JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: I had my annual checkup with my NP recently, and discovered once again almost every physical change or symptom I experience is something "you can expect as you get older." (Did I mention my NP is literally young enough to be my son? Of course he is. Medical practitioners my age are frickin' retiring.)
Trouble with insomnia? "You can expect that as you get older." Bouts of vertigo when I lie down and get up? "You can expect that as you get older."Acid indigestion? "You can expect that as you get older." I expect if I told him I was growing a second head, I'd find out that, too, is just one of those things that happen as you... you know the drill.
I've been thinking about the last time my body ran away with me - puberty - and decided the physical process of maturing has a lot of similarities with what happens as we age, except that after puberty we get to drink and have sex, while after completing aging... again, you know the drill.
Puberty: I am horrified to find the skin on my face, to which I had never given any thought other than to make sure it was washed, is embarrassing and betraying my by breaking out in zits.
Aging: I am horrified to find the skin on my face, which I have been lavishing with elaborate and expensive serums, moisturizers and sun screens, has creases that don't iron out and has broken out in solar lentigines, AKA liver spots.
Puberty: Oh, no, my boobs are getting as big as my grandmother's!
Aging: Oh, no, my bunions are getting as big as my grandmother's!
Puberty: I wake up once a month wracked with cramps. (My first time, when I come downstairs complaining, my mother dances around the kitchen singing, I Enjoy Being A Girl.)
Aging: I wake up once a month wracked with cramps. I have dared to eat a little too much of whatever food substance my body's decided is verboten right now. Sadly, no on sings and dances in the kitchen.
Puberty: I worry a lot about nuclear war.
Aging: I worry a lot about nuclear war.
Puberty: My joints ache as they strain to keep up with my bones growing three inches in height annually for three years.
Aging: My joints ache from arthritis. Oh, and I've lost three inches in height! What the hell, bones?!?
Puberty: I experience a mix of panic and excitement with I think about cute boys in my middle school.
Aging: I experience a mix of panic and excitement when I think about the balance in my stock and bond portfolio.
Puberty: Whenever I'm feeling scared or misunderstood or overwhelmed, I escape into books. My fictional friends always make me feel better.
Aging: Me too, 14-year-old Julie. Me, too.
Dear readers, what is your time of life akin to?
Aging, with no thought whatsoever to the potion I've found that's supposed to make it smoother, softer, whatever . . . .
ReplyDeleteJULIA: I also have a new resident family doctor (he's soooo young!!) and had my annual physical in early June. Fortunately, most of the preventative regular tests and scans for a patient almost reaching 60 were negative, except for one.
ReplyDeleteFIT (fecal coliform test) for colon cancer: negative, blood test normal.
Weight: lost some weight. Prolonged loss of taste & smell (past 10 months) due to third bout of COVID certainly made me eat less.
Allergist skin test: the usual suspects that my immune system doesn't like. Still have to avoid black tea & some red wine. And Spring allergy season is almost over.
Blood pressure: on the highish side. So, I am taking my FIRST DAILY MEDICATION ever. And I'm measuring my BP at home daily.
The same happened with me (only I was a bit younger when I was diagnosed with high blood pressure). It was especially annoying as I do “all the right things” that should ward off HBP. Alas! I get to thank my genetics for it! I am grateful for the low-dose medication that keeps it in check (and my heart and kidneys healthy and happy!)
DeleteOver 75% of over 60 years old get HBP, often undiagnosed. I think it's just part of aging. I try to do the right things: eat well, exercise etc. I was just surprised to get tagged as having HBP since I had the opposite: low BP in my 30s and 40s.
DeleteOnly you could compare aging and puberty, Julia! My aging in the last couple of years has been plagued by ailments I never expected. Big toe arthritis put an end to my beloved cross-country skiing and can make walking painful. Recurrent UTIs - ugh and ouch. The same occasional vertigo as you described. Endometrium acting up, jealous that it no longer has a job? And now I have to worry about my damn electrolytes. Enough already.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what this time of life is akin to, I just know I want to stick around for a good long time more.
I learned to start taking electrolyte powders with my water on long summer walks.
DeleteSweating in the heat & humidity takes a toll on all of us.
Edith, I want you to stick around for good long time more, too!
DeleteThank you, Annette! Likewise.
DeleteI move slower now and my sense of balance seems to have hopped a fright train going out of town, but I can't complain about old age. I am as forgetful as ever, but my hormonal-enraged teenage self has been replaced by a steady sense of well-being. Over the years I have had a couple of minor bouts with cancer and a mini-stroke but am remarkably healthy today and take no medication. I think my sense of humor and my appreciation for the world around us has increased. As with my teenage years, I still look at all women with awe and wonder, appreciating their natural beauty. Life is good and politics suck -- nothing has changed over the last 78 years.
ReplyDeleteYou've got the best attitude Jerry--there's a mantra for all of us--sense of humor and appreciation!
DeleteI love this perspective!
DeleteJulia, you're hilarious and we need that right now!
ReplyDeleteHow timely as today I go for the new patient visit I scheduled 6 months ago(first available!) to get going with a new primary care provider since our move to Florida. I hope she doesn’t look like a 12 year old in person like the new dentist does. I also hope she doesn’t find a bunch of new stuff wrong with me. One of the main reasons for moving here was to be more active and hopefully that translates to staying fit and healthy to enjoy our golden years.
ReplyDeleteI guess I haven’t really anguished over either puberty or old age, just try to take things in stride.
One good thing about these young doctors and dentists: they aren't likely to retire anytime soon. I hate finding a health care provider I adore only to have them retire from practice and leaving me an orphan!
DeleteCheck, check, check! Except, and I was thinking about this for some reason this morning, having had a hysterectomy in my late 30's took care of a lot of unpleasant stuff. And early menopause, age 41, meant figuring out how to manage certain other things way too soon in that funhouse.
