few days on a trip, or exhausted misery. And I adore nice hotels. And restaurants. For the most part, I'd rather spend money on doing things rather than having them.

RHYS:  I'm still toying with the dress but also thinking of this one. What do you think?

I've Made it!

 RHYS BOWEN:  Dear Reds and Readers, I'm happy to report that after years of hard work and struggle, I have finally made it to the top. I am officially a writer of stature! An A lister!

How do I know this?  Because FAKE RHYS BOWEN has been contacting other writers, just like fake James Patterson and Fake Julia Quinn.  I only learned this because fake Rhys Bowen happened to contact my friend Lee Goldberg.  Of course he contacted me with great glee. He posted on Facebook saying "You've never said that you'd love to share about your creative journey, what inspires the worlds and characters you create and how you keep your storytelling fresh and engaging when working with complex or layered material."

He added, but you did once throw yourself down a flight of stairs and get medi-vacced out of a hotel just to avoid talking with me! (that was when I fell and broke my pelvis!)

No, in real life we talk about the latest place he's found to eat on Oahu. I don't think real writers talk much about our creative journeys to each other.  I know we Reds don't. We talk of more mundane matters like sick dogs, children and occasionally publishing gripes. 

If you're a fellow writer you have probably been contacted by fake famous person.  I'm not sure what they hope to get out of it. Would someone be expected to pay five hundred dollars to talk to fake Rhys Bowen?

I get daily scammers offering to bring my book to book clubs, get more visibility on Amazon etc. Occasionally I reply, as when they offered to take the German version of a Molly book to a book club in Manhattan.  Mostly I ignore. Sometimes I write back to the book clubs and say that I'd love to meet with them and my usual fee is $2000.  I don't hear back.

Lee, with more time than me, does engage in a most amusing way.  He wrote back to fake Tana French, if I remember correctly, saying he was amazed she still wanted to talk to him after what happened. He was still in prison but the rape charge had been dropped.  To a fake famous guy he replied, "You have a nerve to contact me after what you did to my wife."

The stupid thing is that these scammers don't seem to realize that we writers know each other!  But I wonder how many self published authors do take the bait?

So dear Reds and Reddies, have you been getting these annoying scams? Do you just ignore and delete or try to respond?