ReplyDeleteJulia, you do NOT have to accept your NP's "that's just age" bit. Sometimes it isn't, and it's unacceptable for a medical professional to brush you off with that one. And it's rude and condescending, besides.
The biggest difference for me then and me now is that I no longer sit meekly and quietly, afraid to speak my mind. I guess you all know that about me, that I got over that.
Happy Canada Day to our Canadian friends!
DeleteOkay in Julia's pattern: Then: Hair growing in Now: Hair falling out/ Then: get new knew pads for sports Now: get new knees/ Then Then: have crush on Diana Rigg Now: Still have crush on Diana Rigg / Then: make a to do list Now Make a list to look for a to do list. / Then: friends discover boys; I discover food Now: I discover heartburn
ReplyDeleteI'm a grandma, life is good. I swim, I dance, I weed, I walk the dogs and think nefarious thoughts.
ReplyDeleteBeing a grandma always makes life good!
DeleteJulia, I came to the same conclusion about puberty and menopause…the latter seemed worse because for 20 and a bit years I had lived with this body and known what it was going to do. Shorter time and lack of awareness between birth and 13. I am blessed with two wonderful physicians, both women, neither look 12 yrs old nor do they look over 40, and who say “No it is not because you are older. Don’t give in. Keep moving.” In the most encouraging and caring way. Elisabeth
ReplyDeleteThanks for the hilarious post. My cute young optometrist told me once, "When you have birthdays, (whatever it was) happens." I left the office shaking my head in amusement. Just spit it out, my dear, I'm old; I've had many birthdays.
ReplyDeleteI have to say, I'm in general happier and more confident than I was during puberty. I wouldn't go back.
I’m with you on this Gillian: I wouldn’t go back
DeleteAdd me in Gillian and Danielle…there is nothing that would get me to redo my teen years! Elisabeth
DeleteThis was a great post, and I could relate to a lot: vertigo, some insomnia at times, some acid indigestion. Though, all in all, I can't complain. I'm having a great life filled with great people. But I loved the humor. And perspective. One of the great pluses of aging is perspective.
ReplyDeleteFirst couple of years of perimenopause - it hurts to stand up from the couch. Why? Happily that has passed, as has the worst of the heartburn.
ReplyDeleteThe combo of menopause and COVID left me with a broken thermostat - instead of hot flashes, I was always hot. Then I returned from Japan in May with hot flashes on top of being hot. We’ll see if my weeks in the hot south of France do another thermo reset.
Oh, Julia. I feel your pain. And aches. And fears. I have all of them. Also, stuff is drying up. I have dry eyes, dry skin, some other parts we won't mention, and the newest member of the dry brigade, dry mouth. This latest one is truly annoying. There are drops, ointments, and creams for the others, but nothing works for the dry mouth. Drinking gallons of water eases the discomfort somewhat but creates another issue that has already grown more aggravating with age. (My first question when entering a new venue? Where's the restroom???)
ReplyDeleteAnnette, dry eyes and dry mouth can be symptoms of Sjogren's syndrome. I was tested for it and it came back negative. I do not have dry mouth, but do have Sjogren's and lupus. With autoimmune issues it can be tough to get clear answers. Good luck to you. (Selden)
DeleteAnnette, I have found Biotene spray helps some with dry mouth. (Barbara)
DeleteBrilliant essay Julia. I smiled throughout the reading.
ReplyDeleteJulia, I laughed a lot.
ReplyDeleteI have been worried by child doctors in the past but yesterday I drove two hours for an appointment with a new ophthalmologist who I believe is in his 70s. The photo in his bio appears to be 20 years out of date. My most recent symptom of the delightful Sjogren's + lupus I developed in 2023 is very dry eyes. He suggested I wear ski goggles while driving in winter "to create a humid environment for the eye." He acknowledged this might cause stares and laughter. Though I am mostly beyond caring about my appearance it did cross my mind to wonder if there were more recently introduced treatments available. (Selden)
Still, as they say, better than the alternative! But Julia I prefer the honesty of "that is to be expected' as opposed to one medical guy I used to go to. I guess he thought it was cuter to say "that's due to the number of birthday candles on your cake." Gag!
ReplyDeleteLast night I was watching a new show that featured Alan Alda in a small role. Oh, be still my heart! I admit that I had the biggest crush on him way back when so it was great to see him again. He's still 10 years older than i am and he looks it, but I like that honesty or lack of vanity or whatever you want to call it. No hair dye, no teeth whitening (thank goodness) just a still handsome man! (oh, it just occurred to me - maybe he was 'acting' and just made up to look like an old man. Mmm. No, I don't think so.)
He's 89!
DeleteThank you for making us laugh this morning! Thank goodness the pleasure of a good read is not affected by aging (although having just had cataract surgery, I now have vision the opposite of the near sightedness that developed in puberty). Recognized every one of those issues, plus several more others mentioned. It’s reassuring at least, knowing others are experiencing the same.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the laughs, Julia.
ReplyDeleteI suppose I should find a new PCP now that I've moved. Too bad; I like the one I have. Then again, I went years without seeing one because I see a plethora of other docs so... I did all the things one is supposed to do at 50. I'm up to date on my immunizations (hello pneumonia and shingles vax). I did the check for colon cancer (negative). My eyes are healthy, although I do use reading glasses now. Weight is good, blood pressure is good, resting heart rate good. I exercise 5x a week, which thrilled my neurologist. I wish "that time of life" would just get here already and get it over with though.
The only thing "wrong" with me is the MS and even that's been stable for going on... 10 years?
Now watch: everything will fall apart. LOL
I didn't finish menopause until I was 60, Liz!
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